Christian Wife and Tough love - 4

Barron Olaf Burwick, 2 mos. He thinks this topic is very serious business.

A Christian wife is doing all she needs to be doing for her own personal growth. She sees “the log in her own eye” and is intentionally and aggressively seeking God’s empowerment to grow. She has come along beside her husband and addressed his destructive attitudes and behavior – to no avail.

So what does a woman do with the problem of resistance if her husband is recalcitrant?
Though Matthew 18:15-17 is not referring to marital coflict resolution, the principle can apply. If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. 16 But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. 17 If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector ……

You need the support. He needs the tough love. Bring in a person or two who would emphasize to him the destructiveness of his attitude or behavior. If he still won’t respond and is a member of a church, an authority in the church should be engaged in the conflict resolution.

Last Resort
If the husband’s attitude or behavior is so destructive that it is causing significant pain to himself or to others, love may need to be toughened even more. If as a wife you’re letting God work in your life making necessary changes for growth then separation is an option. Separation in the home is better for the children. Sleep in separate beds. Cook separately. The only conversation is that needed to run the household.

The next step with an uncooperative husband is complete separation. I’m not speaking of divorce. Just the threat of being separated from his family is hopefully sufficient shock to wake him up. In the case of physical abuse, immediate separation is advisable. Separation! Of course, this has many ramifications, not the least being financial.

Before you separate, consider Becky Zerbe’s advise as seen in the January/February edition of Today’s Christian Woman magazine. The article is entitled “The Day I Left My Marriage.” Becky’s mother gave her this direction. Take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle, top to bottom. On the left side, list all the grievances you have toward your husband, from nit picky to gross abuse. When you’ve exhausted that effort, write your reactions to each item on the right hand side of the page.

Then, her mother took scissors and cut the two lists, throwing away the left hand side, challenging Becky to take the list and spend the rest of the day reflecting on the reactions to the items on the left side. “Pray about them,” she said. “If you still want to leave Bill, Dad and I will do all we can to assist you.”

Tomorrow: results of tough love