Identity - Man's Way

Grandpa Ole Burwick, a tobacco chewing auctioneer who would
measure the value of an item for sale.

We’ve defined self esteem as, “How you think and feel about yourself; how you value yourself. It's like being your own auctioneer, observing how you’re doing in the world and setting a price on it.”

The origination of self image begins in childhood. Feelings of inferiority or superiority are increased by attitudes of parents, close relatives and by friends. Our image of ourselves is basically determined by relationships. What we think others are thinking of us determines what we think of ourselves.

No one has been raised by perfect parents in a perfect environment. We enter adulthood with inner voices telling us we’re not quite good enough; that we’re blemished; that we must perform for approval and recognition and mirade of other voices from within, questioning our personhood.

We spoke of the need for healthy self examination. “Search me O God…point out anything in me that makes you sad.” However rather than face our inadequacies and wounds, we run or hide. Consequently our self esteem is marred.

As we allow the Holy Spirit to reveal “emotional cholesteral” the next challenge is to clean it out. And that begins with forgiving those who have hurt us. Forgiving ourselves. That is the foundation for building a healthy self esteem.

Now let’s look at how man suggests growing a healthy self perception.
1. Appearance. Develop the physical self. It is said that the cosmetics industy is one of the few industries that does not suffer during a recession. Much effort is spent on looking and smelling right by using the “right” consmetics. However, after 30, wrinkles set in, muscles sag, clothes go out of style. Nothing wrong with looking good; however, if our identity is determined by our appearance, it is easy to be happy when complimented, crushed if ignored.

2. Achievement. Developing the intellect helps promote healthy self esteem but if our identity is based on being the smartest, we’re heading for a let down. Because the more we know, the more we know we don’t know.
Any kind of achievement helps one feel better about him/herself; but what if the ability to achieve is obstructed through accident, disease or some other extenuating circumstance? What happens to self perception based on achivement if we bottom out or top out. The man in mid-life crisis often says, “Is that all there is to life?” He has accomplished all his goals or realizes he never will be able to reach his objectives.

3. Attitude. Power of positive thinking. A good way to focus our thought life. And it is Biblical: Fix your thoughts on what is good true and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely. Dwell on the fine good things in others. Think about all you can praise God for and be glad about.” Positive thinking is healthy but it doesn’t touch the deep insecurities and deep inadequacies that we sometimes apack around.

4. Association. Relationships. Building positive relationships enhances one’s self perception. It is nice to be cared about. To be complimented. To have joint ventures of success together. Too numerous to count are those whose self esteem was built on relationships to have the image hammered by rejection. Some kind of relational abuse wiped out not only the relationship but the positive self perception.

5. Status. The most shallow attempt of building self esteem. The new stylish clothes. The hot car. The young babe on the arm of an elderly man. The high exposure job or position in the community. Status makes one feel better, but the glow is short lived because the source of identity is not coming from within. It is circumstantial.

There is value in building self esteem man’s way. We’ll examine this further.