Sweeter ?

Sweeter As The Years Go By

 

“Sweeter as the years go by.” Theresa my wife of 14 years, and I were listening to some Gaither music. Her question out of the blue sent me to resonance school: “Ray, is that true of  you? Are the years getting sweeter with Jesus as we are getting older?”

 I felt pricked to the core because of my inner response, “H - - -  no, I don’t feel the years are getting sweeter. Harder? Yes!”

Wow! This response from a guy who has walked intimately (I thought) with Jesus for 68 years; who has been on staff of Campus Crusade; who for  most of those 68 years has read his Bible and prayed daily; who had been on the board of elders of a 4000 member Presbyterian church.

Yes. But what did all of this spiritual activity mean?  Was I a fake - a  fraud – a hypocrite? I don’t think so. I really wanted to be a godly man and spread  that Gospel of Christ. The words “hell no” were not  typical vocabulary words of mine…used mostly in the counseling office when I  thought the client wasn’t being honest him himself. A sort of “prime the pump” experience, giving him a safe place to be honest with his buried anger.

               The words “hell no,” are often a verbal expression or ;anger. If so,  then who am I so mad at?  Oh no. Is the counselor who has written a book on anger, have some repressed anger himself? I began some relational archeological digging. Using as my guide “the one you love the most can hurt you the worst, and at whom you can be the most angry.”

               The one at  whom we can be the most angry is our spouse; possibly even one of our own children; a boss at  work or  leader in church….or…God?

               “God.” You say. “After all God has done for me? How can I be angry at Him? Besides giving

 Jesus to die for me; to give me eternal life with Him; who empowers me to live above my circumstances on a daily basis., the Source of my courage to speak even when the stuttering is at times debilitating.   You’ve got to be kidding. God – the source of my hope for the future. while living with the unpleasant disease called Parkinson’s?

                   Our next blog will demonstrate how I was angry at God and didn’t even realize it.

God speaking "Instead of dreading difficulties that may or may not occur
view this day as a sacred adventure to be shared with me."
 Taken from Sarah Young's book Dear Jesus

A dog’s life

We have a very spoiled toy poodle…But so much fun. His antics include catching toys thrown up in the air. And, well – that’s  about it.  It is like he is thinking, “I’m going to get my treats anyway. So why expend my energy to show off for  ”mom and pop.” (That be Theresa and me.)

This all began about  two years ago when I heard ‘‘a voice from heaven” saying, “Get that dog for Theresa.”

Now I’ve  had a ‘‘RULE:  No pets in the house and, If per chance, when I have lost my mind we procure a pet, he is not only not to be a house pet, but he is to earn his keep. We have raised Tennessee Walking horses. Too big as house pets, but sold most of them at a profit. And Great Danes. Have I told you that story?  Bartered  counseling services for  a Great Dane female. Didn’t know she was pregnant. Three weeks and 12 pups later I found out … she was. Made good money from that venture. Still too big to be a house pet.

But  this poodle deal was different. He was a toy poodle,  raised by a breeder and was a very expensive animal. Being blind in one eye, he was not show quality. In fact the breeder gave Teddy to us.

Spoiled rotten, he gets his way in most everything. He even has his own language, which we’re  beginning to understand. Like me, he stutters. Stuttering for  a dog usually takes the form  of primary stuttering which is a repetition of a word a few times,  often at the beginning of a sentence.

You  guessed it right. He says’ “Bark, bark.” This is a command. Here I am. Notice me. Play catch with me.”  What at I’m learning from that dog:      

• Whining gets you a victory in the battle, but in the long run  is easy to lose the war. Now this doesn’t apply to me! Hmm. I wonder how much of my resentment toward God as mentioned in a previous blog was my whining when He didn’t answer my prayers the way I expected.
• Guess who just came into our study… Teddy. No whining this time, just a bossy, loud, demanding bark. He loves to play “catch.” He’ll bring a toy to us. A snort is to remind us of our responsibility to give him  attention and time. If our response is not acceptable, he snorts with increased decibels followed by loud barking. People don’t enjoy a loud, demanding, controlling person. A good way to lose friends.
• Teddy is very perceptive. If Theresa and I raise our voices at the other, he sidles up to the one who is getting the worst of it and strikes a comforting, protective position. He can hear Theresa’s car as soon as it hits the beginning of our lane and charges toward the back door sooner than I can hear it.) Lesson here: Be anticipating people’s needs much sooner than I do now.
• “It‘s not the size of the dog in the fight but the size of the fight in the dog.” Teddy weighs about 8 pounds. Knows no fear… until a big dog calls his bluff. He quickly looks to us for protection. Sort of like me. When I am in need I’m much more quick to call on God for help. That is one of the blessings of the 4-wheeler accident and all the surgeries I have had plus Parkinson’s. I need God to provide me with stability as I stand or walk. Losing my balance has resulted in multiplied bruises and busted ribs.
• There is much more I could write about  Teddy. But in wrapping up this session he has a dependence on us he has for food, shelter and care in general. “My God will supply all my needs according to his riches in glory.” Question is: Do I know God well enough to know He wants to care for all my needs?
   

“No rest for the wicked,” some say. That would be the only sign of no wickedness In me. All I’m getting is rest since the four-wheeler accident of nearly 3 years. My schedule of that time to this has seen a drastic change. I was accustomed to ten to fifteen hours of work a day. Now, 5 to 6 is tops.

“That should give you plenty of time to blog,” I am told.” We haven’t seen a blog for some time.” The accident plus Parkinson’s disease with its accelerating symptoms and multiple surgeries has relegated me to plenty of rest.  Two reasons loom out in my mind why I haven’t blogged consistently:  

• my typing has gone south.   Not being able to type as I was used to has interfered with getting my thoughts on paper
• And I’ve grown undisciplined.  But I’ve sure learned a lot! 

One of the things I’ve learned is that much of my furious activity has been for approval.  People will like me more if they see great production from me.  What a weighty sack of idolatry on my shoulders! To change this for a more relaxed mind-set has been quite a challenge.

Another major lesson: I have always been a very disciplined person…especially for a daily, concentrated time with God…study and prayer. During this time of high learning curve lack of self-discipline has been very evident here also. My erroneous thinking was “I don’t need to have a q.t. to please God. I can enjoy fellowship with Him on the run.” I found my inner strength dwindling. His voice to me –diminishing. Being a disciple of Christ implies that part of the relationship means discipline. The Big D is returning but for a healthier reason – out of love for God, not for His approval or for discipline’s sake.

Prayer Simplified

Prayer Simplified.

Prayer and Bible study always seemed to me a near daily formal “30 to 60 minutes quiet time.” And that has been helpful to me.

 Very.

But of late I’ve seen the significance of consistent and constant  communication  with the Father.  It isn’t a very long prayer. In fact it is only two words, broken by space between. “Help” is the one word half. This one word typifies not only asking people for help, but it is what I beg God for throughout the day.

·        If I see a challenging situation where I may fall – “Help.” I haven’t broken any bones lately, but falls do hurt!

·        During the actual fall, there is a split second when two or three “Helps” are discharged. As I hit the ground there is usually a second half of the prayer: “Thanks! I just missed that nail sticking up out of that board. Thanks, Father.” Or, “Thanks. That hurt. But I can’t feel anything broken.”

·        It may be 1 a.m. and I’m stuck between my walker and recliner (like last night). Have been trying to free myself for a couple hours. Can’t. ”Help, God “ hasn’t brought any results. Either God is not listening or gone on lunch break, or He says, “Ray, learn from this. Kill any pride you are carrying and call your wife for her help. I know your thoughts are ‘you don’t want to disturb her sleep’ but she can go right back to sleep.’” A very loud, ”Theresa, help,” brings her from the other end of our home. She untangles my feet from the over-turned walker and my catheter cord that is wrapped around my leg.  I quickly become disentangled. A little more pride crucified.

God is definitely chipping away all that fleshly pride and “self” in me and He is conforming me to the likeness of His Son. . I received from Him a better gift than what I had asked for.

               “Help” and “thanks.” Prayer simplified

Coram Deo captures the essence of the Christian life. This phrase Coram Deo is a Latin phrase translated "in the presence of God"; the idea of Christians living in the presence of, under the authority of, and to the honor and glory of God.

“He walked with God”…at the basketball game when the ref makes a bad call….when in disagreement with my wife…. when someone important makes fun of my stuttering…. When a child or grandchild is blatantly disobedient. Is my response one that could come under the label “He walked with God?”

In God’s omnipresence I am always under the observation of God, understanding that He is my biggest cheerleader. “Yea, Ray, let’s go with it. All the way.”  Or, “Ray, let’s not do that.  Yes, that will bring temporary pleasure. But it isn’t worth it in the long run.”

Coram Deo. There is no place that we can escape His penetrating scrutiny, nor His  grace-filled, loving regard for us as His children. And 2^nd Timothy 3:16-17 captures the very essence of this concept of God. The value of His Word: “All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. ¹⁷ God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work.”

Living under divine sovereignty involves more than a reluctant submission to sheer sovereignty that is motivated out of a fear of punishment. It involves recognizing that there is no higher goal than offering honor to God. Our lives are to be living sacrifices, oblations offered in a spirit of adoration and gratitude.

At the age of 12, it seemed as if God was calling me into the ministry. I fought that call for about  a year. At that time I was stuttering profusely and could see myself in a pulpit making a fool of myself  with all the stuttering.  How embarrassing would that be!  Afte wrestling God for a year, I relented, gave God permission to use me as He chose – willing to stutter for Him, and the Call left me.   I didn’t realize the ministry He had chosen for me was not behind a pulpit but with a basketball and later as a counselor and writer.  

This is my challenge for now. Being willing to “go out weak” instead of ending my life going out strong in the way that I’d hoped to. That seems to be what God has in mind for me – stripping me of performance pride, fully aware of Paul’s words: “Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it (thorn in the flesh) away from me. ⁹ But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Coram Deo …standing naked as it were before the face of God.

Adapted from Ruth Myers, Enjoying God Anew - 31 days of praise   and from R.C. Sproul, Ligonier Ministry

Thank you, my loving and sovereign God, that you have been with me and carried me from the day of my birth until now. When Parkinson’s disease assaulted my brain about 12 years ago, You were there. When stuttering interrupted my speaking fluency 71 years ago, you gave permission for that. And of late, a double hernia that needed surgical repair. A twisted spine that needed titanium screws. Brain surgery with a computer inserted in my chest, sending messages to my brain. And God, You were there when I wrapped my 4-wheeler around a tree, causing severe nerve damage in my leg.    All for which I grew subtlety bitter and cynical. I repent and am grateful for your grace and mercy which forgives me.

 

WILD RIDE - part 2

When, through reading Scripture or a loving friend’s confrontation, the Lord points out an area of our life that needs growth, what do you do? Feel guilty and ashamed? I hope not, because He is not a judge that condemns but a loving father that encourages us  to face the wrong within ourselves and then provides the power to make changes that we all need to make.

“Like what,” you ask. “The worst is Spiritual pride” I say. ‘I’ve memorized several books of the Bible. How many have you?  I am  in church every Sunday. And you?’” A pride that insinuates that I’m more spiritual than you are.  UUUGGGLLY!  God says,”I will share my glory with no man.”  Besides, who enjoys  being  around a person who puts you down?

Back to my story.    Could this life change be being exposed so that I would know more clearly how devastating are my fears and insecurities that abound. That is not trusting God.  Sin. Self-centeredness, which keeps me focused on self rather than on God and others.

Could all this trouble also be to remind me of how I need to put to rest all my performance-orientation? Work hard for approval. Notice me. Tell me I’m okay. If I can accomplish this fete, I will be somebody. (Self-esteem issues that makes for relationship challenges because the focus is not on loving others, but  on my achievement.)

Be careful to see sin in your life. Call it what it is. Don’t sugar coat it or blame  someone else. Repent and ask God   to change you, to transform you into the image of Christ (Roman 8:28-29). If we go by the name “Christian” meaning Christ-in-one. Do our attitudes and behaviors reflect Christ? Can our life pattern be “becoming like Christ?”

Frankly, I’m having  trouble rejoicing in this tough time as I expounded on in part one. (The prospect of having to wear a catheter the rest of my life (just found  that out just before this writing); my strength, especially in my legs is going south along with balance issues, means I walk with a walker; pain is a constant bed partner; not being able to drive is a bummer; goals of building another barn are laid aside; and on and on with an “organ recital” available. And seemingly, God doesn’t care.

The future looks tenuous and vague, “not the going out strong” I had  thought  of and prayed for. My only hope is found in Romans 15:13 “May the God of hope fill you with all peace and joy as you trust in Him. So that you ( I )may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”  My circumstances don’t have to dictate my joy or peace of mind.

My focus must not be on circumstances but on Abba Father who tells me:

·        He is sovereign – all powerful.  As I give attention to Scriptures that support that belief system, I remind myself that the situation in which I find myself was either caused by or allowed by God for my good and His glory.

·        That He loves me so much that when He sees me “He dances and whirls around” and the Bible is replete with many other expressions of God ‘s love for His children.
As Sarah Young  says in her book Jesus  Today, “Because I (God) am  sovereign. I am ultimately in control of everything that happens to you and to others. This knowledge is sometimes hard to swallow … in the face  of catastrophes Amid such carnage some people conclude that only a cruel God could be overseeing a world like this.

·         “When you are struggling with mysteries of this sort, come  to Me,” God says. “Express yourself freely to Me, trusting that I care and understand. Then subordinate your finite mind  to My infinite intelligence. Relinquish your demand to understand and rest in my compassionate presence,…”

·        That I am to build a trust in Him  that is inseparable. What  I can achieve ”in and through you is proportional to how much you depend on  me,” says God. (J. Young)

·        James 1:2-4  Dear brothers and sisters,^[a] when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. ³ For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. ⁴ So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. 

When I don’t accept  this as God’s word for me, I get resentful and cynical  . Not a pleasant sight nor position. But do you see how God is stripping away the spiritual pride? Praise the LORD!!!!

                       When, through reading Scripture or a loving friend’s confrontation, the Lord points out an area of our life that needs growth, what do you do? Feel guilty and ashamed? I hope not, because He is not a judge that condemns but a loving father that encourages us  to face the wrong within ourselves and then provides the power to make changes that we all need to make.

“Like what,” you ask. “The worst is Spiritual pride” I say. ‘I’ve memorized several books of the Bible. How many have you?  I am  in church every Sunday. And you?’” A pride that insinuates that I’m more spiritual than you are.  UUUGGGLLY!  God says,”I will share my glory with no man.”  Besides, who enjoys  being  around a person who puts you down?

Back to my story.    Could this life change be being exposed so that I would know more clearly how devastating are my fears and insecurities that abound. That is not trusting God.  Sin. Self-centeredness, which keeps me focused on self rather than on God and others.

Could all this trouble also be to remind me of how I need to put to rest all my performance-orientation? Work hard for approval. Notice me. Tell me I’m okay. If I can accomplish this fete, I will be somebody. (Self-esteem issues that makes for relationship challenges because the focus is not on loving others, but  on my achievement.)

Be careful to see sin in your life. Call it what it is. Don’t sugar coat it or blame  someone else. Repent and ask God   to change you, to transform you into the image of Christ (Roman 8:28-29). If we go by the name “Christian” meaning Christ-in-one. Do our attitudes and behaviors reflect Christ? Can our life pattern be “becoming like Christ?”

Frankly, I’m having  trouble rejoicing in this tough time as I expounded on in part one. (The prospect of having to wear a catheter the rest of my life (just found  that out just before this writing); my strength, especially in my legs is going south along with balance issues, means I walk with a walker; pain is a constant bed partner; not being able to drive is a bummer; goals of building another barn are laid aside; and on and on with an “organ recital” available. And seemingly, God doesn’t care.

The future looks tenuous and vague, “not the going out strong” I had  thought  of and prayed for. My only hope is found in Romans 15:13 “May the God of hope fill you with all peace and joy as you trust in Him. So that you ( I )may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”  My circumstances don’t have to dictate my joy or peace of mind.

My focus must not be on circumstances but on Abba Father who tells me:

·        He is sovereign – all powerful.  As I give attention to Scriptures that support that belief system, I remind myself that the situation in which I find myself was either caused by or allowed by God for my good and His glory.

·        That He loves me so much that when He sees me “He dances and whirls around” and the Bible is replete with many other expressions of God ‘s love for His children.
As Sarah Young  says in her book Jesus  Today, “Because I (God) am  sovereign. I am ultimately in control of everything that happens to you and to others. This knowledge is sometimes hard to swallow … in the face  of catastrophes Amid such carnage some people conclude that only a cruel God could be overseeing a world like this.

·         “When you are struggling with mysteries of this sort, come  to Me,” God says. “Express yourself freely to Me, trusting that I care and understand. Then subordinate your finite mind  to My infinite intelligence. Relinquish your demand to understand and rest in my compassionate presence,…”

·        That I am to build a trust in Him  that is inseparable. What  I can achieve ”in and through you is proportional to how much you depend on  me,” says God. (J. Young)

·        James 1:2-4  Dear brothers and sisters,^[a] when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. ³ For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. ⁴ So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. 

When I don’t accept  this as God’s word for me, I get resentful and cynical  . Not a pleasant sight nor position. But do you see how God is stripping away the spiritual pride? Praise the LORD!!!!

                       When, through reading Scripture or a loving friend’s confrontation, the Lord points out an area of our life that needs growth, what do you do? Feel guilty and ashamed? I hope not, because He is not a judge that condemns but a loving father that encourages us  to face the wrong within ourselves and then provides the power to make changes that we all need to make.

“Like what,” you ask. “The worst is Spiritual pride” I say. ‘I’ve memorized several books of the Bible. How many have you?  I am  in church every Sunday. And you?’” A pride that insinuates that I’m more spiritual than you are.  UUUGGGLLY!  God says,”I will share my glory with no man.”  Besides, who enjoys  being  around a person who puts you down?

Back to my story.    Could this life change be being exposed so that I would know more clearly how devastating are my fears and insecurities that abound. That is not trusting God.  Sin. Self-centeredness, which keeps me focused on self rather than on God and others.

Could all this trouble also be to remind me of how I need to put to rest all my performance-orientation? Work hard for approval. Notice me. Tell me I’m okay. If I can accomplish this fete, I will be somebody. (Self-esteem issues that makes for relationship challenges because the focus is not on loving others, but  on my achievement.)

Be careful to see sin in your life. Call it what it is. Don’t sugar coat it or blame  someone else. Repent and ask God   to change you, to transform you into the image of Christ (Roman 8:28-29). If we go by the name “Christian” meaning Christ-in-one. Do our attitudes and behaviors reflect Christ? Can our life pattern be “becoming like Christ?”

Frankly, I’m having  trouble rejoicing in this tough time as I expounded on in part one. (The prospect of having to wear a catheter the rest of my life (just found  that out just before this writing); my strength, especially in my legs is going south along with balance issues, means I walk with a walker; pain is a constant bed partner; not being able to drive is a bummer; goals of building another barn are laid aside; and on and on with an “organ recital” available. And seemingly, God doesn’t care.

The future looks tenuous and vague, “not the going out strong” I had  thought  of and prayed for. My only hope is found in Romans 15:13 “May the God of hope fill you with all peace and joy as you trust in Him. So that you ( I )may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”  My circumstances don’t have to dictate my joy or peace of mind.

My focus must not be on circumstances but on Abba Father who tells me:

·        He is sovereign – all powerful.  As I give attention to Scriptures that support that belief system, I remind myself that the situation in which I find myself was either caused by or allowed by God for my good and His glory.

·        That He loves me so much that when He sees me “He dances and whirls around” and the Bible is replete with many other expressions of God ‘s love for His children.
As Sarah Young  says in her book Jesus  Today, “Because I (God) am  sovereign. I am ultimately in control of everything that happens to you and to others. This knowledge is sometimes hard to swallow … in the face  of catastrophes Amid such carnage some people conclude that only a cruel God could be overseeing a world like this.

·         “When you are struggling with mysteries of this sort, come  to Me,” God says. “Express yourself freely to Me, trusting that I care and understand. Then subordinate your finite mind  to My infinite intelligence. Relinquish your demand to understand and rest in my compassionate presence,…”

·        That I am to build a trust in Him  that is inseparable. What  I can achieve ”in and through you is proportional to how much you depend on  me,” says God. (J. Young)

·        James 1:2-4  Dear brothers and sisters,^[a] when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. ³ For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. ⁴ So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. 

When I don’t accept  this as God’s word for me, I get resentful and cynical  . Not a pleasant sight nor position. But do you see how God is stripping away the spiritual pride? Praise the LORD!!!!