Sweeter ?

Sweeter As The Years Go By

 

“Sweeter as the years go by.” Theresa my wife of 14 years, and I were listening to some Gaither music. Her question out of the blue sent me to resonance school: “Ray, is that true of  you? Are the years getting sweeter with Jesus as we are getting older?”

 I felt pricked to the core because of my inner response, “H - - -  no, I don’t feel the years are getting sweeter. Harder? Yes!”

Wow! This response from a guy who has walked intimately (I thought) with Jesus for 68 years; who has been on staff of Campus Crusade; who for  most of those 68 years has read his Bible and prayed daily; who had been on the board of elders of a 4000 member Presbyterian church.

Yes. But what did all of this spiritual activity mean?  Was I a fake - a  fraud – a hypocrite? I don’t think so. I really wanted to be a godly man and spread  that Gospel of Christ. The words “hell no” were not  typical vocabulary words of mine…used mostly in the counseling office when I  thought the client wasn’t being honest him himself. A sort of “prime the pump” experience, giving him a safe place to be honest with his buried anger.

               The words “hell no,” are often a verbal expression or ;anger. If so,  then who am I so mad at?  Oh no. Is the counselor who has written a book on anger, have some repressed anger himself? I began some relational archeological digging. Using as my guide “the one you love the most can hurt you the worst, and at whom you can be the most angry.”

               The one at  whom we can be the most angry is our spouse; possibly even one of our own children; a boss at  work or  leader in church….or…God?

               “God.” You say. “After all God has done for me? How can I be angry at Him? Besides giving

 Jesus to die for me; to give me eternal life with Him; who empowers me to live above my circumstances on a daily basis., the Source of my courage to speak even when the stuttering is at times debilitating.   You’ve got to be kidding. God – the source of my hope for the future. while living with the unpleasant disease called Parkinson’s?

                   Our next blog will demonstrate how I was angry at God and didn’t even realize it.

God speaking "Instead of dreading difficulties that may or may not occur
view this day as a sacred adventure to be shared with me."
 Taken from Sarah Young's book Dear Jesus

A dog’s life

We have a very spoiled toy poodle…But so much fun. His antics include catching toys thrown up in the air. And, well – that’s  about it.  It is like he is thinking, “I’m going to get my treats anyway. So why expend my energy to show off for  ”mom and pop.” (That be Theresa and me.)

This all began about  two years ago when I heard ‘‘a voice from heaven” saying, “Get that dog for Theresa.”

Now I’ve  had a ‘‘RULE:  No pets in the house and, If per chance, when I have lost my mind we procure a pet, he is not only not to be a house pet, but he is to earn his keep. We have raised Tennessee Walking horses. Too big as house pets, but sold most of them at a profit. And Great Danes. Have I told you that story?  Bartered  counseling services for  a Great Dane female. Didn’t know she was pregnant. Three weeks and 12 pups later I found out … she was. Made good money from that venture. Still too big to be a house pet.

But  this poodle deal was different. He was a toy poodle,  raised by a breeder and was a very expensive animal. Being blind in one eye, he was not show quality. In fact the breeder gave Teddy to us.

Spoiled rotten, he gets his way in most everything. He even has his own language, which we’re  beginning to understand. Like me, he stutters. Stuttering for  a dog usually takes the form  of primary stuttering which is a repetition of a word a few times,  often at the beginning of a sentence.

You  guessed it right. He says’ “Bark, bark.” This is a command. Here I am. Notice me. Play catch with me.”  What at I’m learning from that dog:      

• Whining gets you a victory in the battle, but in the long run  is easy to lose the war. Now this doesn’t apply to me! Hmm. I wonder how much of my resentment toward God as mentioned in a previous blog was my whining when He didn’t answer my prayers the way I expected.
• Guess who just came into our study… Teddy. No whining this time, just a bossy, loud, demanding bark. He loves to play “catch.” He’ll bring a toy to us. A snort is to remind us of our responsibility to give him  attention and time. If our response is not acceptable, he snorts with increased decibels followed by loud barking. People don’t enjoy a loud, demanding, controlling person. A good way to lose friends.
• Teddy is very perceptive. If Theresa and I raise our voices at the other, he sidles up to the one who is getting the worst of it and strikes a comforting, protective position. He can hear Theresa’s car as soon as it hits the beginning of our lane and charges toward the back door sooner than I can hear it.) Lesson here: Be anticipating people’s needs much sooner than I do now.
• “It‘s not the size of the dog in the fight but the size of the fight in the dog.” Teddy weighs about 8 pounds. Knows no fear… until a big dog calls his bluff. He quickly looks to us for protection. Sort of like me. When I am in need I’m much more quick to call on God for help. That is one of the blessings of the 4-wheeler accident and all the surgeries I have had plus Parkinson’s. I need God to provide me with stability as I stand or walk. Losing my balance has resulted in multiplied bruises and busted ribs.
• There is much more I could write about  Teddy. But in wrapping up this session he has a dependence on us he has for food, shelter and care in general. “My God will supply all my needs according to his riches in glory.” Question is: Do I know God well enough to know He wants to care for all my needs?
   

“No rest for the wicked,” some say. That would be the only sign of no wickedness In me. All I’m getting is rest since the four-wheeler accident of nearly 3 years. My schedule of that time to this has seen a drastic change. I was accustomed to ten to fifteen hours of work a day. Now, 5 to 6 is tops.

“That should give you plenty of time to blog,” I am told.” We haven’t seen a blog for some time.” The accident plus Parkinson’s disease with its accelerating symptoms and multiple surgeries has relegated me to plenty of rest.  Two reasons loom out in my mind why I haven’t blogged consistently:  

• my typing has gone south.   Not being able to type as I was used to has interfered with getting my thoughts on paper
• And I’ve grown undisciplined.  But I’ve sure learned a lot! 

One of the things I’ve learned is that much of my furious activity has been for approval.  People will like me more if they see great production from me.  What a weighty sack of idolatry on my shoulders! To change this for a more relaxed mind-set has been quite a challenge.

Another major lesson: I have always been a very disciplined person…especially for a daily, concentrated time with God…study and prayer. During this time of high learning curve lack of self-discipline has been very evident here also. My erroneous thinking was “I don’t need to have a q.t. to please God. I can enjoy fellowship with Him on the run.” I found my inner strength dwindling. His voice to me –diminishing. Being a disciple of Christ implies that part of the relationship means discipline. The Big D is returning but for a healthier reason – out of love for God, not for His approval or for discipline’s sake.