Cancer: Out of the Valley of the Shadow

“It’s a fist size tumor on the T4-T6 vertebrae of your back and it looks like cancer.” The doctor’s words were shocking but they brought relief. I finally had a diagnosis.
The previous nine months I had experienced such severe pain in my upper body and in the middle of my back that I would awaken after 1-3 hours of sleep completely soaked from the waist up. I was numb from the chest down and losing motor function in my right leg. The fear of the unknown was becoming unbearable. Many nights I lay awake crying out to God for help, praying for Him to lift me up out of this valley of the shadow. I teetered on the brink of a nervous breakdown. Multiple doctors were consulted and each one told me what I didn’t have. Medicine they prescribed didn’t help the pain.

This experience was not like childhood when I would withdraw emotionally and physically – going into my room and hiding in the closet creating my own little world. This was not an escape from a raging, workaholic father. This was in my face. No escape. It was a lymphoma stage 4 diagnosis.
Most people ask me if I was scared. “No,” I say. “The God I met in a personal way in college whispered in my ear, ‘this will all be to my glory. I am with you.’ I was startled by my peaceful reaction to the diagnosis.”
After a week in the hospital, six chemo and 35 radiation treatments, my cancer is in complete remission. More important is a new realization and truth of just how much God loves me. He longs to build a father intimacy that reaches down into the little boy inside of me and nurtures and heals the father wound. The emotional wounds are healing.
Though my body still has some fall out (numb feet, back spasms, I shrunk 2 1/2 inches,) I’m experiencing a joy, peace and love for life that is deeper than I have ever known. No more do I have to hide in my own little world. In fact, I’m finding great opportunities to minister encouragement to others who are encountering the same life challenge of cancer. I am living out Isaiah 61:1-3: The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, …to comfort all who mourn, …to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.
I’m excited about life and wouldn’t change my experience for anything in the world. My marriage is stronger. My children tell me I’m a better dad, not so angry and withdrawn. Adult relationships are taking on a new depth of meaning and care. I am one blessed man. Gain through loss. Tim Treinen