Anger-4 Healthy & Unhealthy

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Continuing our journey into anger, we move from God's holy anger to human holy anger and now to UNHEALTHY ANGER. Unhealthy anger is the type of anger that we experience most of the time. I will define it simply as “the emotional energy we experience when we don’t get our way or we feel our space is being invaded.”

Most of our anger is based in selfishness (sometimes in fear) and when we peel back the protective layers of our selfishness, we find a level of anger toward God for His failure to provide for us what we want.

For example, I’m angry at a spouse or friend who is not meeting my expectations. I give and give to the relationship and get back zip. I’m hurt and angry. That would be situational anger. But underlying the surface anger would be a most subtle anger to God. “If You are a sovereign, all-powerful God, who in Phil.4 promises to meet all my needs, then why aren’t my needs being met, God?” A discontent with life, usually is a signal of anger toward God.

RELECT WITH ME FOR A MOMENT. CAN YOU IDENTIFY A DISCONTENT IN YOUR LIFE THAT COULD REFLECT ANGER TOWARD GOD? Periodically I get frustrated with stuttering. Bottom line: God could heal me. He doesn’t. I’m ticked. This doesn’t happen very frequently but it is an attitude that can rear its ugly head at times. HOW ABOUT YOU?

The Bible has examples of unhealthy anger: God accepted Abel’s offering, not Cain’s. Result? Cain - jealous and angry, murdered his brother. Esau carelessly gave his birthright to Jacob, his brother. He became angry and plotted Jacob’s death.

Unhealthy anger is not complicated. Simply, if I have an expectation that is not being fulfilled, I get mad. Expectations are premeditated resentments!


HEALTHY ANGER
There is an anger that would be classified neither holy nor unhealthy. Healthy anger is an appropriate anger response toward a source of abuse.
So frequently in the counseling office I encountered a client who was therapeutically stuck. Usually trapped in a depression or in a destructive compulsive behavior. Invariably, freedom came when the client allowed herself to face and resolve the rage within from being sexually abused. Sexual abuse anger is so frequently buried. Obscuring thought processes that help bury the anger sound like this: “It wasn’t that bad.” “It didn’t really happen.” “It was my fault.” “But he was my dad. I love him.”

The hurt, the pain, the anger is buried (repressed). For personal growth, for release from the bondage, healthy and appropriate anger directed toward the abuser must be faced and expressed in some healthy manner. The process will be explained later.


I was sexually abused at the age of 12 at a summer camp. “I felt a little guilty because something didn’t feel right, but I enjoyed the physical pleasure and the attention the camp counselor gave me. This counselor reached out to me, took the initiative to express what I thought was love to me. For years I didn’t realize the negative effects on my sexual relationship with my wife. At the age of 55, I finally put it all together and became very angry at the camp counselor for using me for his pleasure. Healthy anger! But it had to be expressed in some acceptable manner. This will be discussed later.

HAVE YOU EXPERIENCED A HEALTHY ANGER?

May I suggest keeping an anger log, jotting down each day’s anger episodes. Label it: holy, healthy or unhealthy. Learn more about anger and you. You might also consider memorizing I Timothy 2:8 I want men everywhere to lift up holy hands in prayer, without anger or disputing.

Tomorrow we'll look at sources of anger.