Family known as Killers

I'm beginning to develop a real positive bias toward the Nampa Lighthouse Mission. I teach once a week at the Mission and come in contact with a bunch of great guys, One of whom is Eddie. He states:

Childhood is a blur. Very little memories. Dad worked and drank. Zip with me. Mom worked. Very little attention or nurturing. Sexual abuse by some older girls messed my mind. Relatives would give me money to drink alcohol when I was seven and eight years old. They enjoyed seeing me get drunk. This is about all I can remember until teen years.

Enter violence. Guys in the labor camp were jealous of my car and clothes. I feared them until a group ganged up on me. I learned to fight. I found another use for golf clubs other than playing golf. That was my weapon of choice until the numbers got too big. I then carried a gun. One time a guy taunted me, slashed two of my tires and I blew up. I took out after him with my gun. Shot at him but kept missing him. I believe it was the Lord protecting me from getting into deep trouble. I was a Christian at the time but was not walking with the Lord.

That lifestyle fit my family name. We were known as killers because of some relatives who would go down into Mexico, get into fights and end up killing people. I saw dad shoot a guy. We had to run. Moved to Mexico for a time.

At the age of 19 I had two children with the girl with whom I was living. I was abusive to her, she taunted me with stories of other men. I blew up and was arrested for assault. It was at that time, I told God I was through with Him. If this was all the christian life was about, I had enough.

I got into meth heavily. It helped me not feel the pain and made me feel better about life. The down side was a buildup of anger, pride, deception, controlling and erasure of memories. I stayed on it for 11 years (until just recently when I entered the Lighthouse.)

Got involved with another woman, had two children with her and violence entered that scene also. I wasn’t serious with her. She was just a sex partner. I was abusive in every way possible. That relationship ended.

I’ve lost contact with my first two children. I don’t know where they are. I do see my second two. They live in the area. Their mother and I are good friends now.

About six months ago I was at the end of my rope. I had one friend who cared for me. He told me about the Lighthouse Mission. I applied for entrance and was accepted. Have been here for six months and have completely changed. I’ve given my life to God. Am more caring and serving the Lord. I’m coming to grips with my anger problem and seeing it lessen. I want to stay for the whole 18 month program so that I can get a firm, stable foundation. I’d like to go to school for graphic design. Possibly get into auto body repair. At the age of 30 I’m starting life all over again.

Eddie