Christian Wife and Tough Love 6

Continuing with the question, “can a Christian wife’s tough love include divorce if he hasn’t committed adultery?” You be the counselor meeting with Trudy as she tells her story as reported in Home Life.

“He never accepts no for an answer. His pressure on a person to get what he wants knows no limits. His tactics to gain control are legion and finely polished. He forces compliance. When he must deal with defeat, his wrath is boundless, and his methods of punishment are severe. He is an abusive spouse.”

Trudy goes on for two pages describing his cruelty. Let me summarize. He wants to cause confusion in the mind of the victim – bombarding me with words, double talk, lies, promises, blame. I finally start thinking, “well, maybe I’m wrong.”
He squanders my paycheck. He badgers me until I give in. He’s a con artist. He is either the gentle nice guy or the poor mistreated guy. He plays on people sympathies. I feel so sorry for him. If that doesn’t do the job, he turns to threats.

My fear of violence is worse than the violence. Once he starts strangling me or knocking me about, there is relief. I think, “well, so this is what he’s going to do this time. It is finally happening and then it will be over. Maybe even the relief of death.” (Trudy doesn't indicate that she utilizes police protection.)

I can’t be perfect enough for him. Oh, the verbal assaults. He makes me think I’m the cause for his verbal attack. He awakens me in the middle of the night, attacking me. He sold my car. Everyone else sees him as the good guy. It must all be his wife’s fault. This ability to appear as the good guy truly isolates the victim. People at church tell me that I’m the provoker. I’m to submit no matter what.”

The article is replete with the abuse. She closes with, “I thank God that Jesus Christ, whom I serve, took me out of the bondage after almost 20 years. It’s rough out here, but nothing is as rough as what I left. There may be giants in the land, but I’m not going back to Egypt.

“I left Joe. But I don’t hate Joe. I care about this man I have described. Joe told me if I had forgiven him I would return, despite his refusal of counseling. He is forgiven. He is a victim. The best gift I ever gave Joe was to leave him, to hold him accountable for his own actions and to let him reap the consequences.
You’re the counselor. What is your response? (rburwick@mindspring.com.)