From a fellow stutterer

If it hadn’t been for sports where I could perform without speaking, I would have had few pleasant memories from childhood, writes Frank (not his real name.) I held back from any type of school leadership and even any kind of social life because of the stuttering. I felt as smart or smarter than most of the other students but could never really prove it in the class room. I couldn’t understand how kids could be so cruel as to mimic me in my presence. I suffered moments of total humiliation when insensitive teachers made me recite poems in front of the class. I couldn’t understand how God could do this to me. I was often a very angry kid and trusted only a few others to be my friends.

I was baptized and confirmed in the Lutheran Church and wanted to be like the minister who I admired very much. I often thought about one day becoming a minister like him. I loved Bible School and Bible Camp. I believed God was watching over me and cared about me. I was confused about his unwillingness to make my stuttering go away. Nevertheless, I still believed in Him and figured that I was falling short in some way and just needed to be faithful and patient.

Mid high school we moved across country to a huge school where nobody knew me and somehow my fluency improved in such a manner that I even was selected to represent my class in an end-of-year competition. During this time the bottom fell out for me spiritually. My older brother was killed in a car wreck. The days immediately after his accident were kind of a blur of disbelief that it had happened and a growing bitterness and guilt ensued. The minister tried to tell me about the mysteries of life and how my brother was called to Heaven and was in a better place. I couldn’t accept that. After the funeral I never went back to any church for years. I am nominally involved now - a work in progress. I believe God is a loving and caring Creator and understands and forgives my loss of faith.

I’m retired from a successful career in governmental Human Resources. Life has been good to me. I stopped blaming God. Stuff happens in life and we learn from the experience and move on or leave butt prints in the sand. I would have preferred to have had fluent speech but believe I am a more caring and sensitive person because of the pain/embarrassment of stuttering. I’ve gained through losing.