An angry, depressed, controlling co-dependent

Co-dependency, anger, depression and a need to control are my issues - the product of an alcoholic father. I’m not here to blame him, but to now, in my mid 60’s, face the reality of my response – to heal and grow. Dad was a high strung, angry, impatient person who self-medicated with booze. He quit drinking for a time but became a dry drunk by not facing the issues that drove him to the bottle. He was extremely volatile. Home life was very unpleasant. He went back to abusing alcohol, was in and out of the home and died at the age of 54 in an alcohol-related car accident. My older brother also died as a result of alcohol.

Pressures of single parenting drove my mother to a nervous breakdown and hospitalization. I was alone, blamed dad and became a very angry and depressed controller, trying to fix everything and everybody. I became a Christian during this time. Church, school and sports were my sources of hope and encouragement. High school and college was a source of security for me with sports, student leadership and acquiring good grades consuming my time.
But I was a "dry non-drinker." All my activity, as worthwhile as it was, camouflaged the pain within. I married. We had three children. I was a harsh, demanding and perfectionist controller. My wife was caught between the children and me. Dysfunction junction!
Last year I became involved in Celebrate Recovery, both as a leader and a participant. I saw all kinds of people with hurts, hang-ups and habits, but most of all I saw me – a Christian who had never faced my own hurts and hang-ups. John Baker, the founder of Celebrate Recovery says, “Truth, like surgery may hurt for a while, but it cures.” God never wastes a hurt and I’m beginning to see that all my pain and heartache that is surrendered to the Lord is being used to help other people. I’m a retired school teacher, but for the first time I’m involved in people’s lives so deeply that life changes are taking place – in me and them. I’m claiming Gods promise in Jeremiah 30:17, “I will give back your health again and heal your wounds.”

I have taken Isaiah 61:1 as my outreach verse. “The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me because the Lord has appointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the broken hearted and announce that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed.”
I’m gaining through losing. H.J.