Identity - 12 CAMOUFLAGED GARBAGE

Continuing in our topic of healthy self-examination, please allow the following example to encourage you in asking God to show you if there is any "garbage collecting" necessary for you. This is the last post for a week. We'll be out of pocket.
A very sweet, loving middle-aged Christian lady came to me for counseling. Her presenting problem was an uncontrollable compulsion to think extremely vulgar thoughts toward God.

Now, here was a person who was in church every time the door was open. She taught in a Christian school. She volunteered as a secretary part time for the pastor. The list could go on and on about her spiritual activity. She in fact desired to be a Godly woman. I was most impressed with her humility and her teachability. What a gracious, loving woman. Why would she have such vulgar thoughts toward God?

Her psychologist just told her to quit going to church and reading her Bible, that was just exacerbating the problem. She didn’t want that prescription.

Her counseling began. We endeavored to pierce through the darkness hiding her obscure inner garbage. (If she had been aware of any rubbish in her life, she would have definitely dealt with it. She was that desirous of righteous living.)

Her story began. It involved the pastor of her church. He was the type of church leader who thought he had the last word on everything. He was boss. It is possible to pick and choose verses out of the Bible to substantiate that kind of leadership model.
She was a compliant person. He would ask her to bring work clothes with her to the office periodically. After she had performed secretarial chores for an hour or so, he would ask her to change into grubbies so they could perform some janitorial tasks.
He would leave her office and go to his. She would change clothes and they'd be off to do some type of cleaning.

This went on for some time until one day "Martha" was looking for something in the pastor's office. As she was searching the storage closet, she ran across a hole in the wall. About half-inch in size. She peered through the hole and found that it gave her a panoramic view of the office in which she worked. She couldn't believe it. Her pastor watching her undress through the hole in the wall.

Being the compliant person she was, plus being indoctrinated to believe the pastor was always right, she deeply stuffed the anger. Her husband, being the same kind of person, encouraged her repressing technique of handling emotions and just suggested she not disrobe in the office anymore. They chose not to say a word to the pastor.

To suggest to her that she resented her pastor was hard for her to swallow. "A good Christian just doesn't get angry," was her premise. The pastor situation was just the surface issue. We peeled off onion layers of rejections, hurts and bitterness over the next five counseling sessions. I was amazed to see the devastating trauma through which she had lived.
Her passive husband rejected her through emotional neglect. She resented his passive placidness deeply, but had camouflaged it by calling him a man of humility and meekness.

Her childhood was horrendous. Her dad left the family of five for another woman when Martha was eight years old. Her mother became a prostitute, bringing the men home with her. Not only would she view the panorama of sexual acts but was also exposed to participation herself.
She came through this childhood ordeal without losing her sanity because of a neighbor lady who took her to church. This was her oasis - the only place where she felt loved and accepted.

Martha's vulgar thoughts toward God began lessening after the third visit. By the sixth session,(spread out over about 12 weeks) she was nearly free.
Periodically, she had a dysfunctional thought and realized that she was either not facing a current anger, or a deeper hurt was surfacing that needs a deeper level of "forgivingness."

Martha is an example of the darkness dweller that wears religious masks to avoid facing the garbage within. She was not even aware of what she was doing, but the destructiveness was devastating.

More on healthy self-examination in about a week. Have a stressless pre-Christmas!!!