I wept. Last week was a week of losses that brought tears. The first, not a biggie in the life of most people. Basketball has always been an integral part of my life. From playing to coaching. I shot some hoops at my granddaughter’s volleyball practice and found I had no legs. A good shot begins in the legs and flows up and out through the extended wrist and fingers.The accident of nearly one year ago has robbed me of basketball. No tears for this loss, but the stage was set.
Took a nasty fall and really banged up my ribs – left side.It illicited my normal response – “Lord, thanks. It hurts but could have been worse.”
Five minutes later. Another fall. Same spot, one rib lower. For the first time I wept.Tears from physical pain but more so, tears of “Is this what my life is going to be like?” Frustration. Fear. Loss. Stirred in a little cup of self pity.
Lasted a couple hours, because I had jumped (as described in the last posts.) Jumped back into the arms of my Heavenly Papa who lovingly tells me, “Trust me Ray. I will work this out for your best, for the good of others and for my Glory.”
Yes, Father. I trust you. I don’t need to focus on the “what ifs” of the future.” And then I’m reminded of Romans 15:13, “May the God of hope fill you with all peace and joy as you trust in Him; so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
A subsequent fall brought the loving, firm words of my wife, “Ray it is time to stick close to that walker.”
Loss. Loss of free perambulating. I wept.
I took my four-wheeled walker outside. You guessed it. Both the walker and I fell. Where did I land? Yes, left side. Rib high.
Lesson learned? Allow myself to own my human feelings. Then go “upstairs” with them, with hope – not in my circumstances but in God alone..
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Jump Into ?
In the last blog I “jumped.” From what to what? From trying to understand why God was seemingly not answering my prayers (the way I thought best.) Jumped from the subsequent cynicism and resentment I had toward God. From confusion about the effectiveness of prayer.
I jumped from - to a simple “trust and obey.” The Bible is replete with examples of ultimate success stemming from the simple outlook of “Trust God and obey Him. Hannah Whitall Smith captures the essence in her book “The Normal Christian Life.”
She says: “Nothing that is not part of God’s will is allowed to come into the life of someone who trusts and obeys Him. This truth should be enough to make our life one of ceaseless thanksgiving and joy, because God’s will is the most pleasant, hopeful and glorious thing in the world. It is the continuous working of His omnipotent power for our benefit, with nothing to prevent it IF WE REMAIN SURRENDERED and believing.” This world view is based on Romans 8:28-29.
The only problem I have with Ms. Smith’s words is that God’s will is always pleasant. The cross wasn’t pleasant for Christ nor is “death of self” pleasant for the follower of Christ. Not pleasant but so productive. Death of self can lead to Christ’s resurrection life living through us. Loving the unlovely. Forgiving the unforgiveable. His wisdom for our ignorance and His strength for our weakness.
The jump gives me the hope that as bad as Parkinson’s may get, God will work in it for my good, the good of others and to His glory. No matter the frequency of stuttering, He will bring good out of it. (It doesn’t feel that way when the stuttering frequency accelerates and words won’t flow at all. I have to spell the word.) Just a sidelight here: sometimes if I get stuck on a word if I say “damn-it” the word pops out. Not a good technique used when I was the Scripture reader for church!!!
Have you jumped?
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
WHY TRUST
Barron Olaf, my two-year-old grandson, stands on the edge of the swimming pool. I am in the pool waist-deep imploring him, “jump to me Barrron.” No problem. A little hesitation. Quick splash into my arms.
Why the hesitation? It’s scarey jumping into a watery abyss. Why only a short hesitation? I’m real close so he has to only lean to reach me, and Barron has learned from previous experience with his dad that, though scarey, it is safe.
As I take a couple steps away from him in the water, his faith in me waivers but the jump is always consumated. He trusts that I won’t go out too far that isn’t safe to jump.
Just a simple little allegory, depicting the “Trust and Obey” of last posting. In my 65 of 72 years that God and I have walked together, there has been no time that He has proven untrustworthy. He has always been there for me, meeting my needs. Oh, sometimes He allowed quite a splash before I reached His arms…deaths, vocational and personal challenges. At times it is hard to hear him say "jump"cuz I don't see Him or sense His presence.
Like this last few months.- seemingly unanswered prayer. Worsening of Parkinson’s symptoms. I’m falling frequently. Getting banged up, but no broken bones. The dyskinesia has me bobbing and reeling – at times, very noticeable. Speech fluency more and more distorted, etc. God seemed to be on lunch break. I neglected my faith’s fundamentals. Got confused and resentful.
Not unlike the Boston Celtics under Coach Red Auerback during their perenniel championship days. Auerack was asked why they were so successful. His report, “We stick with the fundamentals.”
2 of our $100 bunnies
Why the hesitation? It’s scarey jumping into a watery abyss. Why only a short hesitation? I’m real close so he has to only lean to reach me, and Barron has learned from previous experience with his dad that, though scarey, it is safe.
As I take a couple steps away from him in the water, his faith in me waivers but the jump is always consumated. He trusts that I won’t go out too far that isn’t safe to jump.
Just a simple little allegory, depicting the “Trust and Obey” of last posting. In my 65 of 72 years that God and I have walked together, there has been no time that He has proven untrustworthy. He has always been there for me, meeting my needs. Oh, sometimes He allowed quite a splash before I reached His arms…deaths, vocational and personal challenges. At times it is hard to hear him say "jump"cuz I don't see Him or sense His presence.
Like this last few months.- seemingly unanswered prayer. Worsening of Parkinson’s symptoms. I’m falling frequently. Getting banged up, but no broken bones. The dyskinesia has me bobbing and reeling – at times, very noticeable. Speech fluency more and more distorted, etc. God seemed to be on lunch break. I neglected my faith’s fundamentals. Got confused and resentful.
Not unlike the Boston Celtics under Coach Red Auerback during their perenniel championship days. Auerack was asked why they were so successful. His report, “We stick with the fundamentals.”
After Auerback retired from coaching, Boston spiraled downhill (until lately). They got away from the fundamentals for a few years.
Like the Celtics, I neglected utilizing the basic fundamentals of my walk with God when He says in Isaiah 43: Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. 2 When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown.When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. 3 For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. ..because you are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you.
Basic fundamental:
• God calls me by name
• I am His
• I am precious to Him and loved by Him
• In God’s sovereinty, He gave me or allowed me to have the adversity of Parkinson’s and also of stuttering. We observe in Isaiah 30: Though the Lord gave you adversity for food and suffering for drink, he will still be with you to teach you… So it will be when the LORD begins to heal his people and cure the wounds he gave them.
• God uses my adversity to teach me until He ultimately heals me (which might not be until my death/resurrection.)
Trust and obey. Remember, I am His and He is mine. He is my ultimate Papa who always wants the best for me.
So I am standing at the edge of the pool being implored to jump into His arms. Am I back to trusting Him? As we say in North Dakota, “Ya shoer, you betcha.” I jump.
2 of our $100 bunniesSaturday, August 13, 2011
Post Breakthrough
It seems too simple. The two afore blogs indicated my hang-ups. The anger to God – gone. Cynicism about seeming unanswered prayer – dissipated. Confusion about prayer – never will understand all the dynamics. And that is ok.
Where did this freedom originate? It seems too simple. But here was (is) my solution – learned as a child, relearned at 72. (Slow learner!) TRUST AND OBEY. Trust God as He is exposed in Holy Writ and do (obey) what He directs through His Word.
If God seems far away – trust Him.
If prayers aren’t answered as I desire – trust Him.
If speaking fluency doesn’t occur – trust Him.
If Parkinson’s symptoms continue to worsen – trust Him.
Insomnia issue? Much better. Don’t know why.
As I trust Him more deeply and do what He directs in His Word, I’m at peace. Simple, but so effective (and challenging).
The song “Trust and obey” describes it well.
When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word,
What a glory He sheds on our way!
While we do His good will, He abides with us still,
And with all who will trust and obey.
Not a burden we bear, not a sorrow we share,
But our toil He doth richly repay;
Not a grief or a loss, not a frown or a cross,
But is blessed if we trust and obey.
But we never can prove the delights of His love
Until all on the altar we lay;
For the favor He shows, for the joy He bestows,
Are for them who will trust and obey.
Then in fellowship sweet we will sit at His feet.
Or we’ll walk by His side in the way.
What He says we will do, where He sends we will go;
Never fear, only trust and obey.
More later.
Where did this freedom originate? It seems too simple. But here was (is) my solution – learned as a child, relearned at 72. (Slow learner!) TRUST AND OBEY. Trust God as He is exposed in Holy Writ and do (obey) what He directs through His Word.
If God seems far away – trust Him.
If prayers aren’t answered as I desire – trust Him.
If speaking fluency doesn’t occur – trust Him.
If Parkinson’s symptoms continue to worsen – trust Him.
Insomnia issue? Much better. Don’t know why.
As I trust Him more deeply and do what He directs in His Word, I’m at peace. Simple, but so effective (and challenging).
The song “Trust and obey” describes it well.
When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word,
What a glory He sheds on our way!
While we do His good will, He abides with us still,
And with all who will trust and obey.
Not a burden we bear, not a sorrow we share,
But our toil He doth richly repay;
Not a grief or a loss, not a frown or a cross,
But is blessed if we trust and obey.
But we never can prove the delights of His love
Until all on the altar we lay;
For the favor He shows, for the joy He bestows,
Are for them who will trust and obey.
Then in fellowship sweet we will sit at His feet.
Or we’ll walk by His side in the way.
What He says we will do, where He sends we will go;
Never fear, only trust and obey.
More later.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
BREAKTHROUGH IN SHOELEATHER
I finished last posting, saying I had a 1 a.m. break through. I haven’t written since because I wanted the concept to germinate and to experience some testing to see if it was truly of the Lord. I wanted to make sure I had a good handle on the issue and that it wasn’t just an emotional experience with no lasting effect. Oven baked. No quickie microwave. The learning ex perince “well done” with some portions of meat still needing oven time.
Break through. Break through what? Through the confusion of “Why does God seem so unresponsive to my prayers of petition?” The giving to me of what I perceive are His good gifts according to Matthew 7:11.Especially my big three: 1) less stuttering and more fluency; 2)Less dyskinesia and falling related to the PD; 3) sleep instead of insomnia.
The breakthrough? One word: HUMILITY.
“Humility,” you say. “What in the world does that have to do with your situation?” Allow me to explain. .
When was the last time you heard a sermon on humility? When was the last time you asked Christ to make you humble? Frankly, in my 65 years of walking with Him, I’ve never asked for humility.
Yet, Christ describes Himself as “the Son who does nothing in Himself.” In Phillippians “He (Christ) humbled Himself, therefore God exalted Him.” Jesus taught humility: “Learn of me, for I am meek and lowly of heart. Matt.11:29
Which leads us to the definition of humility. Andrew Murray describes it as “simply the sense of entire nothingness which comes when we see how truly God is all and in which we make way for God to be all. Humility is the acknowledgement that self has nothing good in it, except as an empty vsessel which God must fill. A surrendering of the total self to God.”
Secular psychology would have a real problem with this view. Some call it “worm theology.” However, if our focus is God’s all-powerful, all loving being, how can we but see in contrast our nothingness – yet, AS CHRIST FOLLOWERS being filled with God’s all-powerful, all loving completeness! A very healthy balance.Nothing of “self.” Focus on Christ living through me.
Possibly an apppropriate summary of Murray’s book Humilty would be his words: “Humility is simply the disposition which prepares the soul for living on trust. And every, even the most secret, breathing of pride in self-seeking, self-will, self confidence or self-exaltation is just the strengthening of the self which cannot enter the kindgom or possess the things of the kingdom, because it refuses to let God be what He is and must be: their All in All.”
For my breakthrough, point one: I desire to be a godly man, “being confomed to the image of Christ.” That has been a life-long commitment.
Point two: growth in humility would be part of that conformation to Christlikeness.
Point three: I stutter. Talk funny, sometimes can’t talk at all. Good for growth in humility. Same with PD.Walk funny. Sometimes can’t walk at all. Both embarrasing but good for growth in humility. I’ve thought of these two as character builders for many years and 90% of the time I’m accepting of them. Possibly a third of the time I can even rejoice in the adversity (James 1:2-4) How ever, as the problems escalate I have wanted Good to intervene.
Now humility puts a whole new spin on petitionary praying. Petition prayers for myself may not be answered the way I had hoped. I desire character growth plus the experience of becoming like Christ in the arena of humility. I hate to admit it, but I need the humbling effect of PD and stuttering, because my default is the ugliest of sins – spiritual pride. The attitude that got Lucifer kicked out of heaven.
In praying for others, I believe I know myself well enough that if God consistently answered my prayers of petition for others, I’d have a tendency to become spiritually proud. “Hey, there goes Ray Burwick. He is a spiritual giant. You need any prayers answered? Call on Ray to pray for you.” I’ve been aware of this for a long time and have been asking God to break me of it. He is, but a ways to go.
So, since the “break through,” I’m petitioning God for self and others out of obedience to Biblical directives… not understanding the dynamics. For example, a friend has a need or a tough challenge. So I pray for him, even as I ponder questions about how prayer works. Will God respond to him if I don’t pray for him? And, how many pray-ers does it take to get through to heaven and see God work?
A friend needs a job. Are his prayers sufficient for God to move in the heart of some employer? Is God more responsive to ten people praying for a job for him? To 100 pray-ers?
I don’t understand all this, but I know that as we follow Biblical guidelines, (pray without ceasing) we’ll be successful (Joshua 1:8).
Wrapping it up: I’m not perturbed with God or cynical because I can see His objective for me is not only character growth but developing the Christ-like quality of humility. However I’m still a little confused regarding the dynamics of prayers of petition.
So, I pray for fellowship with God and to seek His wisdom. And,.I petition God but I’m endeavoring to allow God to be All in All - for me and for others.
As I fix my thoughts in this direction, I’m at peace and experiencing joy and contentment from a deeper intimacy with Abba Papa. Still more growth needed.
Break through. Break through what? Through the confusion of “Why does God seem so unresponsive to my prayers of petition?” The giving to me of what I perceive are His good gifts according to Matthew 7:11.Especially my big three: 1) less stuttering and more fluency; 2)Less dyskinesia and falling related to the PD; 3) sleep instead of insomnia.
The breakthrough? One word: HUMILITY.
“Humility,” you say. “What in the world does that have to do with your situation?” Allow me to explain. .
When was the last time you heard a sermon on humility? When was the last time you asked Christ to make you humble? Frankly, in my 65 years of walking with Him, I’ve never asked for humility.
Yet, Christ describes Himself as “the Son who does nothing in Himself.” In Phillippians “He (Christ) humbled Himself, therefore God exalted Him.” Jesus taught humility: “Learn of me, for I am meek and lowly of heart. Matt.11:29
Which leads us to the definition of humility. Andrew Murray describes it as “simply the sense of entire nothingness which comes when we see how truly God is all and in which we make way for God to be all. Humility is the acknowledgement that self has nothing good in it, except as an empty vsessel which God must fill. A surrendering of the total self to God.”
Secular psychology would have a real problem with this view. Some call it “worm theology.” However, if our focus is God’s all-powerful, all loving being, how can we but see in contrast our nothingness – yet, AS CHRIST FOLLOWERS being filled with God’s all-powerful, all loving completeness! A very healthy balance.Nothing of “self.” Focus on Christ living through me.
Possibly an apppropriate summary of Murray’s book Humilty would be his words: “Humility is simply the disposition which prepares the soul for living on trust. And every, even the most secret, breathing of pride in self-seeking, self-will, self confidence or self-exaltation is just the strengthening of the self which cannot enter the kindgom or possess the things of the kingdom, because it refuses to let God be what He is and must be: their All in All.”
For my breakthrough, point one: I desire to be a godly man, “being confomed to the image of Christ.” That has been a life-long commitment.
Point two: growth in humility would be part of that conformation to Christlikeness.
Point three: I stutter. Talk funny, sometimes can’t talk at all. Good for growth in humility. Same with PD.Walk funny. Sometimes can’t walk at all. Both embarrasing but good for growth in humility. I’ve thought of these two as character builders for many years and 90% of the time I’m accepting of them. Possibly a third of the time I can even rejoice in the adversity (James 1:2-4) How ever, as the problems escalate I have wanted Good to intervene.
Now humility puts a whole new spin on petitionary praying. Petition prayers for myself may not be answered the way I had hoped. I desire character growth plus the experience of becoming like Christ in the arena of humility. I hate to admit it, but I need the humbling effect of PD and stuttering, because my default is the ugliest of sins – spiritual pride. The attitude that got Lucifer kicked out of heaven.
In praying for others, I believe I know myself well enough that if God consistently answered my prayers of petition for others, I’d have a tendency to become spiritually proud. “Hey, there goes Ray Burwick. He is a spiritual giant. You need any prayers answered? Call on Ray to pray for you.” I’ve been aware of this for a long time and have been asking God to break me of it. He is, but a ways to go.
So, since the “break through,” I’m petitioning God for self and others out of obedience to Biblical directives… not understanding the dynamics. For example, a friend has a need or a tough challenge. So I pray for him, even as I ponder questions about how prayer works. Will God respond to him if I don’t pray for him? And, how many pray-ers does it take to get through to heaven and see God work?
A friend needs a job. Are his prayers sufficient for God to move in the heart of some employer? Is God more responsive to ten people praying for a job for him? To 100 pray-ers?
I don’t understand all this, but I know that as we follow Biblical guidelines, (pray without ceasing) we’ll be successful (Joshua 1:8).
Wrapping it up: I’m not perturbed with God or cynical because I can see His objective for me is not only character growth but developing the Christ-like quality of humility. However I’m still a little confused regarding the dynamics of prayers of petition.
So, I pray for fellowship with God and to seek His wisdom. And,.I petition God but I’m endeavoring to allow God to be All in All - for me and for others.
As I fix my thoughts in this direction, I’m at peace and experiencing joy and contentment from a deeper intimacy with Abba Papa. Still more growth needed.
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