For a man who wants to cooperate with his wife when she is pointing out something significant that needs change – some thoughts.
Pray for his healing.
Cheryl's email gives her perspective in dealing with a recalcitrant husband who becomes willing to face his issues. “Pray for his healing. Until he has dealt with childhood issues he will continue to react out of those wounded places. No matter what others try to tell you, you won't be able to really get there until there is healing. I have one song and it's healing, healing, healing! “ Cheryl recommends the book, The Bruises of Satan by Carroll Thompson. It can be purchased through Carrroll Thompson Ministries, Box 763954, Dallas, Tx. 75376 I find the book to be an outstanding overview of Christian counseling.
Mediation
When a husband desires to cooperate with his wife’s challenge, a mediator may be needed. A counselor or person prepared to pray through a person’s life with them – exposing wounds in need of emotional healing. As healing takes place, personal growth happens and communication is more authentic.
Communication
John and Susan add their comments regarding communication. We try not to read or communicate through non-verbal communication…but to be honest. If one appears distant or quiet, the other asks, “Are we together?” which is a soft way of saying, “did I offend you?”
. Not to react out of defensiveness or anger when sharing a constructive criticism but rather think through what is going on, think through how to communicate the issue and pray about it and look at my own behavior first.
I share my feelings or needs but do not blame him or say “You always… “ because no one “always” does anything but breathe.
I try to acknowledge my own part in the problem. For example, I will say, “I have not always been gentle”. Susan will say, “I have not always been honest about my feelings in the past.”
Also, we have committed ourselves to the fact that "no one has to win." Sometimes I will miscommunicate and she will mishear. Then we tug and pull to figure out which one was right instead of just saying..."No one has to win. Let's start over." It saves time, energy and preserves our love.
1 John says "perfect love casts out fear." If we can help our spouses know we love them then they are less likely to fear what we say and will be more responsive to what we have to say.
Paul tells Timothy to "pay attention to your life and doctrine." Some people only pay attention to their doctrine...and have very huge gaps of no or little holiness in their lives. They are harsh, hard and strident because they are like "doctrine police" but they have little of "the grace and truth" (John 1) of Christ in their lives. A confronting wife must be aware of this unhelpful dynamic
Romans 8:29 says "We have been predestined to become conformed to the image of Christ." A question a man has to ask himself when he is being confronted by his wife: do I genuinely want to be like Christ? Then I will not resist instructions from any source. But, the male ego is strong and strange. Because of their insecurities men hate to admit they are wrong. Some men would pay a counselor $90 per hour to lie to him in his counseling office instead of telling the truth, telling God the truth and telling themselves the truth.
Men, do we want to be more and more like Christ – wise, at peace, content, fulfilled, capable husband and parent, loyal friend? Two things. No one knows us better than our wives. Invite her to encourage, coach, point out, confront, rebuke – whatever you want to call it. Then, focus on Growing in Faith.
2 Peter 1:2-9 summarizes it well: May God give you more and more grace and peace as you grow in your knowledge of God and Jesus our Lord. 3 By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence. 4 And because of his glory and excellence, he has given us great and precious promises. These are the promises that enable you to share his divine nature and escape the world’s corruption caused by human desires.
5 In view of all this, make every effort to respond to God’s promises. Supplement your faith with a generous provision of moral excellence, and moral excellence with knowledge, 6 and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with patient endurance, and patient endurance with godliness, 7 and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love for everyone.
8 The more you grow like this, the more productive and useful you will be in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 But those who fail to develop in this way are shortsighted or blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their old sins.
Much more could be said about this topic of wives "confronting" their husbands (lovingly and gently), but hopefully this skeletal presentation of 9 posts will encourage open marital communication, preventing another divorce statistic. May these thoughts also enhance your marital intimacy.
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