Ultimate Security by Ann Burwick

The following posts are taken from a message by my late wife, Ann, whom I presented to you yesterday. She gave this talk in diverse venues and is now speaking to us.

Before sin entered the world, Adam and Eve had all their needs met by God in their intimate walk with Him. However, we are born into a fallen world, to imperfect parents, where teachers and other significant caregivers are also faulty. Often as children our emotional needs are not met and we go into adulthood with feelings of insecurity and inadequacy, even tho we may become Christians and desire to walk close to God.

It is said we teach best the principles with which we've personally struggled. Often our "life message" concerns the area of our life where God has proved himself strongest - the place where we are naturally the weakest or most damaged. This is true of me and my struggle for a sense of security in my own life.

I was born the 2nd child, to a young couple during wartime. Often relocating and away from extended family, my parents lacked roots and were immature, their relationship was rocky from the beginning. My dad was fun, adventuresome and loving but also undependable, and unfaithful.

His betrayal of my mother and abandonment of our family became the MOST CRUCIAL SINGLE INJURY TO MY SENSE OF SECURITY. My purpose here is not to blame or be vindictive only to present reality. To walk in Biblical truth, I must face truth about myself as well as know the truth about God. I must look at the reality of my past, including my family, and how I have been affected by my past, to be honest with God, myself and others.

As a teen I looked to peer approval for identity and acceptance. When this didn't satisfy my deep longing for security I was drawn to Christ and began to know what real security was all about. In my new relationship with Christ I found direction and strength and clung to Him frantically when my parents divorced after 20 years of marriage.

Insecurity didn't seem to rear it's ugly head again, except in dating relationships until after I was married and began to subtly and unconsciously look to Ray to meet my need for security rather than to God. I had looked for someone stable and responsible with a commitment to God, for a husband, someone unlike my Dad. How foolish I was to think any man, no matter how good, could meet my deepest longings. My insecurity showed itself in demands on Ray, took the form of possessiveness, jealousy and clinging with a great fear of abandonment. This along with my repressed anger toward my dad plus Ray's negative reactions toward my behavior made for a substantial lack of marital bliss {to put it mildly}.

Now, it wasn't that I was walking in rebellion, to the contrary, I was doing all I knew to walk with God, having a quiet time, teaching a Bible study, even witnessing to others. However, through this marriage trauma, God was attempting to show me that I had displaced Him as the source of my security.

Through a surprise pregnancy and the death of our baby I was awakened to my critical error and began to look back to the ROCK and found Him strong in my weakness. I began to cry out to Him about my insecurity and claim BY FAITH (or appropriate) that I WAS SECURE IN HIM (exchanging my weakness for His strength) This I would especially do when I experienced fear, panic, and jealousy.

Gradually, what I knew intellectually has become reality emotionally, and where I was so weak and injured, God has shown himself strong. 2 Cor 12:10 My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.

More on ultimate security tomorrow.