I’ve put off blogging long enough. Procrastination, laziness, busy with other things and flat out pride. I don’t like to admit that life the last few weeks has been rough – a roller coaster. I don’t like to be a whiner. I don’t want your sympathy so I’ve been silent. It is much more fun to report success stories or to give tidbits on helping people come through a tough time. I’m having to internalize my own teaching at this time and this ol’ Norwegian/Estonian is sometimes a slow learner. “I come too late, too smart.”
Roller coaster. The excitement of locating and buying an RV fifth wheel and a Ford 250 to pull it so that we can begin our “new ministry” – staying for an extended period of time at each of our children’s homes, GRANDPARENTING. Loving on and encouraging them. Being of any help possible with our children. Also, the hip replacement went smoother than expected. Quick recovery. The roller coaster is up there.
Then there is the pit. Stuttering is at times worse then it has ever been. The body and mind continue to deteriorate, a gift of Parkinson’s. I think I’ve handled that fairly well – either through denial or placing my faith in God who loves me and wants the best for me.
But this week a new hurdle was faced. Care-giving for a person in stage four or five of Parkinson’s is quite a challenge. I’m in stage three, knocking on the door of stage four. There is a good chance that I’ll be a real burden to Theresa. I’ve felt horrible this weekend thinking of all the ramifications that could take place… dementia, bed-ridden, etc. I believe God gives me grace to handle it for myself. But to think of my dear wife, a precious gift from God, having the burden to live with – I was really down and blown away about that.
So I put my counselor hat on. Got down on the floor “eating rug” and told my woes to God. Had my list of stages four and five before me. He gently instructed me to draw a cross through the page along with an empty tomb, reminding me of Galatians 2:20:
My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
It was if Jesus said, “Trust me. I won’t only work out the best for you but also for Theresa. I love you. I love your wife.”
So here I am, naked as it were, singing that ol’ spiritual, “it’s me O Lord, standing in the need of prayer.”
By faith I bring to mind and set it on Psalm.34:1-10
I will praise the Lord no matter what happens. I will constantly speak of his glories and grace. I will boast of all his kindness to me. Let all who are discouraged take heart. Let up praise the Lord together and exalt his name. For I cried to him and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears. Others too were radiant at what he did for them. Theirs was no downcast look of rejection. This poor man cried to the Lord and the Lord heard him and saved him out of his troubles. For the Angel of the Lord guards and rescues all who reverence him Oh Put God to the test and see how kind he is. See for yourself the way his mercies shower down on all who trust in Him. If you belong to the Lord, reverence him; for everyone who does this has everything he needs. Even strong young lions sometimes go hungry, but those of us who reverence the Lord will never lack any good thing.
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