Suggestions for affirming others.

Dr. Mark and Nancy Pitts
A dear friend, Dr. Mark Pitts, former academic dean at NNU, currently a missionary in Uganda, on his way with his wife Nan to an administrative role at Point Loma University, gave me one of the greatest compliments I have ever received. I especially appreciated it because I didn’t feel I had done anything to deserve it.
Now, if he had said, “You are the greatest 71-year-old basketball player alive,” I could have puffed out my chest and said, "bring on all comers." I have spent a life time honing those skills. But his words of affirmation were: “ I’d like you to make a list of ‘Ray Burwick's 10 suggestions for making people feel loved and building friendships.’"

I hadn’t thought of myself as that personable, especially because one of my traits is to ask people tough questions – that sometimes makes them feel uncomfortable and put on the spot. That might be in part from my many years of counseling experience. In part, I love to help people become more free and whole from whatever has become a log chain to them. That at times involves facing painful memories, resurrected by my questioning. And because I was an only child for nine years until sister Linda was born, I tend to think of “me”, rather than think of “us.” That doesn’t tend to make people feel loved and accepted.

However I do enjoy encouraging people. And apparently that has been a good thing from Mark’s eyes. So after much thought, prayer, and asking my wife what she thought, I begin to propose RB’s 10 suggestions for making people feel loved.

I think it begins with what Dallas Willard says in his book “Revolution of the Heart” – “the four movements of love.”
The first movement being
1. Loves comes from God (1 John 4:7) God loved us first (1 John 4:10). When we receive what is thus clearly given, this in turn makes it possible for us to love.
2. We love because He first loved us. Willard states that the second movement is inseparable from the third movement.
3. Our love of others who love God. (1 John 4:12). (John 13:34-35.)
4. The first three movements of love insure that we are loved by others. “The fellowship of Christ’s apprentices is kingdom living is a community of love.

Know God, His grace, mercy and love which prompts us to return love to Him and others. In a community of Jesus followers that love is shared with us. We feel loved.

Some of us have had very little affirming love in our families of origin. Thus to spend consistent time in connecting to God, learning of His love and subsequently sharing it with others would be the first suggestion on RB’s 10 suggestions for making people feel loved.