From Loner to Helper

I had the privilege of chatting with Josh this morning, a 23-year-old completing his requirements for university graduation in a couple weeks. I was so impressed with his spiritual insights that I asked to interview him for this blog.
Josh classified himself as a loner in childhood. A drifter – drifting from one group to another, never feeling accepted. He had been born after his parents divorced. Raised with a step father. Neither parent was affectionate or supportive, never attending any of his sports competition. He labeled himself as an underachiever.
University life was a stretch. Finances were slim. Financing his way through school, he delivered newspapers during the wee hours of the morning. Friendships were nil. He studied hard and made the dean’s list first semester and achieved straight A’s his second semester – majoring in chemistry.

Depression began to hit him his sophomore year. Sleep was troubled. Grades slipped. He became cynical. Spending was out of control. Overdrawn at the bank. Bounced checks. People wanting their money made phone messages and mail delivery a dreaded experience. Concentration was limited. Tears would burst out spontaneously. Was always tired. Had to retake some of my classes. Drinking became an escape.

“My chemistry professor had an aroma of Christ about him. I wanted what he had and asked him if he would mentor me. I guess he could tell I wasn’t ready to make a commitment to growth in godliness so he told me ‘no.’

‘Then, I spent a summer in Reno, doing research. I was out of my NNU bubble. I lived with a group of students who did not share my Christian values. My heart broke for them and yet I was judgmental of them. I came home to be confronted by a friend who leveled me with my cynical, judgmental attitude. That was the turning point.
“I had become a Christian in high school. But now I really dug into Scripture and committed my life to knowing God and myself better. I saw legalism wasn’t the way. I just felt guilty by not keeping all the rules. I began to see that in Christ, I was loved by God. He ACCEPTED me. He wasn’t disappointed in me. I was a young man not only approved of by God but also empowered by the living Christ. I began to understand the exchanged life, ‘It is not I that lives but Christ who lives in me.’ What freedom.

“My working part time with developmentally disabled children took on new meaning. I had been fearful that I wouldn’t be able to model manliness for them because I hadn’t been modeled by a loving father. I saw how God being my Abba Papa, living through me could be a great model for the young people with whom I was working.

“Of late, I’m finding that my degree in chemistry which would entail working in research is not going to be as fulfilling as bringing freedom to a segment of society that tends to be looked down upon. I’m considering pursuing a master’s degree in social work. I really come alive, pouring my life into these children.
My life’s challenges have made me a more sensitive, caring person. I am a blessed young man.

Josh Benjamin