What are the sources of unhealthy anger distortions?
Anger stifled
Anger distortion has a genesis, usually in childhood when children are taught to stifle anger. Parents often tell children not to get angry with them. Or perhaps parents tell children not to hold in anger, but have threatened them with such remarks as “Let it out,
but I will knock your block off if you are disrespectful,” indicating their own disrespect.
Parents often shame an angry child by saying something like “good boys/girls don’t act like that.”
Anger distortion has a genesis, usually in childhood when children are taught to stifle anger. Parents often tell children not to get angry with them. Or perhaps parents tell children not to hold in anger, but have threatened them with such remarks as “Let it out,
but I will knock your block off if you are disrespectful,” indicating their own disrespect.
Parents often shame an angry child by saying something like “good boys/girls don’t act like that.”
A healthy home climate is one of openness where children are allowed to tell parents of their anger. Anger can be expressed in a very dishonoring way, and parents cannot let children do that. If a parent is attacked verbally or physically, or is called names, or if hate is expressed in a disrespectful way, a child should be firmly disciplined.
An example of an honoring expression was demonstrated by 10-year-old Jason. “Mom, I’m very angry with you. You embarrassed me in front of my friends when you asked me if I had brushed my teeth. It made me feel like a little boy that mother has to watch over. The boys laughed at me later.”
Where did Jason learn this very appropriate expression of anger? He had a mother who was respectful in the way she expressed her anger to her husband and her children. A very rare person, indeed. Her biblical challenge was “Speak the truth - in love.” She was a wonderful model for those with whom she came in contact.
Stoic parent
Anger distortion is also demonstrated to the child by a stoic, or non feeling parent who says, “It’s crazy to get angry. What good does it do?” Anger gets buried, and the child is not taught how to express or resolve anger in a constructive manner.
Again, we should encourage our children to express anger constructively and politely. The child explains his position. The parent listens and explains his viewpoint. Conflict is discussed. Whether the clash is resolved or not, anger has to be dealt with biblically, as we will discuss later.
As we mature from childhood to adulthood, hindrances thwart expressing and resolving anger. We'll discuss that tomottow.
Where did Jason learn this very appropriate expression of anger? He had a mother who was respectful in the way she expressed her anger to her husband and her children. A very rare person, indeed. Her biblical challenge was “Speak the truth - in love.” She was a wonderful model for those with whom she came in contact.
Stoic parent
Anger distortion is also demonstrated to the child by a stoic, or non feeling parent who says, “It’s crazy to get angry. What good does it do?” Anger gets buried, and the child is not taught how to express or resolve anger in a constructive manner.
Again, we should encourage our children to express anger constructively and politely. The child explains his position. The parent listens and explains his viewpoint. Conflict is discussed. Whether the clash is resolved or not, anger has to be dealt with biblically, as we will discuss later.
As we mature from childhood to adulthood, hindrances thwart expressing and resolving anger. We'll discuss that tomottow.
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