A Journey into Anger

May I invite you to join me on an “angry journey.” Hike with me as we begin the trek by examining the many faces of anger.

For example, there is the contrast between irritation, anger, and rage. Irritation is best demonstrated when I call a random phone number at 1 a.m. and ask “is Ray there?” A sleepy, irritated voice responds with something like, “You’ve got the wrong number, and hangs up.” That’s an example of irritation. Anger is exhibited when at 2 a.m. I call the same number and ask again for Ray. I may get a few expletives and the phone slammed down in my ear. That’s anger. Rage is the response when at 3 a.m. I call the same number and say, “This is Ray. Have I had any calls?” Irritation, anger, rage.

HOW DOES YOUR ANGER EXPRESS ITSELF? Mine tends to simmer.

In over a quarter century of counseling, I have found that unresolved anger is the leading killer of happiness, health, joy and relationships. As I observed clients resolve their resentments, I saw them become free to be whole and happy. Less illness. Less depression. Less relational conflicts.

Obviously there are other issues faced in counseling: distorted self esteem, guilt, fears, bio-chemical imbalance and so on. However, in my experience, anger resolved has been the leading cause of freedom and wholeness. From that you can know that I don’t believe in anger management, but anger resolution.

Most of us won’t experience the anger demonstrated by the tall, fifteen-year-old boy, well mannered but shy, who stood in front of his grandmother and calmly shot her to death. He was quoted as saying, “I just wondered how it would feel to shoot grandma.” He also shot his grandfather. Was incarcerated. Set free after 6 years and proceeded to murder and dismember six young girls plus killing his mother and one of her friends.

Or, pick up the June 16, 2006 Idaho Press-Tribune and be hit with a two inch full width headline “GRUESOME DAY.” The story tells of how a Nampa man, facing a domestic violence court date, kills his x-wife, decapitating her, throws her head in the back of his pick-up, heads down I-84 and purposely runs into an approaching car head-on, killing a mother and child and sending another child to the hospital.
The following day’s newspaper headline reads, “VIOLENCE SHATTERS LIVES.”

You and I would have difficulty relating to that kind of anger or the rage of the previously mentioned 15-year old boy. Or its hard for us to relate with the fact that 4000 women are killed yearly by a husband or boyfriend. We’ll explore together the more subtle kinds of anger expression along with learning about holy anger, healthy anger, destructive anger and how anger can even be a benefit to us.

Explosive anger is “harmful to our health.” You may explode to the wrong person and his anger could do you bodily harm. Or an explosive temper could cause many physical symptoms. However, hidden or unrecognized anger is by far the most devastating anger, causing most destructive symptoms physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and relationally.

The Swiss psychiatrist Paul Tournier addressed hidden anger when he said,
“Violence is in the heart of all men, but we all have an inbuilt resistance to recognizing it as a thing that concerns us.”

As we walk together on this journey of anger can ask ourselves, “Does this anger material apply to me? Can I see anger in myself? Could I be an angry person and not even realize it?”