“Watch me papa,” two-year-old Bella Rose exclaims, as she does a dance routine, or does a summersault on the lawn, or any other activity to get our attention.
“Out of the mouth of babes,” the Lord may speak. He is using my granddaughter to remind me that all those years I sought affirmation through performance (though in more sophisticated ways than Bella) were so selfcentered - so me-oriented that it precluded loving and encouraging others as I really wanted to do. “And Ray," that quiet, loving inner voice says, "there’s a smidgen left.“
Then from my one-year-old grandson, Barron Olaf, comes the running to me with outstretched arms, not saying a word, but body language imploring “I need you to hold me.” And how self-sufficiency gets in the way of my coming consistently to Jesus in like manner. “Come unto Me and I will give you ….” Out of the mouth of babes!
Our “Grandparenting ministry” continues in Kentucky for a couple more weeks. I’m wondering if this venture is more for our (my) learning and growth than a ministry to our adult children and grandchildren.!!!"""""
Theresa gave me permission to use her daily journal entry from this morning which will show you how both of us are "under construction."
Boy, have things been rough here. The problem: I brought way more than I realized of my stinky, fleshly self!! I thought that judgmental part of me had at least diminished a bunch - nope!!! Sprang to life big time! God grabbed me by my bug-bitten cheeks yesterday and said, "Do us both a favor and ponder Proverbs 3:5 & 6." So very helpful! I paraphrased it and want to share it with you. I'll put it at the end.
It's one thing to come to "serve" - i.e., jump in and fix things. It's another to come to love unconditionally. I've been horrified at how angry and critical I've felt! And overwhelmed. One example: Three days a week Holly babysits for 2 little boys ages 1 & 2. That makes 4 kids 2 and under. Monday I went to the RV in tears, not able to tolerate their screaming for one more moment - feeling like a cowardly failure for not being able to help Holly. I understood why people drink to oblivion! Today after pondering making some internal changes, I was actually able to sit on the floor and take turns holding the 3 boys this morning.
The older girls are in Chicago with their mom's parents. I've really connected with the nine year old, Jordan. She's very much an introvert and easily gets lost in the hectic activity, especially with extroverted older and younger sisters. I've been amazed at her depth when we've taken time together. That's been a good thing.
Pray for me when you think about me. God is allowing me to see some hardness in myself that appalls me. I'd like to not take it home with me - or to the next kid's place, if we have the courage to do this again. At one point I decided I'd go home, get a job and quit relating to people! That might be a bit premature :)
This is the paraphrase I wrote:
Trust Me with all your heart, Theresa.
Your Mom heart, your wife heart, your friend heart, your retired heart, your Christ-follower heart, your introvert heart.
Don’t try to figure things out.
Yes, I gave you a triple dose of thinking strengths. And I didn’t make a mistake. Don’t try to figure out the dynamics of Ray’s family. That is not productive. Don’t try to analyze young Ray. You’re missing the big picture as you strain for the details. Think on Me. Discipline your mind to focus on me. I know all, and I have a plan. And I’m capable of letting you know your part. And if perchance I don’t have a plan, you certainly couldn’t come up with one.
Let Me be a part of everything. Invite Me into every thought. Don’t think you can step aside from Me and stew without My knowing. And certainly don’t think that you can figure anything out without My help. Even if you think you can or that you have, be assured that your thoughts aren’t in anyone’s best interest. That’s My department. Be mindful of Me every moment: when a conversation is going well, when the kids are screaming, when you feel like a failure, when life is good. Make Me a part of all of that.
I promise that I will lead you and take care of you. Anywhere you go without me won’t be good, not in the long run. No matter how harried the moment, how angry you are, how dysfunctional the relationship, how hopeless the situation, I have a way through. I’m not surprised nor am I unprepared. And I certainly am not unequipped. But you are. You need Me, Theresa Sue. Stick close. You’re in over your head.
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