An instrument, fine tuned

It is reported that each Steinway piano takes over a year to make. As part of the construction each soundboard is stretched to its maximum tolerance and allowed to sit for an extended period until it remains in the curved design. If the wood were alive, it would be crying out for mercy.

After an extended time of stretching, the wood will never spring back to its original state. It is permanently changed. The piano is becoming a fine-tuned instrument.

After this process takes place, the next step requires another point of stress. It takes 11 tons of pressure on a piano to tune it. Each step in the process moves the piano closer to a finished product that will ultimately be played by the world's finest musicians. These musicians desire a particular sound that only a piano like this can make.

“God looks at each of us as a fine-tuned instrument,” states Os Hillman. “However, we begin as rough wood that He desires to transform into gold. Tuning us requires certain experiences that will stretch our faith, our frame, and our very life. Sainthood springs out of suffering. If we can stand the strain of this intense process, we will come forth as gold-as a sweet-smelling offering to our Maker.

“When we are in the midst of these times, it feels like fire. It is painful to be stretched beyond our perceived limits, but the Lord knows this is necessary for us to become an instrument that can play a beautiful song that others will seek after.”

It seems that God uses our greatest losses to profoundly fine tune our sound boards through which His music is most resplendent. Our challenge is to yield to the Maker and trust Him through each stretching time. Like the Psalmist, we can cry “ouch,” yet at the same time recognize that our loving Abba Papa never loses touch with us and promises to work everything to good for those who love Him and are endeavoring to be obedient. Even the most painful situation!

Angry Addicts - 7 (last)

Anger Resolution

“Anger management” are the bywords in dealing with issues of anger. I prefer to use the words “anger resolution.” Resolve in your mind to use healthy anger to accomplish good deeds (like the person angry with an abortion clinic who channels that anger into productive ways of helping pregnant teenage girls.)

Resolve to adhere to the Bible’s challenge in Ephesians 4:31-32. Stop being mean, bad-tempered and angry. Quarreling, harsh words and dislike of others should have no place in your lives. Instead, by kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God has forgivn you because you belong to Christ.
And, Colossians 3:8 Now is the time to cast off and throw away all these rotten garments of anger, hatred, cursing and dirty language.


To the addict reading this article, don’t just try to manage your anger. Face it brutally. See the destructiveness of it. Don’t anesthesize it with a chemical. Get with a group who will encourage you to unmask. Seek counseling that will help you reveal the roots of the anger, not just managing it. Dig deeply into God’s resources to face all the woundedness within. All the selfishness and insecurity that leads to unhealthy anger. Grow in your knowledge of God and His resources for you. This navigation will help prevent relapse. It will lead to an ever deepening love for God, others and yourself. Which translates into an ever lessening need for addictive behavior.
May I also be so presumptious as to suggest you get a copy of my book “Good and Mad?”

angry addicts - 6

Let’s define this behemoth, this emotion that can be so heavily destructive.
Anger is an emotional response to a perceived wrong or injustice. As with other emotions, physiological and biological changes result. (Increase is seen in blood pressure, adrenaline, heart rate and other biochemical responses.) Simplified, anger is experienced when expectations are unfulfilled or when there is a sense of threat – an invasion of my space. Stating it bluntly, most of our unhealthy anger is based in selfishness (I’m not getting my way at my timing.) Fear of intrusion (you’re getting in my space) is a secondary root.

The word “anger” is a catch-all term depicting the range of emotion from irritation to rage. The contrast is best demonstrated by this story.
Irritation is best demonstrated when I call a random phone number at 1 a.m. and ask, “Is Ray there?” A sleepy, irritated voice responds with something like, “You’ve got the wrong number,” and hangs up. That’s an example of irritation.
Anger is exhibited when at 2 a.m. I call the same number and ask again for Ray. I may get a few expletives and the phone slammed down in my ear. That’s anger.
Rage is the response when at 3 a.m. I call the same number and say, “This is Ray. Have I had any calls?” Irritation, anger, rage.

An extreme example of rage is seen in the June 16, 2006, Idaho Press-Tribune. A two inch full width headline reads, “GRUESOME DAY.” The story tells of how a Nampa man, facing a domestic violence court date, kills his x-wife, decapitates her, throws her head in the back of his pick-up, heads down I-84 and purposely runs into an approaching car head-on, killing a mother and child and sending another child to the hospital. The following day’s newspaper headline reads, “VIOLENCE SHATTERS LIVES.”

While talking with a man who was in prison with the aforementioned man, I was told that the meth-induced rage was triggered by the x-wife’s berating his sexuality. One wonders if the act would have been so brutal if meth was not involved.

Rage has the element of violence and is the ultimate expression of blameshifting. When a person is raging, their total focus is on the alleged perpetrator of the crime against them. They don’t face the fact that no on can make them rage. The “crime” only brings out what is inside of them. It has been said in many ways, “No one can make me mad. They only reveal what is inside of me.” The raging alcoholic not only abuses others but also himself by not accepting personal responsibilty for maturation. The chemical addiction anethesizes his pain, his woundedness and his choice to take responsibility for himself.

Paul describes his rage/drugs ordeal this way, “I found my girlfriend in bed with my best friend. In my house! Drugs weren’t immediately available. So I robbed a store. Result? Prison.”

Tomorrow's post finishes the series on angry addicts.

angry addicts 5

Let’s define this behemoth. Anger is an emotional response to a perceived wrong or injustice. As with other emotions, physiological and biological changes result. (Increase is seen in blood pressure, adrenaline, heart rate and other biochemical responses.)

Simplified, anger is experienced when expectations are unfulfilled or when there is a sense of threat – an invasion of my space. Stating it bluntly, most of our unhealthy anger is based in selfishness (I’m not getting my way at my timing.) Fear of intrusion (you’re getting in my space) is a secondary root.

The word “anger” is a catch-all term depicting the range of emotion from irritation to rage. The contrast is best demonstrated by this story.
Irritation is best demonstrated when I call a random phone number at 1 a.m. and ask, “Is Ray there?” A sleepy, irritated voice responds with something like, “You’ve got the wrong number,” and hangs up. That’s an example of irritation. Anger is exhibited when at 2 a.m. I call the same number and ask again for Ray. I may get a few expletives and the phone slammed down in my ear. That’s anger. Rage is the response when at 3 a.m. I call the same number and say, “This is Ray. Have I had any calls?” Irritation, anger, rage.

An extreme example of rage is seen in the June 16, 2006, Idaho Press-Tribune. A two inch full width headline reads, “GRUESOME DAY.” The story tells of how a Nampa man, facing a domestic violence court date, kills his x-wife, decapitates her, throws her head in the back of his pick-up, heads down I-84 and purposely runs into an approaching car head-on, killing a mother and child and sending another child to the hospital. The following day’s newspaper headline reads, “VIOLENCE SHATTERS LIVES.”

While talking with a man who was in prison with the aforementioned man, I was told that the meth-induced rage was triggered by the x-wife’s berating his sexuality. One wonders if the act would have been so brutal if meth was not involved.

Rage has the element of violence and is the ultimate expression of blameshifting. When a person is raging, their total focus is on the alleged perpetrator of the crime against them. They don’t face the fact that no on can make them rage. The “crime” only brings out what is inside of them. It has been said in many ways, “No one can make me mad. They only reveal what is inside of me.”

The raging alcoholic not only abuses others but also himself by not accepting personal responsibilty for maturation. The chemical addiction anethesizes his pain, his woundedness and his choice to take responsibility for himself.

Paul describes his rage/drugs ordeal this way, “I found my girlfriend in bed with my best friend. In my house! Drugs weren’t immediately available. So I robbed a store. Result? Prison.”

Anger resolution in our next and last post on "angry addicts."

angry addicts - 4

Continuing our discussion on the background for angry addicts.

4. Another anger contaminant in addictions is being raised in a home that perpetuated helplessness. Terrence Real writes in Psychology Today, “Anger regularly stems from helplessness. If you’re walking around angry, it’s often because you’re trying to control some thing and it’s not cooperating. The way to be less angry is to let go of your control.”

From my experience of roughly 45,000 hours of professional counseling, I can firmly say that a person who feels helpless, call it victim mentality, is always an angry person. Angry toward significant people in their life and especially toward God. The anger is usually contained because any expression of anger would lead to more rejection and greater victimization. This person doesn't realize that the poison of anger is eating its own container.

I am quick to add that some addicts were raised in loving, nurturing homes. The home environment is not always the basic foundation for the development of addictions.

Shawn, a 25-year-old, reports, “I’m charged with eight felonies, 70 misdemeanors, including armed robbery, possession of meth and other drugs with intent to sell, 15 petty thefts, drug paraphernalia, possession of stolen property, numerous traffic tickets, in and out of jail since the age of 17, including time in prison.”

Shawn describes his childhood as near perfect. Dad involved in his activities – Cub Scouts, football, baseball, bowling, soccer and church. Mother was such a loving mom that it helps him understand God’s love. “They did all they could to get me into activities that would keep me out of trouble.”

“Cigarettes, liquor and drugs began at the age of 12. I managed to hide this from my parents all the way until my senior year in high school. The older I got the stupider I became. By this time I was addicted to multiple things. It didn’t matter if I was abusing drugs, speeding down the neighborhood or vandalizing something as long as I wasn’t supposed to do it. I did it and loved it. I enjoyed breaking the law.”

When I asked him why the destructive behavior, Shawn words were, “poor self image, wanted acceptance from friends and I was picked on a lot as a kid for being over weight.”
Shawn is back into the work world, heavily engaged in church and turning his life God-ward. In fact, he is a real inspiration to this writer.

More tomorrow

Angry addict - 3

Continuing our journey of understanding the roots of angry addicts.

2. Some angry addicts have been taught that “good Christians” don’t get angry. In their piety, suppression was modeled. They know the anger is there but will stuff it. Unlike repression where the person doesn’t even know the anger is there, suppression puts a lid on it. Like repression, it will rear its ugly head in some destructive manner. The “good Christian” is well reminded by Swiss psychiatrist Paul Tournier’s words,
“Violence is in the heart of all men,
but we all have an inbuilt resistance
to recognizing it as a thing that concerns us.”

3.Often alcoholics were raised in homes where rage was the accepted malfunctioning means of anger expression. Eddie, a recovering meth addict, tells his story.
“Childhood is a blur. Dad worked and drank. He did nothing with me. Mom worked. Very little attention or nurturing. Relatives would give me money to drink alcohol when I was seven and eight years old. They enjoyed seeing a 7-year-old get drunk. This is about all I can remember until teen years.
“Enter violence. Guys in the labor camp were jealous of my car and clothes. I had to learn to fight. I found another use for golf clubs other than playing golf. That was my weapon of choice until the numbers got too big. I then carried a gun. One time a guy taunted me, slashed two of my tires and I blew up. I took out after him with my gun. Shot at him but kept missing him. I believe it was the Lord protecting me from getting into deep trouble. I was a Christian at the time but was not walking with the Lord.
“That violent lifestyle fit my family name. We were known as killers because of some relatives who would go down into Mexico, get into fights and end up killing people. I saw dad shoot a guy. We had to run. Moved to Mexico for a time.
“At the age of 19 I had two children with the girl with whom I was living. I carried my angry childhood into that relationship and was abusive to her. She taunted me with stories of other men. I blew up and was arrested for assault. It was at that time, I told God I was through with Him. If this was all the christian life was about, I had enough. I got into meth heavily. It helped me not feel the pain and made me feel better about life. The down side was a buildup of anger, pride, deception, controlling and erasure of memories. I stayed on it for 11 years.”

Eddie is an example of raging parent producing raging child.. The pain is severe for those living with a rageaholic. Alcohol or drugs are the means to cope – to escape the memories of the abusive home environment. It works – temporarily! But an ever increasing amount of chemical substance is needed to quell the childhood and adult pain.

More tomorrow

Angry addicts - 2

How did all the mishandling of anger begin in an addict’s life? Childhood home environments were often the culprit.

1. Parents who didn’t constructively express and resolve anger, modeled the same for their children. Some taught that “nice guys” didn’t get angry. They taught repression – the art of swallowing anger so quickly it was unrecognizable. It’s destructiveness usually took the form of a passive aggressive behavior (getting even with others through subtle maneuvers of revenge.)

For example, the person who is chronically late is often a person getting even with another who is very time conscious. An addiction has a strong component in many cases of getting even with someone to whom they are close. A husband to a controlling, dominating wife. A wife to an emotionally neglecting husband. Could the pictured dog sitting on a cat be an example of passive-aggressiveness? And I’m wondering how much passive-aggressiveness plays a part in the following letter from a 13-year-old girl to her addict brother.

Dear brother,
“I have a question for you. Why are you so stupid? Harsh! No! I could tell you all these things you’ve done to me but I won’t because I love you and care about you. Even though I do, you are making it harder than licking a cactus. I know it will be hard but you need help. I don’t know how long we can do this. I want to see you more than once a week. You’re my brother. Do you remember that or are you high or something? Can you read this or are you not able to see the truth?
“I tell you something, I can barely read this because I am crying to hard. In school if someone says something to remind me of you, I have to choke down my tears. I know you’re an addict. But for me, for your family, STOP. We will still love you always but you can’t put us through this anymore. I can’t even begin to tell you how I feel. My feelings are racing. I don’t know what to do anymore. If you want to screw up your own life (which I don’t advise) fine, but don’t bring us down with you.
“Don’t keep running. Face what you have done. I may even be able to forgive the people who got you hooked on this disgusting stuff. What is getting drunk or high going to do – let you escape from your problems for a few hours anyway? Go to rehab for me. I love you with all my heart. PLEASE DON’T BREAK IT! your sis

More tomorrow on the genesis of anger and addictions.