Tired - Angry?

Client to counsleor: “I’VE SAVED MY FAMILY SOME TURMOIL. I’VE TAKEN MY KEYS AWAY FROM MYSELF! IF THAT HAD BEEN A PERSON INSTEAD OF A TREE THAT I SIDESWIPED WHAT A HORRIBLE THOUGHT.

“But wow, the loss of freedom.Can’t just jump in the truck and go pick up rock or run an errand. I’m subject to and dependent on others’ schedules. If I live to be as old as my father was at death, that means 20 years of depending on someone else to drive me. OOPHDA

“I’M TIRED. Tired of the constant pain in foot, leg and knee. Tired of loss of balance that causes me to fall nearly daily.Tired of the dyskinesia that periodically rocks my body with constant motion. Tired of the leg spasms. And it looks like I’ll have to live with this the rest of my life. Tired of it” .

Hard-nosed Bible-beating counselor: “You’re not tired. You are angry. Mad at God because you believe that He is all powerful and could relieve you of this pain and doesn’t. You are angry because you’re not getting your way. Repent of your selfishness. Lots of people have it much worse than you.”

Client: “Pain is relative. Knowing that others have it worse than me, doesn’t help my pain. You’re just laying some guilt on me that adds to the emotional pain. And I’m not angry, just tired.”

HnBbc: “Do you think it is bad to be angry at God?” Is anger at God totally unacceptable?”

Client: “No. King David who was called a man after God’s own heart, voiced his anger. A number of the Psalms display the anger, but usually conclude with a ‘yet, I trust You God, attitude.’ I’m working on bringing my attitude into line with David’s model (which for me will be a life-long challenge.)

“By the way, this is my last visit. You may call yourself a Christian counselor, but your compassion is zip. Zilch.



Hmm! I’m wondering how many people left my counseling office with that perspective!!

Giving up Driving

Giving up driving is a real challenge. If I didn't have a loving, supportive wife it would even be harder.It is also nice to have a friend who experiences "sympatheic pain" with  me. A note fom John read:

 In the midst of your grief over your loss of driving privileges (precipitated by a poor judgement trailer wreck) Olaf maybe my story can bring a smile to your face:

Susan and I were driving to the store about 8:30 tonight...in the rain. I was going to let her off at the front door and go do an errand and pick her up at the same spot. I was telling her about your little accident and deciding to quit driving and then she screamed..."John". At that very moment I hit the string of grocery carts that the bag boy was pushing across the cross walk into the store. He was not hurt, the carts were not hurt, Susan got out and I drove on.

But, it was at the precise moment of telling Susan about you that the Sanctified Grocery Carts got the hell beat out of them. By the way, you do know how Catholics make holy water, I presume. They take ordinary tap water and boil the hell out of it.
 
The nex t day his note read :
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

BVD, Inc. announced today at a press conference held at the CNN offices that they are open for business. BVD guarantees they will demolish anything the customer needs to be demolished…and they will do it faster and cheaper than any competitor. Their motto is:

“Satisfaction guaranteed or double your junk back to you.”

BVD specializes in any size demolition work…they can handle everything from small trailers and riding lawn mowers to grocery store carts to your basic manure smelling barn. This is why their secondary motto is: “No order or odor is too big or too small.”

The officers of this new and growing company are R. Olaf Burwick and J. Eddie Vawter. Dr. Burwick, President and Chief Executive Officer said, “If this sanctified business grows as fast as the Nazzie preachers can spit out their words of wisdom from the pulpits of America, there is no reason for us not to have a public offering by the end of the year.” Rev. Dr. Vawter said, “I have no idea what is going on. Dr. Burwick asked me to listen to his 3-minute presentation and 15 minutes later I had to go to the bathroom so I said yes.”

Please remember for all your demolition needs big or small

Burwick Vawter Demolition is the one to call."

How blessed I am go have a friend like John.

Friendship's Support

A friend is one who knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts who you have become and still gently invites you to grow. ~ William Shakespeare

“Support is one of the great gifts and essentials of high performance friendship. To support a friend is to serve as his foundation. It is to uphold and sustain under trial or affliction with patience and tolerance.” (Vawter and Wetherbe in their manuscript ‘Achieving High Performance Friendship.’

Wives often ask for support when they are presenting a problem to their husbands. They often don’t want the problm solved. They just want to know they are being heard and supported.

On the other hand, men, in our egocentricity, don’t feel we need sjupport… until we “crash and burn.” My first awareness of need for support came when our twin son died at birth. Many friends told us of their prayer for us or gave us a supportive type scripture. But the one who I felt supported me most was the friend who called in the evening of that fateful day simply saying,” Do you need a shoulder?”

Or Dave, when my first wife died, always tuned in to support a guy who thought he was so independent, but found himself very lonely and needy. Or John, when he heard of Ann’s death, called and said, “I’ll cancel my schedule. I’ll fly out to meet you.”

And now, a very supportive family that takes up the slack, fills the gaps as Parkinson Disease steals memory and driving.

I am definitely one blessed man.
Some questions to ask ourselves as posed by Vawter and Wetherbe:

1. Can you describe a time when a friend was a “supportive friend” to you in a manner that far exceeded your expectations? What difference did it make in your life for the moment and for the future?

2. Do your friends perceive you as a supportive friend?

3. The point has been made that genuine friends want the best for us, and help us grow. How do you rank yourself in this area? Are you a genuine friend? How can you improve?

Significance of a Friend

I miss my Nampa "Band of  Brothers." The enclosed picture reminded me of the significance of friendship. The letter from Gary seen in the following, is an example of a true friend who will not only encourage but "Kick Butt" when appropriate. Gary's response came as a result of my posting of a week ago.

"For someone as wise as you are, you often miss the significance of the simple! If you were dealing with anyone else handling the volume of change and chaos that has passed through your life in the last 15 months, you would counsel then to go easy. But not with yourself—you somehow expect you should rise above being mortal and take a road beyond the rest of us.

"The simple fact of growing (or gaining through loss) is that it takes time to process, to grow into the new man as Christ reveals Himself in our inner being, as we recognize what He is showing us and accept that He is leading us beyond ourselves.

" Go easy on your judgment of the value of your journey no matter the course that God leads you on."

WHAT A SPECIAL FRIEND!

Staggering Awareness

5:30 a.m..I awaken with a staggering awareness. My driving days are fast coming to a close. The last comment my Parkinson’s doc had for me at my most recent visit was, “If you begin to show poor judgement in driving, it is time to strongly consider stopping.” I did last night. Wrecked a trailer carrying my riding lawn mower. Very poor judgement. Another loss chaulked up to Parkinson’s.


“Grieve the loss,” the counselor suggests. “Then, lets get on with living. You still have a lot of life to live and give.”

God says, “I’m still in control. I have your back covered. Still have your best in mind. This is a slowing down, more restful phase of life for you. Think of all I have empowered you to do in the past.. Allow me to give you a new vision and provide the wherewithal to accomplish it.”

Passages from Isaiah 30 come to my mind.

This is what the Sovereign LORD,


the Holy One of Israel, says:


“Only in returning to me


and resting in me will you be saved.


In quietness and confidence is your strength…”


So the LORD waits for you to come to him


so he can show you his love and compassion.


For the LORD is a faithful God.


Blessed are those who wait for his help.


19 O people of Zion, who live in Jerusalem,


you will weep no more.


He will be gracious if you ask for help.


He will surely respond to the sound of your cries.


20 Though the Lord gave you adversity for food


and suffering for drink,


he will still be with you to teach you.


You will see your teacher with your own eyes.


21 Your own ears will hear him.


Right behind you a voice will say,


“This is the way you should go,


whether to the right or to the left."

So be it, Abba PaPa.

Rabbit religion

Theresa has been home from the hospital for a week. She visits the doctor three times per week for six weeks of intravaeous antibiotic treatment. Further testing has indicated no definitive diagnosis on the heart valve spot.

While celebrating her homecoming at a dinner out, she asked me this: “Is your relationship with Christ based on discipline or intimacy.” This was mid-meal. Dessert came and went. No answer,,,still don’t have one.

My discipline has waned this past year – in exercise spiritually and physically. That seems to carry over into my “feltnesss” relationship with God. I’m wondering if intimacy with God has a component of discipline.

Richard Fosters says it well in his book “Celebration of Discipline”
“What happens in (the discipline of ) meditation is that we create the emotional and spiritual space which allows Christ to construct an inner sanctuary in the heart. We who have turned our lives over to Christ need to know how very much he longs to eat with us, to commune with us (Rev.3:20 ). He desires a perpetual Eucharistic feast in the inner santucty of the heart. The discipline of meditation opens the door, and although we are engaging in specific meditation exercises at specific times, the aim is to bring this living reality into all of life.”

I’d like to experience that communion more. Like our English angora runt of the litter rabbit. We put him in with his mother for solo drinking time. He clammers from one spiggot of mother’s milk to another with a voracious appetite.We just watch with amazement at his hustling antics to get his prize. I want that same kind of “hungering and thirsting for righteousness.” And that takes the discipline of creating an inner space for Christ to be communing with me  and a drawing  of the Holy Spirit.

Theresa

Theresa is in the hospital...vegetation in a heart valve. It has rained record amounts here, but affecting a heart valve? :-)   She has had chronic coughing up of mucous. Her doctor thought as a last resort, she should have her heart checked out. Sure enough - infected heart valve. GET RIGHT TO THE HOSPITAL, the doc said and she is going through testing now.

We are sad to miss out Idaho trip for my 50th graduation anniversary.We have some very special friends there. This might be a good time for you to get a peak into Theresa's "kitchen window." She journaled the following a couple weeks ago. With her permission:

The plane was ascending out of JFK on its way to Denver.  My eyes were fixed on the little window, hoping for a glimpse of New York City. All I saw was darkness and swirling clouds. And then the coughing started. I didn’t think anything of it at first. Then I began to notice that I couldn’t really get my breath, couldn’t really get enough force to cough out whatever was stuck where it didn’t belong.  As I thought about my shallow breaths, I became increasingly worried.  Earth and help were fast fading below us. What does a person do when they’re five miles up in the air and can’t breathe!  Only several years in my past, the mere closing of the airplane door brought waves of panic.

I was on my way to Denver, home of my son and daughter-in-law and four precious granddaughters.  This would be my first visit with them since early October when Ray and I spent a couple of days there on our way to our new home in Kentucky.  A lot had happened in the intervening months, and I was looking forward to a week with them.

The travel plan was for me to leave the airport about 9:20 and land in Denver about 10:40 Mountain time – a direct flight.  Short and sweet; not to be. The plane had mechanical problems, causing the flight to eventually be cancelled.  I was put on a flight to New York City, where I would have a 7 hour lay-over. Then off to Denver.  An adventure, I thought; excellent people-watching at the airport, glimpses of the city. Nothing that day went as I thought it would.  The most exciting part of being at the airport was taxiing in and seeing planes from around the world: Israel, Singapore, Ireland.  I sat on a concourse with few people and CNN blaring loudly through the day.

But I had time to finish what I had begun on the plane – reading the book of Romans.  I was amazed at Paul’s focus on the importance of our minds.  It is the centerpiece, the control tower of our lives.  How we think determines how we live.  I recommitted myself to controlling my thoughts, submitting them to God’s truths rather than letting them run wild through corridors of fear and negativity. I left bathed in God’s word when we finally boarded the plane to head West.

A week before my trip, I was strongly drawn to Deuteronomy 33.  I opened my Bible to it one morning and felt my eyes riveted to the page which contained these verses:

There is no one like the God of Jeshurun, Who rides on the heavens to help you and through the clouds in His majesty.  The Eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms.

As the plane continued to ascend from JFK, my battle to breathe continued. Those verses bathed my mind and I felt no panic, which was nothing short of a miracle!  I finally got up from my seat thinking that I might breathe better if I were standing.  I walked back to the restroom and gasped and prayed to the God Who was riding on the heavens to help me, Whose arms were under me.  I didn’t get better and left that cubby hole to stand in the aisle.  Three stewardesses were standing right there beginning to fix drinks.  I told them that I was having trouble breathing. They sat me in a seat in the back and gave me oxygen.

Ten minutes into that routine, I knew that I was no better.  My chest kept getting tighter and my breathing became more and more difficult.  Finally one of the stewardesses addressed the plane full of people, asking if there were any doctors on board.  In God’s providence, there were two, a husband and wife traveling home to Denver; she was an internist and he was in a fellowship in pulmonary medicine.  Thank You, Jesus!  Someone looked through the first aid kit on the plane and found an inhaler, and that brought the turning point.  Calmed by the doctors, aided by the inhaler, I was finally able to begin to breathe normally.  I sat there, now able to benefit from the oxygen, and thanked God Who, indeed, flew through the heavens to come to my aid. 

I would have preferred that the breathing problems not happen, or that God would have answered my first prayer to take the problem away.  But what I experienced was far more powerful.  God had begun preparing me the week before, leading me to incredibly appropriate verses for this challenge. And then He gave me hours to immerse myself in Scripture that would speak to me about the need to control my thinking, to focus my mind on truth, take every thought captive.  As I kept my mind fixed on the truth of God’s word, I felt those arms under me five miles up in the sky.  That which I have long feared – being out of control – was reality, and God was there letting Himself be felt by me, assuring me that He was with me.  And how many planes have two doctors on them, including one who is studying the very problem that was challenging me? 

Yes, I prefer good health – and calm skies when I travel.  But I’m also learning to embrace James’ words when he says, Consider it pure joy, my brothers [my sister Theresa], whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance much finish its work so that you can be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  Personally, I prefer an easier route to maturity.  But that’s not God’s way.  And I’ve come to know for sure that God’s way is best.

I'm discouraged

I write the following, not for sympathy, but to remind you (and me) that we have natural emotions that must be faced and processed or they become destructive. Before we can tap into the Christ-life we must face our humanness. Not sugar coat it with a Bible verse or run from it through some addiction. Here with, my recent journal entry:

     I’m discouraged. Periodic severe lower back pain, probably from limping. Dyskinesia from the Parkinson’s medicine that has me bobbing ands weaving like a boxer. Slow movements. Energy drains quickly. Loss of balance causing me to fall. Constant foot pain from the nerve damage. A lot of things I can no longer do. I chased some wild turkey on our property yesterday and couldn’t perambulate the slopes. Stuttering is worsening. And more.

     Oh, I know. Many people have it a lot worse. And who do I think I am to deserve better? Quit your bitchin’ Burwick

     I will. Not yet. I’m not  ready to  let it go.The problem with that attitude is, if I allow this discouragement to linger I’ll get depressed and function even less efficiently. After wallowing in discouragement for a couple hours, I chose to follow Biblical guidelines and began to let it go.

     First: The Bible tells us that God desires truth in the inner man. The  Psalmist challenges us to search our hearts. Probing our minds for that which is within that is not of God. For me, I found discouragement which plays out in lack of trust in God’s sovereignty – probably a subtle anger toward Him. Lack of gratitude for what I do have – for how God has blessed me in many ways.

     Second: Confession and repentance – a desire to turn from stinkin’ thinkin’to the reality of the Christ-life which has tough times but provides an empowerment to live above the natural. “God, I repent of my self centered discouragement.  Thanks for your forgiveness. Empower me to internalize Philippians 4:8  Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Definitely a mental shift from what I don’t have to what I do have. Which leads to the reality of the transformed life found in

     Romans 12:2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Repent of the self  focus and ask for  God’s power to grow.

          Third:turn in my mind from self-thinking to praising God. For example bringing back to recall Psalm 34:

 ¹ I will extol the LORD at all times;
   his praise will always be on my lips.
² I will glory in the LORD;
   let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
³ Glorify the LORD with me;
   let us exalt his name together.

 ⁴ I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
   he delivered me from all my fears.
⁵ Those who look to him are radiant;
   their faces are never covered with shame.
⁶ This poor man called, and the LORD heard him;
   he saved him out of all his troubles.
⁷ The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him,
   and he delivers them.

 ⁸ Taste and see that the LORD is good;
   blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.
⁹ Fear the LORD, you his holy people,
   for those who fear him lack nothing.
¹⁰ The lions may grow weak and hungry,
   but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.

    A simple process, but oh, so difficult.  My spirits  lifted, to be challenged again some other day.