Goals for 2008

Pictured is my son, Ray II, as Santa with his baby Bella Rose.

Continuing our interlude in the self esteem series, I'd like to share with you the devotional I'll give to the NNU basketball team this morning.

Where are you going? Where are you headed? The Bible says, without a vision the people perish. Goal setting. Athletes know the importance of setting goals, realizing that good goals will help them live up to their potential. At this time of the year, many are doing the same thing with life in general.
Some look ahead, merely wondering what the year will bring. Some look ahead without passion or vision at all. Others look ahead with a dream and have set a strategy for achieving that dream.


What would you like to see happen in 2008? Give it serious thought and write it down in a place where you’ll see it consistently. Goals should have two components – being and doing. What do you want to see done in 2008? Who do you want to become in 2008?

I like to turn that goal into a slogan, a motto for the year. I haven’t clarified mine completely yet for this new year, but here’s what I’m thinking right now. “I want to be more selfless and serving others. Sensitive to God’s whisper. To love on and encourage others in tangible ways. Make wise financial investments.” As you can see that will take some fine tuning to make it into a succint coherent goal.



One of my previous year's slogan was “Develop a lifestyle of rejoicing, praising gratitude.” When I was going through a particular tough experience, my goal was “Wait patiently and confidently on God – my only hope being in Him.”

What goals do you have for the team? What goals do you have for the part you play on the team? Possibly you rarely get to play during the games. Can your goal be to work extra hard in practice to make those playing much better?



How about for your “being?” How do you want to become a stronger individual this year?
"Without a vision, the people perish."

Goals

Taking a break in the self esteem series: the picture captures a little glimpse of the beauty of Puerto Vallarta. What a fantastic week of relaxation and 80 degree weather for Theresa and me.

It is nearly 2008? Where are you going? Where are you headed? The Bible says, without a vision the people perish. Goal setting. (Not New Year's resolutions!)

Athletes know the importance of setting goals, realizing that good goals will help them live up to their potential. At this time of the year, many are doing the same thing with life in general.

Some look ahead, merely wondering what the year will bring. Some look ahead without passion or vision at all. Others look ahead with a dream and have set a strategy for achieving that goal.
What would you like to see happen in 2008?

I encourage you to give it serious thought and write it down in a place where you’ll see it consistently. Goals should have two components – being and doing. What do you want to see done in 2008? Who do you want to become in 2008?

I like to turn that goal into a slogan, a motto for the year. I haven’t clarified mine completely yet for this new year, but here’s what I’m thinking right now. “I want to be more selfless and serving others, sensitive to God’s whisper. To love on and encourage others in tangible ways. Make wise financial investments.” As you can see that will take some fine tuning to make it into a succint coherent goal.

One of my previous slogans was “Develop a lifestyle of rejoicing, praising gratitude.” When I was going through a particular tough experience, my goal was “Wait patiently and confidently on God – my only hope being in Him.”

How do you want to become a stronger individual this year? What do you want God to do in your life in 2008?

God-directed scrutiny - Identity 16

This is a picture taken in Puerto Vallarta. Notice the contrast in size between the "rising Christ" and the people in the lower left.

We're examining a God-directed self scrutiny in our quest for a healthier self esteem, uncovering that within that stifles our dependency on and freedom in Jesus Christ. God examines us through four different media: direct search, by His countenance, by the Word and through people.

1.) God's direct search:
JER 17:9-10 "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve."
This describes that gentle prick of conscience that we sometimes sense. God says: "no Ray, you're not loving your wife like she deserves. Cut out that selfishness. Love her like I've loved you."
God, search my heart!

2.) God's countenance:
Psalm 90:8 (Amp) "Our iniquities, our secret heart and its sins which we would so like to conceal even from ourselves, you have set in the revealing light of your countenance."
Do you set aside time most every day when you're alone with God - studying the Bible, praying, being quiet? This is so important. As we sit in his presence, His countenance enlightens our innermost being, revealing that which needs change or growth.

3.) God's Word:
2TIM 3:16-17 "All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work."
and
HEB 4:12 "For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."
Most of us spend so little time in the Word, we're not only ignorant of its teachings and principles but deaf to its probing power that excises spiritual cancer like a surgeon’s scalpel.

This ignorance of the Word reminds me of the anecdote told of the little boy who was asked to tell the story of the Good Samaritan. Here is the way he told it:
"There was a good Samaritan going down from Jerusalem to Jericho and he fell among thorns and they sprang up and choked him and left him half dead.
"And he said, 'I will arise,' and he arose and came to a tree and he got hung on the limb and he hung there for forty days and forty nights, and the ravens did feed him. Delilah, she came along with a pair of shears and cut off his hair and he fell on stony ground.
"He said,’ I will arise,' and he came to a wall and Jezebel was sitting on the wall and she mocked him and he said 'throw her down,' and they threw her down.
"He said, 'throw her down seventy times seven and great was the fall thereof and of the fragments that remained they picked up twelve baskets full. And whose wife will she be in the resurrection?"


Hopefully our knowledge of the Word is a bit more coherent than this chap's. I personally don't see how we can get along without at least 30 minutes most every day spent in concentrated Bible reading, study and prayer.
God examines us by direct search, his countenance, the Word and

4.) By people.
Hebrews 3:12-13 (Amp) "Therefore beware brethren; take care lest there be in any one of you a wicked, unbelieving heart - which refuses to cleave to, trust in and rely on Him - leading you to turn away and desert or stand aloof from the living God. But instead warn (admonish, urge and encourage) one another every day, as long as it is called Today, that none of you may be hardened into settled rebellion by the deceitfulness of sin - that is, by the fraudulence, the stratagem, the trickery which the delusive glamour of his sin may play on him."

Do you have a friend or a support group that helps you with accountability, who out of care and love can gently confront you when something is blocking your growth?
It has been said that a friend is one who won't get in your way..... unless you're headed down. Are you blessed to have a friend like that? If not, endeavor to build a relationship that calls for mutual accountability.
As we allow God's scrutiny to continue in our lives and we respond, there is less self-centered dysfunction, and a greater filling of God's character within - more joy, peace, contentment, wisdom and everything else that God says is available to us.

Revelation 3:19 (Amp) Those whom I dearly and tenderly love, I tell their faults and convict and convince and reprove and chasten, that is, I discipline and instruct them. So be enthusiastic and in earnest and burning with zeal, and repent - changing your mind and attitude.

Begin self-examination - Identity 15

Self examination doesn't begin like the picture depicts. While visiting a beautiful old church in Puerto Vallarta last week, we observed this little lady knee walking (an upright crawl) from the rear of the church toward the front altar. I admired her devotion but was saddened to think she didn't realize she had direct access to the Throne of Grace, because of the Cross.

Well, if penitence isn't the answer, how does healthy self examination begin? Look at David's intention of Psalm 26:2: Test me, O LORD, and try me, examine my heart and my mind;
Or Psalm 51:6-7 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place. Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

David is not speaking of morbid introspection. God must be allowed to examine our innermost being.
Somber self-analysis, a continual feeling of one's emotional pulse, leads to greater self-centeredness that masquerades as holy struggle to mature in Christ. Instead, it is usually a means of avoiding responsibility.

This kind of person says to him/herself, "I must spend three hours a day in prayer, making sure there is no sin in my life." However, what is really happening is that the prayer time becomes a convenient excuse for not doing house work which the person terribly detests. How could anyone chastise them for spending three hours in prayer?

Self examination is not morbid introspection but God-directed self scrutiny that has an inner - upward - outward focus, from self to God to others. An uncovering of that within that stifles our dependency on and freedom in Jesus Christ. The inner gaze reveals pride, wounds, selfishness, hurt, hate, guilt, insecurity and a host of other varmits that knaw at the underpinnings of our faith and joy in Christ - the inner focus.

Freedom results as the inner gaze shifts to the upper focus. The place of grace, forgiveness, mercy and healing. From that inner, upward examination comes an outward emphasis, loving and serving others. Allowing Christ to live His life through us to those with whom we come in contact. Also, experiencing a healthier and godly self image.

Tomorrow's post will indicate how we can allow God to examine us through four different media: direct search, by His countenance, by the Word and through people.

Darkness Dwelling - Identity 14

We've been discussing how it is easy and normal to hide from ourselves - to not face the dysfunctional within. This is destructive in many ways especially demonstrating itself negaatively with our theme of building a godly self esteem. One of the most destructive situations I've faced is the following:

EVEN DEATH
A few years ago I was counseling a teenage boy who was heavily involved in his church. He was wrestling with issues like speaking in tongues, why God wouldn't heal him of a minor ailment and other religious concerns.
I could never get him to face the volcano of rage toward his parents. I am not reporting a counseling success story. His picture appeared in the local newspaper some later - murder. He refused to look inward. A young waitress was the recipient of his rage.

SCRIPTURE’S ADVICE
To make sure I'm not just suggesting some self examination pop-psychobabble, let's look at Scripture to see what it says about penetrating the darkness within.
Leviticus 16:29-30 (LB) This is a permanent law: you must do no work on the twenty-fifth day of September, but must spend the day in self examination and humility.....for this is the day commemorating the atonement, cleansing you in the Lord's eyes from all of your sins.
This comes from the Old Testament. Let's check what the New Testament would indicate.

1 Corinthians 11:25-34 gives us the Holy Communion context. Paul here exhorts us to examine ourselves before taking communion. He says some people had not and their sin had caused sickness and even death.
Covered sin is nothing to indulge. Paul further teaches:
2 Corinthians 13:5 Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you--unless, of course, you fail the test?
Are you really a Christian? Does your life reflect Christ even at home?

I like Verner's test of a Christian in his book Fire in Coventry.
"In my church we don't give pamphlets to people nor have missions. We just send one or two Christian families to live in a village. When people see what Christians are like, they want to be Christians themselves."

I don't think Verner is criticizing church missions programs. He is suggesting that our brand of Christianity must be contagious. If it isn't - check up on yourself. Are you really a Christian? Would there be enough evidence to convict you in court?

Have a blessed day today (Christmas day) and join me in gratitude for Jesus coming, taking on the role of God-man for me - for you. Praise His name.

We're back. Had a wonderful week in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. What a beautiful place (and 80 degree weather)! Hope you're having a blessed Christmas season.

Continuing on our quest for building a godly self esteem - personified by "created in His image," we're examining that which is within that stifles a healthy growth in self esteem. Darkness. Not living in the light of God's search engine. When I think of living in darkness, I'm reminded of Edgar Allen Poe's macabre short story, "The Tell-Tale Heart."

A homicide victim is buried beneath the floor of the murderer's house. The man is so confident about the clandestine killing that when interrogated by the police, he seats himself in a chair directly over the burial location.

“In the enthusiasm of my confidence, I brought chairs into the room, and desired them here to rest from their fatigues, while I myself, in the wild audacity of my perfect triumph, placed my own seat upon the very spot beneath which reposed the corpse of the victim.

The officers were satisfied. My manner had convinced them. I was singularly at ease.
But his coolness evaporates as the conversation continues. Soon he senses a strange pounding noise in his head. The pounding seems to be coming from beneath the floor where the corpse is located. He is sure that it is the beating of the dead man's heart. He wonders why no one else notices what he is hearing.

No doubt I grew very pale; but I talked more fluently, and with a heightened voice. Yet the sound increased - and what could I do?...I talked more quickly - more vehemently; But the noise steadily increased. I arose and argued about trifles, in a high key and with violent gesticulations, but the noise steadily increased. Why would they not be gone? Oh God! what could I do? I foamed - I raved - I swore! I swung the chair upon which I had been sitting, and grated it upon the boards, but the noise arose over all and continually increased. Was it possible they heard not?

Finally with a shriek the darkness dweller confessed: "Villains!" I shrieked, "dissemble no more! I admit the deed! - tear up the planks! - here, here! it is the beating of his hideous heart!"

A severe example of a darkness dweller - a clear picture of guilt - covered sin.

King David describes the same scenario with a transparent exposure in Psalms 32:3-5 LB:
There was a time when I wouldn't admit what a sinner I was. But my dishonesty made me miserable and filled my days with frustration. All day and all night your hand was heavy on me. My strength evaporated like water on a sunny day until I finally admitted all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide them. I said to myself, I will confess them to the Lord and you forgave me. All my guilt is gone.

Sin causes misery, but notice David is saying his dishonesty about his sin made him miserable. There's a cure for sin - repentance. No cure for covered sin. Result - misery.

David's son, King Solomon added this twist to the message:
Proverbs 28:13 A man who refuses to admit his mistakes can never be successful. But if he confesses and forsakes them, he gets another chance. (LB)

Sin covered, not acknowledged, unconfessed, unrepented, not only leads to darkness and lack of joy, peace, contentment, etc, but also contributes to or causes a host of diseases.
A Gastrointestinal (stomach) doctor told me as I was writing this section, that 95% of his patients are in his care because of emotionally-caused "GI" problems.
Migraines, ulcers, depression, anxiety, and on and on, often (not always) occur from not acknowledging "garbage" within.

"Father, illumine my heart and the hearts of those reading this post, that there be no hidden garbage within distorting our "created in His image" identity."

Identity - 12 CAMOUFLAGED GARBAGE

Continuing in our topic of healthy self-examination, please allow the following example to encourage you in asking God to show you if there is any "garbage collecting" necessary for you. This is the last post for a week. We'll be out of pocket.
A very sweet, loving middle-aged Christian lady came to me for counseling. Her presenting problem was an uncontrollable compulsion to think extremely vulgar thoughts toward God.

Now, here was a person who was in church every time the door was open. She taught in a Christian school. She volunteered as a secretary part time for the pastor. The list could go on and on about her spiritual activity. She in fact desired to be a Godly woman. I was most impressed with her humility and her teachability. What a gracious, loving woman. Why would she have such vulgar thoughts toward God?

Her psychologist just told her to quit going to church and reading her Bible, that was just exacerbating the problem. She didn’t want that prescription.

Her counseling began. We endeavored to pierce through the darkness hiding her obscure inner garbage. (If she had been aware of any rubbish in her life, she would have definitely dealt with it. She was that desirous of righteous living.)

Her story began. It involved the pastor of her church. He was the type of church leader who thought he had the last word on everything. He was boss. It is possible to pick and choose verses out of the Bible to substantiate that kind of leadership model.
She was a compliant person. He would ask her to bring work clothes with her to the office periodically. After she had performed secretarial chores for an hour or so, he would ask her to change into grubbies so they could perform some janitorial tasks.
He would leave her office and go to his. She would change clothes and they'd be off to do some type of cleaning.

This went on for some time until one day "Martha" was looking for something in the pastor's office. As she was searching the storage closet, she ran across a hole in the wall. About half-inch in size. She peered through the hole and found that it gave her a panoramic view of the office in which she worked. She couldn't believe it. Her pastor watching her undress through the hole in the wall.

Being the compliant person she was, plus being indoctrinated to believe the pastor was always right, she deeply stuffed the anger. Her husband, being the same kind of person, encouraged her repressing technique of handling emotions and just suggested she not disrobe in the office anymore. They chose not to say a word to the pastor.

To suggest to her that she resented her pastor was hard for her to swallow. "A good Christian just doesn't get angry," was her premise. The pastor situation was just the surface issue. We peeled off onion layers of rejections, hurts and bitterness over the next five counseling sessions. I was amazed to see the devastating trauma through which she had lived.
Her passive husband rejected her through emotional neglect. She resented his passive placidness deeply, but had camouflaged it by calling him a man of humility and meekness.

Her childhood was horrendous. Her dad left the family of five for another woman when Martha was eight years old. Her mother became a prostitute, bringing the men home with her. Not only would she view the panorama of sexual acts but was also exposed to participation herself.
She came through this childhood ordeal without losing her sanity because of a neighbor lady who took her to church. This was her oasis - the only place where she felt loved and accepted.

Martha's vulgar thoughts toward God began lessening after the third visit. By the sixth session,(spread out over about 12 weeks) she was nearly free.
Periodically, she had a dysfunctional thought and realized that she was either not facing a current anger, or a deeper hurt was surfacing that needs a deeper level of "forgivingness."

Martha is an example of the darkness dweller that wears religious masks to avoid facing the garbage within. She was not even aware of what she was doing, but the destructiveness was devastating.

More on healthy self-examination in about a week. Have a stressless pre-Christmas!!!

Identity # 12 THE "BUTCHER KNIFE PROPHET"

Continuing on our Search for Identity, we're zeroing in on healthy self examination. One of my former clients gave me permission to use his story. He entitles it "a white robe over nasty underwear."

The Lord had seemingly given "Pete" the gift of prophecy. He would sense that God would be telling him to go to Fort Walton Beach, Florida (a trip of about 5 hours from Birmingham). He was to go to a certain pier where he would meet a man with a red baseball cap. Pete was to minister to him.

Sure enough, after the long drive, Pete would pull up to the pier and there stood a man in a red baseball cap. A conversation was initiated and it was obvious that God had sent Pete to encourage, comfort and instruct the man. This kind of experience happened frequently.

However, as Pete so graphically described, "I had concentrated on my spiritual gift and had a blind eye to my character." He was in my office because he had just taken a large hunting knife and out of a fit of rage, destroyed $3000 worth of furniture and threatened to kill his wife.

Rather than allowing his gaze at God to penetrate through his fig leaves, and reveal garbage within, Pete kept busy with religious activity ... a white robe over nasty underwear. Hurts, hates, guilt, selfishness, insecurity and other "nasties" lay submerged for years and finally exploded through the destructive blade of the butcher knife. A religious mask.

Rationalize, attack, rearrange and religious masks. Do any of these apply to you? It’s often more comfortable living in darkness but, is the payoff worth it?

A challenge we all have: we can sweep the streets and make them look clean. But until we climb down into the sewer and clean out the filth beneath the streets, we're obscuring God's production of his qualities and fruit in our lives.

Search for Identity -DARKNESS DWELLING 11

We're examing the importance of self evaluation in building a healthy and godly self image. But it isn't natural to do so. We hide from ourselves.

Adam and Eve started this darkness\denial process, covering themselves with fig leaves and hiding behind a tree. They set a pattern that we all tend to follow. We'd rather camouflage the sin within, live in darkness and not face ourselves or God.

It is more comfortable. Looking inward can be painful. Even depressing. Why bother to examine oneself if it just leads to greater awareness of selfishness, pride, resentment or unbelievable sorrow.
Yet, if that awareness shows us dysfunctional thinking or behavior, and gives us a greater thirst for God's answers, then the temporary pain of looking inward brings ultimate payoff. A quiet growth in grace and character. A cleaning out of the garbage within. A greater freedom, peace, joy, contentment, wholeness. A more healthy self perception. Praise the Lord. That is what is available to us as Christians.

But it begins with gazing at God sufficiently to see what is within ourselves that is not of God and needs change. When we begin to look inward there still is a tendency to want to escape what we’re observing about ourselves. One or more of four avenues are taken.

RATIONALIZING
My wife says to me "Ray, you're being too harsh."
If I want to stay in darkness, not facing the light of what she just said, I'll rationalize: "Hey, Theresa, I'm not as harsh as I once was." (As if that gives me three points and victory.) But I'm not facing and resolving the destructiveness of harshness at that moment. I'm choosing to stay in darkness by rationalizing. The result? No change. No growth. Probably a little more guilt.
Can you give an example of this in your life?

ATTACKING/BLAMESHIFTING
Attacking is another favorite trick to keep out of the light. "Ray, you're being too harsh," my wife says. "Well, Theresa, how about you? You're always ..." and I get off on my pet peeve about her. Blameshifting. I don't have to face me if I can place the bee on her. Can you give an example of this in your life?
Rationalizing, attacking/blameshifting and some folk rearrange rather than come out of the darkness and face the light and grow.

REARRANGE
"My husband is treating me unfairly; I'll just get a job and not have to be around him that much."
"My wife is a nag; I'll work longer hours to avoid her unpleasantness."
"I'm single. Lonely. I'll stay busy."
Rearranging, coping, rather than facing the light, looking within and making attitudinal changes necessary. It is easier to change circumstances than alter attitudes. Does this apply to you? And lastly:

WEARING RELIGIOUS MASKS
Rationalizing, attacking, rearranging and now, wearing religious masks is examined as the fourth type of darkness dweller.
Rather than facing troubling issues within, it is easier to be religious. Be in church every time the door is open. Tithe. Bible studies, witnessing classes, choir, meetings galore ... nothing wrong with these individually, but in masse, it spells avoidance. Like the Pharisees, very religious, but oblivious to the garbage within.
Which of these four best characterizes you?

THE "BUTCHER KNIFE PROPHET" will be described in the next post.

Who, Me? Healthy self examination - 10

Psalm 139: 23-24 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Search me O God – not excessive naval gazing introspection but allowing God to search us. Being open and available for His inspection. Thus, the beginning of building healthy self esteem is knowing God more deeply.

What happens when we get a clear look at God? Isaiah describes it in chapter 6. The first four verses depict the grand awesomeness of God. 6:1 In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple.2 Above him were seraphs, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying.3 And they were calling to one another: "Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory."4 At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.

“I saw the Lord,” said Isaiah. He pictures the awesome majesty of God. Then, verse 5.
Isaiah 6:5 "Woe to me!" I cried. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live
among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty."
In some fashion Isaiah saw God. He observed the awesome holiness of God. His gaze at God's holiness, revealed Isaiah's "unholiness" in contrast. "I am unclean," was his response.

Job had the same experience.
Job 42:5-6 " My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes."

Basically, both Job and Isaiah are saying "when you indeed see God, you are made aware of the lack of God in your life - your ungodliness." His purity reveals our impurity. (We won't stop there. We'll later explore the positive benefits of "seeing" God.)
"Oophda," as the Norwegians would say, "I don't know if I want to view God if the result is seeing my inadequacy, my inner garbage." So often that is the life theme we live out. We don't want to look inward.

I’m reminded of John Calvin's challenge: you can't know God if you don't know self and you can’t know yourself without knowing God. And part of knowing self is to see the garbage within that needs purging – the stuff that tears down healthy self perception.
All of us tend not to look inward. We excuse it by saying “I don’t believe in naval gazing.” However, Jeremiah 17:9 tells us: The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?

Our natural tendency is to cover the ungodliness within by living in darkness. John describes it in John 3:19-21 This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil."
Crime is more rampant in the evening hours. Darkness cloaks its activities. Men love darkness .... How would your personalize these thoughts? 1. very little self examination; 2. Too much or morbid introspection; or 2, an adequate self perception.

More on healthy self examination in Monday's post.

Search for Identity - Bonding 9

How is bonding between individuals manifested? Bonding is reflected by the way a significant other:
$ Speaks about the individual, reflecting an understanding attitude and interest about the individual.
$ Holds and touches an individual.
$ Willingly allows the individual to enter a strange environment.
$ Encourages the individual to be socially secure.
$ Encourages the individual to be self-confident.
$ Encourages the development of the individual's self concept.

$ Responds to the individual's problems:
o acceptance and coping = positive bonding
o detachment, rejection, withdrawal = negative bonding

$ Deals with the individual's problems:
o blaming, ostracizing, condemning = poor bonding
o cooperative, helpful, understanding = good bonding

What are some ways to encourage bonding?
$ Talk face to face with an individual.
$ Get on the other person's level for eye to eye contact when talking
$ Use physical touch when interacting
$ Work at meeting the "match" of the individual by encouraging him to do things for which he is ready and capable.
$ Speak in a loving, caring manner to the individual
$ Show respect for the individual
$ Interact with the individual at his level of understanding and ability
$ Listen carefully to the individual; offer empathy and understanding when he is troubled.
$ Be honest with the individual when describing or dealing with problems
$ Be supportive of the individual as he faces the harsh realities of life and becomes fearful, scared, or concerned about the future
$ Let the individual grow to be his own person by encouraging the development of independent and autonomous thinking
$ Assist the individual in becoming a good problem solver by encouraging open exploration and discussion of options and alternatives when facing problems at home, school, work, or in the community.

Origination of Healthy Self Esteem - 8

Healthy self-esteem originates in the environment found in the: family, school, peer group, work place, and community.
For healthy self-esteem, individuals need to receive nurturing from the people in their environment, to include:
$ Unconditional warmth, love, and caring
$ Acceptance for who they are;
$ Good communication; being listened to and responded to in a healthy way so that healthy problem solving is possible

$ For the environment to support the development of healthy self-esteem it must contain:
$ Recognition and acceptance of people for who they are
$ Clearly defined and enforced limits
$ Respect and latitude for individual action
$ Established freedom within the structure
$ Bonding

What is bonding? Bonding is...
$ Forming a mutual emotional attachment between an individual and a "significant other" (parent, child, friend, lover).
$ The significant other giving unconditional love to the individual.
$ Developing an emotional link between the individual and the significant other.
$ Developing a sense of security for the individual.
$ Establishing an emotional intimacy and sense of closeness between the individual and the significant other.
$ Helping the individual feel a healthy sense of identity.
$ Transmitting links between the individual and the significant other through which nonverbal communication and understanding takes place.
$ Providing the individual with a sense of belonging or being connected.
$ Bringing the individual into the larger network of caring and love present in the extended environment.
$ Concern and love of the individual by the significant other, exhibited in all aspects of the individual's life.

Mone on bonding tomorrow.

Search for Identity - an assessment - 7

Self-Esteem Assessments are fallible, however they can give us a fairly good picture of how we perceive ourselves. Have some fun with this one.

Respond with: Strongly agree; slightly agree; or disagree
1. When faced with a difficult task, I either do not try at all or give up easily. _____
2. People unjustly walk all over me. _____
3. I am careful never to depend on others. _____
4. I often find myself clinging to another person. _____
5. I rarely discuss my deepest thoughts with anyone. _____

6. I constantly seek companionship. _____
7. I seek to be alone rather than participate socially. _____
8. I tend to put myself down and exaggerate the importance of others. _____
9. I am shy and feel nervous when with others. _____
10. It makes me angry when people compare me to others who are doing better than myself. _____

11. I usually blame others for my problems. _____
12. I fear rejection and will do most anything to obtain approval. _____
13. I dwell on the unfavorable remarks and criticisms made by others. _____
14. I try to attract attention by any method that seems likely to succeed._____
15. I try to goven others. _____

16. I often try to get even with people who wrong me. _____
17. I feel satisfaction from ill news about another, even a public figure whom I do not know. _____
18. I need a sense of accomplishment at all times. _____
19. I play second fiddle too much, always a follower and never a leader, even permitting myself to be led against my will and better judgment. _____
20. I can’t accept praise without some embarrassment._____

21. I’m easily jealous. _____
22. I often boast about myself. _____
23. I am a very competitive person and must always win. I’ll even take advantage of others to win. _____
24. I find it difficult to make decisions. _____
25. I am often loud and boisterous. _____

26. I fear being different. _____
27. If I fail to get recognition, I pout._____
28. I am a perfectionist and often see myself as more capable than others. _____
29. I’m very selfish. ____
30. I don’t compliment others. _____

31. I enjoy correcting the mistakes of others._____
32. I have a difficult time making and keeping friends.
33. I often compare myself with others._____
34. I often fail. _____
35. Laziness, procrastination and lack of self-discipline are problems for me. _____

This assessment is designed to create a greater self awareness.No score is pass or fail. It would be helpful to have a close friend score you on this test also.

THREE Faces of Low Self-Esteem - 6

Continuing our series on self esteem:

Most of us have an image of what low self-esteem looks like, but it is not always so easy to recognize. Here are three common faces that low self-esteem may wear:

The Impostor: acts happy and successful, but is really terrified of failure. Lives with the constant fear that she or he will be "found out." Needs continuous successes to maintain the mask of positive self-esteem, which may lead to problems with perfectionism, procrastination, competition, and burn-out.

The Rebel: acts like the opinions or good will of others - especially people who are important or powerful - don't matter. Lives with constant anger about not feeling "good enough." Continuously needs to prove that others' judgments and criticisms don't hurt, which may lead to problems like blaming others excessively, breaking rules or laws, or fighting authority.

The Loser: acts helpless and unable to cope with the world and waits for someone to come to the rescue. Uses self-pity or indifference as a shield against fear of taking responsibility for changing his or her life. Looks constantly to others for guidance, which can lead to such problems as lacking assertiveness skills, under-achievement, and excessive reliance on others in relationships.

Do you relate to any of the three? Hang in there with me. We'll explore in the next several weeks the process of "being transformed by the renewing of the mind."

Search for Identity - 5

Yesterday, we viewed signs of a healthy and positive self esteem. Today we look at persons with low self-esteem:
Consider themselves lost, unworthy of being cared for.
Are poor risk takers.
Operate out of a fear of rejection.
Are typically unassertive in their behavior with others.
Are fearful of conflict with others.
Are hungry for the approval of others.
Are poor problem solvers.
Are fraught with irrational beliefs and have a tendency to think irrationally.
Are susceptible to all kinds of fears.
Have a tendency to become emotionally stuck and immobilized.
Have a poor "track record" in school or on the job; conversely, they sometimes over compensate and become over-achievers.
Are unable to affirm or to reinforce themselves positively.
Are unable to make an honest assessment of their strengths, qualities, and good points; they find it difficult to accept compliments or recognition from others.
Have poorly defined self-identities with a tendency to be chameleons in order to fit in with others.
Are insecure, anxious, and nervous when they are with others.
Often become overcome with anger about their status in life and are likely to have chronic hostility or chronic depression.
Are easily overcome with despair and depression when they experience a setback or loss in their lives.
Have a tendency to overreact and become de-energized by resentment, anger, and the desire for revenge against those whom they believe have not fully accepted them.
Fulfill roles in their families of origin that are counter-productive and maladaptive. These roles carry over into their adult lives.
Are vulnerable to mental health problems and have a propensity to use addictive behavior to medicate their hurt and pain. Such addictive behavior can include alcohol, drugs, food, gambling, sex, shopping, smoking, workaholism, or the search for excitement, truth, wisdom, and a guru with an easy guide to the achievement of happiness.

Sometimes a close friend can help you evaluate yourself more realistically.

Search for Identity - 4

What does a person with a healthy self esteem look like?

People with a healthy self-esteem:
$ Hold themselves as worthy to be loved and to love others, worthy to be cared for and to care for others, worthy to be nurtured and to nurture others, worthy to be touched and supported and to touch and support others, worthy to be listened to and to listen to others, worthy to be recognized and to recognize others, worthy to be encouraged and to encourage others, worthy to be reinforced as "good" people and to recognize others as "good" people.

$ Have a productive personality; they have achieved success to the best of their ability in school, work, and society.

$ Are capable of being creative, imaginative problem solvers; of being risk takers, optimistic in their approach to life and in the attainment of their personal goals.

$ Are leaders and are skillful in dealing with people. They are neither too independent nor too dependent on others. They have the ability to size up a relationship and adjust to the demands of the interaction.

$ Have a healthy self-concept. Their perception of themselves is in synchrony with the picture of themselves they project to others.

$ Are able to state clearly who they are, what their future potential is, and to what they are committed in life. They are able to declare what they deserve to receive in their lifetime.

$ Are able to accept the responsibility for and consequences of their actions. They do not resort to shifting the blame or using others as scapegoats for actions that have resulted in a negative outcome.

$ Are altruistic. They have a legitimate concern for the welfare of others. They are not self-centered or egotistical in their outlook on life. They do not take on the responsibility for others in an over-responsible way. They help others accept the responsibility for their own actions. They are, however, always ready to help anyone who legitimately needs assistance or guidance.

$ Have healthy coping skills. They are able to handle the stresses in their lives in a productive way. They are able to put the problems, concerns, issues, and conflicts that come their way into perspective. They are able to keep their lives in perspective without becoming too idealistic or too morose. They are survivors in the healthiest sense of the word. They have a good sense of humor and are able to keep a balance of work and fun in their lives.

$ Look to the future with excitement, a sense of adventure and optimism. They recognize their potential for success and visualize their success in the future. They have dreams, aspirations, and hopes for the future.

$ They are goal-oriented with a sense of balance in working toward their goals. They know from where they have come, where they are now, and where they are going.

Serch for Identity - 3

We’re looking at the topic of healthy self esteem. Some would say “self esteem” is not in the Bible so don't spend any time on the topic.

The words aren’t but the concept is. “Made in God’s image.” That is one example. Another: satan tempted Christ three times after his 40-day fast. Two of those times he said to Christ, “If you are the son of God,” questioning Christ’s identity.

Today we grapple with a conundrum:
Good self confidence and self esteem comes from a decreased focus on the self (less self consciousness), and most self -help approaches increase that focus. They literally lock you in Self Help Hell. The harder you try to improve your confidence, the worse you feel.

We’ll endeavor to walk that fine line throughout these posts, better understanding self yet plumbing the depths of knowing who we are from God’s perspective. Seeing more deeply the “Created in God’s image” and how that relates to caring about other people.
Hang with me the next few weeks as we explore one of the four most important aspects of successful living.
1. A heart and life committed to following Jesus.
2. Appropriately handling issues of anger.
3. Building healthy self esteem; and
4. Growing in self discipline.

Search for Identity - part 2

What Does Your "internal Voice" Say To You?

Our past experiences, even the things we don't usually think about, are all alive and active in our daily life in the form of an Internal Voice. Although most people do not "hear" this voice in the same way they would a spoken one, in many ways it acts in a similar way, constantly repeating those original messages to us dating all the way back to early childhood – some say even into the womb.

For people with healthy self-esteem the messages of the inner voice are positive and reassuring. For people with low self-esteem, the inner voice becomes a harsh inner critic, constantly criticizing, punishing, and belittling their accomplishments – either seeking for recognition or approval or possibly seeking for seclution, life is too painful.

Let’s examine this more closely.. How do we think positively of ourselves when other people keep telling us that we are "selfish," "stupid," or "dysfunctional"? Exposure to frequent negative labeling or name-calling from parents or peers can help cause us to internalize those messages, creating our negative “inner voice.”

Possibly your mother was very controlling and dominating. The subtle voice that came through was, “Son, you’re not capable enough to handle life, I’ve got to control and dominate to take care of you.. The resulting inner voice is, “I’m not good enough,” often producing a passive child – “others will do for me.” Or, the other extreme, the aggressive type A, out to prove to the world that he is capable.

Possibly your dad was concerned about "being the best," making a lot of money, and "having the best." You inner dad voice is intolerant of failure and accustomed to hearing the words "stupid" or "idiot" whenever you didn't do something perfectly. Possibly you’ve been labeled "lazy," "bad," or "selfish." How loudly does your inner voice speak to you? How does it conflict with what God says about you and what your real self knows about you?

The inner voice can be so subtle. I’ve just finished a round of speech therapy. The disintegration of my Parkinson’s Disease and subsequent medication really kicked the life long pattern of stuttering into high gear. Pride had to be swallowed and I sought help. In my journaling as part of the therapy, I came in contact with an inner voice I hadn’t “heard” before. “If you stutter, people will see you as a blemished product. Don’t stutter.” So I fought (fight) it, causing more stress which exacerbated the stuttering.

Susan is a good example of what we’re discussing. She had been sent to my counseling office by her doctor. Sitting there in her drab blue hospital garb, fidgety,wild-eyed and heavily sedated, she said, “Three years of mediction hasn’t helped my problem.” She elaborated on the struggle she had just to live mostly because of an abusive father. Counseling revealed a very accusing inner voice.

Once she understood that self-expectations (and guilt) were coming from her internalized father and she could clearly verbalize them, then she could examine them from the point-of-view of her higher, more functional beliefs. One unrealistic expectation was, "I should never make a mistake. If I do, I should be severely--even eternally--punished for it." Another was "All addicts are bad people--permanently! They can't overcome this moral wrong."

Thoughts like "I am a bad person, because I am an addict" came from those dysfunctional beliefs. Once she was aware of these beliefs, she could accept or reject them based on how well they fit her newer, higher beliefs. For example, she could respond to these old messages by saying, "All people have great value--even addicts. I am not a bad person or a loser. I love myself unconditionally and am loved unconditionally--no matter what my past is. Even though I am not proud of all I did, I did not waste that time; I learned from it and could not be the person I am today without that experience. I will try to use that knowledge for my own and others' benefit."

That self-talk was the only thing that had ever worked to help her get lasting control of her guilt. (She was not a Christian, so tapping into God’s resource was not an option.)

Would it be helpful to do some healthy introspection to see if there is an inner voice triggering dysfunctional living for you?

Search for Identity - Introduction

I'm having a blast sharing with the men at Nampa Lighthouse Mission regarding the development of self esteem. I'm hoping to capture the essence in the next number of posts.

What comes to your mind when I say the words “self esteem” or “self worth”?

How you think and feel about yourself, how you value yourself - good or bad, weak or strong – is self esteem. It is your observation of how you are doing in the world.

Self-esteem is often fickle, going up or down depending upon what is happening to you. Do well in a performance and you feel great, but if you do poorly you feel terrible. To many, self-esteem is a variable, fluctuating with the circumstances. The poorer the self image, the greater the fluctuations..

Where does self esteem begin?
One’s picture of himself develops during childhood. Feelings of inferiority or superiority are increased by attitudes of parents, close relatives and by friends. Our image of ourselves is basically determined by relationships with other people. What we think others are thinking of us determines what we think of ourselves.

Along with this, if a child is reared in a cold and hostile family atmosophere, he is likely to grow up believing he is not worth caring about.

Poor Self-Esteem Compared with Healthy Self-Esteem

People with poor self-esteem often rely on how they are doing in the present to determine how they feel about themselves. They need positive external experiences to counteract the negative feelings and thoughts that constantly plague them. Even then, the good feeling (from a good performance) can be temporary.

Healthy self-esteem is based on our ability to assess ourselves accurately (know ourselves) and still be able to accept and to value ourselves unconditionally. This means being able to realistically acknowledge our strengths and limitations and at the same time accepting ourselves as worthy and worthwhile without conditions or reservations.

Next post: the internal voice

Theresa and I are in Denver visiting her son and his family for the week. It is 82 degrees here today. Supposed to have snow and 28 degrees tomorrow. Will post again Monday after thanksgiving. I'm grateful for the readers of the blog and hope that your thanksgiving is a very special time. God is God and God is good - all the time - even through loss, which in His economy evolves into gain. Praise the Lord.

3 Stages of Spiritual Growth

Spiritual growth usually involves three stages. Can you identify yourself?

First, there is the conception period. This is the development stage of our lives. It may involve years of normal work experiences. Moses spent years in the court of Pharaoh and 40 years tending flocks in the desert. Jesus spent 30 years living at home and working in His father's carpentry business. However, all these years were part of their preparation.

Next is the crisis stage. Sooner or later, God calls you into a deepening relationship with Him. For many, like Paul, it comes through dramatic encounters like being knocked off a horse, blinded and spoken to personally by God. Some people are more difficult than others to reach and so require this level of crisis. This is a time when God requires major changes so that you follow Him fully. It can be a time in which God harnesses years of experience for a new life purpose.

Paul's earthly experiences would be used in his calling to the religious and political leaders of his day. For Moses, the burning bush experience would begin his journey in which he would discover his ultimate calling after years of preparation. For Peter, it was his denial of Jesus three times that allowed him to face his shallow commitment to Christ. For Jesus, it was the cross. These were the benchmark turning points for men who made an impact on their world.

Last is the fruit-bearing stage. In it, God's power is manifested in your life like never before. God takes all your experiences and uses them to build His Kingdom in and through your life. Your obedience to this final call results in fruitfulness you could never imagine without the long preparation process.For Abraham, it resulted in becoming the father of many nations.

For Paul, it resulted in bringing the gospel to the Gentiles. And for Peter, it meant becoming a foundational leader for the early Christian Church. For Jesus, it was salvation for the entire world.Where do you see yourself? Recall with me Ephesians 3:20: Glory be to God who by His mighty power at work within you is able to do far more than what you can think or dream of…

adapted from Os Hillman

The Power of Influence.

Just a quick bite of some food for thought this morning.

As I move from foolishness to wisdom I recognize the implications of my decisions on the quality of life of those around me.

The choices I make directly affect the conditions of others. My pursuit of personal pleasure may result in the suffering and pain of others.

Evil is consumptive in nature. When evil eats, others are starved. Source unknown

God Speaks - Am I listening

God speaks in many different ways to His children. The most common way God speaks is through His Word, the Bible. However He has used unusual situations. He spoke through a burning bush to Moses. Through a donkey to Balaam.

Through the Word, through other believers, through promptings of the Holy Spirit, and He speaks to us through circumstances.

The hand of the Lord was upon me there, and He said to me, "Get up and go out to the plain, and there I will speak to you." - Ezekiel 3:22

When God wants to speak a very important word directly to us without interruption from the noise of our busy lives, he will take us "into the plain." The plain is a place of no distractions and no other persons. It is a place of silence. It can be a place of great need as it often fails to have the normal provisions we are accustomed to. It can be a place we go to voluntarily to seek His face, or we can be moved there without choice by His supernatural ability. More often, it is the latter method that brings us into the plain.

In modern times, it often means a separation from our normal activities such as jobs or families.The plain can also be a place where we discover afresh that God's hand has been on us all the time. When we are so busy with life, we sometimes forget that God's hand is still there, gently leading our path. When our lives get so busy that we are not listening or responding to His gentle touch, He must take more aggressive measures to get our attention.

Thus, the plain is one of those appointed times of one-on-one communication with our heavenly Father. No distractions, no people, no beautiful surroundings to capture our thoughts. It is a barren place designed to allow us to seek and hear clearly. When He speaks, we need to be able to listen. We hear much better in the plain.
adapted from Os Hillman

Wisdom: a Value of Pain

Charles Swindoll writes: I had lunch recently with a businessman who runs his own company. As we talked, the subject of wisdom kept popping up in our conversation. So I asked, “How does a person get wisdom? I realize we are to be men of wisdom, but few people ever talk about how it is acquired.”

His answer was quick and to the point: “Pain.”

I paused and looked deeply into his eyes. Without knowing the specifics, I knew his one-word answer was not theoretical. He and pain had gotten to know each other rather well.

It was then I quoted from the first chapter of James: “When all kinds of trials and temptations crowd into your lives, my brothers, don’t resent them as intruders, but welcome them as friends! Realize that they come to test your faith and to produce in you the quality of endurance. But let the process go on until that endurance is fully developed, and you will find you have become men of mature character, men of integrity with no weak spots” (James 1:2-4,Phillips).

There is no shortcut, no such thing as instant endurance. The pain brought on by interruptions and disappointments, by loss and failure, by accidents and disease, is the long and arduous road to maturity. There is no other road.

But where does wisdom come in? James explains in the next verse: “And if, in the process, any of you does not know how to meet any particular problem he has only to ask God—who gives generously to all men without making them feel guilty—and he may be quite sure that the necessary wisdom will be given him” (1:5).

As I see it, it is a domino effect. One thing bumps up against another, which, in turn, bumps another, and in the long haul, endurance helps us mature. Periodically, however, we will find ourselves at a loss to know what to do or how to respond. It’s then we ask for help, and God delivers more than intelligence and ideas and good old common sense. He dips into His well of wisdom and allows us to drink from His bucket, whose refreshment provides abilities and insights that are of another world. Perhaps it might best be stated as having a small portion of “the mind of Christ.”

When we have responded as we should to life’s blows, enduring them rather than escaping them, we are given more maturity that stays with us and new measures of wisdom, which we are able to draw upon for the balance of our lives. By accepting life’s tests and temptations as friends, we become men and women of mature character.

Franciscan Prayer

May God bless you with discomfort
at easy answers, half-truths and superficial relationships
so that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger
at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people
so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless you with tears
to shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger and war,
so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness
to believe that you can make a difference in the world,
so that you can do what others claim cannot be done to bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor. Amen

Taken from Philip Yancy's book, “Prayer – does it make a difference.”

All Things Work for Good, part 2

I just had to show you a pic of my newest grandchild, Ray's daughter, Bella Rose.

"We know that in everything God works for good with those who love him, who are called according to his purpose."

This means basically that God is so supremely in charge of the world that all the things that happen to Christians are ordered in such a way that they serve our good. Tribulation and distress and persecution and famine and nakedness and peril and sword all work together for the good of those who love God.

So the rugged hope of the believer is not that we will escape distress or peril or hunger or slaughter, but that Almighty God will make every one of our agonies an instrument of his mercy to do us good. "You meant it for evil," Joseph said to his brothers who had sold him into slavery, "but God meant it for good." And so it is with every calamity of those who love God. God meant it for good!

The infinitely wise, infinitely powerful God pledges to make everything beneficial to his people! Not just nice things, but horrible things. If you live inside this massive promise, your life is as solid as the rock of Gibraltar. Nothing can blow you over inside the walls of Romans 8:28. Once you walk through the door of love into the massive, unshakable structure of Romans 8:28 everything changes. There comes into your life stability and depth and freedom.

You simply can't be blown over any more. The confidence that a sovereign God governs for your good all the pain and all the pleasure that you will ever experience is an absolutely incomparable refuge and security and hope and power in your life. No promise in all the world surpasses the height and breadth and weight of Romans 8:28.
source unknown

All things work together for good...

Paul teaches that when the gospel is preached, God calls some so powerfully that their hearts and minds are changed about Jesus Christ and they embrace him in faith and love.

The call of God that Paul has in mind is not like the call of a pet: "Here Blackie. Here Blackie. Come on girl." Blackie may or may not come. The call of God is like the call of Jesus to the corpse of Lazarus: "Lazarus, come forth!" The call contains the power to produce what it commands. It is an effectual call. Theologians call lit “prevenient grace – God reaching out to us, to draw us into intimacy with Him.

Therefore when Romans 8:28 says, "All things work together to good for those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose," it means that the beneficiaries of this massive promise are those who once did not love God but now do love God because God himself has called them effectually from darkness to light, from unbelief to faith, from death to life, and has planted within them a love to himself.

The reason that the beneficiaries of Romans 8:28 can have such certainty that God will indeed fulfill this promise for them is that God himself has effectually called them into his covenant and caused them to qualify for it. It is one thing if God sends out a mass mailing addressed "to whom it may concern" inviting all to the banquet where all things work together for good. But it is quite another if God himself drives up to your front door, walks in, picks you up, puts you in the car, drives you to the banquet of Romans 8:28, gives you the banquet garment of love, and then seats you at the right hand of his Son. Would not his own personal initiative in the second case give you a deeper confidence that God does indeed intend to pursue you with mercy all your days and work everything together for your good?

We deny ourselves such deep and wonderful assurances when we do not embrace the doctrine of God's sovereign, effectual call. There is such strength that comes into the walk of a Christian when he knows how it is that he came to be a beneficiary of this incomparable promise. Our confidence that all the hard and happy things in our life will in fact become the servants of our good is based not merely the fact that there is a promise in the Bible, but also on the fact that from all eternity God in his great mercy has chosen us to enjoy his banquet and has given us evidence of our election by calling into being (out of stone!) a heart that loves God—has he not?!
Adapted from John Piper

God's Unfailing Love

I’d like to pique your interest in a little Bible study this morning. How different the world would be if we all understood God's unfailing love.

God’s “unfailing love,” is mentioned 32 times in the NIV Bible.
Webster’s definition: “unfailing:” inexhaustible, constant, unflagging, infallible (incapable of failing).

“Love:” an intense affectionate concern for another; a beloved person.
Hebrew dictionary on “love:” chashaq (khawshak): to cling, join, to love, delight in.
King James Version translates unfailing love, mercy.
Hebrew dictionary on “mercy:” checed (kheh-sed) kindness, rarely reproof, favor,
loving kindness, good deed.

God’s love: forgiving, unconditional, merciful, gracious, aspiring, hopeful; does not fail, is not intermittent and conditional. “Matthew 7:11 tells us, “You earthly fathers being evil love to give good gifts to your children, how much more your Heavenly Father wants to give to you.”
How much less stress we would have if we really plumbed the depth of God’s love for us.

What is my part in God’s unfailing love?
1. Receive it as a child of God (one who walks in faith with Him)
¯ Clear conscience 1 John 3:21-22 Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him.
¯ Obedient (1 John 3:21-22)
¯ Open to receive
¯ Daily renewing the mind with His “unfailing love” words. Romans 12: 2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…

2. abandon self sufficiency
¯ self sufficiency’s focus is doing, accomplishing; ears are not tuned to hearing and observing God’s unfailing love, Zech 4:6 Not by might nor by power but by My Spirit says the Lord.
¯ John 15:5 “…without Me you can do nothing”

3. trust

** Time with Him to build relationship
1. Scripture: Meditate on, study, memorize. 2 Tim.3:16-17 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.
2. prayer
3. journaling (Psalmist writing)
4. Replicate: Comply with the Great commandment, Mark 12:30-31 love God, others and self
5. Clean out past emotional baggage that would contaminate receiving His unfailing love; i.e. an unforgiving spirit. Matt.6:12,15 Forgive our debts as we also have forgiven our debtors…but if you don’t forgive men their sins your Father will not forgive your sins.
6. Obedience in conjunction with love: John 15: 9-14 "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command.

7. Evidence of His unfailing love
His presence
His availability
His patience with us

Dear fellow traveler, how are you doing experiencing God’s love?

Decision making

How are you at waiting? How do you determine what is the right road to travel? Several factors go into making a decision in a godly fashion.

Three come to mind.

First, information gathering, to determine the realities of a given situation. The positive and the negative.

Second, is the Holy Spirit guiding you in your decision? Proverbs 3:5-6 indicates that as we seek God’s wisdom, He will guide our steps. So, through prayer determine that your decision is going to be Holy Spirit lead.

Third, through gathering facts and prayer a decision is tentatively made “God, I’m going this particular route. If this is not of you, close the door as I seek confirmation."

Fourth, Proverbs says that a wise man seeks counsel. Share your decision making process with a knowlegable person you trust. Does this person confirm your decision?

God has placed others around us to be used as instruments in our lives to confirm decisions and keep us from the deceit of our own heart. "Every matter must be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses" (2 Cor. 13:1b).

It has been said, "Write your plans in pencil and give God the eraser."

Male significance needs

"When a man knows how to do something," Pablo Picasso told a friend, "he ceases being a man when he stops doing it." The result was a driven man.

Picasso's gift, once idolized, held him in thrall. Every empty canvas was an affront to his creativity. Like an addict, he made work his source of satisfaction only to find himself dissatisfied. "I have only one thought: work," Picasso said toward the end of his life, when neither his family nor his friends could help him relax. [Os Guiness, The Call (Nashville, Tennessee: Word Publishing, 1998), 242.]

What happens when you lose your job? Do you lose your calling? Do you lose your identity? Do you lose your sense of well-being?

Yes, I did. Much of my life there has been a little boy inside shouting to the world, "Notice me. Approve of me. Tell me I'm okay." Trophies and awards were very important to me. I wanted to be "firstest, bestest, quickest."

Men, in general, have as a basic need, the need for significance. Accomplishment satisfies this need unless childhood rejection or disapproval produced a greater need than normal. Then, like Picasso, work becomes a neurotic drive success - that is never quite satisfied. Gotta be more. Gotta do more.

For three years after a forced retirement, this ol' boy was one hurting pup. But God used it to purge and heal significant issues within me that has led to a current joy and contentment with just "being." Though I must admit, the hobby of creating barnwood projects, is a real blessing. There is still a little "fire in the belly."

Men! Achieve. Accomplish. But learn (before I did) that relationships are more important than acomplishment.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not onto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." Praise the Lord!

Judge Not

I was shocked, confused, bewildered as I entered Heaven's door,

Not by the beauty of it all,nor the lights or its decor.

But it was the folks in Heavenwho made me sputter and gasp--the thieves, the liars, the sinners,the alcoholics and the trash.

There stood the kid from seventh gradewho swiped my lunch money twice. Next to him was my old neighbor who never said anything nice.

Herb, who I always thoughtwas rotting away in hell,was sitting pretty on cloud nine,looking incredibly well.

I nudged Jesus, "What's the deal?I would love to hear Your take.

How'd all these sinners get up here?God must've made a mistake."

And why's everyone so quiet,so somber - give me a clue.""Hush, child," He said, "they're all in shock. No one thought they'd be seeing you."

JUDGE NOT (anonymous)