Anger 14 Recognizing subtle anger

A large percentage of people hide or deny their anger causing vocational, personal and interpersonal dysfunction that can be catastrophic in results.

The church, and society in general, often teaches us to avoid anger and especially to avoid expressing it. Hiding it can be strictly unconscious. Some folk are just not aware of packing a suitcase of anger. However, being unaware of personal anger does not mean that you are not angry. Anger that you are not aware of can be the most damaging to yourself and others close to you. It will come out somehow!
Socrates said, “An unexamined life is not worth living.”
King David said, “Search me, oh God.”

Let’s engage in some healthy self exploration. Remember the word “balance.”
Constant “navel-gazing” can create some terrible self-centeredness.
But no introspection leads to a myriad of “sins.”

As an athletic coach might say:
“It’s gut check time.”
The following evaluation has been adapted from my counseling experience and numerous articles and web sites. It is helpful to evaluate oneself, but sometimes more helpful to have someone close to you authentically go through the list with you. Do you have someone who could give you such a love gift?

Physical signs of Anger
Some of these have already been mentioned in a previous chapter. Remember, anger is not the only cause for the following!
Check off any of these that could apply to you.
1. Psychosomatic illness (as mentioned in the previous chapter)
2. Tone of voice gets louder or speech more rapid when discussing a controversial topic
3. Aggressively competitive even when playing for fun
4. Volcanic explosions
5. Quick to defend oneself
6. Having to be right. My way is the only way
7. Controlling others with commanding demands
8. Controlling others with guilt
9. Controlling others by physical force
10. Gossiping that harms others
11. Anger has pushed friends and loved ones away
12. Habitual lateness
13. Habitual procrastination
14. Ultra sweet politeness
15. Smiling while emotionally hurting
16. Over-controlled speaking voice
17. Sleep disturbance
18. Getting tired more easily than usual
19. Clenched jaws, teeth grinding, especially while sleeping
20. Chronically stiff or sore neck or shoulder muscles
21. Red blotches on the neck when discussing a conflict
22. Drumming with fingers
23. Shortened breath, heavy breathing
24. Stomach tightness
25. Sweaty palms
26. Rapid heart beat
27. Pounding in the head
28. Shaking uncontrollably
29. Blushing
30. Apologizing when none is asked for

Anger doesn't necesarily play a part on these outward signs, but can play a part.

Check off any of the following that could apply to you.
Emotional signs of anger
1. Envying others, especially those having a softer life
2. Misdirected anger (anger at someone with whom you should not be angry)
3. Moodiness, brooding, sullenness
4. Intolerance, impatience
5. Distrust
6. Enjoying sadistic or ironic humor
7. Critical of others who don’t agree with me
8. Withdrawal, shutting down of communication with a person
9. Easily annoyed when someone is not sensitive to my needs
10. Irritated easily at those who refuse to admit their mistakes
11. Hold grudges (don’t easily forgive when someone wrongs me)
12. I sometimes feel life is not fair.
13. I sometimes blame others for my troubles
14. Easily frustrated when things don’t go my way
15. Plotting harm against another
16. Joyless, lack of pleasure in activities
17. Tendency to be real negative
18. Frightening dreams

Again, may I repeat, these symptoms don’t always signal anger. For example, procrastination can be caused by laziness. It can be caused by fear of failure. But sometimes people use procrastination to get even, to get under the skin of someone else. It is a subtle way to express anger - often unconsciously.
The first step in considering anger is to recognize it. These two lists can be used in different manners.

As a discussion guide between two friends or family members who dare to be lovingly and encouragingly authentic with each other.
As a small group discussion guide where members have covenanted to be compassionately honest and vulnerable with each other.
As a numerical tool where a number from 1 to 10 is associated with each item.

There is no good or bad score. But a consistent high score can identify that anger is a challenge.