One person who is truly living out her identity in Christ is Nancy Pitts. She and her husband Mark left the security of two significant jobs in Nampa, Idaho – Mark as Academic VP at NNU and Nancy, community pastor of a young thriving church - and are currently serving as missionaries in Kenya. I’ve previvously posted Mark’s story. Here is Nancy’s.
Behind the closed door of an elementary school bathroom stall, Nancy ate her lunch in quiet solitude, escaping the students who she assumed saw her as homely and geeky. But did they? Very possibly it was an incorrect observation, because by the time this California small-farm schoolgirl had graduated from high school she had achieved many honors in school and church.
Going to a small church college, Nancy had the opportunity to experience success as a lead actor in most of the school dramas, held many collegiate offices, became a cheerleader, was elected Homecoming Queen, and made lifelong friends.
Life took a twist when she met her future husband at college. The first time they met Gene announced that he hated people. Later on he made the statement that “women are like bird dogs, the more you kick them, the more they come back and lick your boots.”
As I interviewed Nancy, she responded to my shocked expression following her previously mentioned description of Gene: “My mother set the example of ‘marrying a man and changing him’ like she had done with my father. It worked for her. My father gave up his bad habits and became a committed Christian. He was a kind, gentle, and generous man but favored my sister over me. I saw in Gene, unconsciously, a man like my father who I could change and thus rewrite my childhood script of a rejecting father. I could fix my childhood.
What a mistake! Gene and I had a stormy, on and off relationship for 5 years during which time I was engaged to two other guys. But Gene kept coming back and when I finally told him there would be no more second chances he reluctantly asked me to marry him.”
“Gene was a preacher who made fun of me from the pulpit and treated parishioners harshly. As a result we didn’t last long at any church. He became more and more domineering, demanding that I submit to him as unto the Lord. We came to an impasse when I was pregnant with our fifth child. Gene insisted that I deliver at home as I had with our fourth child even though there were ominous and unexplainable physical problems during this pregnancy. When I prayed about whether to give birth at home, I heard a definite inner “no” from the Lord. When I told Gene what I felt the Lord had shown me, he said I hadn’t heard from God and needed to submit to his authority.
For the first time, I went against him and did what I knew was right. It was fortunate that I defied him because the baby was born with multiple medical problems and died at 16 days old. Later I found out that I had a rare adrenal tumor that would have killed me if I had given birth at home. Even after we found out about the tumor, Gene still insisted that I should have saved money and delivered the baby at home.
“His behavior became worse and reached a point where he crossed the line. I finally realized that I was no longer safe so got a restraining order and made him leave. Separation was a long process because “God hates divorce,” and I wanted to be an obedient Christian. Throughout my painful marriage, I had seen God as my captor. However, as I searched Scripture and spent time listening for God’s guidance I slowly came to the place of realizing that He was my Deliverer and was releasing me from the marriage covenant.
If there had been any sign of repentance or even acknowledgment from Gene about his abusiveness I would have tried to make the marriage work. However, there was not. So with grief about what should have been I made the decision to go ahead with the divorce proceedings.
Church people instead of judging and condemning me rallied around and supported me because they had observed first hand Gene’s demeaning cruelty to the children and me.
I’ve learned more about God’s loving grace from the loss of a failed marriage than I could have ever known without that painful experience. What I gained from the loss is: the deep knowing that God is all I need, that the Lord redeems our pain and uses it to minister to others, that He is a God of second chances (my marriage to Mark is a wonderful testament to that), and that He can use broken people in His Kingdom work (being missionaries to Kenya is proof of that).
“What a wonderful God we have…who so wonderfully comforts and strengthens us in our hardships and trials. So that when others are in trouble, needing our sympathy and encouragement, we can pass on to them this same help and comfort God has given us.” 2 Corinthians 2:3-4 LB
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