His 30-year-old mustache and neatly trimmed beard couldn’t hide the kindness exuding from him. Was the attractive full beard an endeavor of Joe’s to hide something? As we talked, Joe related a life of regret, pain (self and others induced) and anger. His pain had lead him to a life of growing reclusiveness. People were missing out on Joe’s kind and gentle spirit.
Joe’s loss? Four marriages. Four divorces. Job losses. Financial loss. Loss of fellowship with his children. Plus more.
Life began with a father who “killed me with the silent treatment. Very controlling and depracating of my lack of athletic ability.” Sexual addiction broke up his first marriage of 12 years. Multiple affairs indicated the little boy inside looking for male self esteem through conquering women. “If I could have sex with many women, that meant I was a real man. Vicki rightly didn’t put up with my shenanigans and divorced me."
" Though we had met in a bar, we had both been raised in the Nazarene church. The affairs and divorce were so against my upbringing. Shame drove me to withdrew from my immediate family. No one to look down at me. No expectations for me to meet.”
Joe admits to a life-long inconsistent walk with God. Going from a man who was significantly involved in the church to one now who hasn’t darkened the halls of church for years. Part of it is blameshifting, “those hypocrites who don’t walk their talk.” A pastor who broke confidence is a causal factor. However, a major contributor to Joe’s spiritual demise is his resentment toward God (and others.)
Our interview ended with my question, “what is the good that has come out of all your pain?” To which he responded, “the good is yet to come. Oh, I enjoy and have a tender heart toward the elderly and toward strangers. But, until I get some things straightened out, I’ll not experience all that God has created for me.”
Joe B
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