Parenting

Invariably we parent as we have been parented, or we flip flop. My dad didn’t have an emotionally nurturing father, subsequently he parented me in like manner. Not being a demonstrative man, his first emotional demonstration of his care for me was when he cried while depositing me at the train depot when I left for college. That awareness really shook me. Confusion.
As a parent to my son, I said it would be different. I flip flopped. Smothered him. How does a parent remodel his parent’s model?

Jim Daly, president of Focus on the Family, addresses this question in the June Focus magazine. “I’m often asked how my own tumultuous childhood has affected my role as a father of two boys. My parents divorced when I was young, and a year after my mother remarried, she died suddenly. My stepfather quickly abandoned us and I spent the rest of my youth in a chaotic environment with few positive role models.

“When I became a father, I gleaned a great deal of wisdom from Dr. Dobson’s books and radio programs and from other Christian writers who have gone before me in the adventure of parenthood. I have made good use of these wonderful resources even as I continue to learn from others.
“I’m not a perfect parent or anything close to it. I think most dads, regardless of their upbringing, would attest that fatherhood is a process of learning by trail and error, and one that must be continually covered in prayer. Rather than pressuring myself to do everything right as a father, I simply focus on doing a few things well, trusting God to help me as I go.

“In practical terms, that means spending as much time as possible with my two boys and building open, honest relationships. I make sure I tell my boys two things on a daily basis that I seldom heard when I was their age: “I love you” and “I’m proud of you.” In the end, that’s the best thing a dad can do.

Daly refused to be a victim of circumstances. His early childhood loss became gain as it motivated him to give to his two boys what he didn’t receive.