"If I died for you, can't you stutter for Me?"

“If I died for you, can’t you stutter for me?” Jesus seemed to be saying to me as I lay on my dormitory bunk wallowing in self pity and rage at Him. I had been in a church service. It was open testimony time. I stood, planning to thank God for my salvation. I stuttered so badly that I hardly got a word out. I went back to my dorm room that night, so mad at God. “Here I am trying to speak for you and couldn’t speak coherently. They probably didn’t even understand what I was trying to say. I’m never going to speak for You again.” After a while it seemed like Christ came into the room. I didn’t see any vision or anything, but it was like His presence was in the room saying to me, “Ray, if I died for you, can’t you stutter for me?” I wept. Time for attitude check.

Stuttering has been a dominating force in my life. Mom stuttered and I’m told that when I learned to speak I spoke like her (with a stutter) and she’d slap me, thinking I was making fun of her. Of course, that exacerbated the speaking pattern. As a 12-year-old, I went to an Easter Seals 6-week camp for stuttering and learned techniques for more fluent speaking. At camp, the blocking would improve but after I got home it would deteriorate back to the old pattern.

One of the therapeutic techniques was to work on our fear of speaking, so our assignment was to go door to door, asking what time it was. How embarrassing to be standing in front of a stranger, asking for the time in a very stumbling manner. That was tough! My speaking was so much of a struggle at times, that I’d throw my jaw wide open to get a word out and once had to visit a doctor for an adjustment. I tried speech therapy, hypnotism, even had Oral Roberts lay hands on and pray for me – nothing brought fluency.

Probably the most agonizing experience was as a student at Northwest Nazarene College. I wanted to be, above all else, a teacher/coach. That was my vision and my passion. As a junior, the Academic Dean called me into her office and with grave tone said, “Ray, you’re going to have to change majors. No school will hire you because of the stuttering.” What a devastating blow. I really wanted to be a basketball coach and had done considerable preparation for it. Nothing else appealed to me. It was like, “Stop the world, God. Let me off.”

I changed majors. In the last month of my senior year I received a call from Portland’s Cascade College to begin their basketball program. So, the normal coaching scenario was by-passed - beginning at a middle school or junior high, moving up to JV and then possibly to head coach in high school and rarely having the opportunity to coach in college. I went from college right into college coaching. Wow! I learned that if God has a plan for my life, no person or institution can block it. And, the school that said no school would ever hire me, 14 years later, did.

The interview for that coaching position at NNC was hilarious. While meeting with the president and a board member, the president said, “I think I know your wife’s family. What is her maiden name?” Well, words that begin with the letter “h” have always been tough to say and Ann’s maiden name was Huntington. I tried and tried to get the name out and couldn’t accomplish the task. Here I am interviewing for a college coaching position and can’t say “Huntington.” The two men were initially patient as I stuttered and stumbled around. But then they began guessing, saying various names that began with “h.” “Harris,” they’d say and I’d shake my head indicating, “no.”. “Harper?” Nope. “Hansen?” Again, the shake of my head. Their guessing didn’t help – just added more pressure. Finally “Huntington” escaped my mouth. Was I relieved! Though I was embarrassed, we had a good laugh. God definitely wanted me at NNC because it wasn’t that I had an impressive interview! I coached basketball one year at NNC. Then on to the life-long dream of coaching NCAA Division One - Samford University in Birmingham, Alabama.

Again, if God has a plan for a person’s life, no person or institution can block it. Psalm 57:2 I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills his purpose for me. …who fulfills His purpose for me. How reassuring to the person who walks in faith with Jesus Christ.
Stuttering, part two, tomorrow. How I handled stuttering.
ray burwick