I’m wondering. Is a marital relationship based either on law or on love? If a married couple are both Christians and there is no Biblical cause for divorce, and no significant abuse in the relationship, then resentment or divorce are not options for them. It seems that either law or love will carry them through the tough relational times. Let me throw some virgin thinking at you and see what you think.
A love relationship seems to have four ingredients to tap into when working through conflict.
1. Legitimate expectations of your spouse. (morally faithful, responsible parenting, etc) ,
2. Selfish expectations (to “die to.”) Expectation of the other to maintain a certain weight or a certain bank account figure. “I die to, or give up, the expectation of _____ (whatever.). There is a difference between selfish expectations and desires. Expectations are premeditated resentments. Desires, on the other hand, are not a requirement.
3. Desire of the spouse to be communicated from a position of identification with Christ (dead to selfish self, alive in Christ). “I’d like for you to accept me like I am.” Or, “I wish for you to have a passion for me and for our relationship.” Not a demand or expectation, but a desire.
4. What I’m willing to do to grow – for my sake and for the relationship’s sake. (Read certain books; have a consistent devotional life, be in a small group, receive mentoring, etc.)
If these “love ingredients” are not adhered to, it appears that law must take over to avoid divorce or a build up of resentment. Law would look something like this:
1. What I’m willing to change for our relationship’s benefit.
1. What I’m willing to change for our relationship’s benefit.
2. What I’m asking you to change.
3. If you don’t change, here are the consequences. For example: “you rarely spend time with the children. I realize that is what you experienced as a child, but your absence from the children is hurting them. I can give you some ideas to solve this if you like. If you don’’t implement a plan for change, I’ll bring in an elder of the church to talk with you about it. If that doesn’t do the job, I’ll _________. (Natural consequences.)
Where love does not prevail, law would emphasize a contractual relationship.
This is initial, virgin thinking. What do you think? What is your response?
rburwick@mindspring.com.
1 comment:
I don't even know what to make of that. Of course, I don't know what to make of marriage, either. I don't know what to make of any of it anymore, to be frank. What, exactly, is the basis for the kind of marriage practiced by the western world? I believe in the Bible, but I don't know what I'm supposed to be to a woman beyond faithful and loving and good. Where did all the current RULES come from? Are they supposed to be mandated by Scripture? What is going on here? -Russ (as usual, it's a long time since I read your blog. i've been busy with Army basic training in Oklahoma and getting settled into advanced training here in Georgia)
Post a Comment