Christmas trauma

In my quest for spiritual growth, this past year I have asked the Lord to help me shorten the time span between a natural response to adversity and a supernatural response. From normal human feelings of sadness, anger, fear, to the Biblical injunctions of “Give thanks in all things and for all things,” and “Rejoice evermore.” And to be able to do this without repression from spiritualizing! (Being too quick with “thanks and rejoice” could repress some deep feelings that need to be felt and processed in a healthy way as a prerequisite to the attitude of gratitude."

I have had some significant opportunity to work on this character growth over Christmas. with a “crash and burn” in Denver, where I had the scare of my life, losing nearly all of my leg strength.

The weakness increased. The source unknown. Both contributed to the alarm. Was the cause related to the cortizone shot for my hip? Did it spike the blood sugar problem or was it counteractive to the Parkinson’s medication? Would I continue to lose leg strength so that I’d be in a wheelchair permanently? Medical advise was sought at a local Quick Care place. Doctor diagnosed the problem as sinusitus! Giving thanks and rejoicing? Not!

Strength continued to dissipate. Voice constriction deepened. Slow body movements increased. A feeling of wanting to “jump out of my skin” developed. Real antsy. So our next stop was the emergency room at Denver’s Lutheran Hospital. After a thorough exam and a five-hour wait, the diagnosis was stress-induced Parkinson’s trauma. Somehow the stress of the travel really kicked off the PD symptoms and the neurologist consult suggested increasing the PD medication.

Giving thanks and rejoicing? Not!

No quick relief ensued.We know that PD symptoms gradually increase. The body becomes “immune” to the medication. Was this the end of my vertical mobility? Fear reigned rampant. I emotionally withdrew from my wife. I don’t want to be a burden to her. God seemed distant. Was I mad at Him? Probably, but I didn’t feel it. Giving thanks and rejoicing? Not!

This reponse after I have ben teaching (thanks and rejoice) to the Lighthouse Mission men. I flunked my own test! Focus was on self, not on God. Sin. Thank God for his grace and mercy that accepts my repentance, dusts me off and encouragingly says, “I love you Ray. I’ll work everything for your good, the good of others and for my glory. Learn more deeply of my love for you. You are my beloved. Ray, let’s walk more intimately together. You provide the willingness and I’ll provide the empowerment to accomplish the growth that you desire. Learn from this temporary stumble.”

More tomorrow in the saga of weak legs, etc.