“I don’t seem to be able to get away from the issue of Value, where it comes from, where we seek it. Is value, whether we call it significance or security, something innate or something cultural? Is it God-given or something we seek from others?” writes Montana Gary.
He continues,
“I submit we have innate value first by God’s design, then by His creation and lastly by relationship to Him. But because we are fallen, we do everything about value away from God; we seek it from others, try to create it for ourselves, or seek it from the creation. When we seek significance apart from God, we seek to produce it by our efforts, win it from others by our actions, or take it by our determination. Security can either be accepted from God or we can seek it in relationship, in belongings, or our paradigm of our value apart from others.
“In both cases, apart from God, it is either what we create on our terms or seek from others in response to our actions. With God, either significance or security is not something we create or earn but something given before we ever had physical being. Our struggle is that we tend to not be willing to accept value from God—culture has taught us that we must deserve anything of value (earn) to be able to possess it. We cannot come to grips with the concept of value as a gift.
“Is not the significance or security we seek from others when out of sync with God a form of self-fulfillment, trying to achieve outside of God. Only when we are fulfilled and secure, valued before God, can we then appropriately receive those gifts from other sources without it being idolatry or codependency. Wholeness must first come from God or we will never be able to turn to Him after we have found it elsewhere.
“Correct me—where am I diverting from your intent? Yes, we are to have value and security in our relationships but does it not first have to be accepted from God before we can fully, wholly, openly receive it from our mates?”
I like and enjoy Gary’s creative, analytical and God centered thinking. I agree whole-heartedly with him. Our personal value must be sought from God. Any other source is at best fragile and temporary, at worst, idolatry. However, I surmise that I’m not getting my point across, that being “husbands – cherish your wives” and “wives – value your husbands.”
“I submit we have innate value first by God’s design, then by His creation and lastly by relationship to Him. But because we are fallen, we do everything about value away from God; we seek it from others, try to create it for ourselves, or seek it from the creation. When we seek significance apart from God, we seek to produce it by our efforts, win it from others by our actions, or take it by our determination. Security can either be accepted from God or we can seek it in relationship, in belongings, or our paradigm of our value apart from others.
“In both cases, apart from God, it is either what we create on our terms or seek from others in response to our actions. With God, either significance or security is not something we create or earn but something given before we ever had physical being. Our struggle is that we tend to not be willing to accept value from God—culture has taught us that we must deserve anything of value (earn) to be able to possess it. We cannot come to grips with the concept of value as a gift.
“Is not the significance or security we seek from others when out of sync with God a form of self-fulfillment, trying to achieve outside of God. Only when we are fulfilled and secure, valued before God, can we then appropriately receive those gifts from other sources without it being idolatry or codependency. Wholeness must first come from God or we will never be able to turn to Him after we have found it elsewhere.
“Correct me—where am I diverting from your intent? Yes, we are to have value and security in our relationships but does it not first have to be accepted from God before we can fully, wholly, openly receive it from our mates?”
I like and enjoy Gary’s creative, analytical and God centered thinking. I agree whole-heartedly with him. Our personal value must be sought from God. Any other source is at best fragile and temporary, at worst, idolatry. However, I surmise that I’m not getting my point across, that being “husbands – cherish your wives” and “wives – value your husbands.”
This is not to say that I’m to seek my value from my wife. In her desire to speak my “love language” she will best do that by valuing me by word and deed. My value isn’t determined by her and I don’t look to her for my sense of value. My real value is in whom God created me to be. That value is also affected by my performance. If I’m lazy or for some reason not living up to my performance potential, I will feel of less value (and probably experience some depression!). Also, if I’m not acquainting myself with Scripture that describes who I am as part of God’s creation, then my ignorance will affect my sense of value.
Likewise, a woman’s deepest need is security. A sense of security doesn’t come through performance like a man, it comes through relationship. The ultimate security is found in an intimate fellowship with the Creator. Anything I can do to make her feel cherished as my wife, adds to her feeling of security. Her security resource is God. I can add to that sense by demonstrating a cherishing attitude and behavior.
For building a strong marriage relationship, husbands cherish, wives value.
What do you all think? What is your response to this thinking? rburwick@mindspring.com .
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