Christian Wiffe and Tough Love 5

Divorce
Is it acceptable for a Christian woman to divorce her husband if he has not been unfaithful – which is the typical reason listed in Scripture?

I’ve received as many different answers as people I’ve questioned. Some say, “No divorce whatever. Maybe separation for protection if he is beating you.” The other side of the spectrum is a “christian” counselor who said, “He is not treating you as Ephesians 5 says he should (as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her). He won’t even communicate with you. He has broken the marriage covenant. You’re free to divorce and remarry another.”

As we wrestle with this, listen to Racheal in a letter she wrote to me in response to this blog.

Ray,
Whew...what you have written stirs up a lot within me. I feel that I cycled through what you wrote many, many times in the almost 31 years I was married. I had always hoped that maybe this next counselor or friend or the elders would break through to Joe. But it didn't happen. I went through many years of soul searching, working my recovery, praying, looking to myself to see what I was contributing to the problems.

After a while I realized Joe can cause trouble all by himself no matter what the other person did or didn't do. A narcissistic personality can't really see others. What I felt after reading what you wrote was the sense that the woman really should keep trying and if she tried the right way, things would change. If things didn't change then she wasn't trying in the right way and needed to do more and be different. A woman's own guilt can be twisted and used against her for not being perfect. there is such a feeling of despair in hoping and trying all sorts of things.

I don't know if anyone but those who go through it realize the sick feeling a woman gets...it goes deep to her core. It's like blaming a woman for being raped....it isn't her fault when he baits and manipulates her. she is trying for reconciliation and relationship and he is concerned only about power. Nothing she does or others will do will change a man addicted to control and power.

I'm glad that God didn't say I couldn't divorce because it was a protection for me. There is no legal separation in Idaho and if I had gone that route living in separate households, I would have been responsible for Joe's debts and other things. I read an article that helped me see what I needed to do and it was on how God allows divorce (based on scripture) for protecting a woman from a very destructive marriage. the more evil the destruction is, the more subtle it is.

Maybe you don't want to address that aspect of a woman being rescued from bondage and maybe I am reading too much of my story in what you are writing. I do believe God rescued me and that he is my wonderful husband. It is late and I don't know if I am making sense. Blessings, my friend,
Racheal

I know Racheal and I’m proud of the way she has worked through great pain, but as she writes, it is apparent that the healing process isn’t finished. I’m confident that as this writing has surfaced pain in her former relationship and subsequent divorce, she will also go on to finish resolution.

How will we know when she has finished the forgiving and healing process? When her mindset is “Thanks, Joe. You put me through hell and I’m not grateful for that. The gratitude is for the results of your behavior. It has driven me deeply into God. I’m a much stronger woman. I am ministering to others of like situation. And much more that substantiates Romans 8:28 “All things work together for good to those who love God and are fitting into His plans. Thanks Joe.”

More tomorrow!