I'm having a blast sharing with the men at Nampa Lighthouse Mission regarding the development of self esteem. I'm hoping to capture the essence in the next number of posts.
What comes to your mind when I say the words “self esteem” or “self worth”?
How you think and feel about yourself, how you value yourself - good or bad, weak or strong – is self esteem. It is your observation of how you are doing in the world.
Self-esteem is often fickle, going up or down depending upon what is happening to you. Do well in a performance and you feel great, but if you do poorly you feel terrible. To many, self-esteem is a variable, fluctuating with the circumstances. The poorer the self image, the greater the fluctuations..
Where does self esteem begin?
One’s picture of himself develops during childhood. Feelings of inferiority or superiority are increased by attitudes of parents, close relatives and by friends. Our image of ourselves is basically determined by relationships with other people. What we think others are thinking of us determines what we think of ourselves.
Along with this, if a child is reared in a cold and hostile family atmosophere, he is likely to grow up believing he is not worth caring about.
Poor Self-Esteem Compared with Healthy Self-Esteem
People with poor self-esteem often rely on how they are doing in the present to determine how they feel about themselves. They need positive external experiences to counteract the negative feelings and thoughts that constantly plague them. Even then, the good feeling (from a good performance) can be temporary.
Healthy self-esteem is based on our ability to assess ourselves accurately (know ourselves) and still be able to accept and to value ourselves unconditionally. This means being able to realistically acknowledge our strengths and limitations and at the same time accepting ourselves as worthy and worthwhile without conditions or reservations.
Next post: the internal voice
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