In our last two posts, we’ve observed two women’s testimonies of recalcitrant husbands, of abuse and subsequent divorce. Lest you think I’m advocating divorce for relational conflicts, I’m not. It is an option but with a price.
The average economic picture of a woman who divorces is a drop of 75%. Children are torn up. There is a sense of failure. I could continue with the negative results of divorce. However, these two testimonies indicate they worked at changing themselves as they endeavored to help their husbands see their abuse. The cruelty became unbearable. After much prayer and counsel they felt God’s permission to divorce.
Os Hillman reminds us of a key point at this juncture: “A.W. Tozer tells us, 'It is doubtful whether God can bless a man greatly until he has hurt him deeply.' God actually rises up storms of conflict in relationships at times in order to accomplish that deeper work in our character. We cannot love our enemies in our own strength. This is graduate-level grace. Are you willing to enter this school? Are you willing to take the test? If you pass, you can expect to be elevated to a new level in the Kingdom. For He brings us through these tests as preparation for greater use in the Kingdom. You must pass the test first. "
Consequently, back to the main theme of this study - personal growth first, then growth along with that of the husband's.
One Man’s Perspective
There is another side to the issue of “wife confronting husband.” The following comes from “Joe” in an email. “If a wife is a perfectionist then she will always be trying to improve or correct what she sees as short falls or flaws in her mate. I speak from over 46 years of experience of never being "good enough" to pass the test or reaching the lowest level of approval. So you must believe that this type of person has a possibility of becoming less rejecting and prone to condemnation of her mate. As one counselor told me ‘after counseling more than a thousand couples, your wife is the hardest woman I have ever encountered.’ In all this time I have never seen an inkling of easing up on her disapproval and condemnation of me.”
There is another side to the issue of “wife confronting husband.” The following comes from “Joe” in an email. “If a wife is a perfectionist then she will always be trying to improve or correct what she sees as short falls or flaws in her mate. I speak from over 46 years of experience of never being "good enough" to pass the test or reaching the lowest level of approval. So you must believe that this type of person has a possibility of becoming less rejecting and prone to condemnation of her mate. As one counselor told me ‘after counseling more than a thousand couples, your wife is the hardest woman I have ever encountered.’ In all this time I have never seen an inkling of easing up on her disapproval and condemnation of me.”
Joe has decided to stay with his wife. In his stay, he has two options. 1. Focus on the rejection – be hurt, resentful and confused; or, 2. Use the relational conflict to dig more deeply into God’s resources for successful living. That sounds like a cliché. I’ll leave it that way so as not to stray from the main topic.
Have a great weekend. More on Monday.
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