CRASH AND BURN

CRASH AND BURN

 I crashed and burned when we had company here last week... It began with an altercation with the wife. that later I saw was insensitsive and inappropriate on my part. Confrontation was in public. Her husband and my wife supported the  woman. I became dsefensive and angry with all  three, tried to justify  by saying, “I am a lousy communicator. Not good at small talk.” But I was trying. I apologiz ed the next morning.

I am a poor comunicator, besides the stuttering which is getting more profuse, Both feed my identity cisis. This incident began the crash.

            Then being around 3 successful, achieving men highlighted to me my performance position – zip, nada. The Evil One whispered,“ you used to be a successsful BB coach at Cascade College, you earned a doctoral degree, built a successful counseling private practice; was director of Whole Life a Christian singles group, small group leader, built a horse ranch. Written a couple of published books. You’ve received honors from two colleges, The House of  Repesentatives of the state of Alabama recognized you for ‘your outstanding achievements.’ Your alma mater built a suite in the gym for treatment  of   athletic injuries and named it after you. Now,  you are a has-been. No ministry. No friendships here in Kentucky.  No vision. No goals. You can’t walk. Can’t talk. No production. You are an old .man with nothing to contribute to life – yours or anybody elses. Does God  really care?”

Does the Evil One ever attack you when you’e down, really hurting ?

I withdrew from everyone.They probably saw me as a stumbling, bumbeling old fart –  of little value, worth nothing.  Oh, I could have been projecting my self feelings on  them I suppose, thinking that they thought what I thought about myself.

Other components of my crash and burn identitiy crisis were: return of insomnia,  PD symptoms progressing more rapidly. Blurred and double vision.

So these things coming together made for one depressed guy with an identity crisis.  And a  “to hell with it” attitutde. Of course, no self pity. Ha!

            All this coming after my writing on James 1::2-8 a couple  months ago. “Rejoice when you run into problems and trails of many kinds.” That is the main reason I haven’t posted. I haven’t been able to practice what I preach. Getting better, but got a long way to go.

            What does all this lead to? Just a reminder to myself and those  of  you who desire personal growth. James chapter one tells us to be joyful during tough times. Then  He challenges us to ask God for wisdom. That has to mean that when we go through tough times we should have such intmacy with God that we can ask Him ”why?”

“God, You are all powerful. You could have prevented this adversity from happening.What are the lessons you want me to learn. How can what I am exper                         iencing help me grow?

            What I have learned through all of this will be shared with you in the nex t posting.