Life after Divorce

The weight of my shame and guilt was killing me. The “D” word. Divorce – the death of a dream. It was mutual. We had both contributed to the demise of our marriage, but it was still extremely difficult. My feelings about it were confusing; my days seemed a little easier in some respect by not living in the constant relationship struggle. But how could God still love me? The scriptures say He hates divorce. I had a hard time reconciling how God could hate divorce, but not hate me for rebelling against Him.

The weight of it all was too much and I walked away from God. I quit going to church, I quit praying and just tried to survive day by day the best I knew how. We had two small children, so my ex-husband and I worked very hard to be good parents in the midst of this tragedy. Unfortunately, we worked harder at our relationship after our divorce than we did when we were married. The good news is that today we are good friends. We live within six blocks of each other, are both happily remarried, have other children in the mix and are one big family. It confuses all coaches, teachers, parents and family when we arrive at various events; sometimes all of us, sometimes some of us, but always sitting together, socializing and enjoying each other’s company.

How did we get here? By the grace of God! Romans 8:28 says, “For we know that God causes all things to work together for good for them that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.” God’s ultimate purpose for me (for all of us) is that we become like Christ. He can take any heartbreak, any trial or pain and use it for this purpose. In my case, my suffering forced me to work out my salvation by learning about grace and accept this gift from God. I had to come to the point of complete honesty, ask for forgiveness, and believe that only my faith in Christ and His gift of grace could save me (it’s hard to understand grace until grace is your only hope). At that point, God’s amazing grace began to work…

Gain from my pain, to name some:
1. An intimate and growing relationship with Christ (Ps. 116:1-7)
2. Assurance of my salvation (Rom. 8:38-39)
3. Unwavering faith (Luke 22:31)
4. Experiencing God’s promise to work good from painful situations (Rom. 8:28)
5. Witnessed God’s shelter for the innocent, strength for the weak, pardon for the guilty, and endless grace and mercy to those who come to Him (Heb. 4:15-16)
6. Learning to journey through life with trust and obedience (Heb. 5:8)
7. Freedom and joy in Christ and overflowing with gratitude! (Col. 2:6-7)
8. Hopefully, I am a living example of God’s forgiveness (Eph. 4:32)

My advice to those in struggling marriages (Note: I am not a counselor, just someone who’s been through it and would tell you the following if you asked – this advice is based on what I know NOW – hindsight is 20/20):
1. Seek help! Find a Christian counselor
2. Keep your eyes on the Lord – not yourself
3. Get in the Word, let the Lord speak to you through the Bible
4. Allow the Lord to change you into the spouse He wants you to be
5. Trust in His promises – Learn of His character
6. Ask your Christian friends to stand in the gap and pray for you
7. Above all else, be honest with God and let Him take you through it – you will be amazed at His strength, His comfort, His guidance, His blessings and His friendship
8. Save your marriage, if at all possible, through your relationship with Christ.

Suffering is a part of life that we cannot escape, so how do we deal with it? By focusing on and sharing God’s amazing provisions for us through it and patiently enduring it; trusting that it will draw us closer into the arms of Jesus and more importantly into His likeness. What an awesome promise to those who love Him! What more could I want from my suffering?
Lynn Moyer