Responsive Choices to Stuttering - 4

The three previous posts have described in brief the challenges of stuttering. I have the following options in managing my response to blocked speech:
1. Resist - be continually frustrated and embittered, fearful of speaking
2. Resign - this is my lot in life, put up with it
3. Purchase a $4000 machine that when plugged into my ears will act as a distraction and speaking is possibly more comprehendible.
4. Rejoice - be joyful and thankful, knowing that God is using this for my good, the good of others and for His glory.

I choose #4 (95% of the time, some of the time I choose #1) because of these insights:
¯ * 2 Corinthians 12:7 addresses two possibilities for the increased stuttering pattern: “To keep me from getting puffed up, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from getting proud.” (Maybe Paul stuttered!) No, that was Moses – slow of speech.
1. The Evil One could be playing a part, which calls for my resistance to him.
2. Avoid spiritual pride. “God, am I prideful of being used productively in others’ lives – of memorizing Scripture, of knowing the Word? Forgive me if I am. Make me aware of it for repentance. Or, is stuttering just a preventative for pride? It is truly a humbling experience.”
¯ * 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 “Where I am weak, He is made strong.” Stuttering causes a deeper dependency on God for His Ephesians 3:20 empowerment.
¯ * For a greater simultaneity, a growing constant awareness of His presence. (I need Him just to be able to speak.)
¯ * Insecurity seems to play a significant role in my stuttering. Could there be a most subtle, deeper insecurity from loss of both parents in the last year? That sure is outside the realm of consciousness; or, the insecurity of the worsening Parkinson’s.
¯ * I desire to be a clean and empty vessel for the Lord to fill with Himself and to live through me. If this is a Hebrews 12 discipline for a Psalms 19 unknown sin, I’d like it to be revealed.
¯ * It’s a powerful thing when I’m speaking to a group, stuttering a lot, and have to stop and ask someone to pray for fluency and see the change. Good object lesson.
¯ * Stuttering has definitely helped my counseling career. Can’t talk? Gotta listen. A counselor must be a good listener. The pain of stuttering gives me instant bonding with the client’s emotional pain. I really do “feel their pain.”
¯ * When I block significantly, it is frustrating, so that means some anger. Who else but toward God? Reveals a lack of trust in Him. The frustration can be directed somewhat to people who try to help me speak. It makes me feel incapable, a failure, though I know they do it out of concern for me, not to exhibit my failure. And, lately I’ve blocked so long on a word that I appreciate the person saying it for me.
¯ * It is a James 1:2-4 character building experience, so when blocking be joyful. Character strength is growing. (Joy can be a choice after the frustration is processsed.)
¯ * Is this a signal to bridle my tongue – to be less quick to speak, to give advice, to confront?
¯ * It is possible that there is a connection bio-chemically with the Parkinson’s and at this point there is nothing I can do about that productively except choice #4. I must confess to you that possibly “5%” of the time my choice is not #4, but #1. I get frustrated. To help you understand, try an experiment. Repeat the first syllable of a word for 20 seconds, for 10 seconds, for 5 seconds. What does it make you feel?

Bottom line: if there is sin causing the increased stuttering, He can reveal it. If it’s emotional or bio-chemically based, He can heal me. If it’s of Satan, I resist him. If it’s for greater connection with God and being used productively for and by Him for myself and others, praise the Lord. I will rejoice. “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” – even stuttering (or whatever challenge you face.) Romans 8:28 NASB

Just don’t expect me to have a five minute conversation in less than 10 minutes!!!

By the way, if you didn’t see my first blog post in January, this blogsite is a result of two of my friends suggesting that because I can’t speak fluently anymore, I minister through writing. They both suggested blogging. I’m excited about the potential.

I’d be interested in knowing your response to this series on stuttering. Was it helpful to you? Did it raise any questions? Would you disagree with some concept? Click the comment button or email me at olaf.burwick@gmail.com. Thanks!

You, dear reader, probably don’t stutter. What is your challenge? Sickness? Disease? Emotional wounding? Relational upheaval? If you love God and are endeavoring to be obedient to His Word, and the thorn isn’t being removed, how may this be a productive experience for you? How might God be desiring to benefit you through this? How can this loss be your gain?