ANGER:Sources of Unhealthy Anger

One of my favorate works.

Anger is a thief who steals away nice moments. (Lunden)
Examine with me the sources of anger - especially unhealthy anger?

We are born angry.
Ephesians 2:3 tells us: “We started out bad, being born with evil natures,
and were under God’s anger...”
Evidence indicates that some infants are born more irritable and easily angered than others. They seem to have a low tolerance for frustration and as they grow older, seem to feel they don’t deserve inconvenience or annoyance.
Many years ago, when I was disciplining one of our children for disobedience, she said, “Daddy, if Adam hadn’t sinned, I wouldn’t be in trouble now!” Adam and Eve started the disobedience and rebellion, but we all follow on que!
We realize that our children have to be taught wholesome attitudes and behavior, and, as they obey God, He makes them “good.” We don’t have to teach them to be “bad.” That comes characteristically.

Anger develops naturally
We see the origins of anger clearly when observing a baby when it doesn’t get its way. One of our friends has an infant son who doesn’t like to lie on his stomach. When his father places him in that position, the crib becomes bedlam. The baby kicks and squirms, his face gets red, and he becomes furious because he cannot get over onto his back. Such behavior is normal and appropriate for a child, but childish temper tantrums often evolve into adults’ sophisticated anger, which frequently displays itself in self-pity and depression.

Anger is learned
Keep away from angry, short-tempered men lest you learn to be like them and endanger your soul. (Proverbs 22:24-25 TLB).
It has been said, “We become like the books we read and the people with whom we associate.”
When an angry teenager comes to my counseling office, invariably, at least one of the parents was also a very angry person. Since the parent’s anger wasn’t resolved, it was being modeled to, and learned by the children.
Do children have the right to say to their parents, “I’m angry because I’m just like you?”
Even so, the child must mature to the point that he accepts personal responsibility to “unlearn” the poor ways of expressing anger: neither acting it out nor turning it destructively inward.
That which is learned, can be unlearned and healthy patterns relearned.

Self esteem affects anger

Poor self esteem leads to self-absorption, a greater awareness of self. The more self absorbed, the greater our needs appear to be, and the greater the awareness of how circumstances affect us, leading to an awareness of "life's not fair." Anger!.
For one with poor self esteem, if things don’t go his way, he becomes fearful and threatened, perhaps even envious or hurt, all of which lead directly to anger.
My parenting is a prime example of this. I felt very insecure as a father and as a leader of the home. I felt I had to have control of everything. If a child (or my wife) questioned my decision, or didn’t follow my lead, I became threatened and angry. Though desiring to be a godly man, my godliness hadn’t penetrated my insecurity. There were times, sad to say, that I was not a pleasant fixture in the home!

Stu Weber describes insecurity-related-anger well in his book Spirit Warriors.
“Keep in mind that angry intimidation has been a stock-in-trade
military motivator for centuries. As a young officer, I’d seen leaders
blowing their stacks all the time. I thought that was just how it was done.
It always seemed to pick up the pace of whatever task was at hand.
I was even beginning to use it with my own men now and then.

“But my brigade commander, ‘the old man,’ told me something
that went completely against the grain. He said,
‘There is a place for anger, but it is rare. Commonplace, angry
displays of temper are more often than not actually a substitute
for a lack of leadership skills on the part of an insecure leader.’”

Feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, poor self esteem contribute to an anger problem.
More tomorrow on sources of unhealthy anger.