Death loss

At 68 years of age, the author of this blogsite is looking back at a life highlighted by seeking approval and recognition. God has been good to me in allowing for that to be accomplished in various venues of my life from sports to counseling to ministry. However, the comfort zone was blasted in 1999 when I felt lead to leave Birmingham and take a position as basketball coach, associate professor of psychology and counselor at a Christian college. My loss: community status, friends, church and a healthy counseling practice. Result of the move: within three months, the loss of my wife, Ann, through a brain aneurysm; within one year, unjustly fired by the college; a move across country to Portland where isolation reigned, especially for the first two years; family rejection; God’s silence - it felt like He was nowhere around. Another move, this time to Nampa, Idaho where we now live. Starting all over in another new location. How can there be gain through all of that loss?
The death of Ann. Gain? For her, yes. She's walking the streets of gold singing in even more perfect pitch than she had here. No more pain. She is Rejoicing. To her family, not gain, but pain. She was the glue that held us together. There are some gaping family wounds. However, we must remind ourselves of Romans 8:28 that tells us that all things work together for good as we cooperate with God. A "good" for me that has come out of Ann's death is the

• awareness of God's care at the deepest level I had ever experienced. When I was hurting the most, He came the closest. It has been said that you don't know all you need is Jesus until Jesus is all you have.


• awareness I gained regarding the significance of friendships. All of a sudden achievement-oriented recognition and approval paled in contrast to building relationships. The greatest commandment is not perform - but LOVE.

I am blessed with another great wife, Theresa, with her two children and their nine children. My involvement with people now seems to be focused on encouraging and building others up. I'm enjoying the more relaxed relational lifestyle instead of playing the game of "look at me. See how good I am." Solitude has become more appealing to me. As Henri Nouwen states, “Solitude is the place of purification and transformation, the place of the great struggle and the great encounter. It is the place where Christ remodels us in His own image and frees us from the victimizing compulsions of the world.” (The Way of the Heart.) To that end I look to a fruitful old age with expectancy, hope and joy - to His glory.

Loss. Pain. Gain ray burwick