The Experience of Grief

Only those who have experienced the loss of a spouse through either death or divorce or the loss of a child can fully understand the tidal wave of pain that crashes into one’s life. Nothing else matters. There are no comforting thoughts. The future seems hopeless. Emotions swing wildly from desperation and despondency to acquiescence and back again.
Nothing in human experience can compare with the agony of knowing that the one you loved is never coming back, and in divorce, the person to whom you pledged your life, for life, has betrayed your trust and is now involved in sexual intmacies with another, a competitior, one who is a more attractive playmate.

The word "panic" describes the entire experience. Just as a drowning person desperately attempts to grasp anything that floats, in a divorce the rejected partner typically tries to grab and hold the one who is leaving , driving them away even faster. In death there is nothing floating to grasp, unless another relationship is established immediately. And that often leads to a dysfunctional rebound.

Charles Spurgeon indicates there is another dimension to handling the loss as he comments on Eccl.11:3 which says: "If clouds are full of water, they pour rain upon the earth." Spurgeon explains: “If we believe the message of this verse, then why do we dread the clouds that darken our sky? It is true that for a while the dark clouds hide the sun, but it is not extinguished and it will soon shine again. Meanwhile those clouds are filled with rain, and the darker they are, the more likely they are to bring plentiful showers. How can we have rain without clouds? Our troubles have always brought us blessings, and they always will, for they are the dark chariots of God's bright and glorious grace. Before long the clouds will be emptied and every tender plant will be happier due to the showers. Our God may drench us with grief, but He will refresh us with His mercy. Our lord's love letters often come to us in dark envelopes. His wagons may rumble noisily across the sky, but they are loaded with benefits. And His rod blossoms with sweet flowers and nourishing fruits. So let us not worry about the clouds. Instead, let us sing because May flowers are brought to us through April clouds and showers.”

This sounds so shallow, “pie in the sky – by and by.” When grief is clobbering you, beginning with shock, then numbness, and disbelief, followed by great avalanches of agony evolving into a deep sorrow interspersed with periodic ambushes of pain – you’re not thinking of this being a “dark chariot of God bringing bright and glorious peace.” The pain is too great to think about “His rod blossoming with sweet flowers and nourishing fruits.”
That is the time when you hang on. You write your feelings in a journal. Talk with people you trust. Exercise. Pray. Read Psalms. Get involved with other people and projects. Hang on and cling to the hope that in due time April clouds and showers will produce May flowers. God will somehow turn the pain to gain. Many are the folk who can testify to it.