To Grow, See What Needs Growth

“Keep your elbow in. A straight line from shoulder to elbow to wrist. The ball has a better chance of going through the rim when it is being projected by a sraight line.” This interchange takes place on the basketball practice floor, coach with player. Coach paints a picture of what he wants the team to be doing, personally and corporately . Then he corrects those techniques that obstruct reaching the goals.

It is the same for spiritual growth. Through Scripture, God gives us a picture of what becoming Christ-like is and how to experience it. Then He observes what blocks that objective in us and causes or allows some adversity, some person or some concept in Scripture to expose it. Thus we grow the most and the deepest when we are willing to see what needs growth. Open to constructive criticism. Not defensive or rationalizing.

So one of the greatest love gifts we can receive is to have a friend lovingly and with encouragement confront us when he/she observes some aberrant behavior or attitude. This happens most frequently in small growth groups, but certainly can happen one to one. Like the situaion I shared last week with Keith confronting me with emotional neglect of my wife. I desire to be a godly husband so that hit me between the eyes, woke me up and I’m being much more sensitives to Theresa and by the grace of God filling her tank.”Theresa, I’ll probably need some reminders along the way.” Creatures of habit, you know

Then, just a few days ago I received an email constructive criticism in response to my blog that quite fully exposed my achilles heel – the driveness to achieve, to perform at the expense of neglecting ministry opportunity now especially to grandkids. I needed to hear that and emailed him back, thanking him for the note. He replied saying that was a very hard thing for him to do because he feared that would damage our relationship. (We are long-distant friends.)

“Burwick you say that you base your foundation principles on Scripture. Where do you find, ‘we grow the quickest and deepest when we see most clearly what needs growth.’”

Two Scriptures come to mind:

2 Timothy 3:16-17 All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. 17 God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work

Scripture teaches us what is truth, shows us how we miss it, leading the Christian to repentance, obedience and change that brings growth (maturity).Christ-likeness. And that transaction can take place horizontally also:

Galatians 6:1-2 Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. 2 Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.

In summary, see your weakness, your faults, your sins. Repent. Do a 180..To the person who wants to grow in Christ-like character, seeing what needs growth and appropriating God’s empowerment are two key elements to maturity.

So, whether the confrontation is from Scripture or from a friend, a wise person who wants to mature in his walk with Christ will explore the criticism, learn from it and grow.

Thanks Keith and ______ (anonymous) for your gift of love. I’m a better man, in part, because of you.

Do  you have such a friend? Are YOU such a friend?

I am leaning that besides having the treasure of a great wife, to have a friend who will tell you “when you have a booger” is a most valuable fortune. Former pastor, seminary president and co-author of Achieving High Performance Friendship, Dr. John Vawter is truly a valuable treasure to me. After he read my blog on “loggerheads” he began a poetry dual that is shown below. John gave me permission to use it. Hope you get a kick out of it.(By the way, his book is fantastic. I commend it to you.




Vawter-Burwick poetry duel in response to my blog “Loggerheads”
Posted: 28 Nov 2011 09:59 PM PST

The battle began over a barn roof. After 10 years of marital bliss, (I mean a truly wonderful marriage) Theresa and I were at loggerheads. It seemed hopeless.
Our daughter and family and we are razing three old barns to get the material to build a nice barn on our property. I don’t mind heights, so I was on top of the barn pulling off the metal roofing. I felt very safe. But the rest of the party saw my Parkinson’s instability and thought otherwise. Especially Theresa. “You are not going back on that roof,” was her directive. I was mad. She was mad because I wanted to.

As our good friends Steve and Kathrena pointed out, the roof was just the tip of the iceberg.
r my part, life has provided me with “you can’t do that” challenges. My first academic dean at DSU told me that stuttering would hinder my college education. Consider not graduating. At NNC, the academic dean said, “no school would hire me to coach and teach because of stuttering. So, along with feeling I was a flawed instrument, I had two significant people endorsing that feeling. Having to prove I was a capable person has been a life-long ball and chain around my leg.

So, here was Theresa telling me I couldn’t accomplish something. Thus, she sees me as one who will do what he wants to do ( very self-centered)- no matter her feelings and that made her furious. I won’t go into her life details, but to say that fear has been an achilles heel for her all of her life. We were both stuck in our emotional do-do.

One fateful but freeing experience occurred as we shared with our daughter and husband. I asked them if they saw me as very selfish. After a short pause, Keith said, “Your wife is empty. You’re so busy with rock work and the other work that you enjoy, that you’re not filling her emotional tank.” Or words to that effect that hit me like a ton of bricks.

That experience has been a turn-around for me, as I’ve quit pointing the finger at Theresa and focused on me.. on my sin. My prayer became, “God , change my heart. I don’t want some surface behavioural change - doing the right things for her, I want a whole new perspective on her and on my relationship with her.”

I began to focus on how valuable a treasure she is to me and how I needed (and wanted) to protect and nourish that treasure.The results have been amazing, not perfect but to me, incredible.

Vawter Begins E-mail Interchange

We sing, “Santa up on the roof top, Ho Ho Ho”

And, Ray, “up on the roof top, please do not go”

If you are up there and take a dive

We are afraid that you will not be alive

Dear brother, we want you to be here with us and to be seen

We do not want you with a spattered spleen

You will meet God as you wrestle this through

You will meet Him in brand new ways that is what you will do

Then you will sit down at your computer to write another blog

And your words of growth and grace will convict this spiritual log

So, dear brother, I am sure it is not easy to pull back a bit

But I know you were avoiding shoveling that horse s______

You can fool Miss T and the family back there in old Kentuck

But not the Vawter boy cuz he is a Duck

So, dear man, you are in my thoughts and prayers

Because the devil has you in his cross-hairs

He wants you to be sad, angry and mad

But the Lord wants you with peace, a smile and glad.

I believe you will walk these waters and you will conquer this trial

I bet you are already learning and that blog will make us all smile

You are a dear man, ROB, Ollie, Olaf, Ray, Doctor and Coach

So go buy your pretty wife a new gift including a broach

When you do she will give you that famous smile

And say I want you with me, Olaf, for longer than a little while

So, I am done now, my dear brother and friend

I know this trial is painful but you will meet God in new says in the end.

Response by Burwick

The rooftop is the place for me,

it is closer to God, you see

and if I fall even closer to Him I’ll be.

No falling timber to hit me on the top.

If I don’t accept the challenge, I’ll see myself a flop.

If I do happen to take a dive,

I’ll land on my head and for sure survive.

Parkinson’s would have me sit in a chair, that’s all.

I wouldn’t have to worry about having a fall.

A fractured rib is the worst I’ve felt,

So Big John, get this under your belt.

If Miss T okays it, I’m back at it again,

I hope you don’t think it is a big sin.

Vawter’s response

There once was a man named Norwegian Ray

Who said “I gotta build a barn for my hay”

He was a studly man but not always able to be smart

Sometimes his thinking was hard to distinguish sort of like modern art

He decided that although he is 72

Climbing on a barn roof was the thing to do

This decision made no sense…he had a brain of lead

If he fell off the barn he would surely be dead

If he called AZ for advice he knew what Big John would say

So from his friend he decided to stay away

The Big Olaf thought he could manipulate his smart wife

But Miss T does not want Olaf dead; she wants him with some life

So, Miss T threw a fit and she was oh so right

Cuz Olaf being on a roof is not so bright

So, the big Olaf finally did consent

And off to prayer he reluctantly went

“Dear Lord, forgive me, I have not been clear

I was selfish with my wife who is so dear”

“But, Lord, while you are at it I could use a favor and a break

No more poems from Arizona would be easy to take.

That Vawter guy is a real smart ass

No wonder he was always last in his class

So, Lord, tell him to leave me alone

And, of him, Lord, please do not make a clone.”

But, the dear Lord He said to Ray

“Bringing you up here now…NO…NO Way”

So, Ray, stay off the roof and do not throw a fit

Get out in that pasture and shovel some horse s___



Vawter Again

Miss T, Miss T, please listen to me

That man of yours will try to manipulate thee



I know this man and his competitive ways

But off the roof he will fall one of these days

You must be tough and you must be firm

I tell you, Miss T, out of your edict he will try to squirm



Put pressure on him, reach down and squeeze his balls

Say, "Buddy, if you want more pain to my friends I can make calls



You are a real man, you are the real deal, you are a stud

But, if you fall off that roof your brain will be mud



So, the answer is no, I am saying no to the roof and on you there is a hex

If you want the roof and you insist, then say good bye to your enjoyment of s--"



Miss T, Miss T, I am sure this is worrying thee

But, your man has the stubbornness of a buzzing bee



So, keep saying no and tell him there is plenty to do

If he is smart he will find it out and keep pleasuring you





Burwick’s response

I was awake at 11:30, 1:30 and now it’s two

Reading Vawter’s three poems has made me blue.

What am I to do?

Do I capitulate or do I explain

how safe It is above the cow peue

Too late in the day or early in the morn

It’s back to bed with my mind all torn.



And More

John I wish I could describe to you how uplifting and encouraging you are to me. It has been a tough 13 months and to have a brother/friend practice what he writes in a book makes me one blessed man. . .

Even though you are taking a lot of fun out of life

by encouraging T to continue the roof strife.

Tomorrow again we’ll hit the barn without a frown,

If you’ll pray for a creative way to get the roof down.

Self-centered = "I am God"

“Zedekiah was a hard and stubborn man, refusing to turn to the Lord” These were the first words I read as I asked God in my formal GC (God Connection) time where He wanted me to read this morning. It began with 2 Chronicles 36:13 regarding Zedekiah.


"I’m glad that doesn’t apply to me," I thought. "I may be hard and stuborn but I always turn to the Lord." Then that quiet little voice within said, “If you’re self centered you’re not turning to Me but to yourself.”

After Theresa and Keith’s confrontation of my self-centeredness (described in the last post), I’ve been more aware of it. I don’t know if it is a time of exaggerated self because of all the self thinking to combat the Parkinson's or if I’m feeling: “Parkinson’s symptoms are no longer creeping up on me, but seem to be lunging forward, so I’ve got to get it (what ever “it” is) done now before I lose my capacity to work. (Not realizing at the time that I was emotionly neglecting my wife.) This, along with my enjoyment of work and the life-long tendency to gain approval and acceptance through performance,  and the fact that I was an only child for nine years,  sets me up to be very “I” focused rather than “we.”

In my thinking this characteristic is not so much a relational predicament but a SIN problem. The Bible challenges the husband to love his wife as Christ loved the church. I wasn’t. Call it sin. Repent – turn around and go the other way. Love her unconditionally. No matter the stance the wife is taking – adversarial or supportive, as her husband I am directed to a selfless marital love.

I’m heading that direction. Got a long ways to go.