PERTURBED WITH GOD

I’ve been challenged recently to pray according  to God’s personality, not according to His power. I think the  reason for the challenge was that I have grown confused, somewhat cynical and a little bit perturbed with God. Why? Because my prayers of petition were seemingly going unanswered or at least not answered in the way I thought was best or as the Bible seemed to promise.

For example,  my insomnia, which I’m told is credited to Parkinson’s.  Now there is no Scripture that promises healing for stuttering or Parkinson’s, but insomnia is addressed in Psalm 127:2  It is vain for you to rise up early,  To sit up late, To eat the bread of sorrows; For so He gives His beloved sleep.

“Now God,” I complain, “am I not one of your beloved? Severe insomnia is a significant challenge. I’ve tried man’s ways to get prepared for sleep.  Results? Zip.

I’ve “let my requests be made known to You” according to Philippians 4. Nothing or very little.

I’ve searched my heart to determine if there are any emotional or spiritual blockages. Silence!

Is this Psalm written to someone else or, like the food rules of the Old Testament, don’t necessairly apply now?” Confusion.

I still believe in prayer, but at this point  in my journey, solely as a means to know God better and as a means of having fellowship with Him. I have trouble with that view of prayer because the Bible directs me to petition God for myself and for others. “You have not because you ask not.”

Out of prayer habit, I find myself petitioning God for something or someone, but usually cloak it with “unless you have a purpose for the adversity or if you have a better plan disregard this request, Father.” That kind of praying sounds wishy-washy. No faith believing.

            Matthew 7:11 has always been an intriguing portion of  Scripture. It states “So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.”

Don’t get me wrong.. God has been so good to me for which I’m very grateful. But numerous are the challenges in the Bible that directs us to let our requests be made known to God, like Philippians 4:6-7 “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; ⁷ and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

            “Now God, as my Father wanting to give me good gifts and be responsive to my petitions, (according to Your word), why not speaking fluency rather than stuttering? And why not freedom from Parkinson’s? Or, the sleep issue, and the marriage I prayed for that ended in a split, plus more petitions for myself and for others. Why do You seem so unresponsive?"

            As I am writing this section it is 1 a.m. July 23, 2011 And I’ve just had a breakthrough. I’ve been reading Andrew Murray’s book Humility, beauty of holiness. I’ll share the details in my next blog