ANGER 6 Sources part 2

Continuing the dynamic of sources of unhealthy anger - one is Fear.

You don’t have to be insecure to be fearful. Just being out of control of a situation can raise the hackles of fear. Have you ever waited for a loved one to get home? They are late. Thirty minutes tardy creates some fear. “Are they okay. Have they had a wreck?” Sixty minutes heightens the fear. Notice how anger is rearing its head. In this case, anger is a result of fear. Out of control.
Or, as with my children, anger at Dad because of fear of being controlled by him.

Then there is Manipulative anger.
Somewhat tied to the self esteem issue are those who, not feeling strong within themselves, display anger to manipulate others to get their way.
I recall one client. He stood about six foot four, weighed nearly 300 pounds. He had a blustering demeanor that tended to make people afraid of him. When his wife would have a suggestion for the family that he didn’t like, he would just raise his voice. His size and voice reduced his wife to a position of passive doormat. He always got his way. His children learned the technique well and poor mama got it from all directions... until she got tired of eating carpet.

Through counseling, prayer and practice, she became a stronger woman, stood up to her family appropriately and all hell broke loose. For a few weeks it was not a pretty sight. It was like a family war on terror until boundaries were established and angry manipulation bombed. Peace was restored when dad and children realized their angry manipulative behavior had no payoff.

Guilt covering
Another source of anger is a denial of guilt. Or possibly, not wanting to resolve a guilt issue.
Janice was having an affair. Being brought up in the church, her moral training was definitely revealing guilt. Joe felt something was amiss, couldn’t put a finger on it but tried to discuss it with Janice. Her anger diverted hers and Joe’s attention away from the real issue - her guilty behavior. He was a peace-keeper, so Janice’s anger would shut him up.

The story didn’t end well. She left the church. Left Joe and her children. Broken hearts. Broken family. Guilty behavior was not rectified. Janice was unrepentant and began a new life. But that was not the end of the tale. Her adultery ended when her lover realized he didn’t want the responsibility of marriage. Janice lost her family, her church, peace of mind and her lover.
Anger, that camouflaged guilt, was her focus. End result: destruction.

Volcanic anger
Another source of anger is a build-up of anger that can get hooked into and come out explosive. Usually people with a “bad temper” are those who have not resolved anger in their past and it continues to build up the same way lava builds within a volcano. A current situation reminds them of a previous “abuse” that for some reason was too difficult or was unable to be resolved. The present anger is intensified by the past unresolved anger.
The combination can be a lethal redirection of all the anger to the current source.

The other cause for volcanic anger explosions is current stress. This can be internal stress, like premenstrual tension or external pressure of a tense situation. If one tends to be an angry person, prevailing stress reveals more clearly what lies within. The angry spirit is more observable.
Thus, if a person recognizes a tendency toward temper outbursts (or anger implosions where the body suffers from internalized anger), two questions can be asked.
Am I not handling current stress well and is temper revealing an angry spirit that has built up within?

Self-centeredness
The most common cause for unhealthy anger is selfishness – I’m not getting my
way at my time. Pin point the roots of most of our anger and we find selfishness.

Roots for all of our unhealthy anger:
Learned behavior,
self esteem issues,
fear,
manipulative anger,
guilt camouflage,
emotional volcanoes
self-centeredness.

Some psychological theories differ with these views of anger by adhering to a medical model believing that anger is a biological phenomenon built into the gene structure. According to this view, aggression must be released through culturally acceptable outlets and treated with medication. And, there are medications that reduce the intensity of anger. However, in my opinion, they just mask emotional issues that lie unresolved and the person “lives better chemically,”- for a while! There is a better way that we’ll examine in the next few weeks.