Aging, the Power of the Mind

You’re as old as you think you are! Scripture tells us that, “as a man thinks in his heart, so is he.” Yale psychologist Becca Levy, PhD, an expert in stereotypes related to aging, indicates that her research supports this power of the mind. Hearing and memory loss are two examples. She reported the following to “Bottom Line Health” magazine.

In a study at Yale regarding measurement of hearing, more than 500 adults age 70 and older were asked what five words or phrases first came to mind when they thought of an old person. Three years later, the people who associated aging with stereotypes like “feeble” and “senile” had suffered significantly more hearing loss than those who had answered positive words like “wise” and “active.” In other studies, negative thoughts or beliefs about aging were linked to poorer memory as the years passed.

In another study, 62 heart attack patients, ages 50 to 96, were interviewed about their stereotype of aging within two weeks after their heart attacks. Seven months later, patients who expressed more positive stereotypes had experienced better physical recovery, as measured by tests involving balance and timed walking, than those who expressed more negative stereotypes.

I love the Bible. It provides for us patterns for successful living (and dying.) Philippians 4: 8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.

Our thinking patterns affect our bodies. Our aging.

Excuse me. What did you say? I forgot.

Backrubs to healing

We were lying in bed and my wife said, “My back sure hurts.” I said, “I’m sorry,” turned over and went to sleep. The next morning during my quiet time, the Holy Spirit gently said to me, “Why didn’t you rub her back?”

I saw my insensitivity and selfishness, repented and later asked her to forgive me. Her response instead of, “Yes, I forgive you” was “you have a thing about back rubs, don’t you.” I shared this with my Band of Brothers group and asked for accountability for the following week.

That night I gave her a nice long backrub. I finished and her response was “could you tickle it a bit more?”
Bingo! I pulled back quickly, my body language showing disgust. A pocket of pus was pricked! “It was never enough. I was not good enough.” That reactive mindset probably began with a perfectionist mother to whom I was never good enough. The message carried over to my next female relationship who was a “willing to receive, not willing to give” person. And my wife had a similar habit regarding backrubs. No matter how long I would rub her back the performance wasn’t quite enough. “Do this side a little more.”
The overall life-message I have received and unknowingly nurtured was, “Bill, you are never quite good enough”…no matter the activity.

Now, to handle this right I must forgive those significant people in my life that inadvertently passed down that message to me. I must obviously face my selfishness and repent – turn the other direction, focusing on giving. I need to remind myself that I’m not perfect. I won’t do everything perfect to please others and that is ok. Pleasing God is my desire and He already approves of me so I don’t need to perform for him. But because of His love for me and out of gratitude to Him I desire to relate to Him and serve Him.
“So even if I’m not good enough for people, that’s ok. I die to the expectation of meeting everyone’s approval. Love and give through me, Father. May that be my focus.”
Therefore:
Forgive
Be sensitive to giving unconditionally
Die to the expectation of being ‘good enough”
Receive my position in Christ as God’s child – cared for and protected by Him. Daily renew my mind with that reality.

The temporary loss in my marital harmony produced the environment for me to see where deeper emotional healing was needed. Subsequent growth was attained. PERSONAL EMOTIONAL GAIN CAME THROUGH TEMPORARY LOSS OF MARITAL HARMONY.
(anonymous)

Power of the Tongue

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. Proverbs 18:21
Words have the power to motivate or destroy, energize or deflate, inspire or create despair. Many successful executives can remember the time their father failed to give affirmation to them as a child. The result was either overachievement to prove their worth, or underachievement to prove he was right.

Many a wife has lost her ability to love because of a critical husband. Many a husband has left a marriage because of words of disrespect and ungratefulness. Stories abound regarding the power of words. There are just as many stories of those who have been encouraged, challenged, and comforted with words that made a difference in their lives.

Jesus knew the power of words. He used parables to convey His principles of the Kingdom of God. He used words of forgiveness and mercy. He used words to challenge. He used words to inspire His disciples to miraculous faith.

Do your words give life? Do they inspire and challenge others to greatness? Who does God want you to encourage through your words today? Affirm someone close to you today. (Source unknown.)

Life out of Death.

Gain from loss. Sometimes hard to comprehend. Even more mysterious: life out of death.

How does a Christian grapple with Galatians 2:20: I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

I don’t act dead. Don’t look dead. Don’t smell dead…well! What about me is dead? And, if I’m dead, than why does Romans 8:13 tell me to put to death the misdeeds of the body and I’ll live? What is all this death stuff for the Believer in Christ? And how does life come out of death? And, am I too foolish to think I can articulate an explanation in one short posting? Allow me to take a stab at it.

Life out of death is to me, one of the most dynamic concepts in Scripture. It is the basis for victorious Christian living, no matter the circumstances. Romans 6:6 is a corollary of Galatians 2:20 and tells us that our “old nature” died with Christ. I believe that means that the person I was before beginning my walk in faith with Christ is dead. 2 Corinthians 5:17 tells me that I am a new creature, the old is past, the new has come. Everything about me is the same after initiating my commitment to Christ – personality, body structure, habits, social propensity – but there is a new source of empowerment for living. It is not me running my life in my own strength, but Christ providing the wherewithal to live supernaturally. (Glory be to God who by His mighty power at work within me is able to do far more than I would ever dare to ask or even dream of – infinitely beyond my highest prayers, desires, thoughts, or hopes.) Ephesians 3:20 TLB

Sixty one years ago, I felt that Jesus was knocking at my heart’s door. I invited Him in and have walked with Him since – usually close, periodically at a distance. The life I operated in my own strength before I committed to Jesus is gone, dead. I’m a new creature in Christ. Christ is alive in me and I am in Him. “…I no longer live but Christ lives in me.” I can now ask Him to live, love and give through me. He is my life. What peace! What contentment! What joy! What strength! What hope for the future!

Then, why do I have to “put to death the misdeeds of the body?”

Though I am a new person in Christ, there still dwells within me a propensity to run life myself – selfishness, call it the “flesh.” Instead of being yielded to obedience to Christ, there is a flesh that would be self absorbed, that would tend to worry, to resent, to fear, to lust, to have life take care of me, to not trust God’s love and grace. When I find myself “in the flesh,” I must ‘kill it.” Put to death the deeds that would be contrary to what Christ would direct.

It is easier to remind oneself of this dynamic, when you’ve saturated your mind with supportive Biblical passages like Romans 6-8, Ephesians 1-3, Philippians 2-4 and Colossians 1-3.

During the height of one World War II bloody battle, it is reported that an older American soldier counseled a young private who was petrified with fear as he witnessed the carnage of dead and mangled soldiers strewn all around him. The young man feared an almost certain, similar fate for himself in the days ahead. The older soldier’s counsel was chilling but poignant: “Accept the fact that you are already dead. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you’ll be able to function as a soldier is supposed to function. All war depends upon it.”

And so with the Christian. You are dead to the old life operated by self. You are alive in Christ. Christ is alive in you desiring to live His supernatural life through you. Think like it. Act like it.

From prison to sobriety

From drug/alcohol addiction, to being in jail so many times I can’t count them, to prison, to receiving Nampa’s first annual award titled “Making A Difference.” Meander through my crazy life maze with me.

Dad was an alcoholic who abused my brother, mom and me in nearly every way possible – physically beat us (broke my nose during one beating), verbally demeaned us, and was perfectionistically demanding. I dreaded rainy days because he worked construction and they didn’t work when it rained. That gave him more time to drink and abuse, even showing up at our school and creating drunken scenes. He stole my coin collections. He left us when I was 12. The damage had been done.

Sniffing glue began my addictive process at 12. LSD followed with all kinds of other pills, downers and uppers. At 15 it was heroin. Then alcohol. I could control alcohol better than the other chemicals. I was a clown, manipulated people, fought any chance I got – have many scars to prove it. The law and I became acquainted when I was 14, beginning the many jail jaunts.

My only brush with religion was in the 6th grade when my parents enrolled me in a catholic school, hoping it would curb my wild behavior. I was stuck with a nun who was nearly as abusive as dad. I lasted one semester and have been a “recovering catholic” since.

I lived with a woman for 13 years. No children. Treated her badly like my dad treated my mother. Now married to a good and capable woman with two teenagers. I catch myself replicating my dad’s behavior with them and often have to bring myself up short. Years of irresponsible work life have taken its toll. The longest I’ve held a job is seven months. I’m not proud of that.

But I am proud of my last 11 years of sobriety. Prison caught my attention 12 years ago. I came to the conclusion that it was time to grow up. I went to every religious meeting they held in prison. I became a believer in God. I’ve been clean since then. I’ve spoken at numerous schools about the dangers of drugs and alcohol which provided the impetus for the award I received from the city. I have a stack of appreciation certificates from various city and civic organizations for which I volunteer. I’m not yet what I hope to be, but I’m certainly not what I used to be.
Charles Miller

Abandoned to Great Victory

I had my dream job as a faculty member at a well-respected Christian university. My pretty wife and I had a bright 6-year-old son. I had told a friend I felt like I had “life by the tail”, but there were some hints of problems. My wife was distant and often seemed unhappy. We had gone to marriage counseling where she talked of her personal unhappiness.

Six months into my new job, I came home from school one afternoon, excited about life, to find half of the furniture gone. A note was lying on the table saying, “we’re gone.” My wife had left, taken my son and begun her 1500 mile trek to be with the other man with whom it appeared she was in love.

The next door neighbor came over and said, “I saw the moving van at your house today and knew something was up. I suppose you’ll give up your new position and move back to start over.” The silly thought came to me, “WWSD – what would satan do?” I knew Satan wanted me to give up. My neighbor’s comment strengthened my resolve to “stay the course.”

With half the furniture gone, I stood in my near-empty living room and just howled out my pain and sense of loss. I was filled with an overwhelming feeling of failure. No one in my extended family had ever divorced. That was the low point of my life.

My passionate testimony today is that God is a God of second chances. Life’s lowest point has been reengineered by God. Romans 8:28 (all things work together for good…) has transpired. I maintained first telephone and then physical contact with my son, leading to joint custody. I took a four-year span of single hood to rediscover myself. I did a huge amount of scholarly research and writing that occupied my time and gave me a firm professional foundation. Recovery took place.

These days, I like to tell people that God is “the world’s greatest relief pitcher.” When my wife left and took my son, I was down 12 to 1 and God said, “Trust me—I can pull this out.” He turned the bad game into a World Series victory. I’ve got a wonderful second wife and together we have five children. The second marriage is infinitely more fulfilling and exciting than the first. We have traveled all over the world together. We minister together. I have a record of important accomplishment at another Christian university. My first wife and I have an amiable relationship.

I continue to believe that divorce is not God’s “primary will” for his children, but when marriages don’t work, my experience is that the Great Creator works with us to craft a wonderful alternative plan for our lives. I wouldn’t be where I am today without experiencing that darkest moment.

(anonymous)

When God Seems Far Away

Why, O Lord, do You stand far off? Why do You hide Yourself in times of trouble? Psalm 10:1

God is inscrutable, unfathomable. In His mysterious ways He at times leads us or allows us to experience great times of darkness – sickness, disease, loss of some kind – sometimes of our own doing, other times having no responsibility for the loss. If the pain is not self-induced, out of our control, at times it feels like He doesn’t care, He’s indifferent. “Where are you God?”
These events in our lives have a particular objective to perform for us. That objective is to bring us to the end of ourselves that we might discover the treasure of darkness. When we are taken into these dark periods, we begin to see light that we never knew existed. Our sensitivities become heightened and our ability to see through spiritual eyes is illuminated. Unless we are taken into these times, our souls never develop any depth of character. We do not gain wisdom, only knowledge. Knowledge is gained through understanding; wisdom is gained through the experience of darkness.

After we go through these periods, we discover that God was, in fact, with us throughout the entire time. It does not feel or appear that He is there when we are in the midst of the dark periods. However, He is there walking with us. He has told us countless times that He will never leave us. However, when we are in those dark periods, it does not feel like He is there because He does not rescue us from the circumstances. He does this for our benefit in order that we might become more like Jesus. Jesus learned obedience from the things He suffered (see Heb. 5:8). What does that say about how you and I will learn obedience? Embrace the dark times and gain the wisdom that God intends for you from these times.
(adapted from Os Hillman)

How Much Pain! What Gain

In the book The Truth Comes Out, Nancy Heche relates her story. She is the mother of Anne Heche, who proclaimed her affair with Ellen DeGeneres to the world in 1997. That announcement had been preceded 14 years earlier by the death of Nancy’s husband of 25 years; he died of AIDS, having had homosexual affairs since before they married – and she hadn’t known! Three months after Nancy’s husband died, their only son, a senior in high school, was killed in a car accident. They had lost their second child many years earlier at two months because of congenital problems. And not very long after Anne’s announcement, Nancy’s oldest daughter, Susan, was diagnosed with a brain tumor; she died a year ago.

The consistent thread running through Nancy’s account is what God needed to do in her. She shared her painful story vulnerably and honestly, but seeing God’s work in her almost made the circumstances non-issues, or at least, though so very painful, her circumstances have been instruments God has lovingly chosen to use in her life to craft her into the person He longs for her to be.

Is God wanting to use a current circumstance in your life, in my life, for our good, the good of others and for His glory? I’d like to hear your story and share it with others through this blog.. Would you write me at olaf.burwick@gmail.com ?

Transformed Through Tough Times

Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of the mind. Romans 12:2

The word “transformed” is taken from the Greek word “metamorphoo” or metamorphosis which is aptly described in the transitional life of the crawling worm, constructing his cocoon, breaking free from its self-induced prison to become a beautiful butterfly.

It is said that if we were to help the butterfly remove itself from the cocoon, the butterfly would not be strong enough to survive. It is the struggle that prepares the butterfly to become strong enough to take wings. Without the struggle in the cocoon, it could not survive as a butterfly.

Our Abba Father has a similar plan for His children. Many Christians have gone through significant adversity, from childhood abuse to current painful situations. Our natural desire is to get out of the agony. However, though He could supernaturally release us from the cocoon’s struggle, He knows our wrestling will make our life stronger – if we cooperate with His plan (yielded and obedient.) A beautiful butterfly evolves out of the cocoon. And so with us!

“God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.” (The Message.)

Shaped by the Death of a Brother

I knew something was wrong. My sister and I had been called out of school and escorted to the hospital. As I entered the hospital room, I saw Mom and Dad on their knees beside the bed, Mom holding my little 18-month-old brother. He had just died. Congenital heart defect. Two open heart surgeries. Stephen was in heaven.

I was left here. Ten years old. Confused and doubting, “Why did you let this happen, God? I had great plans of being a big brother.” My doubts didn’t last long as I saw my parents in deep sorrow but trusting in the God of the Universe. “He does all things well.” What great models were my mom and dad, Mike and Sherrill Roskam. What great comfort and support from the church. No glib Bible verse answers. Just availability and care. Touch without words.

Though a heart-rending circumstance, this experience totally shaped me as a person and now as a youth pastor. It showed me how the church was to function, helping prepare me to lead in the church, to minister to those who have lost loved ones. It has taught me the importance of personal touch – just being with another person. No agenda. Just loving and encouraging people.

The process of my brother’s illness and death and the aftermath has helped me see God as a loving father who embraced me when I hurt. I have seen Him use me in the lives of others, giving me confidence as a pastor. I’m valuable – even without a degree in religion. Even not being ordained. I’m out of my league. But God living and loving people through me makes me more than adequate for the task.
Nate Roskam, Youth Pastor

Meditation: The Cake of Life

Sometimes we wonder, "What did I do to deserve this?" or "Why did God have to do this to me?" Here is a wonderful explanation!

A daughter is telling her Mother how everything is going wrong. She's failing algebra, her boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend is moving away. Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she would like a snack, and the daughter says, "Absolutely Mom, I love your cake"

"Here, have some cooking oil," her Mother offers. "Yuck" says her daughter. "How about a couple raw eggs?" "Gross Mom!" "Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?" "Mom, those are all yucky!" To which the mother replies: "Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake!"

God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good, (ours and others) and for God's glory!

God is crazy about you. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning. Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen. He can live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart. Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. Believe.......The Best is Yet to Come.....

(taken from an email message)

“Dance as though no one is watching you,
Love as though you have never been hurt before,
Sing as no one can hear you,
Live as though heaven is on earth. (souza)

Success out of Failure

The call came from my wife Susan, "Mark, we have $3 dollars left, I need to buy food and diapers and I have only one diaper remaining. Our credit cards are maxed out. What are we going to do?" I calmly assured her that everything would be O.K. and that I would take care of it. I hung up the phone placed my head on my desk and wept.

Here we were, living in a large house on an exclusive mountain acreage near Denver. Expensive cars in the garage, all paid for. Just one year previously, we had been very comfortable. I had a medical sales business that was extremely profitable. At the age of 27 my yearly income was in the top 2% in the country. We had been accustomed to 6-8 weeks of vacation per year. I also had various church leadership positions. But, I was bored.

Ever since school days where I went undefeated 7 years straight in wrestling, I've had a finely tuned competitive spirit. In my mind, I had reached the top. I wanted another challenge. One new opportunity looked great and after careful consideration I took it. However, in a matter of days, I was approached about being partner and vice-president of sales for a national company owned by a very visible Christian man. It was enticing. Proverbs says, "A wise man seeks counsel." I sought guidance from my pastor and from two strong and successful Christian business men. They all said, "Go for it." I did.

I received a check the first month for my work and nada, zip, nothing for the next 10 months. I was at the bottom. I called my pastor when I felt like I was at the end of my rope, the one who had counseled me to "go for it." He prayed one of the most meaningful and compassionate prayers I've ever heard. I'll never forget him praying, "Father, if you are trying to get Mark's attention, would you please use a rubber mallet and not a ball peen hammer. And if he has to hit rock bottom to learn what you are trying to teach him, would you please put a rubber mat down so that when he hits bottom it is not quite so painful."

Shortly there after another call came, this one offering me a position in sales that brought me back to fiscal health.

The gain that came out of this harrowing loss? I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. My growth and development went into high gear. My bullet-proof, prideful self-sufficiency was broken. I'm a humbler man. It drew me into a deeper walk with God. I was seeking God when I was extremely successful. However, when all hell is breaking loose, there is a different level of intensity or passion in the quest. God was moving me from a "self-sufficiency" focus to a "God-sufficiency" focus. I have greater empathy for struggling business people, in fact, for anyone who is struggling. The experience helped me see that the value of life is not in chasing a buck and material success. Relationships are most important. I'm a wiser, godlier man because of the experience. I also believe that I have a greater desire to provide a rubber mat upon which my wife, children and friends can fall when they experience life's plunges.
Ephesians 3:20, Living Bible, encapsulates well the experience: Glory be to God who by His mighty power at work within (Mark) is able to do far more than I would ever dare to ask or even dream of – infinitely beyond my highest prayers, desires, thoughts, or hopes.

Mark J. Wheeler, M.B.A.

From Homeless Shelter to Hollywood

Halle Berry’s life fits the atmosphere of this blogsite – gain through loss. Diane Weathers writes about her in the April 2007 Readers Digest.

Halle and her sister Heidi, two little black girls raised by a white mother. Money tight. Father absent, causing her to struggle with what to look for in a man. She admits being attracted to what was usually not good for her. Result: two marriages ending in divorce.

She speaks of her dad: “I was getting over my anger and sense of betrayal and abandonment toward him and then he died. I have done a lot of healing in his death. I don’t think somebody has to be here for you to heal your relationship.” She periodically consults with her therapist even now.

One of her challenges was being one of only five black kids in school. “I was struggling with my identity, being around all those white people. Where did I fit in? Was I good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, talented in any way?” The only black teacher in the school befriended her. “Through her I knew that I was okay and smart and talented.”

Post high school saw her modeling and venturing into acting, part of the time living in a shelter because money was so tight. Those days are far gone. She has won an Oscar, a Golden Globe, an Emmy and all kinds of accolades for her barrier-breaking acting roles.
Halle has become involved in philanthropic activity, especially connected with disadvantaged children. She says, “My mother was a battered woman by my father. And I have an affinity for children who live in that horror and fear. I’m moved to want to help, especially in the black community where I think sometimes we’re forgotten.”

I don't know where she is on her spiritual journey; however, through Halle’s loss many have gained. And so has she.

Meditation: Hope

Nothing in life heals the soul from grieving pain and from gaping wounds of loss … and that comforts, heals and restores one from a state of helplessness and discouragement more than Biblical hope. Biblical hope is not wishing, and it is not aching for something better; it is expecting with joy that something better will happen in the future. W.M.Ramsey

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

Our part:
1. Spend time with God in His Word and prayer consistently to know Him – to know of His love that produces for us hope, joy and peace. The more we know Him, the greater is out trust in Him.
2. Trust the Holy Spirit to work deeply in our “dark night of the soul,” to overflow us with Godly hope. This faith, when exercised in helpless feeling situations, provides an anticipatory expectation with joy that something better will happen in the future. It is desire of expectation of fulfillment.
God’s part:
The “Divine Dentist” does the filling. What a special gift to those who walk with Him in faith!

Comment to yesterday's prayer post

Anonymous said...
THAT ARTICLE WAS FUN AND FUNNY AND REALLY TO THE POINT...I RECOMMENDED YOUR BLOG TO A FRIEND AND AM HOPING SHE WILL FIND A SOURCE OF ENCOURAGEMENT FOR HER. HOW NICE TO KNOW THAT MARK GOODWIN WAS CHAPEL SPEAKER! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.

Thank you for the comment, anonymous. That is encouraging. ray

Willis Overcomes Obstacles

Patrick Willis, an award-wining linebacker, is vying to become a first-round draft pick in the NFL draft in April. He is definitely turning loss into gain. Michael Marot tells the story through an AP wire.

When Patrick was four years old his mother abandoned him and three siblings. They lived with a disinterested dad. Two years later, he was cooking meals for his siblings and by age 10, was working in Tennessee’s cotton fields with his grandmother, earning $110 per week. The money went to his dad so he could pay family bills.
As a teenager, Patrick and sibs had to find another place to live because of abuse in the home. He earned a football scholarship to U. of Mississippi where he led the nation as a junior, with 90 solo tackles despite playing with a broken finger, sprained knee, sprained foot and a separated shoulder. As a senior, he finished the season with 137 tackles, was All-American and winner of the Butkus award as the nation’s top linebacker.

In 22 years, he has overcome more obstacles, challenges and disappointment than most people experience in a lifetime and Willis believes the tribulations have helped him grow as a player, too. “My real-life experience taught me how to compete through adversity, “ he said. “No matter what happens, if someone knocks you down, you have to find a way to get up and get the job done. That’s what you have to do.”
Loss, pain – to gain. I for one, am cheering him on to a first round draft pick!

Meditation: significance of prayer

A voyaging ship was wrecked during a storm at sea and only two of the men on it were able to swim to a small, desert like island. The two survivors, not knowing what else to do, agree that they had no other recourse but to pray to God.

However, to find out whose prayer was more powerful, they agreed to divide the territory between them and stay on opposite sides of the island. The first thing they prayed for was food. The next morning, the first man saw a fruit-bearing tree on his side of the land, and he was able to eat its fruit. The other man's parcel of land remained barren.

After a week, the first man was lonely and he decided to pray for a wife. The next day, another ship was wrecked, and the only survivor was a woman who swam to his side of the land. On the other side of the island, there was nothing. Soon the first man prayed for a house, clothes, more food. The next day, like magic, all of these were given to him. However, the second man still had nothing.

Finally, the first man prayed for a ship, so that he and his wife could leave the island. In the morning, he found a ship docked at his side of the island. The first man boarded the ship with his wife and decided to leave the second man on the island. He considered the other man unworthy to receive God's blessings, since none of his prayers had been answered.

As the ship was about to leave, the first man heard a voice from heaven booming, "Why are you leaving your companion on the island?" "My blessings are mine alone, since I was the one who prayed for them," the first man answered. "His prayers were all unanswered and so he does not deserve anything." "You are mistaken!" the voice rebuked him. "He had only one prayer, which I answered. If not for that, you would not have received any of my blessings." "Tell me," the first man asked the voice, "what did he pray for that I should owe him anything?" "He prayed that all your prayers be answered." For all we know, our blessings are not the fruits of our prayers alone, but those of another praying for us. (Source unknown)

Mark Goodwin challenged the student body at a Northwest Nazarene University chapel service last week when he quoted Corrie Ten Boom, “Can your prayer life be described as the steering wheel of your car or the spare tire?”

Coach Dungy: Post Super Bowl

Weeks have passed since Super Bowl XLI. The hoopla has died down and game commercials are no longer new. Not many people are talking about it any more.
Indianapolis Colts head coach Tony Dungy knew that would happen, as with any big event. He was experiencing the loss of the “glow” of winning the Super Bowl – the best football team in the world. Coach Dungy was a veteran of more significant losses – suicide of a son, being fired by the Tampa Bay Bucs in 2002. How has he processed loss?

In a previous blog post, we saw how Dungy handled the loss of his son. “My faith in God got me through.” Let’s learn a little of the spiritual journey of one of the most recognized sports figure in America.

During his second year as a player in the NFL, a fellow Pittsburgh Steelers teammate asked if Jesus was the number one priority in Dungy’s life. “I thought Christianity was going to church, a Sunday thing,” says Dungy, who had accepted Christ as his Savior but put Him in the background of his life. As he and his teammate talked, Dungy realized there was more to Christianity than an assurance of eternity and decided to make his relationship with God his number one priority.

“God is in the driver’s seat and [became] the head coach of my life,” says Dungy. That same year, the Steelers won Super Bowl XIII in 1979. But the win isn’t his favorite memory of that year. “If we’d won the Super Bowl but I’d not made the decision to put Jesus Christ in the driver’s seat, these last 28 years [of my life] would have been totally different.”

“Winning the Super Bowl was an awesome thing but not many people would have remembered who won 28 years ago if I hadn’t reminded you,” said Dungy, as he closed his remarks at an Athletes in Action speaking event. He then led the crowd in a prayer, giving people the opportunity to respond to his invitation of making Jesus one’s first priority. One hundred thirty people prayed in response to that invitation.
It is obvious Dungy enjoys winning football games, but he has found a greater purpose for life, the greatest gain – impacting people Godward.

Meditation: Stopped by a brick

The story is told of a young and very successful executive named Josh who was traveling down a Chicago neighborhood street. He was going a bit too fast in his sleek, black, 12 cylinder Jaguar XKE, which was only two months old. He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down when he thought he saw something. As his car passed, no child darted out, but a brick sailed out and-WHUMP! -- it smashed into the Jag's shiny black side door! SCREECH...!!!! Brakes slammed! Gears ground into reverse, and tires madly spun the Jaguar back to the spot from where the brick had been thrown. Josh jumped out of the car, grabbed the kid and pushed him up against a parked car. He shouted at the kid, "What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing?!" Building up a head of steam, he went on. "That's my new Jag, that brick you threw is gonna cost you a lot of money. Why did you throw it?"

"Please, mister, please...I'm sorry! I didn't know what else to do!" Pleaded the youngster. "I threw the brick because no one else would stop!" Tears were dripping down the boy's chin as he pointed around the parked car. "It's my brother, mister," he said. "He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up." Sobbing, the boy asked the executive, "Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me."

Moved beyond words, the young executive tried desperately to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. Straining, he lifted the young man back into the wheelchair and took out his handkerchief and wiped the scrapes and cuts, checking to see that everything was going to be OK. He then watched the younger brother push him down the sidewalk toward their home.

It was a long walk back to the sleek, black, shining, 12 cylinder Jaguar XKE-a long and slow walk. Josh never did fix the side door of his Jaguar. He kept the dent to remind him not to go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at him to get his attention...

Some bricks are thrown at us by other people, while some coming at us may be negative things we have to say to ourselves. Bricks can be useful if they get our attention and are used profitably.

"It's impossible" NO - All things are possible (Luke 18:27)

"Nobody really loves me" NO - I love you (John 3:16 & John 13:34)

"I can't go on" NO - My grace is sufficient (II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15)

"I can't figure things out" NO - I will direct your steps (Proverbs 3:5-6)

"I can't do it" NO - You can do all things (Philippians 4:13)

"I can't forgive myself" NO - I FORGIVE YOU (I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)

"I can't manage" NO - I will supply all your needs (Philippians 4:19)

"I'm afraid" NO - I have not given you a spirit of fear (II Timothy 1:7)

"I'm always worried and frustrated" NO - Cast all your cares on ME (I Peter 5:7)

"I feel all alone" NO I will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5)
(Source of article, unknown.)

Handling Mother's Rejection

I am the product of an unwanted pregnancy. I only recall words of criticism and correction. I could never measure up. Rejection was about the only thing I felt from Mom. She was a very insecure, nervous woman who compensated by being very controlling. She was performance oriented and relished personal praise.

Consequently, we had a very poor relationship. Communication was only superficial – never any sharing of thoughts or feelings. I remember having strong feelings of dislike for her at a very early age.
The result: I had a large amount of insecurity protected by a wall of culturally accepted rebellion – nice on the outside but resisting on the inside. "I may be sitting, but on the inside I'm standing up" type of rebellion. Thankfully the Lord kept my heart tender toward Him and I never moved on to hard core rebellion. I'm thankful the Lord gave me a husband that loves me, encourages me, and corrects me when I begin to act in a controlling way which was patterned for me by mom.

I understood her behavior but it was no excuse for her attitude toward her daughter. She was very hurtful. I logically can’t see any good that has come out of that childhood with Mom. However, I choose not to let the past dictate who I am today. I choose to live free from the baggage of the past. 2 Cor. 5:17 says, "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation, old things have passed away, behold all things have become new."
In Christ I am fully loved and fully accepted. What more could I ask?
God commands us to "Honor our father and mother" and He showed me I could honor her even though that deep love for mother was never there. LBR

Pastors get shot at, too!

Our church was seeing growth, blessing and vitality! Up to nearly 500 in attendance, a sanctuary building project was in process. However, slowly some discontent by a few folks arose and began to spread among the congregation like a slow growing malignancy.

Like a dark cloud over the church, the services lost their luster. Excitement vanished, both in the pulpit and pew. I lost my joy and preaching became a laborious chore. The congregation seemed listless. I began to develop the sin of resentment toward a few who I felt were perpetuating the unrest in our midst. All this began to weigh down my spirit. The heavens became brass and I couldn’t get my prayers through. What was a joy to pastor now became a burden. I longed to be out of the ministry – even thinking I could enjoy working on a chicken farm instead. A nervous breakdown seemed eminent. In order to keep my sanity I began to jog each morning and while running I would quote over and over again a passage from Ephesians 3:16-20 “that He would grant unto me according to his riches in glory that He would strengthen me by his Spirit in the inner man…..” knowing that I was history unless the Lord God who had called me filled my empty heart with His power and love. I was at the end of myself.

After months of this, my wife and I were fortunate to attend a Billy Graham pastor’s conference. Of all the great sermons I heard preached, nothing seemed to reach me. That is, until the last sermon I heard that was just for me in Isaiah. 43:18-19. “Forget the former things. Do not dwell on the past. I am doing a new thing, don’t you see it! I am making a way for you through the wilderness.” In a flash the Holy Spirit pierced the blackness of my life. I had a promise straight from God’s heart to my heart. Ah, light at the end of the dark tunnel I had been in so long. I left the meeting with a new life and a newborn hope.

Two weeks later while jogging in the middle of the street in the darkness of the early morning, I experienced the fulfillment of that promise! The heavens opened and the Holy Spirit poured forgiveness and cleansing into me filling my spirit with Himself, his love and power in a definite discernible way. I prayed out loud, crying and blubbering, unaware of any who might have been around me. I didn’t care. I was in the presence of the King! He lifted my burden…I was running free… a free man. ….He had literally fulfilled His promise to me! I finished my jog that day with a prolonged sense of the abiding presence of the Holy Spirit that changed my life. I had a new love for my people, a new anointing and joy in my preaching, a renewed zeal for God and his church.

The following weeks the parishioners exclaimed, “We have a new pastor!” The cancer that was eating at the vitals of our church body seemed to disappear. Our services became fruitful and exciting again. The church began to grow as the winds of the Spirit blew over us. Something we hadn’t seen for two years. Within six months, the unfinished sanctuary was completed and the church stepped out into a new chapter. Sixteen months later the Lord released me to accept a new assignment.Yep, as I look back, it was a hard experience to go through. But the Lord taught me to hang on when the going gets tough and not to hang it up until I get a clear signal straight from Him. I came out of it a forgiven and forgiving man, conscience clear, spirit free and a wiser, stronger and godlier man. Praise the Lord!
Straight ahead Ron Rodes

Meditation: Significance of Choices.

C.S. Lewis said,”People often think of Christian morality as a kind of bargain in which God says, "If you keep a lot of rules, I'll reward you, and if you don't I'll do the other thing." I do not think that is the best way of looking at it. I would much rather say that every time you make a choice you are turning the central part of you, the part of you that chooses, into something a little different from what it was before.
And taking your life as a whole, with all your innumerable choices, all your life long you are slowly turning this central thing either into a Heaven creature or into a hellish creature: either into a creature that is in harmony with God, and with other creatures, and with itself, or else into one that is in a state of war and hatred with God, and with its fellow creatures, and with itself.

To be the one kind of creature is Heaven: that is, it is joy, and peace, and knowledge, and power. To be the other means madness, horror, idiocy, rage, impotence, and eternal loneliness. Each of us at each moment is progressing to the one state or the other.”
Ella Wheeler Wilcox:
“One ship drives east and another drives west
With the selfsame winds that blow.
‘Tis the set of the sails
And not the gales which tells us the way to go.

Our daily challenge: choices – a setting of the sails, Godward or selfward.

Chemical Addiction: help needed

Dear brother,
I have a question for you. Why are you so stupid? Harsh! No! I could tell you all these things you’ve done to me but I won’t because I love you and care about you. Even though I do, you are making it harder than licking a cactus. I know it will be hard but you need help. I don’t know how long we can do this. I want to see you more than once a week. You’re my brother. Do you remember that or are you high or something? Can you read this or are you not able to see the truth?

I tell you something, I can barely read this because I am crying to hard. In school if someone says something to remind me of you, I have to choke down my tears. I know you’re an addict. But for me, for your family, STOP. We will still love you always but you can’t put us through this anymore. I can’t even begin to tell you how I feel. My feelings are racing. I don’t know what to do anymore. If you want to screw up your own life (which I don’t advise) fine, but don’t bring us down with you.

I have to tell you about that saying, “forgive and forget.” In time I may be able to forgive but I could never forget this. Don’t keep running. Face what you have done. I may even be able to forgive the people who got you hooked on this disgusting stuff. What is getting drunk or high going to do – let you escape from your problems for a few hours anyway? What will you miss in that few hours anyway? A crash, a life, a birthday, what?

How can you be such a hypocrite? You tell me, “don’t do drugs or bad things.” Now I will tell you. You may wake up one day in court or a funeral or a hospital bed – maybe a close friend, maybe a complete stranger. You may say, “I’m not stupid enough to drink and drive or something like that but you also said you weren’t stupid enough to do drugs. Saying “no” is easy. Going through with it is the hard part. Go to rehab for me. I love you with all my heart. PLEASE DON’T BREAK IT! I love you so much, your sis, ______
(From a 13-year-old girl to her brother)

The organization “You’re Not Alone” has retained me to conduct a survey of siblings of drug/alcohol abusers. The findings from this research will be designed to help families who have children who are chemical abusers. We’ve previously surveyed other aspects of families with this challenge. Check out http://www.notalone.org/ and view the different resources for families that have a member abusing drugs or alcohol. Then, if you know of someone who would take our survey who is a sibling of a chemical abuser, please contact me at my Google email address: olaf.burwick@gmail.com I will send a survey, either email or US Post Office. We will analyze, condense and report what family members say to us in their survey answers. Answers and findings will be kept anonymous.

A mother's cruelty

She hit me hard with a baseball bat and screamed, “Don’t you ever call me ‘mother’ again.” That was the low point of my life. I’m not sure which hurt worse, the physical blow or the emotional abandonment.

I had been born out of wedlock to a 15-year-old girl. At two years of age, she married a guy who stayed with her for three years. He left when he caught her in a lesbian relationship. The lady moved in with us. I saw them having sex and thought that was normal.

Mom didn’t work. Lived on welfare. If I wanted something I knew I had to work to get money. I got odd jobs from an early age. I’d bring the money home and mom would take most of it so she and her partner could buy drugs. Getting hit with the baseball bat was the time I didn’t bring home any money and mom was expecting me to. She would dole out food stamps to us three kids and tell us to go to different stores and buy a penny candy and get the change. She’d take the change from us for her drugs and sometimes she’d even take the candy. I don’t understand how someone could be so selfish.

We were poor. Sometimes we had to wash our clothes in the bathtub and dry them on top of the stove. I stayed away from home as much as possible. Playing sports in school was not only good training for me but it kept me out of the house longer. The last time she hit me I was in high school. She hit me on one side of the head and then the other. I stood there and took it (I was standing up for my sister.) She never touched me again.

Men from church provided me with a father image. They took some of us boys to Bible camp, church and boy’s club. I am eternally grateful to them.
Matthew 7:11 in the Bible says, “You earthly fathers love to give good gifts to your children, how much more your Heavenly Father wants to give good gifts to you.” Was my childhood a good gift from God? It didn’t feel like it. However, the good that has come out of it is:
1. I try real hard to be a good father because I know what it is like to be fatherless;
2. I’m sensitive to children who have no father at home and try to encourage them;
3. I’m a responsible worker and good money manager;
4. Family is very important to me;
5. The lack of a father has stimulated my appetite to seek God as my Father. I’m His child. I might not be a Christian if I hadn’t been brought up in that abusive environment. I’m grateful.
C.C.

Meditation: On the Anvil

Some people lie useless;
lives broken,
talents wasting,
fires quenched,
dreams dashed.
They are tossed in with the scrap iron,
in desperate need of repair, with no notion of purpose.

Others lie on the anvil;
heart open,
hungry to change,
wounds healing,
visions clearing.
They welcome the painful pounding of the blacksmith’s hammer, longing to be rebuilt,
begging to be called.
Max Lucado

Ruth's story receives comment

Ruth,
Thank you for such a brutal, revealing testimony! I know it was beneficial to write, but also must have been very painful to see neatly spread across paper. Your words will be a ministry to many. Joanne Wallace

Thanks Joanne for your comment. It certainly was affirming and encouraging to Ruth. Comments are always welcome regarding the blog entries, even questions or disagreements. Ray

Marital pain produced personal growth

Most of my 35-year marriage was a painful and terrifying mess. There were decades of deceit, denial, distance, and betrayal. I cried buckets of tears over many years and spent hundreds (thousands?) of nights wondering where my husband was, believing and hoping he was telling me the truth, when most indications were that he wasn’t. Although I had earned a Master’s degree in counseling several years prior to the first visible crisis, I was helpless to help myself. I knew I couldn’t make it without help. And although I had been a Christian for 30 years, had attended church, and had taught Bible studies, I hadn’t begun to understand the precious depth of the gospel and its power to change hearts.

Every relationship, including those in marriage, in families, and with friends, functions with what at least two people bring to it, for better and for worse. Although I wasn’t committing adultery, I was (and am) capable of it; it was only God’s grace that wooed me to Him rather than to a human person. I spent much time reading, reflecting, journaling, counseling, trying to understand what was happening in my marriage. I wanted to own every part I had played in making it what it was. God would show me my sin, and I would confess regularly to God and then to my husband, asking for his forgiveness, but ultimately, after 35 years of deep pain and struggle, the marriage didn’t survive.

When I first went for counseling, I was terrified. I had no idea what to expect. And I realized after a few visits that what I really wanted was for someone to change my feelings (e.g., fear, terror, deep insecurity, rejection, betrayal, anger, demands to control) and my circumstances. God began to show me that even if my feelings and circumstances were to change for the better, there was something deeply wrong inside me. I have always prayed and been concerned about my children’s hearts more than anything – and now I was needing to look deeply into my own heart. And the counselor could promise me nothing – he couldn’t do anything about my husband, he couldn’t change my feelings, and he couldn’t change me. But he did relentlessly point me to Jesus – I now know that I needed Jesus more than anything, and I am more grateful than I can communicate in words that someone was willing to risk being honest with me.

My life began to change in the smallest increments, here a little, there a little, two steps forward, one step back. I think what I can say most forcefully is that in all that has happened, it has been so clear that it has been I whom God has needed to change. Over many, many years, God has changed my feelings – and my circumstances have changed – I am now divorced, and two years ago my children’s father married someone their age who was pregnant when they married and whose other daughter he has adopted.

I’m only beginning to see that my circumstances are not the primary issue. The much greater challenge is how I am responding to them. God has used His people (my friends) to challenge my unforgiving spirit and to love me no matter what. How preciously God has been and continues to be my Husband. I’m only beginning to see that this life is not about me; it’s about God and His glory. Having my sin exposed through many years of deep struggle has never been nor is it now easy, but I’m learning that it’s a wonderfully safe and loving thing for God to do so He can show Himself strong on my behalf through Jesus’ perfect and complete provision for me. I won’t ever reach a plateau in this life where I won’t desperately need Him. I act and live far too much of the time as though I don’t need Him, but I know deeply that He is my only hope.

These are three of many Scriptures that have regularly encouraged me over many years (emphasis added):

“My soul, wait only upon God and silently submit to Him;
For my hope and expectation are from Him.” (Psalm 62:5 Amp Bible)

“Do not fear, for I am with you. Do not anxiously look about you for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you; surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10 NASB)

“Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 15:13 NASB)

Ruth Baldwin

Meditation: PURPOSE FOR PAIN

Is Your Hut Burning?
The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him, and every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming. Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements, and to store his few possessions.

But then one day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, the smoke rolling up to the sky. The worst had happened; everything was lost. He was stunned with grief and anger. "God, how could you do this to me!" he cried. Early the next day, however, he was awakened by the sound of a ship that was approaching the island. It had come to rescue him. "How did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers."We saw your smoke signal," they replied.

It is easy to get discouraged when things are going bad. But we shouldn't lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of pain and suffering. Remember, next time your little hut is burning to the ground it just may be a smoke signal that summons the grace of God. (author unknown)

Oh, put God to the test. See how kind He is. See for yourself how His mercies shower down on all who trust in Him. If you belong to the Lord, reverence Him; for everyone who does this has everything he needs. (Psalm 34:8-9 TLB)