The Christian Wife and Tough Love

I’ve requested feedback from some friends who I respect and trust to advise me in the study of what seems to be a significant need in the church today - for women to know how to come along beside their husbands and productively discuss with them attitudes or behavior that is destructive to themselves and others. These friends have received the complete article and are making wonderful suggestions that I’m now incorporating. As I unfold this material to you, please give me constructive criticism, sent to rburwick@mindspring.com.

After yesterday’s introduction, may I emphasize a couple things. 1. A wife is not responsible to change her husband. 2. He may or may not respond to his wife even if she does everything “right” in relating to him. 3. As has been said by many, “God is not interested in your happiness, but in your holiness.” I would paraphrase that with, “God is excited about you. Loves you. Wants the best for you. And sometimes ‘best’ comes in the form of marital discord for the purpose of building personal strength and character. Growth begins in the person before it progresses to relationship.

A Pattern To Follow

Where does a woman start in this arena of helping her mate face himself? Matthew 7:1-6 gives us a pattern for which to follow. “Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. 2 For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged] 3 “And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? 4 How can you think of saying to your friend ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye. 6 “Don’t waste what is holy on people who are unholy. Don’t throw your pearls to pigs! They will trample the pearls, then turn and attack you.

Verses one and two challenges us not to judge others. In this case, judge means “a condemning, vigorous scrutiny of trivial matters.” A godly wife is to definitely avoid this activity. A question she can ask herself is, “Am I unhappy with my husband because I’m not happy with myself?”

But one woman asks, “what about the correction my husband needs?” Verses 3-5 addresses the question. First, face and work on the log in your own eye before you deal with the speck in you husband’s eye. Notice the comparison here. If the husband is sensing that you are taking seriously the change you need to make in your own attitudes and behavior, he may be more receptive to hearing from you about change he needs to make.

So wives, measure the size of your “log” by the standard of 1 Peter 3:1-6 as seen in the Amplified Bible. “In like mannner, ou married women, be submissive to your own husbands – subordinate yourselves as being seocndary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them. So that even if they do not obey the Word of God, they may be won over not by discussion but by the godly lives of their wives. When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverance for your husband. That is, you are to feel for him all that reverence includes – to respect, defer to, revere him; revere means to honor, esteem (appreciate and prize) and in the human sense adore him and adore means to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love and enjoy your husband.”

How is that for an impossible role? Does this passage begin to reveal any log in your own eye before you confront what is needed in your husband’s? Do you suppose God constructs these “impossibilities” to show us of our deep need for Him – to be dependent on Him to do through us what we find impossible to do ourselves?

Again, we’re looking at the challenge of personal growth before we critique our spouse. More in the next post.