At Logger-heads

The battle began over a barn roof. After 10 years of marital bliss, (I mean a truly wonderful marriage) Theresa and I were at loggerheads. It seemed hopeless.

Our daughter and family and we are razing three old barns to get the material to build a nice barn on our property. I don’t mind heights, so I was on top of the barn pulling off the metal roofing. I felt very safe. But the rest of the party saw my Parkinson’s instability and thought otherwise. Especially Theresa. “You are not going back on that roof,” was her directive. I was mad. She was mad because I wanted to.

As our good friends Steve and Kathrena pointed out, the roof was just the tip of the iceberg.

For my part, life has provided me with “you can’t do that” challenges. My first academic dean at DSU told me that stuttering would hinder my college education. Consider not graduating. At NNC, the academic dean said, “no school would hire me to coach and teach because of stuttering. So, along with feeling I was a flawed instrument, I had two significant people endorsing that feeling. Having to prove I was a capable person has been a life-long ball and chain around my leg.

So, here was Theresa telling me I couldn’t accomplish something. Thus, she sees me as one who will do what he wants to do ( very self-centered)- no matter her feelings and that made her furious. I won’t go into her life details, but to say that fear has been an achilles heel for her all of her life. We were both stuck in our emotional do-do.

One fateful but freeing experience occurred as we shared with our daughter and husband. I asked them if they saw me as very selfish. After a short pause, Keith said, “Your wife is empty. You’re so busy with rock work and the other work that you enjoy, that you’re not filling her emotional tank.” Or words to that effect that hit me like a ton of bricks.

That experience has been a turn-around for me, as I’ve quit pointing the finger at Theresa and focused on me.. on my sin. My prayer became, “God , change my heart. I don’t want some surface behavioural change - doing the right things for her, I want a whole new perspective on her and on my relationship with her.”

I began to focus on how valuable a treasure she is to me and how I needed (and wanted) to protect and nourish that treasure.The results have been amazing, not perfect but to me, incredible.

Flunking James chapter 1

"Learn it before you teach it!"
During the years I taught Bible classes, it seemed like the Lord would give me a topic to study, then would say, "learn this well before you teach it... not just head knowlege but concepts into shoe leather."

I'm chagrined to say, I may have James 1:2- 8, 12 into slipper wear, but shoeleather? Nyet! The more I dig into this passage, the more I see  how far short I fall in passing the test. So, I'll stay in the closet till I have a better  handle on the  principle of rejoicing during tough times. Will check in later.

Our newest grandson, Noah, adopted by the Williams family

THOUGHTS INTO CAPTIVITY

“You sound real good.” These same words that I spoke of in the last post confronted me two weeks later by my “old” college roomie, Jerry Isaacson. “This is the best I’ve heard you in a long time” My response this week was 180 different from two weeks ago with Mark. “ Thanks Jerry, I’m doing well.”


This response came after two weeks of diligent mental work, bringing my thoughts into captivity. Changing the way I thought – of how much I’ve lost this past year to all that I have - was not an easy task..We’re creatures of habit. Habits are hard to break. But break my “loss focus” must or self pity and depression would have been full throttle.

I’m not speaking of denial. I’m well aware of the loss of my Nampa band of brothers and scores of friends. Significant loss of money in the real estate arena. The many losses from Parkinson’s –balance, memory, driving, etc. and the 4-wheeler accident. If these losses became my focus, and at times they did, self pity and depression were a step away.

I’m finding that as I’m more consistent with bringing those thoughts into captivity and replacing them with gratitude for all I do have, life has a brighter aura and I function better. More at peace. More productive. “We become like the books we read and the people with whom w associate. As I spend time with positive people and fill my mind with positive, healthy books; as I train my self to to see life from God’s perspective, there is more hope, more joy, more contentment and more purpose for living.

That is not just good psychology, but it is based on Scripture like Phillipians 4:8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise

Praising and thanking God are great antidoes for what is ailling you and a great precursor to strong mental health.

Proverbs 23:7 For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.

This sets us up for an indepth examination of James chapter1. “Rejoice when the going is rough.” YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING

As A Man Thinks

A fresh look at “as a man thinks in his heart so is he.”


Wake up call yesterday.. Chatted with my good friend Mark Wheeler in Idaho. One thing he said clobbered me between the eyes and he didn’t even realize it I’m sure. He said, “you sound real good.”

My initial reaction was an inner voice saying, “but, you don’t know how much I’ve lost through Parkinsons , the four wheeler accident and relationally – can’t drive anymore, can’t do … any more, etc. My litany of loss.

I could have said all that truthfully, but I’m confident that God used Mark’s statement and my initial response to get my attention of stinkin thinkin. Like looking into those big distorted mirrors that give you a crazy picure of yourself. A totally distorted picture of self.

God semed to be saying to me, “What is your focus, all you have lost or is it all you have gained? All you can’t do or all you can do? Remember, My son, I am God – sovereign over all - yet I’m your loving heavenly Papa who is working everything to your good.”

I don’t see all the value of what I’m going through. What is my gain, Papa?

“I’m slowing you down so that you can enjoy people and life in general more. I’m showing you the importance of inter-dependent relationships. And there is much more that you’ll discover as time goes on.”

Gain through loss.

Thanks God for the effective GC (God connection) time. I’ve switched my focus and that gives me hope. Thanks Mark for our friendship Time to do some ground-tilling.

“As a man thinks in his heart so is he.”

Poodle ponderings

Gary responded to my last post about our poodle. “Ray, you have joined the fraternity of the insane. What else could explain this behavior? It will get worse—you will find yourself bonding with the varmint before you know it. You should have gotten a female: they bond with one servant but males will be fickle and take anything they can get from anyone. Your dog Lovely, will play you for all you are worth.


Oh, by the way, those brown deposits that you need to pick up daily, those are called nutrient nuggets among the more refined. You will develop many other euphemisms on your own.”

Gary elucidated on the many inconveniences and the joys of having dogs. They have 2 Maltese. He continued with “Have I mentioned expenses? Eleven hundred to purchase, vet exam and first set of shots at $600, neutering both at $800, replacement of carpet and pad at $1800, fencing the backyard at $3200…

Ray, now you are a real man. You now will know what it means to lay down your wants for a friend, your wife. And you will always have someone there to remind you how shallow you are. Pups are God’s agents for our sanctification. You may even experience true sinless perfection (smile).

I think it was C.S. Lewis who said, “a man is getting better when he sees more clearly the evil that is within him. A man is getting worse when he see his badness less and less.”

Lovey ( might call him “Tiger” because he is so ferocious – smile) has a role in my life, besides being a fun companion. He is a revealor of my badness. As the last post indicated - my selflilshness. Impatience. He knocks the stuffing out of any kind of schedule that can become rigid. As I’m writing this post he has just knocked over the container that holds my spent pistachio shells. All over the floor. What a mess. And now it is the kleenex box. Shredded kleenex. I better close this and start cleaning up and give him some eyeball time..Oops, before I could move he got into my horizontal filing systm - the floor.

See you later.

G.C. God Connectivity.- Poodle Style

G.C. God Connectivity. Had plenty opportunity yesterday.

1.Chopping wood, fell on the upright axe handle. On the way down: “God, help.” On the ground: “Thanks Father. That could have been real serious.” GC

2. A friend needed some money. If I loaned or gave him that request, would that be good Christian charity or would it be enabling the person’s irrespsonsibility? Time for GC, for His wisdom.

3. Wife and I fussed. GC time: “Father, give both of us the wisdom we need to see and own our part in the conflict, then the desire to repent and make it right.” (A very profitable GC time.)

4. Constipation early this morning. We won’t go into the details about that. Plus many little and big things encouraging to GC with petition or praise.

Paul has an interesting perspective on connection with the Father, found in Colossians 3:1-2: 1 Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. 2 Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth.

Commentaries are quite obscure about the meaning of this pasage.We know it doesn’t suggest we become so heavenly minded that we’re no earthly good. No. I think God is saying through Paul. “I created you. I want the best for you. Set your mind on me, Place your trust in me.I’ll meet all your needs.”

“But God,” someone cries. “You say in Genesis that it is not good for man to be alone. I’ll create him a helpmate. My helpmate doesn’t want to meet my needs. He is so selfish.” That could be my wife Theresa pleading Him to meet needs, that out of selfishness, I’m not meeting.

This is fresh material. I’m currently sitting at my desk typing this post. At my feet is a cuddly ball of fur. A two pound, seven week old toy poodle. I don’t like animals in the house leaving their deposits for all to see and smell, so always told Theresa “no” to her request for a house cat.

Well, last week she received a call from a friend who said a friend of hers was looking for a home for a blind in one eye toy poodle – free. Was it the Lord who whispered in my ear, “All Theresa has done for you, taking care of you, that would be a memorable love and thankyou gift for her. Or was it just the idea of having a $500 dog – free? I’d like to think the former.

However, being the spiritual giant I am , I thought I should check what the Bible says about dogs. The first was 1 Kings 14:11: The members of Jeroboam’s family who die in the city will be eaten by dogs, and those who die in the field will be eaten by vultures. I, the LORD, have spoken.’”

I don’t want a man eating dog. I don’t think the toy poodle would be in that category. So I look at the nex t reference of dogs mentioned in the Bible. Psalm 59:6 says: They come out at night, snarling like vicious dogs as they prowl the streets.

I don’t think a toy poodle would prowl the streets. So I checked out Proverbs 26:17. It says: 17 Interfering in someone else’s argument is as foolish as yanking a dog’s ears.

No application there. How about Luke 16:21? As Lazarus lay there longing for scraps from the rich man’s table, the dogs would come and lick his open sores.

Now that one will preach! I don’t have any open sores that I know of. Some poison ivy is all. But having “Lovey,” as he is currently named, has certainly opened up some sores. A sore of self-centeredness.

Look with me at the early morning scene in our garage. I’ve taken him out to eliminate his body’s waste material. I waited and waited. He just stood at my feet wanting to be held. I waited. Finally he crawled under the golf cart. Did he do his job there? Got a flashlight. Stooped down to peer under the cart. Saw something but didn’t know what it was. Forty-five minutes later, I carry him back inside and rather gruffly say to Theresa, “There has to be a renegotiation of our contract. I happily got you the dog as an appreciation gift for all you do for me, but I didn’t sign up for piss and poop patrol. Early morning is when I have my GC time.” (Reading the Bible, praying, etc.)

Honestly, dear friend, as I read this, it just hit me. What could I have accomplished spiritually by 45 minutes in the Word as compared to the moments that dog exposed my selfishness, resulting in repentance. I had GC (God connection.) Sin – exposed and repented of brings growth and freedom. Helps marital relationships also!!! Beware the dog!

Q.T. vs.G.C.

This topic has been brewing for some time. Don't know how many posts there will be. But let's go

“Have you had your quite time today?” If asked that question, most believers in Jesus would translate that to mean, “have you set aside time to pray, read the Bible, or in some fashion connect formally with God?” They would answer accordingly.


For most of my 72 years I have been a very disciplined person. Have many faullts, but laziness isn’t one of them. Thus, for over 60 years I’ve begun most every day with a formal connection with God – prayer, study, memorize, etc. However, of late, I’ve had a new insight. Whether I’ve heard this from some other source or it has just come to me, I don’t know. But here it is:

As important as a formal connection with God is (quiet time), even more so is what Brother Lawrence calls practicing the presence of God, found in his book by that title. An ongoing awareness of God and a growing connectivity with Him. Paul, in Colossians 3:1-2 presents a slightly different slant and challenges us to fix our thoughts on things above, not on things on earth. In First Thessalonians his charge is “pray without ceasing.” In Romans it is “rejoice evermore:” Give thanks for and in all things.

Notice, the link with God is not a 15 to 30 minute session, but an on-going connectedness that employs a deep relational focus lifting us through and above our circumstances, however severe they may be.

The contrast between a formal quiet time and an ongoing connectvity with God came through loud and clear this week. I was having my “quiet time with God” early in the morning, reading James one focusing on the word “ patience.” That afternoon I was having a dickens of a time repairing a rabbit cage. Just couldn’ t get my fingers and the little wires to co-operate. Patience was waning. Frustration setting in…until I recalled the word I studied that morning. Patience.

Which setting provided the greatest opportunity for growth? The instruction of James one provided the insight or knowledge and the rabbit cage situation provided the occasion for shifting head knowledge into shoe leather. Both needed. However without the shoe leather, the knowledge just seems to lead to spiritual pride.

Would you allow me to exchange that antiquated term “quiet time“ with “GC”? Meaning, God Connectivity.Whether it‘s the formal, sit down with open Bible and notebook devotions as some would call it, or the bringing into consciojus awareness of God throughout the day, it is GC. God Connection. Intentional, mental “exercise.”

Christ indwells every besliever. So there is a connecion all the time with the Godhead – conscious or unconscious. However, I’m speaking of the time we bring God into our conscious thoughts.

Some set their watch or phone alarms to go off every hour on the hour as a reminder to ”think God thoughts.” Because God is sovereign – all powerful, who doesn’t allow anything to come His children’s way without His permission, I can trust Him. I’m beginning to see God in most everything. So instead of setting an alarm, I’m endeavoring to develop an ungoing, ever present grateful atitude. “Thanks, God,” is becoming the foremost word ii my life.

Parkinson’s disease; is in part responsible for growth in a grateful attitude, leading to GC.. I fall a lot – sometimes as much as 5 times a day. “Thanks Papa. That hurt but it could have been worse.Thanks that it wasn’t worse”….until one day two weeks ago...I fell hard on my left side. The rib cage took a bea ting. “ Thanks Lord. it hurts but it could have been much worse.”

Three hours later. For the second time, a fall. Hit the same spot one rib higher.

“Oophda, Abba Papa, that hurts times two, but it could have been worse.”

Two hours later, another fall. You guessed it – hit. the same spot. A cry of pain plus tears of agony preceeded the exercise of gratitude. “Father I don’t know if I can take this anymore. The pain is severe now but it’ll be worse when I cough or sneeze. How long will this go on until death? By faith I say thanks, because You promise to work everything that happens to me for my good, the good of others and for your glory.Teach me Father. How is this to be used for my good? What is the value. You certainly could prevent this falling and subsequent pain. Help me under stand according to James 1:5.”

The pain is faced. No unhealthy “Big boys don’t cry” repression of feelings. As the pain is processed with God, the focus changes f rom the adverse situation to seeking to learn the significance of it – its value. God’s purpose through it.

That is valuable, healthy and productive GC!























1 Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. 2 Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth.