Angry addicts - 2

How did all the mishandling of anger begin in an addict’s life? Childhood home environments were often the culprit.

1. Parents who didn’t constructively express and resolve anger, modeled the same for their children. Some taught that “nice guys” didn’t get angry. They taught repression – the art of swallowing anger so quickly it was unrecognizable. It’s destructiveness usually took the form of a passive aggressive behavior (getting even with others through subtle maneuvers of revenge.)

For example, the person who is chronically late is often a person getting even with another who is very time conscious. An addiction has a strong component in many cases of getting even with someone to whom they are close. A husband to a controlling, dominating wife. A wife to an emotionally neglecting husband. Could the pictured dog sitting on a cat be an example of passive-aggressiveness? And I’m wondering how much passive-aggressiveness plays a part in the following letter from a 13-year-old girl to her addict brother.

Dear brother,
“I have a question for you. Why are you so stupid? Harsh! No! I could tell you all these things you’ve done to me but I won’t because I love you and care about you. Even though I do, you are making it harder than licking a cactus. I know it will be hard but you need help. I don’t know how long we can do this. I want to see you more than once a week. You’re my brother. Do you remember that or are you high or something? Can you read this or are you not able to see the truth?
“I tell you something, I can barely read this because I am crying to hard. In school if someone says something to remind me of you, I have to choke down my tears. I know you’re an addict. But for me, for your family, STOP. We will still love you always but you can’t put us through this anymore. I can’t even begin to tell you how I feel. My feelings are racing. I don’t know what to do anymore. If you want to screw up your own life (which I don’t advise) fine, but don’t bring us down with you.
“Don’t keep running. Face what you have done. I may even be able to forgive the people who got you hooked on this disgusting stuff. What is getting drunk or high going to do – let you escape from your problems for a few hours anyway? Go to rehab for me. I love you with all my heart. PLEASE DON’T BREAK IT! your sis

More tomorrow on the genesis of anger and addictions.

The Angry Addict

I wrote an article for a website recently that focuses on the life and recovery of addicts. Rare is the person who doesn't have an addict of some kind in their life. Hopefully this material will be helpful to you.

Unresolved anger – much of it hidden and some expressed very destructively, stands as a Bigfoot blocking the door to an addict’s successful living. After working with alcoholics and drug addicts, many of them having tasted prison life, I can affirm the voices of Mike Waltermire of Nampa Lighthouse Mission and Daniel Gorman of Bakersfield Rescue Mission who say that alcoholics and addicts have as one of the greatest challenges the resolution of deep anger issues.

Gorman goes on to say that if one would peel back all the onion layers of disparaging living in search for the root causes of why people are homeless and on the streets, the cause is unforgiveness – the inability to forgive oneself or to forgive others. Again, issues of unresolved anger, because anger that “spends the night” becomes resentment and bitterness that manifests itself in an unforgiving spirit.

The trumpet is blaring, “Face the extent of the angry wounds you carrry. Plow up the entangled roots of resentment and begin to unravel the knots of frustation that are keeping you from living successfully. Until you do, your addiction will lie like a slumbering giant ogre to be awakened by a Jack and the Beanstock situation. Anger will seep out in the slightest form of irritation or erupt in a volcanic explosion of rage (even toward loved ones) or implode, expressing itself in some form of physical/mental/emotional/social dysfunction.

More tomorrow