Rx for Crash and Burn

         Just as no two Parkinson’s patients are alike in symptomatolagy  or treatment; so also for Christians. In resolving their crash and burn situations.different strategies are constructed. My strategy, based on prayer and seeking wisdom from God was  this:

Break down generalized ”crash and burn” identity crisis into workable facets. Like guilt, shame, anger, false guilt,self esteem, what is truth and what is a lie,.etc. It is most difficult to work with a generalized diagonosis – “old man not worth anything” or  derogatory labels placed upon you by another. Like “There goes fatso..’ So my self-diagnosis of “identity crisis” had to be broken down

Underlying the whole process is the word “authenticity,” total honesty with oneself and with God. “GOD, I’m feeling worse than nothing. You’ve given me some wonderfull  successes in the past. But now you have seemingly closed all doors for achievement, for performance, for ministry.

Issue #1 Lousy communicator: I could be on a quest for learning more about world’s happenings so that I could  improve my ability to communicate “small talk.” Or, just accept the reality.

Stuttering. That is  different. Most stutterers I know mellow out as they get older. Fluent speech comes with time and maturity. Time and maturity was working for me until, I began taking a stronger Parkinson’s medication about 3 years ago.. Stuttering kicked back in full force and now it is the worst it  has ever been.

Some studies indicate that there is a connection with the brain’s dopamine. Not enough can cause Parkinson’s. Too much triggers stuttering. I don’t know. All I know is that is what happened to me.

So, the prescription for issue #1 is  develop a strategy for becoming more knowledgeable or accept the fact that I’m not a good communicator and that will be ok. There doesn’t appear to be  any more I can do about the stuttering, except pray for a miracle.

Issue #2: I was comparing my self to three young successful bucks and was found wanting. Such foolishness, comparing  two different seasons of life. The Bible says ”bring your thoughts into captivity.” Burwick, you’ve got a choice – either be grateful for how God has blessed you during your “performance years;”or complain about what you don’t have now. (Which so easily can turn into bitterness.which  leads to depression.)

“So Father, I repent of my selfcenteredness that lead me to comparing with those three  young men. Bless  them so that they become even more successful. And, thank you that I don’t have  to work. And thank  you for all the success you have provided for me in the past.”

So, I need not fret over what I don’t  have now, and I don’t need to get defensive when someone confronts me.

What did I learn?

·        The crash and burn experience was good for me. It addressed my spiritual pride. Can’t be spiritually proud when you are in a funk and it helps break the cycle of unhealthy pride for the future.

·        I’ve learned for the umpteenth time that God is enough. There are, or will be, times in your life when all hell seems to  be cut loose, and nothing on a human level will meet those deep longings (for God) – which I believe we all have. It’s too bad that we usually have to be stripped of our false supports to come to that  point when we plunge a bit deeper into the pit  of idolatries(God replacements), repent and turn to Him at an ever-deepening level. The stripping process is not pleasant, but the product is seen as more than worth the adversity.

·         Teaching a concept doesn’t mean one has assimulated it. I have taught“Who we are in Christ” and “Knowing God as my Source of Security” for 37 years. I’ve written a book on it “Self Esteem: you  are better than  you think." There should be no reason why I’m having an identity crisis. When I’m feeling down, I can remind myself of who I really  am in Christ and my Source of securiy is The Creator of the universe.

Why doesn’t this concept stay seared into my brain? My opinion is that lessons are best learned in an emotional setting. To learn about our identity in Christ is more quickly learned as I experience Identity Crisis.

And what I thought were God’s words to me was getting to some core issues, “Ray, that is not identity crisis, that is selfcenteredness. Stop your flesh thinking and remind yourself of who  you really are in Christ and who I am as your loving Father.”

·        Relationships are more important then production. This concept is something that I’ve been trying to learn for 30 years, beginning with surgery for a spinal tumor in 1981. I believe that God orchestrated that event, speaking to my spirit saying, “Ray, you  are a hard worker and  that is good. However, your work ethic has replaced your people focus. Doing has become more important  then being. The greatest commandment is love – Me first,  then others and yourself. It is not perform and achieve for approval of others. Allow Me to love others through you, beginning wit h your wife,and you will feel more significant and you will enjoy a more relaxed lifestyle.”

I’ve been working at this since. BUT, I love to work, and I’m finding   that it can be an escape from relationships, along with being iolatry (achievement ranks above time with God.)

Different situations have occured since 1981 to remind me that work shouldn’t be “numero uno,” the latest being my four-wheeler accident  that has rendered my left leg almost  useless. And of course,  the Parkinson’s which is  escalating and slowing me way down.

             This is what I’m learning.  This is why I can do my James one  rejoicing even in  tough times knowing God is at work, shaping me and growing me more into the image of Jesus. (Romans 8:28-29)

Thanks for walking through this with me. I hope  you can catch the power behind the simplicity of these thoughts.

God's Encouragement

god's

            Hope  you had a fire-free and happy fourth of July. It is so easy to take blessings like our freedom for granted., although our president seems to be moving  us in an other  direction.

I’m still working on the post “What I learned through my  crash and burn” reported earlier. It takes this slow learner time to integrate.

God is so good. As I’m coming out of  the crash and burn  experience, He allowed me to receive an email that was so encouraging. I hope I’m not being audacious in sharing it with you.My take on this is, God knew I was  struggling with an identity crisis. He wanted me to see that my production isn’t something  that I can always see   Then He lovingly jostles with me saying, “Quit your self-absorbed complaining, Burwick. I t is not an  identity crisis, it is a self-centered guy not getting what he wants.” And He puts  His arm around me and lovingly prompts this lady to write me the following.

“Oh Ray, God is using your book to break so many chains off of me. I know a person has to be in that place in life where they are ready to be free, to live. I, in my hurt and anger, became so lonely and vice versa . Its a life stealing, deadening trap that Satan sets up to destroy us. I will share something, my anger ( not knowing that is what it was at the time) was so bad I truly believed I was demon possessed and had many times been anointed, hands laid on me, prayer,  you name it. As I was reading, rereading now my eyes began to open and and the sexual abuse ( as a child ) and the death of my cousin/baby brother Destry when he was 2, and the horribly controlling church I grew up in and on and on I could really see them, where that seed of hurt had blossomed into the ugly putrid disease ridden heart  And I wanted free. Jesus said He came to give us LIFE “FULL AND MORE ABUNDANT" and that includes me.   

“I am as all people on a Journey in this life, and I want a Journey that is full of Him. I had to be on this part of my Journey this is the "freedom  side becoming free from anger and letting myself be free to Praise," and God is sending every means of help so that I can be the daughter He always intended me to be. Your writing is plain and simple, right to the point, no sugar coating, just a passion to help God’s children be free. It is not a self gratifying book. It’s a God glorifying book.“

Isn’t that encouraging!  It’s as though God said, “There are some definate things Ray can do to turn  the identity crisis into great value, but I’m going to give you a special blessing of encouragement with this email. Isn’t God good?

CRASH AND BURN

CRASH AND BURN

 I crashed and burned when we had company here last week... It began with an altercation with the wife. that later I saw was insensitsive and inappropriate on my part. Confrontation was in public. Her husband and my wife supported the  woman. I became dsefensive and angry with all  three, tried to justify  by saying, “I am a lousy communicator. Not good at small talk.” But I was trying. I apologiz ed the next morning.

I am a poor comunicator, besides the stuttering which is getting more profuse, Both feed my identity cisis. This incident began the crash.

            Then being around 3 successful, achieving men highlighted to me my performance position – zip, nada. The Evil One whispered,“ you used to be a successsful BB coach at Cascade College, you earned a doctoral degree, built a successful counseling private practice; was director of Whole Life a Christian singles group, small group leader, built a horse ranch. Written a couple of published books. You’ve received honors from two colleges, The House of  Repesentatives of the state of Alabama recognized you for ‘your outstanding achievements.’ Your alma mater built a suite in the gym for treatment  of   athletic injuries and named it after you. Now,  you are a has-been. No ministry. No friendships here in Kentucky.  No vision. No goals. You can’t walk. Can’t talk. No production. You are an old .man with nothing to contribute to life – yours or anybody elses. Does God  really care?”

Does the Evil One ever attack you when you’e down, really hurting ?

I withdrew from everyone.They probably saw me as a stumbling, bumbeling old fart –  of little value, worth nothing.  Oh, I could have been projecting my self feelings on  them I suppose, thinking that they thought what I thought about myself.

Other components of my crash and burn identitiy crisis were: return of insomnia,  PD symptoms progressing more rapidly. Blurred and double vision.

So these things coming together made for one depressed guy with an identity crisis.  And a  “to hell with it” attitutde. Of course, no self pity. Ha!

            All this coming after my writing on James 1::2-8 a couple  months ago. “Rejoice when you run into problems and trails of many kinds.” That is the main reason I haven’t posted. I haven’t been able to practice what I preach. Getting better, but got a long way to go.

            What does all this lead to? Just a reminder to myself and those  of  you who desire personal growth. James chapter one tells us to be joyful during tough times. Then  He challenges us to ask God for wisdom. That has to mean that when we go through tough times we should have such intmacy with God that we can ask Him ”why?”

“God, You are all powerful. You could have prevented this adversity from happening.What are the lessons you want me to learn. How can what I am exper                         iencing help me grow?

            What I have learned through all of this will be shared with you in the nex t posting.