God and pain

The last post, based on Hosea 6 stated "God has torn us so that He may heal us."
"God is totally committed to you and He will accomplish the purpose of the pain," quoting James Mcdonald in His book Dounpour.

There are so many directions Hosea 6 could take us. Does God cause all pain? Does He just allow it? Or is He not involved in the pain or its source? What part does satan play in pain? Is pain just a result of our fallen status?

The challenge I pick up is: what is your view of God. How do you picture God?
* Like santa claus - One who has no expectations, just a loving Being who wants to give good gifts.
*A stern judge, with gavel in hand, high demands, heavy on the justice.
*An ethereal smoke ring, hard to grasp.
*An uninvolved, abandoning step father????

I believe A.W. Tozer is right when he said, "what you think about God is the most important thing about you." Our whole existence is affected by our view of God.

My view of God has evolved from that of a stern judge to a Loving Heavenly papa, who desires to give me good gift thers (Matt.7:11). Who promises to work everything that happens to me for my good (Romans 8:28). Whose expectaion of me is obedience to His Word - which has many ramific ations.

Thus my view of God in this 4 wheeler accident that leaves me in constant foot pain and unable to walk is: God allowed it. I believe He knew it was going to happen because it must have been Him who prompted me to take my cell phone. I wasn't into the habit of carrying it. Those close to me say there is a softening in my countenance. More peace. More gentleness. And I can tell a stripping of sself-sufficiency and pride. More of a healthy dependency on God and others. I could go on but the point is: God has torn me so that He canl heal me.

Loving on and encouraging people especially those who are experiencing some type of adversity appears to be my place of value - my ministry. One question that is often asked when going through a tough time is, ""what part does God play in this? Did He cause it? Or did He just allow it? Or has He no part in the etiology of this pain?"

My personal belief: 'God is sovereign - all powerful. All adversity is either caused or allowed by Him. He doesn't promse a stress-free life. He does want to use all that happens to us for our good, the good of others and for His glory. That is why I can accept (most of the time) stuttering, Parkinson's and a nerveless foot that feels like a block of wood. The Bible indicates that God is responsible for some pretty rough times. Look with me at Hosea chapter 6.
1 “Come, let us return to the LORD.
He has torn us to pieces
but he will heal us;
he has injured us
but he will bind up our wounds.
2 After two days he will revive us;
on the third day he will restore us,
that we may live in his presence.
3 Let us acknowledge the LORD;
let us press on to acknowledge him.
As surely as the sun rises,
he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains,
like the spring rains that water the earth.”

"God has torn us that He may heal us." James MacDonald in his book DOWNPOUR, describes "torn" as a word used for a predator that grabs its pprey and shreds it with its sharp teeth, then consumes it. Macdonald states: " Make no mistake!God is behind the hurt in your life. When your life feels torn apart, God has not abandoned you. Far from moving away from you in callousness, He is moving towardyou with compassion for the pain He has allowed. He is totally committed to you as He accomplishes the purposes for that pain."

More in the next blog.

OUT OF THE HOSPITAL

AFTER 5 WEEKS IN THE HOSPITAL, I'M "HOME"- WHHICH IS AT OUR DAUGHTER'S PLACE ON THE FARM NEAR ALEXANDRIA, KY. 4-5 INCHES OF SNOW ON THE GROUND. MORE LATER. MERRY CHRISTMAS.

GOOD NEWS

VISITED MY SURGEON YESTERDAY. SAID IT LOOKS GOOD AND CAN BEGIN PUTTING 25 PER CENT WEIGHT ON IT. SO, REHAB HOSPITAL, AFTER A MONTH I'M OUTTA HERE. HE THINKS THE NERVES WILL REGENERATE TOTALLY. I PRAT THAT IS TRUTH.

OTHER GOOD NEWS - A HUGE MEDICAL BILL IS REDUCED TO $1000. PTL

I APPRECIATED GARY'S RESPONSE TO MY YESTERDAY'S POST:

Yeh! You see it, you are right on the mark.

God is working, and as usual for most of us, not quite the way we expected.

Yes, you have been wrestling with God and your “hip” has been touched in the process; you may walk with Jacob’s staff, this process may mark a turning point in your life, but as with Israel, you will be a different man and your generations will be blessed through what you have experienced with God.

It just doesn’t feel like it.

You will be called blessed of the Lord. You will see the blessing of God upon your offspring and generations

Grandparenting Ministry???

"If you're directed by God to pull up stakes from your comfortable position in Nampa Idaho and move across country to Northern Kentucky to focus on a grandparenting ministry, what are you doing laid up in a rehab hospital unable to put any weight on your left leg? And how about all the other roadblocks you' faced?"

Good question. We haven't thought about moving back to Nampa. We have thought of running back!!! Our plans are not God's plans. Our plans were to have a pole barn up by now, with fencing for cattle and horses and the beginnings of house construction. The initiation of a retreat center for grandkids, friends and others and to be a support to two of our children in their parenting prorcess.

A couple of Proverbs passages speak in part to our situation. "A man's mind plans hisway, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure. Roll your works upon the Lord, commit and trust them wholly to Him; He will cause your lthoughts to become agreeable to His will and so shall your plans be established and succeed."

I believe God is telling us that what we're experiencing is preparation for our new ministry, just as if we wanted to be physicians, there would be at least 8 years of formal prep.

What does Grandparenting ministry look like to us? To influence our children and theirs to know, love and serve God by:
*innundating them with encouragement and love,
*being available,
* living a godly life,
*building a world view based on Scripture,
* touching the lives of others with loving encouragement,
*and allowing our grandchildren to observe how we handle life's challenges in a godly manner.

With this objective in mind, I would guess that the ministry is off and running. Just not lthe way we had planned.

PRAYER REQUEST

PLEASE PRAY FOR THERESA. SHE IS BED-BOUND WITH A NASTY FLU. FOR HEALING AND TO LISTEN TO THAT QUIET INNER VOICE. THANKS FOR HELPING CARRY OUR EXTRA LOAD

Nocturnal Disturbance

"Help! Help! Help! Help! Help!" Joe, next door, is having a rough night. The aids must be busy because that plantive cry for help goes on for quite some time.

At one a.m. "Housekeeping. Here to empty out your wastebaskets." Having just fallen asleep, I'm tempted to throw the basket at her. Justified by: "Christ was angry at the money chngers in the temple when he fashioned a whip and kicked butt."

2 a..m. - Pardon me," says the nurse. I MUST check your vitals." "Go away. Let me sleep. Besides my wife is the only one who does that!" "No," says nurse Kratchit. "Your blood pressure and temp." I'll show you my temp (er) next time you awaken me out of a deep sleep."

Then at 3 a.m. Ms.Dracula swoops in with her big black bag, loudly exclaiming,'GOTTA get your blood." She proceeds to try to find the vein, somewhere between elbow and shoulder. After raking the area causing considerable pin cushion pain, says, "let me try your right arm." what I want to say back is #%6@^&**&%$#.

Some time during the time when I would like to be sleeping, a little ol' lady tells me she is there to get my wheel chair for washing. She brings it back later when I'm asleep and leaves the chair out of reach from my bed.

And a couple times per night, I thank God for the person who invented the urinal!!!

The last two nighhts I've slept well. Besides the sleeping pill and three pain killers could it be that the sign I've taped to the door has helped? It says, "anyone coming though this door between 10 p.m. and 6 a.m. is in danger of experiencing the hidden trap bucket of human waste/"

TOUGH LOVE HURTS

Tough love can hurt!

Lisa, my physical therapist, is a prime example of the Scripture's challange to inflict ppain for ultimate good - be it the parent disciplining the child or God engineering some painful situation to expedite our growth. Whom the Lord loves, He chastens, says The Good Book.

LISA, IN HER LOVE FOR HER CLIENTS, TAKES AN APPENDAGE AND MAKES IT DO WHAT IT DOESN'T WANT TO DO. FOR ME, IT'S TAKING THAT SEEMINGLY LIFELESS LEFT FOOT AND STRETCHING IT OUT OF ITS LETHARGY. THE PAIN CAN BE RATHER SEVERE DURING THERAPY, BUT IT SEEMS THE NERVE PAIN LATER NEEDS A PAIN KILLER TO SUBDUE ITS INENSITY. THANKS FOR THE TOUGH LOVE, LISA. I FELT SOME LIFE IN TWO OF MY TOES YESTERDAY FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A MONTH. I WEPT OUT OF GRATITUDE.

I'M TRUSTING THAT THROUGH LISA'S TOUGH LOVE AND THE PRAYERS OF MY WIFE AND SCORES OF OTHERS AND THROUGH THE BODY'S NATURAL HEALING PROCESS, THOSE NERVES WILL REJUVINATE. I'M TRUSTING THAT THE TIBIA WILL ACCEPT THE METAL PLATE SO THAT I CAN PUT FULL WEIGHT ON MY LEFT LEG.

AND IF NOT, AS WITH JOB,I SAY, "THOUGH HE SLAY ME, YET WILL I TRUST HIM.

Ideal male relationships

Rare is the man who has a male relationship marked by total honesty and transparency.

This was the summary of my chat with Dr. John Vawter last night. I had just finished reading his inspiring and instructive manuscript on male friendships. A work very well done.

As I pondered our conversation and opened my Bible this morning for my "quiet time," the perfect passage loomed as a monument to the issue John and I were addressing. Galatians 6 from the Amplified Bible reads:

BRETHREN, IF any person is overtaken in misconduct or sin of any sort, you who are spiritual [who are responsive to and controlled by the Spirit] should set him right and restore and reinstate him, without any sense of superiority and with all gentleness, keeping an attentive eye on yourself, lest you should be tempted also.
2Bear (endure, carry) one another's burdens and [a]troublesome moral faults, and in this way fulfill and observe perfectly the law of Christ (the Messiah) and complete [b]what is lacking [in your obedience to it].

How would you like to have a friend who will "tell you when you've got a booger" as described in these two verses. He is one who walks closely with God and confronts you in meekness, gentleness, keeping an eye on himself lest he fall into some attitude or behavior that is not Christ-like. You know very well that his best interest is to build you up and not be haphazardly critical. The Galatians passage continues with:

3For if any person thinks himself to be somebody [too important to condescend to shoulder another's load] when he is nobody [of superiority except in his own estimation], he deceives and deludes and cheats himself. 4But let every person carefully scrutinize and examine and test his own conduct and his own work. He can then have the personal satisfaction and joy of doing something commendable [[c]in itself alone] without [resorting to] boastful comparison with his neighbor.

5For every person will have to bear ([d]be equal to understanding and calmly receive) his own [[e]little] load [f][of oppressive faults].

What a rich man I am to have a handful of men with whom I have that kind of relationship. At the age of 71 I know there are still pockets of "less than godliness" that need to be cleaned out and replaced with Christ-like behavior and attitude.

Thank you, Steve, Greg, Jerry, John, Errol and Theresa (though not male). I am one blessed man in part because of you.

'warrior Prep

But those who suffer He delivers in their suffering; He speaks to them in their affliction. - Job 36:15

Os Hillman writes in his blog TGIF about a boy born with a severe case of cerebral palsy who had sufffered much abuse and rejection during his growing up years. As a teenager, he met the Lord and began an intimate relationship with Him. Prayer began to be a focus in his life. God began showing him deep insights into other people, with whom he would share.
Today, this young man travels around the world as an internationally known intercessor and founder of a school of intercessory prayer. Literally hundreds of hours of knowledge about the way God speaks to His children have been birthed in and through this young man.

Hillman challenges us: "God's ways are not our ways. His preparation of His warriors seems cruel and hurtful at times. His ways are much higher than ours. Trust the God of the universe that He can orchestrate the events of your life when they seem the darkest."

What a fitting exhortation to this old norwegian/estonian warrior.

Thanks Kevin T for your note to the last post. Hope your studies are going well at Oxford and that all is well with the family. T and I miss you guys.

no dementia

After interacting with my new Parkinson's Dr. for a couple hours yesterday, he proclaimed, You don't have dementia." To which my wife Theresa LOUDLY exclaimed, 'PRAISE THE lORD. THANK YOU JESUS." With my loss of memory we both had wondered!!! Thus began the relationship with the University of Cincinnati which is rated among the nation's best in Neurology.

WOW ! AM I LEARNING THE SIGNIFICANCE OF 2 CORINTHIANS 10:5
5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. I HAVE THE OPTION TO DWELL ON MY CIRCUMSTANCES:
1. BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL 3 WEEKS WITH WHO KNOWS HOW MUCH LONGER;
2.WILL THE NERVES REJUVINATE SO I'LL BE ABLE TO HAVE FULL USE
OF MY FOOT?

AS I ALLOW MY THOUGHTS TO LINGER IN THIS ARENA THE RESU LT IS DESPONDENCY AND DEPRESSION. BUT I HAVE ANOTHER OPTION: TO DWELL ON CHRIST-LIKE THOUGHTS AS DEMONSTRATED BY RUTH MEYERS IN 31 DAYS OF PRAISE.

Father, I’m so delighted that You are both loving and sovereign, and that You cause all things to work together for good to those who love You, to those who are called according to Your purpose. So I thank You for each disturbing or humbling situation in my life, for each breaking or cleansing process You are allowing, for each problem or hindrance, for each thing that triggers in me anxiety or anger or pain. And I thank You in advance for each disappointment, each demanding duty, each pressure, each interruption that may arise in the coming hours and days.
In spite of what I think or feel when I get my eyes off You, I choose not to resist my trials as intruders, but to welcome them as friends.
Thank You that each difficulty is an opportunity to see You work…that in Your time You will bring me out to a place of abundance. I rejoice that You plan to enrich and beautify me through each problem, each conflict, each struggle…that through them You expose my weaknesses and needs, my hidden sins, my self-centeredness (and especially my self-reliance and pride.) Thank You that You use trials to humble me and perfect my faith and produce in me the quality of endurance….that they prepare the soil of my heart for the fresh new growth in godliness that You and I both long to see in me…and that my momentary troubles are producing for me an eternal glory that far outweighs them all, as I keep my eyes focused on You. I’m grateful that You look beyond my superficial desire for a trouble-free life; instead, You fulfill my deep-down desire to glorify You, enjoy Your warm fellowship, and become more like Your Son.

I thank You for the bitter things
They’ve been a friend to grace,
They’ve driven me from the paths of ease
To storm the secret place. Florence White Willett

Scripture References (by paragraph)

1. Rom 8:28-29; I Pet 1:6-7
2. James 1:2-4 (Phillips)
3. Ps 68:8-12; 138:7-8; Job 23:10; Deut 8:2-3, 16-17; 2 Cor 4:17-18; John 12:27-28
Taken from 31 Days of Praise by Ruth Myers

MY CHALLENGE: BRING MY THOUGHTS INTO CAPTIVITY TO THE WORD OF CHRIST.

REFINING FIRE

So what are you learning, Burwick? What is the value of the tough time that your blog heading purposes? You gave up a comfortable life style and deep friendships in Idaho for what you thought was God’s call to minister love and encouragement to children and grandchildren living in Northern Kentucky. You thought you’d be building a pole barn and house. Instead, you are flat on your back in a hospital wondering if you’ll be able to use your left leg again.

In my journal of this morning, I think I plumbed some deeper depths. Kinda
embarrassing to share. The guy who counseled thousands, who memorized vast portions of Scripture, who seemingly had everything “together,” wrote:

“why did I say yesterday, I can run but I can’t hide? No place to run or hide. No deep male relationships to escape to. No performance opp, cept a little wood carving on my diamond willow. So am I acceptable as is? No advice to give. No trophies to recognize. Just a one-legged, good for little 71-year-old has-been. No strength. No energy. No goals. Why push hard in PT? To what end?”

Sounds like a good dose of pity-party. Ugly.
I’m not sure what I’m running from besides self-esteem issues. Possibly some
depression. I’m not sure what God’s plan is, except that which is given to His people in general throughout Scripture, encapsulated best in a “doing” and “being” combination.

Do: make disciples. Matthew 28:19 Go to the people of all nations and make them my disciples. Baptize them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, 20 and teach them to do everything I have told you. I will be with you always, even until the end of the world.
”James 1:27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Be: conformed to the image of Christ (Romans 8:29) And it seems like the game plan to that end is for us to see what needs change to transform us to be more like Christ. This usually means experiencing a tough time or as MalachI 3 describes it - a refiners fire
2 But who can endure the day of his coming? Who can stand when he appears? For he will be like a refiner’s fire or a launderer’s soap. 3 He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver; he will purify the Levites and refine them like gold and silver. Then the LORD will have men who will bring offerings in righteousness,

“What is God doing with me through this trying time?” (Not only the physical challenges but the loss of what I had in Idaho.) I believe that God in His gentle, loving way is surfacing more of Burwick - my self-sufficiency, spiritual pride, self absorption…the kind of stuff that needs the refiner’s fire, conforming me to the image of Christ.'

GOD SPEED THE DAY

setback

Can an Idaho spud grow in Kentucky bluegrass? Yes… with set backs.
Got real discouraged yesterday. Nerve damage in ankle, foot and toes is severe. Minimal movement. Physical therapy is painful … without any promises. Team meeting yesterday suggested I stay much longer than I had hoped. Usually I can handle that kind of challenge with a focus on God’s love and grace, sufficient for the day. Living a day at a time- not looking at the “whatifs.”
Having a 71 year relationship with the Creator has given me sufficient evidence that He works in everything that happens to me for my good, the good of others and for His glory. For that reason I can rejoice - no matter the circumstances. I know that in my head - now to get it into shoe leather. It is easy to lose focus in the rehab/nursing home. Old age seems so cruel. One man sits slumped over in a VEGETATIVE state. Diagnosis: Parkinson’s disease. Will that be me?
The world of “what-ifs” is a lousy place to park my mind. I refuse to linger here one more minute. Besides, it is time for physical therapy

UPDATE

FOR THOSE ASK ING FOR AN UPDATE. MOST OF THE DAY IS SPENT HORIZONTAL. 5 TO 7 MORE WEEKS OF NO PRESSURE ON THAT LEG. P.T. 2 TO 3 HOUR PER DAY. WORKING ON TRANSFER FROM BED TO CHAIR.. BEGINNING TO SENSE GOD SPEAKING TO ME THROUGH THE CHALLENGES. MORE ON THAT LATER.

EMOTIONALLY DOING WELL AS LONG AS MY FOCUS IS HIM, DAY TO DAY.

Thanks for...

IT'S SUCH A DICOTOMY. LYING IN A REHAB HOPITAL, 18 METAL STAPLES HOLDING MY SKIN TOGETHER OVER A METAL PLATE AND SCREWS. PLANS DASHED TO BEGIN BUILDING A POLE BARN AND OUR HOUSE ON THE MOST BEAUTIFUL ACREAGE IN THE SOUTH. ALL THE WHILE GRETCHEN AND HER FAMILY ARE HERE, CELEBRATING THE THANKSGIVING WEEKEND WITH THE BURWICKS JUNIOR AND WILLIAMS.



THE KEY IS FOCUS. THE CIRCUMSTANCES AREN'T CONDUCIVE TO A THANKFUL SPIRIT. FOCUS: IT IS A WARM BUILDING. SOME ARE HOMELESS WITH NO RELATIONAL OR PHYSICAL WARMTH.



FOCUS: LOOK AT HOW MUCH I HAVE FOR WHICH TO BE THANKFUL. THE LIST IS TOO LONG TO ILLUCIDATE UPON HERE.

FOCUS: THANKS ABBA PAPA

Burwick where are you?

I'm lying in a Northern Kentucky hospital.
Mentally: frazzled. DONT KNOW WHAT PRECIPITATED THE JOURNEY... OTHER THAN I AWAKENED NEAR MY FOUR WHEELER WHICH WAS SNUGGLED UP AGAINST SOME BRSUSH AND TREES. MY DEER HUNTING GUN LAY BESIDE ME. I HAD CRAWLED ABOUT 50 FEET, HAULING MY BROKEN LEG UP A HILL HOPING TO REACH SOMEONE BEFORE IT GOT DARK. SUDDENLY RECALLED MY CELL PHONE IN MY POCKET. 'DIALED THERESA.

FRIDAY NIGHT IS TYPICALLY DATE NIGHT. THIS NOW HAS THE REPUTATION OF BEING THE DATE FROM HELL. THE ER WOULDN'T GIVE ME MEDICAL RELIEF UNTIL THERE WAs THOROUGH EXANINATION.

TRANSFERRED TO A REHAB HOSPITAL. fINALLY RECEIVED MORPHINE. WASN'T STRONG ENOUGH. FOUGHT THE PAIN FROM THE BROKEN TIBULA PLATEAU WHICH IS NOW BEING HELD TOGETHER BY A METAL PLATE WITH 17 INCH SHOP SCREWS - WELL THEY FEEL THAT LONG.

OF COURSE MOST HAVE FELT THE PAIN OF CONSTIPATION.

THEN AT THE PROPER TIME IS MUST ASK MY LOVING ABBA PAPA,"WHAT IS THE VALUE OF THIS EXPERIENCE. WHY AND HOW DOES GOD WANT TO USE THIS IN MY LIFE DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH BEOKENNES? 2 COR.12 9-11

HOPE equals Joy and Peace

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

This, one of my favorite verses, doesn't mean as much til needed... til a "hopeless" situation stares you (me) in the face. The county zoning man likes to throw his weight around and is actually violating the county code when he told us we cant build ( on 54 acres with just one house currently on it). Hopeless? Don't know. Seems like it (with two other cases somewhat similar to ours now in the state supreme court.)

I love my wife and I'm grateful for the little fifth wheel we inhabit, but a traffic light is needed in the narrow aisle at the corner of bathroom on the left and stove on the right. As I focus on the circumstances am I filled with joy and peace? NYET I have a tinge of guilt because many in the world have far less in the realm of living accommodations. And a little frustration with the zoner man. As I focus on God (and do what is appropriate to meet this man's psycho-neurotic expectation) the results are joy and peace because my HOPE is in HIM. An activity not conjured up in my ability, but by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Hope: our joyful and confident expectation of good coming from the hand of CreatorAbba PaPa (ROmans 8:28).

Would appreciate your prayers in this matter.

Trust Rest Watch God

"Jesus loves me this I know. For the Bible tells me so..." is probably the most significant song or one of the most significant songs written, supporting Scripture. Jesus loves me, period. Don't have to perform for that love. He loves me. For a perfomance oriented norwegian/estonian that is becoming even greater news. "Be responsible, Ray, but relax and enjoy relationships. Then, watch Me engineer circumstances in your life that will be impossible to perform. Trust me to do for you what you can't do yourself."

2 Chronicles looms big in this arena. Jehosaphat is faced with an ovewhelming sized army. Defeat is inevitable. He calls for a nationwide fasting and prayer. He is told "this battle is not yours but God's. Stand still and see the deliverance of the Lord."

He is also told that if he believes in the Lord, remains obedient, he will prosper. /the invading armies turn on themselves and kill each other. Judah claimed the spoils. "Jesus loves me this I know."

Got any circumstances that seem insurmountable? We do. But we want to learn from Jehosaphat. Trust. Rest. And watch the Lord do what we can't in ourselves do. We'll keep you posted.

Kentucky tidbits

If I am understanding Romans 8:28-29 accurately, God's desire for followers of Jesus 'Christ is to realize that He accompplishes his plan to make us more like Christ "through all things". And that is a "less/more deal." Less of the self-life and more of the Christ life.

God's game plan appears to be an engineering of circumsttandes to reveal that about us that needs "less." Through loss, or pain, or stretching of some sort we are made aware of a less than Godly attitude or behavior. Self-centeredness, an angry spirit, fear, insecurity,worry etc. Follow this with a repentant spirit - no excusing or no denial. Just a simple, "that is not a Christ-like spirit, forgive me Lord. That must become less as You replace it with your holy life, Father."

Kentucky is providing a less/ more opportunity for me. Living in an 8 by 16 cubicle, hauling water in a 350 gallon tank, digging a hole in which our blackand gray water is dumped, no valuable Idaho friends with which to fellowship, no obvious ministry or any performance opp, plus more that is too personal to mentiona here - all being used by God to revceal fears, insecurities, selfishnesses, impatience that must become less so that God can fill me with more of Himself, i.e. the Galatians 5 fruit of the spirit. Praise the Lord that He is in the life transforming business,

On the lighter side, our cell phone service is quite spotty, resulting in broken contacts while speaking. Speaking on the phone is much more difficult for the stutterer. I frequently hear the words, "man, your cell phone is breaking up badly." When the issue is really a normal stutter blockage producing the silence.

Please pray that the county zoning official will approve of our building plan. He is known to be very obstinate.

Like our propane delivery man says (very slowly), "ahm just an ol'' kentucky heall beally.}

"DEEPER DEATH"

Piggy-backing on yesterday's blog, if you didn't read Russ's comment, you'd get a kick out of his humor and his high level challenge to me.

As I re-read a description of my identity crisis shown in yesterday's blog, it appears that God may have me on a fast track to what some people call a "deeper death." Death to self-focus to be more God and others centered. Os Hillman describes it well in his blog

"I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life" (John 12:24-26).

God is all about your death so that HIS success can be realized through you! This is why the Church is having such little impact - there are too many believers who have not yet died to their old nature so that Christ can live fully through them. When believers come to the end of themselves they will lose their lives to Him and live through the power of the Holy Spirit and begin to see the reality of a living gospel that impacts lives, workplaces, cities and nations.

"Much of modern Christian enterprise is 'Ishmael.' Born not of God, but of an inordinate desire to do God's will in our own way - the one thing our Lord never did," said Oswald Chambers. The psalmist describes what it means to live in our own strength:

"Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain. In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat - for he grants sleep to those he loves" (Ps 127:1-2).

How does one die so that Christ can be our all and all? It usually takes a crisis of significant proportions for most people to relinquish the control of their lives. It means we come to the end of ourselves and our striving to control the events in our lives and we finally come to the place where we can say, "Lord, I surrender. Please take full control of my life."

Just BE, Ray

WHERE AM I?
The Penske truck sits in the front yard of our daughter Kristin's house, 2/3 unloaded in her basement. Remainder goes into a storage unit here.Theresa and I are snuggled into our 21 foot fifth wheel, with actual living space 8 feet by16. Close quarters indeed. We are scattered with "stuff" lin three places here and two storage units are filled inNampa. Consequently, "where is the ---?' is a frequent verbal and nonverbal exchange lately.

WHO Am i ?
Oh, I know all the right answers...child of God, one with Christ, filled with the Holy Spirit, husband to Theresa, father of three, etc. etc. But, as bare bones are being exposed (identity based on 'stuff' is shot, can't find most of it anyway). no performance for ID; no Nampa+based friendships. I know God has calledT and I to a grandparenting ministry - but how do you do that?There are books written detailing activities with grandkids, But the transformation from a self-focused performance-oriented rascal to one with a heart for the kids = just to be with them, just to BE, that is the challenge.

Barn to build. House to build. Fences to CONSTRUCT. Just "Be", Ray. Just BE. It seems as though God is directing me tothe quiet place, where I can hear Him better.

Roller Coaster Ride

What a ride it has been. Two metaphors come to mind: emotional roller coaster and fruit basket upset.

I’d like to share how the Lord has changed my desires and now is in the process of fulfilling them, according to Psalm 37:4. "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."

Fruit basket upset began 11 years ago with the closing of my counseling practice in Birmingham and taking a position of basketball coach, teacher and counselor at Bryan college near Chatanooga.The fruit basket severely overturned just weeks after we arived when my wife died. The following year, I remarried, shortly after which I was in my opinion and that of several others, unjustly fired by the college. That basket was sufficiently damaged. So a new basket took on the shape of a move to Portland.

That basket began to tip when all vocational doors closed. After living there for three years, I had begun to gain some close friendships and was experiencing fullfillment as director of small groups at our church. Then Theresa (my wife) desired to move to Nampa to be close to her daughter. I had had enough of fruit basket upset and didn’t want to make another change.

Needless to say, I’m in Nampa and what a six-year blessing Nampa has been to me. Becoming chaplain of the NNU BB team,. Working with the Lighthouse mission men and mentoring college students Renewing old friendships, and experiencing a depth of love never experienced before from new friendships Affirmation and recognition has blown me away.

A few months ago, I began to feel that my ministry was coming to a close in Nampa. About that time my wife and her daughter who is now living in Texas were comiserating about our two families moving someplace together. My response: “hell no. I’m not moving again. I’m comfortable here. I enjoy Nampa and its wonderful people.” My heart’s desire was to stay in Nampa.

The Williams made the offer of moving to Kentucky, where my son and family live. And he has always said he’d like to have us living close. At about the same time, about 6 weeks ago, I heard that still quiet voice of the Lord saying, “Ray, Do you want to be comfortable or do you want to follow my guidance, which is a move to .Kentucky?” Well, I’ve read the book of Jonah and I prefer not to be whale bait.

God began to touch my heart. He began to create in me a desire to move to KY. From a stoney, “I’m not going to move, to a resignation out of obedience. Three weeks ago I flew to Cincinatti with Theresa’s daughter’s family to look for land and we found a wonderful place. However, a very significant roadblock erupted. Though Keith is making great money, he had been self-employed only 4 months. No mortgage company would loan him the money for the 50 acres he was wanting.

To make a long story short, the purchased property is about 30 minutes south of Cincinatti and 25 minutes away from my son. It is a secuded 54 acres with house on a knoll; overlooking the beautfiul tree filled rolling hills of northern Kentucky. It has a great pasture and a wonderul stand of trees which house a large number of deer and wild turkey. We'll have five of the 54 acres upon which to build. And, it's a BIG AND, the owner is carrying the paper for two years.

My heart was changing from resignation out of obedience to excitement about the potential this land provided. It has some ideal forest terrain that would make a great place for small cabins or tents in which people could come for retreat from the pressures of life. Our two children and their 11 children will have a set of parents and grandparents who will love them, will model Jesus to them, and have 54 acres to explore and develop an appreciation for the beauty of God’s nature. And I get to have the fun and challenge of building another barn, which I’ll start as soon as we arrive.

The roller coaster had another dip last Sunday. From resignation to excitement I began grieving the loss. Still excited about the move and the potential in Northern Kentucky, but the loss of all God's blessings in Nampa - significant! Then, two nights ago, I felt like the coaster flew off the tracks and we're whirling around in space someplace. Why? The average house for sale in this area sells betwee 3 and 6 months. Two nights ago we (God) sold the house for the asking price - after only two weeks on the market.

Will this be the last fruit basket upset? I don’t know. The one thing I do know is that the basket is in His hands and He promises to work all things for our good, the good of others and for His glory – just as He has done the past 71 years.

Psa.37:4 Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart - and then He will fulfill them.

Relationships 2

I guess I'm becoming nostalgic regarding the town in which I live (Nampa, IDaho) and that same town becoming another town of the past. As we move to Kentucky incidents of the following will not take place.

We had a huge moving sale this weekend. People came out in droves and purchased most of our stuff to the tune of nearly paying for the move. How rewarding to hear a retired NNU Prof recall our days together 50 years ago, or the lady that said, "Burwick? Ray Burwick? I know you. We were in school together. To know and be known is a cherished phenominon.

Then this week I'll meet my college roommate at the Pendleton Oregon Roundup, as we have done yearly for the past many years. Our wives join us this year for an added attraction.

Developing relationships. What a blessing.

One of my classmates of 50 years ago brought tears of laughter when he wrote the following for his church newsletter.

"What are you doing during semester break, Les?" It's the evening meal in the spring 1959 and I'm seated at a table with guys from my dorm in the dining hall of Northwest Nazarene College in Nampa, Idaho.

I don’t have a clue, much less a plan, for the week ahead but my desire to portray an attitude of adventure prompted me to improvise,” I'm hitchhiking to Southern California, Hollywood".

It has the desired effect and the conversation begins to center around such an undertaking. "How far is that?" Ray Burwick asks. "I dunno", I answered truthfully "maybe 800 or a thousand miles".

I liked the sound of "a thousand miles' it lends stature to my sudden quest.
I notice Ray is figuring something on a piece of paper. "You want to come with me?" I ask.

He looks up from his figures and says "Yeah, I've never been there, but I don't want to hitchhike. I just bought a small car today and I'm figuring what it would cost us to drive. It gets real good gas mileage."

"Really?" I said, warming to the idea of not hitchhiking. I've done some hitchhiking but, like making love on the beach, it's a better idea than it is a fact.

"What kind of car?" I ask. "It's an Isetta, made in Italy." Great!, I’m thinking, an Italian sports car. California here we come!

We decide that we will leave immediately. He will go get the car and I will meet him in the parking lot of Chapman Hall in 30 minutes. While waiting for him to arrive I have visions of Ferrari's, Maserati’s and Lamborghini's dancing in my head. We are traveling down the roads of California in this exotic Italian sports car, the simple people along the way turn in awe and amazement doffing their caps and pulling at their forelocks as we flash by at 150 kilometers per hour (whatever that means).

I'm well into this when my reverie is interrupted by the sound of a riding lawn-mower coming up behind me. Annoyed, I step aside to let it pass and turn to make sure I'm completely out of the way. In horror I realize it's not a riding lawnmower, it's Ray, and THIS is the Italian Isetta.

The Isetta is Italy's idea of an economy car. It's become economical by eliminating a few things. A wheel, for instance. The Isetta only has three wheels, two at the front, one at the rear. Or take the doors for example. Someone has taken all of them except one and it's not located at the side but rather consists of the entire front of the car. When you open the door the windshield, dashboard, steering wheel, gear shift, pedals, everything opens with it.

Ray kills the engine, throws open the front of the car and leaps out. "Isn't it great!" he exclaims "sixty miles to the gallon!" I agree that sixty miles to the gallon is great and virtually anything beats the thrill of actually hitchhiking. I throw my stuff onto the shelf that is the back seat, Ray climbs in first to drive, I follow. With amazement I reach out and pull the front of the car closed.

A turn of the ignition and the lawnmower engine in the rear jumps to life and settles into a reassuring vibration. As the sun sets we head south out of Nampa for the Golden State.

Somewhere south of McDermott and before Winnemucca we are in the high desert of northern Nevada. At 2 am the moon is as bright as a searchlight and the little Isetta is humming to itself in Italian.

Topping a rise we suddenly come upon the Jackrabbits. Jackrabbits are not "bunnies" in the stuffed toy sense. Jackrabbits are rangy desert dwelling distant cousins of domesticated rabbits. No one gives a Jackrabbit to a child for Easter. They resemble a shorter version of Kangaroos. There’s nothing “cuddly” about a Jackrabbit.

Numerous Jackrabbits are sitting in the road discussing what that oncoming noise is when they are suddenly blinded by our headlights as we chug up over the rise.. Ray swerves around the first two but the Isetta doesn't take well to surprise maneuvers at such speed and in trying to regain control he hits the third and fourth square on at about 50 miles an hour.

The impact to the front door/windshield sounds like an explosion and the Isetta's rudimentary suspension system bounces us around like a ping pong ball. A pair of rabbit ears smack into the windshield six inches from my nose leaving a dusty ear imprint and tufts of fuzz on the windshield wiper.

We don't seem to be damaged and we’re still moving. We look beyond the headlights and in the moonlight we can see thousands and thousands of rabbits on the road each one of them a cannonball aimed at the Isetta..

The next 20 miles are driven very carefully trying to avoid the rabbits convinced that hitting one with a wheel will probably roll us over. After about an hour of such maneuvering we leave the rabbit road crew as suddenly as we had entered.

The highway begins to descend and the Isetta picks up speed. We haven’t seen another car in either direction since we left McDermott, Nevada, 2 hours ago and the Isetta is no longer humming Italian tunes but is in full-throated opera is we roar through the night at 70 miles an hour.

Ray, who has been doing all the driving since Nampa, pulls to the side to let me drive. I open the front of the car to change places and he climbs onto the shelf behind our seats to get some sleep.

I pull back on the highway and accelerate very slowly. Both cylinders are giving it their best but it takes time to get up to speed. Around 50 miles an hour I notice that the Isetta wanders at will all over the lane. At 60 it’s nearly impossible to keep on our side of the road. I can’t figure out the problem! When Ray was driving 70 the little shopping cart hummed along beautifully but with me driving at 55 I’m a threat to our lives.

Ray becomes aware of our rocking and swaying and suddenly sits up in the back. The sudden motion throws us across the dividing line of the highway. I slow to a stop and we discuss the problem

The Isetta because of its three-wheel rear engine design is inherently unstable. It can carry two passengers at highway speeds providing the two passengers sit in the two front seats and, I guess, sit fairly still. Any variation in that set-up and it becomes, at lower speeds, hard to steer or at highway speeds, impossible to steer. Ray moved up front and put his head against the side window and tried to sleep. And thus we made our way to Southern California.

I think often of that Isetta. It certainly had its selling points. It was as economical to run as a motorcycle but without the bugs in your teeth. However, there could be no surprises on the journey. Everything had to be just right or it became cumbersome and awkward. There were times when riding in the Isetta became more of a problem than whatever had happened on the road. If your journey has conditions that are unpredictable you need better transportation.

For many of us our early introduction to God was defined to us in terms of His anger and punishment. If we do not go deeper and learn for ourselves what God is really like by reading about His son Jesus in the Bible, we discover that our own spiritual vehicle is very underpowered and unstable. Such a vehicle is totally inadequate for the surprises we will run in to on life’s road.

As we become adults we are smacked by relationships and betrayal, illness and death, disappointment and rejection. We soon begin to believe that really God is out to “get” us just over the next rise.

Nobody travels a road of life that is without hazards and obstacles. It’s the nature of the journey. The questions is, what are you traveling in? God’s love and presence in our lives gives us a vehicle that is more than adequate for all of the obstacles, hurts, and dangers we may face. When we make Him our personal friend and companion through His son Jesus, He removes the agony of our journey and replaces it with power.

Isn’t it time you traded up?

See you Sunday,

Thanks Les Shelton for letting me use this.

Relationships

I come too late, too smart - a saying from my Norwegian heritage. At the age of 72 i'm finally beginning to learn what is most important in life.

It is not achievement, though that is important.

It is not performance, though the Bible says "whatever you do, so it with all your might - do all as to the Lord."

It is not getting rich. The book of Ecclesastes warns us about that fallacy.

Jesus states very clearly that the greatest purpose of life is the developmment of relationships- "Love the Lord with all your heart and your neighbor as yourself,"

The following note from Montana Gary is an example of how significant relationships is becoming to me. I trust that I am sharing this with a humble heart and not for show, "See me. See me run. See me jump." But rather one of the valuable prizes that is available to all of us as we invest our energies into the lives of others. Thanks for your affirmation, Gary.

"Boy, are you unpredictably persevering! After weeks of no blog, no hint of life, no pearls of Ray, now we find you are still going forward with God (or maybe to use a different simile, going back with God, back East).

"Ray, you continue to amaze me. Unpredictably consistent. Seems almost like you are finding strength in weakness, continuing on in the purposes of God no matter what. We have felt with, prayed for, agonized over your struggles these last months and not known how the true Ray was doing but now you reveal you are staying true to the call of God for focusing on the discipling of the next generation. Yes.

"Blessings upon you, Dear Brother, as you get closer to families and the youngest generation. We will miss you but may God continue to bless you as you mentor another generation. I see you working in your ministries mentoring your generation, my generation, your children’s generation, and now, your grandchildren. Blessed is the man who continues in the call of God upon his life no matter what. Too many of us settle for touching only a couple generations and then complaining about the others.

"Blessings dear Ray. May God richly make the way before you and your intentions become His touching of lives through you. God Bless You, Ray—we love you."


I hope Gary's note, which I know I don't deserve, will inspire all of us to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit's leading in the building of godly relationships.

Goin to Kentucky

"What a differnce a day makes," goes the song. In our case, the song would be "what a difference a week makes." Here's my story, I've always said, "this is the last move I'm going to make." And here in Nampa, I'm blessed with some great fiendships, my 'band of brothers' that meets every Wednesday morning and other special friends. In a sense it is a return to the glory days. I've also enjoyed mentoring some college students. I'm very comfortable here.

Then the word came, "Let's move to Kentucky. My son, Holly and four kids are there and Theresa's daughter, along with Keith, their five kids - soon to be 7 after the adoption goes through - two special needs kids from Bulgaria will join the household."

"No, I'm not going." Have you ever heard God speak to you in that still, quiet voice?" Mine went like this: (God speaking)Ray you don't want to keep working with those BB players and others when you can work to model Jesus with your own family. They need you. Don't be selfish interested in your own comfort."

"Okay,, God, if my going there wlll please you - I'm gone. I'm not happy about it but I'll be obedient, Resigned to the change.Then the Williams and I met in Kentucky and God led us to a gorgeous 54 acre ranch = only 25 minutes away from Ray's house. Now I'm excietd about it and am wondering how God will use this for our best and bring glory and honor to His name.

Personal value

I’ve written a book on building Self Esteem (Self Esteem: You’re Better Than You Think). I’ve spoken and written considerably on the topic because I believe that a poor self image is a root of much personal discomfort. Insecurity can prompt us to be very controlling, very dogmatic, easily threatened and much more dis-ease.

In our last post of yesterday, I asked you what your value was as a person. Instead of a long monologue, I’d like to cut to the chase, get to the bottom line where rubber meets the road. Joshua 1:8 says that as we meditate on Scripture and do what is says, we’ll be successful. Does the Bible talk about self esteem? AS we would say in my North Dakota days, “Ya shore, you betcha.”

Look with me at Romans 12:3-5 Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us. 4 Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, 5 so it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other. In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you.

Notice the sequence. Don’t think too highly of yourselves (that can come from performance-based self esteem, or for women it is usually beauty related.).
Next, rather then measuring yourself by comparing with others, measure yourself by the faith God has given you. That means you you can’t even take credit for faith-based self esteem. That is even God given.

Next issue is that we are parts of a body and we need each other. The following verses describe God-given gifts so that we can minister to each other.

Summarizing, the value I should place on myself is in direct proportion to my God-given faith and how I allow the Holy Spirit to move in and through me as I love on and encourage others.

Consequently, I should have no worries or concerns about my value as a person. Focus on knowing God more deeply through which lHe gives among many things – faith. Pour my life into others and enjoy the ride. That sounds so simple, so Sunday-schoolish. Try it on for size. See if you like it.

What is your value?

Sir Rastus - newest member of the buwick family!

How do you perceive yourself? What is your value? What are you worth?

Since the age of 12 (59 years ago), I have been accustomed to working and being productive. As a North Dakota adolescent, I shoveled snow from sidewalks and driveways, carried the daily newspaper, sometimes “enjoying” throwing papers in 30 degrees below zero blizzards. (What you are brought up in you think is normal.)
I mowed lawns, set double lane pins in the bowling alley. In high school, I painted houses, barns and churches along with working in a laundry, construction, sports writing and farm work. College years was more of the same until I took my first post college job as a college teacher and athletic coach.

And I’ve worked ever since in the people helping business until 10 years ago when I was unjustly asked to resign from my position as college prof and coach. Work has served as a source of ministry, of financial gain, fulfillment, of self esteem building and it has been fun. My norwegian/estonian heritage provided me with a good work ethic. My first wife, Ann, would at times chide me for not having fun. I would tell her that work, to me, was fun.

Though I’ve explored countless work options in these 10 years, nothing has opened up. It has at times been frustrating, at other times depressing, much of the time boring and recently – a relaxing freedom. As I have wrestled with these issues, a bottom line question has been popping up. What is my value as a person? What am I worth? As with most men, my worth has come through the vehicle of work. Does it need to? Is there another source to measure our value, men?

Where do you get your sense of worth? More on the next post .

Voices, part two

You don’ have to be crazy to hear voices, part two.

Suggestions for remediation.
I really believe we all have voices within that prod us on, that condemn us, that encourage us and so on. I’m most concerned over the negative voices. What do I do with them?

1. Acknowledge the voices.
Noise can be an addiction that quiets to some extent the power of the negative voices.Turn off the noise that camoflages the voices. Allow yourself to listen “in” and journal the results.

2. Seek the source
Was the source of the voice: your father who by word or action conveyed the message, “You’re not quite good enough.” Or the coach who said, “Quit now, you’ll never make the team.” Quitting has been a problem in many arenas since. We have some forgiving to do, don’t we?
For some, the condemning voice is from satan. Remedy: tell him to go to hell where he belongs and refuse to allow that voice to continue inner residency.

3. Bring thoughts into captivity.
The key to “voices remedy” is following the Biblical principle, “Bring your thoughts into captivity.”
When you hear a negative voice, say, “Hold it there Bub. That is stinking thinking. The Bible directs me in Philippians 4:8 - Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”
We have a choice: listen to the voices and their destructivness or follow Philippians 4:8. For example, one of my voices is, “with your Parkinson’s it won’t be long and you’ll be in a wheel chair, not driving, falling over all the time, choking, etc.” Obviously the source is satan. I resist him and focus my thoughts on, “God, you’re in control. My life is yours. You have in mind what is best for me. I’ll do what I can with medication, exercise, etc and leave the results to you.”
Bring thoughts into captivity.

4. Replace destructive thoughts with godly truth.
Negative voices are replaced with positive. And the source of the new voices is Scripture. What does God say about your situation? That’s one of the reasons for consistent Bible study. Setting your mindset on what God says about you. Romans 12:1-2 is a powerful game plan for us. 1 And so, dear brothers and sisters,[a] I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him.[b] 2 Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.
One version says, “Be transformed by the renewing of the mind.”
This is done two ways. Feed your mind daily with God’s word. Some call it a quiet time. Renewing the mind and being obedient to what God says sets the stage for “transformed voices.” Then, spontaneously, hit the negative voice with positive and transforming mental food gained from the reading of Scripture. The more consistent you are with the exercise, the quicker the results.

Hearing Voices

Voices
You don’t have to be crazy to hear voices. Hearing voices is usually associated with schizophrenia. One person described it this way: ”I can hear voices. There a 4 of them, a little girl a little boy a different version of me and one other then i can not make out...at night i can feel them following me around...then when i get to a point of stress i can hear the undistinct voise to the point it makes my body tingal, and my vision starts to shake, and things will change, for example everything will get darker and nothing be cohearent.”

This person is definitely battling with a mental disorder. I’m suggesting that a “sane” person can house differing voices, though not “crazy” can be a very destructive force mentally, emotionally and physically.

To one person there is the voice picked up in childhood, either from a perfectionistic parent or from a parent who wasn’t there, “You are not good enough.” The result? A heightened drive to perform for acceptance. Ulcers. Workahol. Perfectionism that tends to make one look down at others.

Another person may periodaclly hear the message, “you are not loveable.” Or, “you’ll never be successful, so why try.” Or, “you’ll never do it well enough. You’ll never get it right.” Or, “you’re a worthless, no account brat.” Or, “you’ve been so bad that God will not bless you with …”

Or the voices can have a postive twist that can be destructive. “You’re so giftted that you’ll be able to do anything you want. This person is set up for failure, because of the high expectations that are not achieveable.

Or, focus become outward beauty when you’ve heard, “You’re the most beautiful girl in your class.”.

Possibly some of the most hideous and destructive voices we hear came from the church. “Get saved, then you can do anything you want. You’re eternally secure.” Or the opposite, “If you sin, you’ll lose your salvation.” Consequently this person is always checking his spiritual pulse, never quite feeling safe in God’s care. Eternal insecurity.

May I suggest an assignment? Listen carefully to the voices you have in your head. We all have them. Write them in a journal. For example, voices that I’ve had to do battle with are
• That’s not quite good enough.
• What ever you do, do it to your best. Then people will take notice and approve of you.
• Hey world, notioce me. Tell me I’m okay.
• You stutter, Ray. You’re a blemished product.
• With Parkinson’s you’re headed for the wheel chair, then confinement to the bed.
• You are a has been.

What do you do with your voices? Stay tuned to the next post for suggestions.

Why, God?

Should I ask God “Why?”

A very special friend told me, “Never ask God ‘why.’ There is no place in Scripture that indicates we should do that. Just trust Him.”

His words challenged me, because I often ask God “why.” I realize his position of “just trust God” is certainly appropriate. However, I have a grandson, Barron Olaf, who if he asks me the meaning of a tough time in his life, I certainly want to provide an answer if I had insight into the situation. How much more would my loving Heavenly Father want that for me (Matt. 7:11).

I believe the key is our attitude in asking. Is it with whiney voice or thrust out fist? Or is it a genuine, “Papa, what am I to learn from this. How do you want to use this situation in my life for my good, your glory and the good of others?”

James 1:2-5 seems to be the foundational resource for my thinking. 2 Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. 5 If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.

This passage says to me, “Ray, trust me. The hard time you are experiencing now is a character building challenge. You can be joyful, not for the process, but for the product – a stronger, more complete Ray.”

“Okay Father. I accept your words, your plan for my growth. But the very next sentence says ‘if I need wisdom, ask…’ Forty eight years ago, it seemed as if you told me that you would heal the roots of my stuttering. For 45 years my fluency slowly grew. Then 3 years ago, my speaking took a nose dive and now there are times I get so stuck on a word that it just won’t come forth. Stuttering is worsening. Speech therapy hasn’t helped.

Why the seeming change of plans? It appears that you’ve broken a promise to me. At this stage of my life is there something better for me than healing my speech? What should I learn from this? How do you want to use this in my life, Abba, Papa?”

My challenge is asking God “why” with the right attitude. My fist isn’t raised to Him. I don’t think I’m whining. But every so often I allow self pity to creep in. And self pity is always tinged with a bit of anger to God. A genuine asking of God for wisdom evolves into a fleshly, self-centered and even cynical demand for a response. Yuk. A pile of dung!

He hasn’t given me an answer to my question yet But I trust Him (99 percent of the time).
Other passages that support asking God “why” are:

E;phesians 1:17-19 asking God, the glorious Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, to give you spiritual wisdom and insight so that you might grow in your knowledge of God. 18 I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope he has given to those he called—his holy people who are his rich and glorious inheritance19 I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness of God’s power for us who believe him…

James 4:2 (NKJV) 2 You lust and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. Yet you do not have because you do not ask.

John 15:7, 16 But if you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want, and it will be granted! You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name.
“Remain” (meno in the Greek), “stay or abide.” The NLT Study Bible describes it as a profound, intimate and enduring relationship. It seems to say to me that if I’m abiding in Him, my communication can include “why.”

Living Sacrifice

Barron Olaf has papa Ray Olaf wrapped around his little finger

It is amazing how an “old” Biblical passage that has been read literally hundreds of times, can come alive and take on new or deeper meaning.

Present your bodies to God a living sacrifice…(Romans 12 tells us), took on deeper meaning to me this morning. The tongue is my body part that currently needs the altar.

Speaking with a stuttering tongue has been so frustrating lately. If I’ve surrendered my tongue as a living sacrifice, then God can do with it as He pleases. If He wants to stutter through me - so be it. If He wants to speak fluently through me - yea! Pressure in speaking is reduced with this kind of mindset. That doesn’t mean that I neglect appropriate remediation, like speech therapy. However therapy was a bust the last session I encountered.

Now, I’ve known and experienced this freedom previously. However of late, speaking has been so very frustrating, that I’ve even avoided some speaking opportunities. I’ve forgotten the dynamics of a tongue “presented as a living sacrifice” and the subsequent freedom. I’m seeing this at a deeper level this morning. Should be less frustration. Page 2, later!

How about the Parkinson’s? Doing all my new doctor tells me to, but falling down more. Losing mental prowess, (filled my diesel truck with gas. Cost me $$1149 plus a tank of diesel.) Dyskinesia has me bobbing and weaving like a drunk boxer.
“Father, I present my PD body and mind to you - a living sacrifice, trusting that in your love for me, You will permit only that which you deem best for me and for others.”

I give you permission to check on me, seeing if the sacrifice is still on the altar.

Do you have any “body sacrifice” that needs to take place?

In Kentucky, under construction

Son Ray with Holly, Barron Olaf land Bella Rose
“Watch me papa,” two-year-old Bella Rose exclaims, as she does a dance routine, or does a summersault on the lawn, or any other activity to get our attention.

“Out of the mouth of babes,” the Lord may speak. He is using my granddaughter to remind me that all those years I sought affirmation through performance (though in more sophisticated ways than Bella) were so selfcentered - so me-oriented that it precluded loving and encouraging others as I really wanted to do. “And Ray," that quiet, loving inner voice says, "there’s a smidgen left.“

Then from my one-year-old grandson, Barron Olaf, comes the running to me with outstretched arms, not saying a word, but body language imploring “I need you to hold me.” And how self-sufficiency gets in the way of my coming consistently to Jesus in like manner. “Come unto Me and I will give you ….” Out of the mouth of babes!

Our “Grandparenting ministry” continues in Kentucky for a couple more weeks. I’m wondering if this venture is more for our (my) learning and growth than a ministry to our adult children and grandchildren.!!!"""""

Theresa gave me permission to use her daily journal entry from this morning which will show you how both of us are "under construction."
Boy, have things been rough here. The problem: I brought way more than I realized of my stinky, fleshly self!! I thought that judgmental part of me had at least diminished a bunch - nope!!! Sprang to life big time! God grabbed me by my bug-bitten cheeks yesterday and said, "Do us both a favor and ponder Proverbs 3:5 & 6." So very helpful! I paraphrased it and want to share it with you. I'll put it at the end.

It's one thing to come to "serve" - i.e., jump in and fix things. It's another to come to love unconditionally. I've been horrified at how angry and critical I've felt! And overwhelmed. One example: Three days a week Holly babysits for 2 little boys ages 1 & 2. That makes 4 kids 2 and under. Monday I went to the RV in tears, not able to tolerate their screaming for one more moment - feeling like a cowardly failure for not being able to help Holly. I understood why people drink to oblivion! Today after pondering making some internal changes, I was actually able to sit on the floor and take turns holding the 3 boys this morning.

The older girls are in Chicago with their mom's parents. I've really connected with the nine year old, Jordan. She's very much an introvert and easily gets lost in the hectic activity, especially with extroverted older and younger sisters. I've been amazed at her depth when we've taken time together. That's been a good thing.

Pray for me when you think about me. God is allowing me to see some hardness in myself that appalls me. I'd like to not take it home with me - or to the next kid's place, if we have the courage to do this again. At one point I decided I'd go home, get a job and quit relating to people! That might be a bit premature :)



This is the paraphrase I wrote:

Trust Me with all your heart, Theresa.

Your Mom heart, your wife heart, your friend heart, your retired heart, your Christ-follower heart, your introvert heart.

Don’t try to figure things out.

Yes, I gave you a triple dose of thinking strengths. And I didn’t make a mistake. Don’t try to figure out the dynamics of Ray’s family. That is not productive. Don’t try to analyze young Ray. You’re missing the big picture as you strain for the details. Think on Me. Discipline your mind to focus on me. I know all, and I have a plan. And I’m capable of letting you know your part. And if perchance I don’t have a plan, you certainly couldn’t come up with one.

Let Me be a part of everything. Invite Me into every thought. Don’t think you can step aside from Me and stew without My knowing. And certainly don’t think that you can figure anything out without My help. Even if you think you can or that you have, be assured that your thoughts aren’t in anyone’s best interest. That’s My department. Be mindful of Me every moment: when a conversation is going well, when the kids are screaming, when you feel like a failure, when life is good. Make Me a part of all of that.

I promise that I will lead you and take care of you. Anywhere you go without me won’t be good, not in the long run. No matter how harried the moment, how angry you are, how dysfunctional the relationship, how hopeless the situation, I have a way through. I’m not surprised nor am I unprepared. And I certainly am not unequipped. But you are. You need Me, Theresa Sue. Stick close. You’re in over your head.

Notes from Kentucky

Son Ray with his children Kendal holding Barron
Olaf, Jordan holding Bella Rose.


I’ve always thought of spiritual disciplines as the development of a Christ-like character growth - an imploring of the Creator to do a work in me that was dreadfully needed, not accomplishable by my own strength.

Dallas Willard adds a spiritual discipline dimension in “Rejuvenation of the Heart” that is inspiring. A major role of spiritual disciplines is to cause the duplicity and malice to surface and be dealt with. Disciplines of solitude, fasting, worship and service make room for the Word and the Spirit to work in us, and to permit destructive feelings - feelings that are easily veiled by standard practices and circumstances and by long accepted rationalizations- to be perceived and dealt with for what they are: our will and not God’s will

Those feelings are normally clothed in layer upon layer of habitual self-deception and rationalization. Typically they will have enslaved the will, and it in turn coerced the mind to conceal or rationalize what is really going on.

For example, it was during solitude that I was confronted with a depth of selfishness with which I was unaware. “Buy an RV, take a year to travel to be with your kids and grandkids. Focus your energies on building relationships with extended family - especially with grandkids. A Grandparenting Ministry.

My initial response: “Hey that will take me out of my comfort zone. More stress means more Parkinson’s fallout. That also means giving up my weekly band of brothers - leaving my church and friends. Leaving my comfortable home. My shop where I create wonderful wood things. And my Solstice convertible. And besides I was never grandparented. Why do I need to be inconvenienced. They will do just fine without me.”

Can you believe that came out of me?
Ya shore. You betcha! Guilty as charged. Duplicity exposed. A benefit of the spiritual discipline of solitude.

Grandparenting Ministry update.

We were able to maneuver our RV down the driveway and round the corner of my son’s place in Ft. Thomas,Ky. Have been here five days. I’m normally about 6 foot tall - feel 4-10 and heading to 7-1.Being stretched. Out of my self-centered comfort zone. Four precious children - teen to 1 ½. Lots of opportunity to love on and encourage! Yard work, painting and fix-it Papa projects consume ou time.
However, being an early riser, I have time for meditation and knowing God better time. I’d like to share this mornings session with you.
There are times that what I read, really grabs my attention. The same material to someone else or at a different time doesn’t have the electrical magnetism. In reading Dallas Willard’s “Rejuvenation of the Heart“: this morning, his perspective of our growth in Christian maturity “cranked my engine.” Let me summarize it for you.

Progression in our spiritual journey - in our complete identification of our will with God’s begins with surrender. Surrender to His supremacy in all things. We may do it grudgingly and parts of us may still resist, but we’re willing to be made willing.

From surrender we move on to abandonment - fully surrendered. While some things that happen to us may not be what God would wish or has brought about, yet He allows all, even the most tragic loss, to have some redeemable quality (Romans 8:28). “We kiss the rod of affliction which strikes us, even while trembling with weakness and pain.”

But there is more. Abandonment can lead to contentment… a state of . assurance that God has done and will always do well by us, no matter what. Grumbling and complaining are gone. “Rejoice evermore” is natural and appropriate.

Beyond surrender, abandonment and contentment comes participation - an intelligent, energetic participation in accomplishing God’s will in our world. We are carried along by the divine drama within as we live actively engaged, devoted to the realization of righteousness all around us. “Not I but Christ who lives in me.”
This progression is there for us to enter now, through the power at work within us as followers of Jesus Christ.

Stuttering and Parkinson’s is stretching me in the contentment arena! I get so frustrated when trying to speak and the word refuses to leave my tongue. I’m sure that leads to more stress, producing more stuttering. "Father, I want to commit myself to You at an even deeper level of trust.

How about you? Where do you find yourself in Willard’s progression?

Grandparenting ministry - day 4

This new “grandparenting ministry.” as mentioned in the last posting, might be as much for our good as for grand kids. I’m out of my comfort zone - my being at home regimen, that is so predictable, so secure. Life is “out of my control here. Traffic through the big cities - hectic. A nasty four-car accident not only slows down traffic, but reminds us of our mortality. The truck, on a fritz, cost us unplanned bucks and 5 hours in a Ford shop waiting room. Just a small sampling of being oout of control.
As I ask people going through some type of adversity: “what can you learn from this?” I’m asking myself the same question.
I believe what the Lord is wanting to teach me now is a deeper trust in Him - regardless of circumstances.
Psalm 62 tells me “wait patiently on the Lord for my expectation is from Him. He only is my rock and my fortress where I will not be shaken.” That is a concept that can only be.learned when circumstancs are uncomfortable - like now!
“Father, thanks for your patience with this hardheaded Norwegian/Estonian and continue to work in me a deeper trust .
After 2000 miles, we see the kids this evening. Yea!

To those of you who are following our personal life, beginning our new grandparenting "ministry," at the combined age of 136, we're on the road.

First stop: Ft. Thomas, Ky to be with Ray II and his family. We made it to Rock Springs, Wyoming through a very windy stormy day, with the dash board saying "check the emission system." Hope to find a good mechanic in the morning.
Our desire is to spend extended time with each of our children.
Our RV Mission Statement goes as follows:
*To provide a retreat for ourselves as we spend time in the homes of our extended family;

*To get to know our children better as adults;

*To know our gandchildren and develop influential reltionship with them;

*To provide time for our adult children to retreat from their ordinary responsibilities

Affirmation of others 3

In our last post we spoke of the skill of listening to affirm others. Listening becomes more proactive with the asking of questions. It has been said, “Good questioning skills may be the world's most unsung talent. Ask the right questions in the right way, and you'll engage people; do it differently, and you'll put them off.”

One successful sales person states:"Sellin’ ain’t tellin’, askin’ is." I heard this simple but true homily years ago when working in Texas. Merrill Lynch spent thousands of dollars and six months in California and New York on sophisticated courses and seminars to train me to sell stocks and bonds. Yet, over the years this bit of country wisdom from Texas has been one of the most powerful and useful lessons I’ve ever learned. To be successful in sales, you must master the art of asking questions. WHY? One of the most obvious reasons you ask questions is to acquire information. The conscientious professional will spend a great deal of time and effort to learn about their client. The person asking questions is always in control of a discussion. This control can be used gracefully to lead and direct the client to a successful outcome or it can be abused."

As important as the art of listening is for sales people, how much more for building long-lasting, deeply caring relationships.

There seem to be three main types of questions: factual which has components of general or personal. Interpretive. And evaluative, which involves the most risk of rejection.

For example
` Impersonal factual questions have only one correct answer, like “who won the game last night, Celtics or Lakers?" A more personal factual question would be “did your favorate team win the game last night?” Factual questions usually “break the ice” and can lead to the next depth of relationship: Interpretive questions.

“In the Lakers / Celtics game, why do you think the Celtics won?” The answers are not right or wrong, but the exercise quickens the affirmation for the person.

And lastly, the Evaluative questions. Asking for some kind of opinion, belief or point of view. “So, if you were the coach of the Lakers, what would you have done differently to beat the Celtics?” There are no wrong answers. The depth of relationship is expanded. Affirmation for the other is quickened.

The art of asking questions.

Suggestions for affirming others. 2

We’ve had the privledge of hosting my daughter Gretchen and her two children for a week. What a joy to have a daughter who has a teachable spirit and a deep heart for God and is modeling that for her children. They are on their way to Gretchen’s mother’s side of the family reunion in Walla Walla, honoring her grandmother on her 93rd birthday.

Back now to “Suggestions for Affirming Others.”

FOCUS ON LISTENING TO OTHERS.

I am one good listener…by default. I stutter. Can’t talk. What option do I have – but to listen? One of the “blessings” of stuttering is to focus on listening. The old saying is true, “you can’t learn from others when you’re talking.” The ability to listen has in part been a reason my counseling practice was successful.

I love to hear people’s stories and in the process of listening I not only learn but also make the speaker feel better about him/herself. Would you rather be around a person who talks all the time or with one who listens and encourages you to reveal your thoughts.

In searching the word “listen” in Strong’s Concordance, I found it listed only once. Isaiah 49:1 Listen O isles, unto me; and hearken… The Hebrew word is “shama” defined in part to “hear intelligently.” Not just listen but listen intelligently. That means focus on the person and what they are communicating.

The New Living Translation of the Bible lists the word “listen” 584 times. Must be pretty important. It is interesting to note that the words “speak” and “talk” are listed about the same number of times as “listen.” For a bit of trivia, google has 283 million sites for the word.

To develop the skill of listening (without the blessing of stuttering), it seems to involve an intentional exercise. A practice of listening and then reporting back something like, "I've heard you say.... Am I listening accurately?"

Listening to others affirms their importance.

Suggestions for affirming others.

Dr. Mark and Nancy Pitts
A dear friend, Dr. Mark Pitts, former academic dean at NNU, currently a missionary in Uganda, on his way with his wife Nan to an administrative role at Point Loma University, gave me one of the greatest compliments I have ever received. I especially appreciated it because I didn’t feel I had done anything to deserve it.
Now, if he had said, “You are the greatest 71-year-old basketball player alive,” I could have puffed out my chest and said, "bring on all comers." I have spent a life time honing those skills. But his words of affirmation were: “ I’d like you to make a list of ‘Ray Burwick's 10 suggestions for making people feel loved and building friendships.’"

I hadn’t thought of myself as that personable, especially because one of my traits is to ask people tough questions – that sometimes makes them feel uncomfortable and put on the spot. That might be in part from my many years of counseling experience. In part, I love to help people become more free and whole from whatever has become a log chain to them. That at times involves facing painful memories, resurrected by my questioning. And because I was an only child for nine years until sister Linda was born, I tend to think of “me”, rather than think of “us.” That doesn’t tend to make people feel loved and accepted.

However I do enjoy encouraging people. And apparently that has been a good thing from Mark’s eyes. So after much thought, prayer, and asking my wife what she thought, I begin to propose RB’s 10 suggestions for making people feel loved.

I think it begins with what Dallas Willard says in his book “Revolution of the Heart” – “the four movements of love.”
The first movement being
1. Loves comes from God (1 John 4:7) God loved us first (1 John 4:10). When we receive what is thus clearly given, this in turn makes it possible for us to love.
2. We love because He first loved us. Willard states that the second movement is inseparable from the third movement.
3. Our love of others who love God. (1 John 4:12). (John 13:34-35.)
4. The first three movements of love insure that we are loved by others. “The fellowship of Christ’s apprentices is kingdom living is a community of love.

Know God, His grace, mercy and love which prompts us to return love to Him and others. In a community of Jesus followers that love is shared with us. We feel loved.

Some of us have had very little affirming love in our families of origin. Thus to spend consistent time in connecting to God, learning of His love and subsequently sharing it with others would be the first suggestion on RB’s 10 suggestions for making people feel loved.

Encouragement

Kristin Williams. Our society has taken on a very individualistic tenor. We’re missing out on the Romans 12 body life that indicates that we really do need each other and can experience real blessings from others. That was my case yesterday.Romans 12:4-5 came alive where I was experiencing some deadness.
“Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, 5 so it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other.” And the following verses speak to the unique gifts that the Holy Spirit has given us.

I’ve been fairly discouraged about the increased Parkinson’s symptoms and the increase in stuttering blockage. I had asked the Lord to empower me to get back to the normal Christian perspective: “give thanks for all things, and in all things;” and “rejoice evermore.” It seemed to be an insurmountable task. Then Theresa’s daughter (my step-daughter – though I hate to use the word “step”) sent me an email for the book “Streams in the Desert.”
What a great source of encouragement. May I share it with you? It is entitled, “Great faith must endure great trials.”

“God's greatest gifts come through great pain. Can we find anything of value in the spiritual or the natural realm that has come about without tremendous toil and tears? Has there ever been any great reform, any discovery benefitting humankind, or any soul-awakening revival, without the diligence and the shedding of blood of those whose suffering were actually the pangs of its birth? For the temple of God to be built, David had to bear intense afflictions. And for the gospel of grace to be extricated from Jewish tradition, Paul's life had to be one long agony.

Take heart, O weary, burdened one, bowed down
Beneath your cross;
Remember that your greatest gain may come
Through greatest loss.
Your life is nobler for a sacrifice,
And more divine.
Acres of blooms are crushed to make a drop
Of perfume fine.
Because of storms that lash the ocean waves,
The waters there
Keep purer than if the heavens o'erhead
Were always fair.
The brightest banner of the skies floats not
At noonday warm;
The rainbow follows after thunderclouds,
And after storm."

Thanks, Kristin Williams, for your thoughtful sensitivity.

Rafting trauma - Susan's View

Continuing John Vawter's Colorado River experience…from wife,Susan’s perspective.

The trip up Havasu Creek was a moderate hike. But, its beauty was awesome because of the turquoise colored water with many small falls and pools in which to cool our feet.

On the return down to the boats, the last leg of the hike along the Colorado was an area of tiered layers of rock slanting down to the swiftly flowing waters.

With just a little misstep of my right foot I was suddenly tumbling down the short slope and into the waters of the Colorado which were very turbulent and fast moving at that point.

My first thought was the three-part instructions that our boatmen had impressed on us, if one were to fall off the boat:

1. Hold on tight to the life vest

2. Keep your feet facing down-stream

3. Try to keep eye contact with your boat…to get direction

Immediately I tried to do those things but it occurred to me---“I don’t have a life vest on.”

My second thought was, “Oh, Lord, I need You! Help me!’

I struggled to stay on the surface as turbulent water pulled me under several times. Just as I was swept past and under our boats tied to the shore, I looked up to see a man leaping into the water toward me with a yellow flotation cushion. Craig (a boatman from one of the other boats tied there) immediately had hold of me, told me his name, asked me my name and calmly explained that we were moving down the rock walls into a more sheltered area created by an eddy until our boat came to pick us up.

Zach, my boat captain quickly joined us in the water and the two rescuers gently herded me like a lost sheep into the safe alcove of rock. They were like angels to me. I immediately felt I was going to be okay.

Craig “happened” to come back to his boat ahead of his group because of a broken flip flop. This was providential timing because Zach, our boatman, would not have been able to get to me in time to catch up to me as the water swept me downstream.

Our boats were all wedged tightly together at the mooring because of the strength of the current. The men of our group all rallied to push the boats apart to free our boat. Butch, our leader, cut the lines instead of untying them in order to get out to us quickly.

After pulling me up on the boat, Ana, a young woman who is a firefighter/paramedic immediately began assessing my condition and applying first aid to some scrapes as well as getting me into warm, dry clothes.

Our son Michael’s face was one of the first I saw on the boat and that was a huge comfort to have him there hugging me. It also made me realize how serious this was because of how stricken and emotional he was.

That evening we had a “last night” gathering around the camp fire. There were funny awards and thanks to our crew. I asked to be able to share briefly. I thanked Zach and our crew, as well as Ana the paramedic. (I could not thank Craig because he was with his group on another part of the river.) I also told of recently memorizing Psalm 23 and that in the wakeful times in the night I would recite it and mediate on the words in the psalm. I realized that the “Good Shepherd” had led me into still waters. He had taken me through the valley of the shadow of death and that His “rod” and “staff” had comforted me. I renamed “His rod and staff” Craig and Zach as they were His instruments for my care and comfort.

Looking back on the trip, it was all I had dreamed of as to the beauty of the canyon and the camaraderie of the group. Having our son Michael with me brought us even closer together. The “accident” caused us to bond in an even greater way. He was so tender and caring to me.

It seems miraculous that not only was I rescued so quickly but that my injuries are so minor…a badly bruised hand and wrist and some areas of “rock rash”—all of which will heal quickly.

Because I have been studying “heaven” lately, I was confident and ready to go be with the Lord but I did not sense that my life here was finished yet. I am looking forward to what else God has planned for me.