Cancer, Parkinson’s and Golf

1998 was a tough year. First, thyroid cancer. Surgery took care of that problem. Then, the diagnosis of Parkinson’s Disease. I was devastated to say the least. I cried out to God, “why me?” I didn’t think He heard me. Nothing happened, I thought. But His answer came in a different manner than I expected.

The power company for which I was working, forced me to retire. It would be too dangerous for me on a tall pole performing my tasks as a lineman. Carly, my wife, said, “Here’s your chance. You always wanted to be a golf professional. Go for it.” I did, finding a job at a driving range, passing my rules test and my players ability test. As far as I know, I was the first person with Parkinson’s to pass the tests and become a pro.

I started to teach and it was there that I found out what God’s plan was for me. People with Parkinson’s came out of the wood work. I started meeting more and more people who had the disease and gave them golf lessons. It was fulfilling to see how many who had given up on life responded, improving their game and beginning to live again. They had something to look forward to. An aspect of Parkinson’s is depression, so to have something to look forward to is very therapeutic.

I’m grateful to my wife who has been so supportive of me in this journey. When my disease gets me down, she lifts me up. I am a blessed man in many ways.

I have many new friends with Parkinson’s who now have given their lives to the Lord. What I thought was so devastating has turned out to be a blessing. I thank God for the opportunity to serve him in this way.
My loss became great gain.
Richard Harris, Camas, Washington

Meditation: Treasures of Darkness

I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name. (Isaiah 45:3)

What we perceive as dark periods in our lives are designed to be treasures from God. They are actually riches stored in secret places. We cannot see those times in this light because of the often-accompanying pain or fear that prevents us from accepting these times as treasures. They have a particular purpose from God's viewpoint: "...so that you may know that I am the Lord...who summons you by name." You see, unless we are cast into times in which we are completely at God's mercy for breakthroughs in our lives, we will never experience God's faithfulness in those areas. We will never know how personal He is, or that He can be trusted to meet the deepest needs in our lives. God wants each of us to know that we are "summoned by name." Every hair of our head is numbered. He knows every activity we are involved in. His love for you and me knows no bounds, and He will take every opportunity to demonstrate this to us.
Has God brought you into a place of darkness? Trust Him today to reveal that hidden treasure that can be found in this darkness. Let Him summon you by name.

Os Hillman

Family loss / gain

Theresa Burwick Kristin Williams

Today I (Theresa) stood in a time of praise and worship with several hundred other women. One arm was around my daughter and the other was lifted to the Lord in praise and thanksgiving. I was taken back to another time over 20 years ago. Another time of worship. That time one arm was around my daughter and the other was around my son. It was Mother’s Day weekend. I had traveled to another town to be with them, and they had taken me to an Imperials’ concert. The words to one of the songs poured over me: “When you’re up against a struggle that shatters all your dreams, and your hopes have been cruelly crushed by satan’s manifested schemes….praise the Lord, God can work through those who praise Him….
Several months before, my children had gone to live with their father. I was left alone in the angry, abusive atmosphere that they were fleeing. And they were plunged into a life with a father who loved them, but who devoted much of his energy to filling his God-shaped vacuum with alcohol and drugs. Years before he had first left seminary and preparations for the mission field, and then left God entirely. And then left his family.

I stood in that concert with my arms around my precious teenage children. I had lost their father, a grief story for another time. And now I had lost them – lost the opportunity to live with them, to see them daily, to hopefully influence them in the ways of the Lord. Indeed, my dreams were shattered and my hopes cruelly crushed – again. During the weeks between their departure and Mother’s Day, life had become very simple: God became my life support. As I focused on Him, He gave me the strength to live from one moment to the next. And as I stood there with my arms around them, I praised Him, and begged Him to keep them safe from satan’s schemes. I told satan that he could not have them. I prayed for them every way I knew to pray. And I knew God was there with us.

What have I gained from that time of loss? A profound gratitude that my children walk with the Lord. That my precious grandchildren love the Lord. I learned that when life swirls around me with the force of a deadly hurricane, stripping away much of what I hold dear, God is still there. When He said that He would never leave me, He meant it. And He is enough!
Theresa Burwick

Meditation – Valley of Weeping

Happy are those who are strong in the Lord, who want above all else to follow your steps. When they walk through the Valley of Weeping it will become a place of springs where pools of blessing and refreshment collect after rains. They will grow strong and each of them is invited to meet with the Lord in Zion. Psalm 84:5-7 TLB

Break it down with me. Strong in the Lord (spending time with Him consistently in prayer, journaling, Bible study and memorization – knowing Him;) and following His steps (obedience) produces happiness, even when walking through the Valley of Weeping (tough times).

In fact, the tough times will become times of blessing and refreshment because adversity can deepen our hunger for fellowship with Him. Simultaneity (deepening awareness of His presence) not only brings blessing but a strengthening of character and an invitation to spend eternity with the Lord.

Notice it says “when” you walk through the Valley, not “if.” We all walk through tough times: loss of a relationship, losing a job, treated unfairly, financial downfall, you name it. Question: is the tough time propelling us into deeper intimacy with Abba PaPa or do we choose bitterness and cynicism? A daily choice.

Memorization: a readers comment

Your yesterday's post on scripture memorization encourages me to persist in this activity. For the last year I have memorized 2 passages a month. Never fails to amaze me how applicable they become both to myself and for others. From time to time, I come across an index card or cards, dated in the early 1980s, covered with scripture. They date from the time period I sought counseling, and I remember those hard years and God's faithfulness.

The Experience of Grief

Only those who have experienced the loss of a spouse through either death or divorce or the loss of a child can fully understand the tidal wave of pain that crashes into one’s life. Nothing else matters. There are no comforting thoughts. The future seems hopeless. Emotions swing wildly from desperation and despondency to acquiescence and back again.
Nothing in human experience can compare with the agony of knowing that the one you loved is never coming back, and in divorce, the person to whom you pledged your life, for life, has betrayed your trust and is now involved in sexual intmacies with another, a competitior, one who is a more attractive playmate.

The word "panic" describes the entire experience. Just as a drowning person desperately attempts to grasp anything that floats, in a divorce the rejected partner typically tries to grab and hold the one who is leaving , driving them away even faster. In death there is nothing floating to grasp, unless another relationship is established immediately. And that often leads to a dysfunctional rebound.

Charles Spurgeon indicates there is another dimension to handling the loss as he comments on Eccl.11:3 which says: "If clouds are full of water, they pour rain upon the earth." Spurgeon explains: “If we believe the message of this verse, then why do we dread the clouds that darken our sky? It is true that for a while the dark clouds hide the sun, but it is not extinguished and it will soon shine again. Meanwhile those clouds are filled with rain, and the darker they are, the more likely they are to bring plentiful showers. How can we have rain without clouds? Our troubles have always brought us blessings, and they always will, for they are the dark chariots of God's bright and glorious grace. Before long the clouds will be emptied and every tender plant will be happier due to the showers. Our God may drench us with grief, but He will refresh us with His mercy. Our lord's love letters often come to us in dark envelopes. His wagons may rumble noisily across the sky, but they are loaded with benefits. And His rod blossoms with sweet flowers and nourishing fruits. So let us not worry about the clouds. Instead, let us sing because May flowers are brought to us through April clouds and showers.”

This sounds so shallow, “pie in the sky – by and by.” When grief is clobbering you, beginning with shock, then numbness, and disbelief, followed by great avalanches of agony evolving into a deep sorrow interspersed with periodic ambushes of pain – you’re not thinking of this being a “dark chariot of God bringing bright and glorious peace.” The pain is too great to think about “His rod blossoming with sweet flowers and nourishing fruits.”
That is the time when you hang on. You write your feelings in a journal. Talk with people you trust. Exercise. Pray. Read Psalms. Get involved with other people and projects. Hang on and cling to the hope that in due time April clouds and showers will produce May flowers. God will somehow turn the pain to gain. Many are the folk who can testify to it.

Preparation for Tough Times

We all face some adversity in life. Preparation for facing tough times is important. What is your regimen of training? May I suggest that in 67 years of life, I’ve found the mother lode of grounding is Scripture. Madame Guyon, the ancient mystic, suggests praying Scripture. World renown Christian psychiatrist Dr. Frank Minirth recommends memorizing Scripture. Let’s examine each.

Guyon: “Praying the Scripture is a unique way of both reading and prayer. Turn to the Scripture; choose some passage that is simple and fairly practical. Come to the Lord quietly and humbly. Read a small portion of the passage – fully, gently and carefully. Taste it and digest it. Don’t hurry through a preplanned lengthy passage. Read slowly. Do not move on to the next thought until you have sensed the very heart of what you have read. Take that portion of Scripture and turn it into a prayer. Slowly move on to the next passage. Repeat the process. You will be surprised to find that when your time with the Lord has ended, you will have been drawn closely to Him.”

Minirth: “Romans 12:2 challenges us to be transformed by the renewing of our mind. Simple behavioral Scriptural techniques are so powerful. I think they have the ability to change the brain’s chemistry. What we see comes into the eyes, into the frontal lobe. It will rearrange the neurotransmitters. The neurotransmitters rearrange secondary messenger systems that store memory. So who we are to some degree is controlled by what we take in. Therefore, the more Scripture we take in, especially loving it and enjoying it, really changes the very essence of who we are. The counseling emphasis, I hope, in the future will be to get people to memorize more Scripture so it can change them. The more Christ-like we become, the more He can remove (mental and emotional) symptoms.”

Training for tough-time battles: pray Scripture; memorize Scripture. A great place to begin is Romans 8:30-39. I love the Living Bible rendition of this passage.

A Parkinson's Comment

Grannybarb comments on my Parkinson's story:

How blessed I was to read your story of life with Parkinson's. My husband had it for 17 yrs and he didn't share his feelings and fears. I encourage you to never stop communicating with your wife even if your speech becomes difficult. Let her serve you because she is serving the Lord. Cry together over the losses as the physical body changes and I know our Abba Father will dry your tears and replace them with joy. Be not too proud to accept help when needed. Know that at somepoint, your precious wife will need a little respite time. She will return refreshed and with a heart flowing with love. God bless you both as you walk this path holding Jesus's hand.

The "Touch" During Grief

I received a business envelope in the mail this week from the Mutual of Omaha Insurance company addressed to my first wife (who has been in heaven 7 ½ years). The front of the envelope read, “Here’s that second chance you hoped for Ann Huntington Burwick.” The irony of the message was blatant. There is no second chance after death, she doesn’t need insurance anymore. Her name needed to be espunged from their mailing list. But receiving the envelope triggered memories of her death and the succeeding weeks.

It began on a Saturday morning. She made her usual phone calls to our three children. They later told me that she had never seemed so animated and excited about life.
I came home about noon from basketball practice. She had a twisted look on her face and I jokingly said, "you're not having a stroke on me are you?" Within moments her speech was slurred, then incoherent. The ambulance arrived. Rushed her to the hospital. At 7:15 p.m. a brain aneurysm propelled her into the presence of Jesus.
How exciting for her, how devastating for those of us she left. I'm so grateful for the administration and faculty of the college where she and I were working. Many were by my side in the hospital waiting room. No cheap words of advice. No easy Bible verse clichés. Just love, support and mutual tears.
I've learned that grief is a language without words, so grief is untouched by advice. Words are not needed, touch is. Touch comes from a person who listens reflectively in a nurturing way, encouraging one to express thoughts and feelings. Touch comes from mutual tears which is the most productive language of grief.

A missionary friend provided touch with a poem she wrote for me:
I am hurt, Lord! I don't want courage or a blithe spirit or faith or hope or charity.
I don't want to fight or even stand and turn the other cheek to fate. I want to run!
To cringe first, then to run and hide myself at the back gate of hell, despairing, flatly wrinkled like a pricked balloon.
I am hurt, Lord! Don't quote Holy Writ to me, Don't even say "Lo, I am with you..."
I know all of that and it doesn't matter for the moment.
Just hold me, Lord, tight fisted with a grip like all eternity. You do it!
I can't hold on, not even with one finger.
I, to whom others run for counsel and the handclasp of faith and hope and charity, Hold on, Lord! It will pass, but for the moment, hold! (Yvonne - Thailand)
That's touch!
For the next three months it felt like a part of my body had been ripped away. The grief process allowed for some good times, many moments of emotional ambush and then a periodic avalanche of pain.
I don't understand why God took Ann when she seemed to be at her prime, at her peak of enjoying life, when our marriage had worked through much entanglement and we were really enjoying each other. I don't understand, but I trust Him, because He's my Abba PaPa. He is in control and wants the best for me and He promises "no good thing will He withold from those who walk uprightly."
That awareness didn’t make the pain go away but it gave me hope found in the promise of Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all peace and joy as you trust in Him; that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. I was experiencing 2 Corinthians 6:10, “Our hearts ache, yet we have the joy of the Lord.”
Loss. Pain. GOD'S Touch. Pain/Joy. Ray burwick

A Pastor's Response to Lynn Moyer

"Life after Divorce"
1 Comment -

Mark Goodwin said...
As Lynne' pastor, it is so rewarding to see God's grace in her life. Her testimony is authentic and refreshing. Thanks, Lynne for sharing your journey
February 20, 2007 12:59 PM

Nam Nightmare

I hate the noise related to July 4th. Especially the large booming cannons. It elicits nightmares of Viet Nam. The term “friendly fire” virulently erupts in my museum of memories. It was July 27, 1967. Our company (C, 2/12th Cavalry) was sent to a forward fire base to help secure the perimeter. Before we were put on the line we had orders to leave and move some distance from the fire base to act as a reactionary force in case the base was attacked. The intel was that there was a large NVA force in the area.

That evening we set up a perimeter some distance out from the fire base. We were digging in and I was at the CP setting up the radios for a night waiting for something to happen. The FO was calling in defensive concentrations for the night. He was shooting at high angle on the gun target line. He shot smoke into a draw out to our front. They landed where he wanted them so he called for two HE rounds. You could hear them coming and they just sounded too close. The shells didn’t clear the canopy and exploded in the trees right above us.
It was like hell erupted. Men - screaming and dying. The man I was talking to lost an arm. We used shirts and anything handy for bandages. It got real crazy trying to get Medevacs in during the night. We lay there all night knowing we could be over run any minute. That was the saddest day of my life. For some reason I will never figure out why I never got a scratch.
Was there “good” that came out of this? It’s hard for me to see value in a war that our country’s leadership wouldn’t let us win. All I know is that at the time I was not a Christian and possibly God used the experience to draw me to Himself at a later date.
Doug Steiner

anger sources

From a viewer of this blogsite comes this comment/question.

Came across this great quote on Anger and thought about you and your project here. The quote is:"Anger, says Real, regularly stems from helplessness. “If you’re walking around angry, it’s often because you’re trying to control some thing and it’s not cooperating. The way to be less angry is to let go of your control.” - Therapist Terrence Real from Psychology Today. I know you wrote the book on Anger. What do you think?

My response: I concur with Real in part. A person feeling helpless, call it victim mentality, is always an angry person - toward significant people in their life and especially toward God. The anger is usually contained because any expression of anger would lead to more rejection and greater victimization. This person doesn't realize that the poison of anger is eating its own container.

Being a controller is slightly different, in that feelings of insecurity is the source. A very insecure person usually becomes either a control "freak" or a passive doormat. Thinking that one is in control gives a sense of security, though it is pseudo. To tell a person to let go of control and you'll be less angry is shallow. The controlling person needs to see who they really are from God's perspective. Romans 12:3 "...think of yourself with sober judgement according to the measure of faith God has given you." Seeing God as my source for security makes for less insecurity, making for less need to be controlling.

In general, I observe the cause of most of our unhealthy anger is selfishness (I want my way at my timing) and fear of intrusion (you're getting in my space.) My book "Good and Mad" gives some strategies for working through anger issues.

Thanks for the comment and question.

Life after Divorce

The weight of my shame and guilt was killing me. The “D” word. Divorce – the death of a dream. It was mutual. We had both contributed to the demise of our marriage, but it was still extremely difficult. My feelings about it were confusing; my days seemed a little easier in some respect by not living in the constant relationship struggle. But how could God still love me? The scriptures say He hates divorce. I had a hard time reconciling how God could hate divorce, but not hate me for rebelling against Him.

The weight of it all was too much and I walked away from God. I quit going to church, I quit praying and just tried to survive day by day the best I knew how. We had two small children, so my ex-husband and I worked very hard to be good parents in the midst of this tragedy. Unfortunately, we worked harder at our relationship after our divorce than we did when we were married. The good news is that today we are good friends. We live within six blocks of each other, are both happily remarried, have other children in the mix and are one big family. It confuses all coaches, teachers, parents and family when we arrive at various events; sometimes all of us, sometimes some of us, but always sitting together, socializing and enjoying each other’s company.

How did we get here? By the grace of God! Romans 8:28 says, “For we know that God causes all things to work together for good for them that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.” God’s ultimate purpose for me (for all of us) is that we become like Christ. He can take any heartbreak, any trial or pain and use it for this purpose. In my case, my suffering forced me to work out my salvation by learning about grace and accept this gift from God. I had to come to the point of complete honesty, ask for forgiveness, and believe that only my faith in Christ and His gift of grace could save me (it’s hard to understand grace until grace is your only hope). At that point, God’s amazing grace began to work…

Gain from my pain, to name some:
1. An intimate and growing relationship with Christ (Ps. 116:1-7)
2. Assurance of my salvation (Rom. 8:38-39)
3. Unwavering faith (Luke 22:31)
4. Experiencing God’s promise to work good from painful situations (Rom. 8:28)
5. Witnessed God’s shelter for the innocent, strength for the weak, pardon for the guilty, and endless grace and mercy to those who come to Him (Heb. 4:15-16)
6. Learning to journey through life with trust and obedience (Heb. 5:8)
7. Freedom and joy in Christ and overflowing with gratitude! (Col. 2:6-7)
8. Hopefully, I am a living example of God’s forgiveness (Eph. 4:32)

My advice to those in struggling marriages (Note: I am not a counselor, just someone who’s been through it and would tell you the following if you asked – this advice is based on what I know NOW – hindsight is 20/20):
1. Seek help! Find a Christian counselor
2. Keep your eyes on the Lord – not yourself
3. Get in the Word, let the Lord speak to you through the Bible
4. Allow the Lord to change you into the spouse He wants you to be
5. Trust in His promises – Learn of His character
6. Ask your Christian friends to stand in the gap and pray for you
7. Above all else, be honest with God and let Him take you through it – you will be amazed at His strength, His comfort, His guidance, His blessings and His friendship
8. Save your marriage, if at all possible, through your relationship with Christ.

Suffering is a part of life that we cannot escape, so how do we deal with it? By focusing on and sharing God’s amazing provisions for us through it and patiently enduring it; trusting that it will draw us closer into the arms of Jesus and more importantly into His likeness. What an awesome promise to those who love Him! What more could I want from my suffering?
Lynn Moyer

An angry, depressed, controlling co-dependent

Co-dependency, anger, depression and a need to control are my issues - the product of an alcoholic father. I’m not here to blame him, but to now, in my mid 60’s, face the reality of my response – to heal and grow. Dad was a high strung, angry, impatient person who self-medicated with booze. He quit drinking for a time but became a dry drunk by not facing the issues that drove him to the bottle. He was extremely volatile. Home life was very unpleasant. He went back to abusing alcohol, was in and out of the home and died at the age of 54 in an alcohol-related car accident. My older brother also died as a result of alcohol.

Pressures of single parenting drove my mother to a nervous breakdown and hospitalization. I was alone, blamed dad and became a very angry and depressed controller, trying to fix everything and everybody. I became a Christian during this time. Church, school and sports were my sources of hope and encouragement. High school and college was a source of security for me with sports, student leadership and acquiring good grades consuming my time.
But I was a "dry non-drinker." All my activity, as worthwhile as it was, camouflaged the pain within. I married. We had three children. I was a harsh, demanding and perfectionist controller. My wife was caught between the children and me. Dysfunction junction!
Last year I became involved in Celebrate Recovery, both as a leader and a participant. I saw all kinds of people with hurts, hang-ups and habits, but most of all I saw me – a Christian who had never faced my own hurts and hang-ups. John Baker, the founder of Celebrate Recovery says, “Truth, like surgery may hurt for a while, but it cures.” God never wastes a hurt and I’m beginning to see that all my pain and heartache that is surrendered to the Lord is being used to help other people. I’m a retired school teacher, but for the first time I’m involved in people’s lives so deeply that life changes are taking place – in me and them. I’m claiming Gods promise in Jeremiah 30:17, “I will give back your health again and heal your wounds.”

I have taken Isaiah 61:1 as my outreach verse. “The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me because the Lord has appointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the broken hearted and announce that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed.”
I’m gaining through losing. H.J.

Valentine’s Day Plus One

One card says “Loving you has taught me a thing or two – that life can be free and easy, tough and complicated, a smooth ride, or a long, hard climb…

I’ve learned that the face I love can smile a mile wide and fill my day with sheer delight…that the voice I love can sweeten the night with one whisper in my ear…

Yet that same face, that voice can tell me things that are hard to hear about myself – things I’d never thought of, even that puts me in my place…

The real-life meaning of love – the good, the bad, the beautiful, the true – I’ve learned all this and more from loving you.”
We who are married, who have this kind of marital relationship, are one blessed people!!!

On the other hand, having lived in Alabama for a quarter of a century, a friend sent me this ALABAMA REDNECK VALENTINE.

Collards is green my dog's name is Blue
and I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.
Yore hair is like cornsilk a-flapping in the breeze
Softer than Blue's and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass, which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales but I luv you anyway.
Yo're as satisfy'n as okry jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff" right out of the can.

You have som'a yore teeth, for which I am proud;
I hold my head high when we're in a crowd.
Like a good roll of duct tape yo're there fer yore man,
to patch up life's troubles and fix what you can.
When you hold me real tight like a padded gunrack,
my life is complete; Ain't nuttin' I lack.

Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart, it's romantic that way.

Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever," they explain, suave and couth.
But for this man, honey, these won't do. Cause yo're too special, you sweet thang you.
I got you a gift, without taste nor odor, more useful than diamonds...
IT'S A NEW TROLLIN' MOTOR!!!

MAY YOUR VALENTINE SENTIMENT LAST ALL YEAR!

Happy Valentine's Day

The ultimate valentine story is depicted in John 3:16. “For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son; that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.”
John L Davies breaks the greatest valentine story down in this fashion:

God – the greatest lover;
So loved – the greatest degree;
The world – the greatest company;
That He gave – the greatest act;
His one and only Son – the greatest gift;
That whoever – the greatest opportunity;
Believes – the greatest simplicity;
In Him – the greatest attraction;
Should not perish – the greatest promise;
But – the greatest difference;
Have – the greatest certainty;
Eternal life – the greatest possession.

For those who believe, Christ’s loss (of life) became our greatest gain (abundant life now and life with Him eternally.) A blessed valentine’s day to you all.

From a fellow stutterer

If it hadn’t been for sports where I could perform without speaking, I would have had few pleasant memories from childhood, writes Frank (not his real name.) I held back from any type of school leadership and even any kind of social life because of the stuttering. I felt as smart or smarter than most of the other students but could never really prove it in the class room. I couldn’t understand how kids could be so cruel as to mimic me in my presence. I suffered moments of total humiliation when insensitive teachers made me recite poems in front of the class. I couldn’t understand how God could do this to me. I was often a very angry kid and trusted only a few others to be my friends.

I was baptized and confirmed in the Lutheran Church and wanted to be like the minister who I admired very much. I often thought about one day becoming a minister like him. I loved Bible School and Bible Camp. I believed God was watching over me and cared about me. I was confused about his unwillingness to make my stuttering go away. Nevertheless, I still believed in Him and figured that I was falling short in some way and just needed to be faithful and patient.

Mid high school we moved across country to a huge school where nobody knew me and somehow my fluency improved in such a manner that I even was selected to represent my class in an end-of-year competition. During this time the bottom fell out for me spiritually. My older brother was killed in a car wreck. The days immediately after his accident were kind of a blur of disbelief that it had happened and a growing bitterness and guilt ensued. The minister tried to tell me about the mysteries of life and how my brother was called to Heaven and was in a better place. I couldn’t accept that. After the funeral I never went back to any church for years. I am nominally involved now - a work in progress. I believe God is a loving and caring Creator and understands and forgives my loss of faith.

I’m retired from a successful career in governmental Human Resources. Life has been good to me. I stopped blaming God. Stuff happens in life and we learn from the experience and move on or leave butt prints in the sand. I would have preferred to have had fluent speech but believe I am a more caring and sensitive person because of the pain/embarrassment of stuttering. I’ve gained through losing.

The Worst Day of My Life

The Sunday afternoon call from our son started out ominously. “Mom and Dad, are you sitting down? Stephanie is using heroin.” The immediate emotional shock of learning our daughter was using heroin went beyond description—devastation, fear for her life, guilt, questions about our parenting skills, etc. Our wonderful daughter had fallen into the world of heroin without our knowing it. What signals had we missed? How could we have been so blind? How had she been so successful in lying to us?
In spite of the shutting down of our emotional systems, my wife and I knew we had to spring into action. We lived in Phoenix; our daughter was living in Denver. But, we could not locate her. Where was she? It turned out she was in Juarez, Mexico. Was she alive? Was she in prison? The fearful questions tore at our minds like ravaging dogs; we seemed defenseless to stop the overpowering flood of fear. God seemed so remote; faith seemed so ineffectual.
Through a lot of detective work, we discovered Stephanie was returning to her home Monday night. We went to Denver, made arrangements for her at a detox center and waited. When she was home, we walked in unannounced and said, “We know you have been lying to us and that you have been using heroin. We want you to come with us to get help.” Her response was two-fold: “Okay. But I will not go cold-turkey, because I have tried to quit ten times and thought I was going to die each time.” As it turned out she had cried out to God many times for deliverance. Her purse was full of cards with Bible verses related to God’s protection and deliverance. But, God had a different plan for her--that included a lot of hard and diligent work.
But how does this happen? I was a pastor; I had been the president of a seminary; my wife and I met when we were staff members with Campus Crusade for Christ; we had dedicated our children to Christ as infants and had prayed diligently that they would love God and live lives of purity.
It would have been easy to blame God...and I must confess that for a few moments I was tempted to do so. Gratefully, I quickly got away from that line of thinking because: 1. I believe God did not cause or plan for my daughter to be a heroin addict, 2. He would remain faithful, true and close to Susan and me in spite of heroin having invaded our family, 3. such thinking was negative and would prove to be non-productive because it would only focus our attention on the past and not motivate us to look forward to a drug-free and Christ-honoring future for our daughter and, 4. Jesus said, “The rain falls on the just and the unjust.” And, the proof of our faith and His faithfulness is how we respond to “the rain” in our lives not that we live a “sunshine filled” life.
Stephanie has celebrated 9 ½ years of sobriety—one day at a time. When I complimented her for her hard work she responded, “Dad, I would rather work hard at staying off heroin than be working hard to find heroin.” She has graduated from college—with honors. She works with teenage boys who have sexually abused little kids. Her life is a miracle. We thank God for all He has done in her life. As she says, “I had to dance with the devil to come back to God.”

If alcohol/drug abuse has entered your family, check out http://www.notalone.org/. The website has a lot of help for parents who are there—from parents who have been there.
Dr. John Vawter, Director and Founder of You’re Not Alone, Inc

Coach Dungy: Blessings from a son’s suicide

Indianapolis Colts Football coach, Tony Dungy, being interviewed after their Super Bowl victory: “How great is it be one of the first "African-American" head coaches to take his team to a Super Bowl?” Coach Dungy's reply, "Yes that's good, but what is really great and awesome, is how God worked this out for us; it's just amazing how He made this all come together!"
Dungy made a Super Bowl stop to speak at Athletes in Action Breakfast. He spoke of his sons, one who is a sports nut, another who feels no pain, so reaches into a hot oven for a chocolate chip cookie, burning his hands and tongue.
Finally, he spoke of James, Tony Dungy's oldest son, who took his own life three days before Christmas. "It was tough, and it was very, very painful, but as painful as it was, there were some good things that came out of it," Dungy said.
Dungy shared how he spoke at the funeral of regretting not hugging James the last time he saw him on Thanksgiving of last year. "I met a guy the next day after the funeral," Dungy said. "He said, 'I was there. I heard you talking. I took off work today and called my son. I told him I was taking him to the movies. We're going to spend some time and go to dinner.' That was a real, real blessing to me."
Dungy said he has gotten many letters since James' death relaying similar messages. "People heard what I said and said, 'Hey, you brought me a little closer to my son,' or,'You brought me a little closer to my daughter,’”Dungy said. "That is a tremendous blessing."
Dungy also said some of James' organs were donated through donors programs. "We got a letter back two weeks ago that two people had received his corneas, and now they can see,'' Dungy said. "That's been a tremendous blessing."
He also said he received a letter from a girl from the family's church in Tampa. She had known James for many years, Dungy said. She went to the funeral because she knew James. "When I saw what happened at the funeral, and your family and the celebration and how it was handled, that was the first time I realized there had to be a God," Dungy said the girl wrote. "I accepted Christ into my life and my life's been different since that day."
Added Dungy, "That was an awesome blessing, so all of those things kind of made me realize what God's love is all about."

Dungy also said he was asked often how he was able to return to the Colts so quickly after James' death. James died on December 22, and Dungy returned to the team one week later. Dungy said the answer was simple, "I'm not totally recovered. I don't know that I ever will be. It's still very, very painful, but I was able to come back because of something one of my good Christian friends said to me after the funeral.
“He said, 'You know James accepted Christ into his heart, so you know he's in heaven, right?' I said, 'Right, I know that.' He said, 'So, with all you know about heaven, if you had the power to bring him back now, would you?' When I thought about it, I said, 'No, I wouldn't. I would not want him back with what I know about heaven.'
"That's what helped me through the grieving process. Because of Christ's Spirit in me, I had that confidence that James is there, at peace with the Lord, and I have the peace of mind in the midst of something that's very, very painful.
Coach Dungy concluded his speech, "That's my prayer today, that everyone in this room would know the same thing."
Notice his application of 2 Corinthians 6:10: “Our hearts ache, yet we have the joy of the Lord.” Gain through loss.

Cancer: Out of the Valley of the Shadow

“It’s a fist size tumor on the T4-T6 vertebrae of your back and it looks like cancer.” The doctor’s words were shocking but they brought relief. I finally had a diagnosis.
The previous nine months I had experienced such severe pain in my upper body and in the middle of my back that I would awaken after 1-3 hours of sleep completely soaked from the waist up. I was numb from the chest down and losing motor function in my right leg. The fear of the unknown was becoming unbearable. Many nights I lay awake crying out to God for help, praying for Him to lift me up out of this valley of the shadow. I teetered on the brink of a nervous breakdown. Multiple doctors were consulted and each one told me what I didn’t have. Medicine they prescribed didn’t help the pain.

This experience was not like childhood when I would withdraw emotionally and physically – going into my room and hiding in the closet creating my own little world. This was not an escape from a raging, workaholic father. This was in my face. No escape. It was a lymphoma stage 4 diagnosis.
Most people ask me if I was scared. “No,” I say. “The God I met in a personal way in college whispered in my ear, ‘this will all be to my glory. I am with you.’ I was startled by my peaceful reaction to the diagnosis.”
After a week in the hospital, six chemo and 35 radiation treatments, my cancer is in complete remission. More important is a new realization and truth of just how much God loves me. He longs to build a father intimacy that reaches down into the little boy inside of me and nurtures and heals the father wound. The emotional wounds are healing.
Though my body still has some fall out (numb feet, back spasms, I shrunk 2 1/2 inches,) I’m experiencing a joy, peace and love for life that is deeper than I have ever known. No more do I have to hide in my own little world. In fact, I’m finding great opportunities to minister encouragement to others who are encountering the same life challenge of cancer. I am living out Isaiah 61:1-3: The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, …to comfort all who mourn, …to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.
I’m excited about life and wouldn’t change my experience for anything in the world. My marriage is stronger. My children tell me I’m a better dad, not so angry and withdrawn. Adult relationships are taking on a new depth of meaning and care. I am one blessed man. Gain through loss. Tim Treinen

Wound Power

Brennan Manning in his little book The Rabbi’s Heartbeat speaks of Thornton Wilder’s play, "The Angel That Troubled the Waters." It is based on John 5. The setting is the Pool of Bethesda where the angel of the Lord heals people when the water is stirred. An ailing physician pleads for help but the angel insists that this healing is not for him. The angel says, "Without your wounds where would your power be?" Manning goes on to say, "In Love’s service only wounded soldiers can serve."
Wounds are powerful aren’t they? This power can be negative or it can be positive. The healing touch of the Father in our wounded places transforms pain into power. It changes shame to assurance and moves the wounded from despair to praise. The interesting thing about wounds is that we all have them but most of us try to keep them hidden. It is comforting to know the Lord specializes in the broken. (Swiped from my pastor Kent Conrad's prayer email.)

Death loss

At 68 years of age, the author of this blogsite is looking back at a life highlighted by seeking approval and recognition. God has been good to me in allowing for that to be accomplished in various venues of my life from sports to counseling to ministry. However, the comfort zone was blasted in 1999 when I felt lead to leave Birmingham and take a position as basketball coach, associate professor of psychology and counselor at a Christian college. My loss: community status, friends, church and a healthy counseling practice. Result of the move: within three months, the loss of my wife, Ann, through a brain aneurysm; within one year, unjustly fired by the college; a move across country to Portland where isolation reigned, especially for the first two years; family rejection; God’s silence - it felt like He was nowhere around. Another move, this time to Nampa, Idaho where we now live. Starting all over in another new location. How can there be gain through all of that loss?
The death of Ann. Gain? For her, yes. She's walking the streets of gold singing in even more perfect pitch than she had here. No more pain. She is Rejoicing. To her family, not gain, but pain. She was the glue that held us together. There are some gaping family wounds. However, we must remind ourselves of Romans 8:28 that tells us that all things work together for good as we cooperate with God. A "good" for me that has come out of Ann's death is the

• awareness of God's care at the deepest level I had ever experienced. When I was hurting the most, He came the closest. It has been said that you don't know all you need is Jesus until Jesus is all you have.


• awareness I gained regarding the significance of friendships. All of a sudden achievement-oriented recognition and approval paled in contrast to building relationships. The greatest commandment is not perform - but LOVE.

I am blessed with another great wife, Theresa, with her two children and their nine children. My involvement with people now seems to be focused on encouraging and building others up. I'm enjoying the more relaxed relational lifestyle instead of playing the game of "look at me. See how good I am." Solitude has become more appealing to me. As Henri Nouwen states, “Solitude is the place of purification and transformation, the place of the great struggle and the great encounter. It is the place where Christ remodels us in His own image and frees us from the victimizing compulsions of the world.” (The Way of the Heart.) To that end I look to a fruitful old age with expectancy, hope and joy - to His glory.

Loss. Pain. Gain ray burwick

Oppositions are opportunities

A blog viewer comments:

I just read your blog and it is what GOD has placed upon my heart. OPPOSITIONS are ALWAYS OPPORTUNITIES!!! Every thing in GOD'S word reflects this ONE THEME. In fact, if there is NO OPPORTUNITY, there is NO OPPOSITION! Another FACT, the MORE OPPOSITION THE GREATER THE OPPORTUNITY. And the GREATEST OPPOSITION THE WORLD HAS EVER KNOWN IS WHEN HOLY GOD TURNED HIS BACK ON JESUS TO BEAR OUR DEBT. HE GAVE US THE GREATEST OPPORTUNITY AND HOPE IN OUR LORD AND SAVIOR!! SO, ENJOY THE OPPOSITIONS BECAUSE WE CAN HAVE FUN SEEING HOW GOD WILL DELIVER US OUT OF EVERY SITUATION AND BRING GLORY AND HONOUR TO HIM AND BE HIMSELF IN AND THROUGH US!! LP

Buttprints: a bit of humor

Most of us have heard the story "Footprints in the Sand" where the person walking with the Lord complained when he saw only one set of prints and didn't know why the Lord would leave him. To which the Lord replied:"My son, my precious child,I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering,when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

There is a different spin to this drama.
One night I had a wondrous dream, A set of prints on the sand was seen,
The footprints of my precious Lord, Yet mine were not along the shore.
Then a stranger print appeared, I asked the Lord, "What have we here? This print is large and round and neat, But Lord it's just too big for feet."
"My child, He said in somber tones, "For miles I carried you alone. I challenged you to seek my face, take up your cross and walk in grace.
"You disobeyed; you would not grow. You would not stand against the flow.Your neck was stiff; your ears were shut. So there I dropped you on your butt.
"Because in life there comes a time, When one must fight, when one must climb,When one must rise and take a stand, Or leave one's butt-print in the sand."
author unknown

From a soldier, returned from Iraq

I had quickly read over your site and came to realize that you also have learned joy through painful experience both in the physical and the spiritual. Others have accused me of enjoying suffering to the point of strange (jokingly), because I tend to bring it up more than not in bible studies. But there is a wonderful truth found when one embraces how God intends to use "suffering".

Hebrews 12 tells us how the Best Example endured His suffering. Jesus Christ, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. (VS 2 and 3).

When I read that, I was so encouraged to shift focus from my current personal struggles to look toward the end state desired of my great Creator. Later in vs 11, it states that suffering produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

I envisioned immediately the joy that Jesus focused on. When He comes back for us and completes the final harvest in bringing us to the home He so lovingly promised. His suffering, as great as it was and unbearable, became possible because He knew the Fathers' end state. I know my end state. That brings peace when shrapnel is flying all around me.
Mark. (Psalm 119:71)

Habakkuk 3:17-18 - A Parkinsons Disease Paraphrase

It is my desire to mature in the godly attitudes directed in Scripture of “Give thanks in and for all things.” “Rejoice always.” “I will praise the Lord no matter what happens.” I yearn for a stronger grateful, rejoicing and praising-God spirit.
That spirit had a great fall recently. A fall that coincided with a literal Parkinson’s Disease drop. While standing in an antique store with cane in hand, I lost my balance and fell into some merchandise, not able to get up. Embarrassed. The previously gifted athlete had to be helped up. Instead of being grateful that I didn’t get hurt or damage any merchandise, I became sad, fearful and angry (self-pitying.) Fearful that this was just the beginning of what could be more serious Parkinson’s falls. Sad, mad and self pitying for the loss of equilibrium.
After a couple days of moroseness, it seemed God was prompting me to write a paraphrase of Habakkuk 3:17-18 and Romans 15:13, which states: “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines; though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food; though there are no sheep in the pen nor cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord. I will be joyful in God my savior. The sovereign Lord is my strength. May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him…”
My version: “Though the legs are unsteady and I lose my balance; though memory escapes me and vocabulary shortens; though my strength dissipates and shaking is uncontrollable; though movements are slow and marital intimacy affected; yet I will rejoice in the Lord. I will be joyful in God my Savior. The sovereign Lord is my strength. He is my God of hope, filling me with joy and peace as I trust in Him.”
Prayer followed, “Father, produce this supernatural mind set in and through me as I endeavor to focus on You and not my circumstances.”
The following day my journal read, ” I’m seeing this as a mental discipline to be thankful and rejoicing. It helps to focus on what God has already done in my life and trust Him as the Source of “all things work together for good…”
The subsequent day’s journal entry: “ Bottom line:
1. God loves me (John 3:16, Rom.8:30-39);
2. As I cooperate with Him, He works all to my good (Rom.8:28), to the good of others (Romans 12), and for His glory.
3. So, be joyful in tough times. That is where character can be built, ready for anything (Rom.5:3-5, James 1:2-4)
4. Therefore, relax in God’s love and enjoy the run!”

A spirit of joy, gratitude and praising God returned and has maintained. Through the various losses I'm encountering with Parkinson's Disease, I am gaining a deeper intimacy with Abba Papa.

Out of Suicidal Depression

Get up. Smoke a joint. Put on a suit and go to my six figure computer sales job. Success comes quickly and promotion to sales manager ensues. At night I find people who do what I do to relax – drink, smoke and take recreational drugs. Sounds fun, doesn’t it?
Flip side of the story: multiple suicide attempts of medication overdose and hitting or steering my car in front of uncoming semi-trucks – three different times!
Trips to the state mental hospital. Severe depression, self medicating with drugs and alcohol. Used drugs. Pushed drugs. Stopped by a cop when I had a kilo of marijuana in the trunk. Three divorces. And finally, so depressed that I holed up in a small apartment for a year without a bath, shave or haircut.. Still sound like a fun life?

Let me tell you my story. I was raised in a home with an older brother, Ron, who did everything perfectly, especially sports and academics. He won a scholarship to an Ivy League school and is presently a medical doctor. Everyone had expectations of me to be like my brother. “If you would run just a bit faster, you would be like Joe. A little more discipline and your grades would be like Ron’s.”
After high school I left home to enter the state university, made a job out of studying and got a near perfect gpa. I fell in heat and lived with the girl. I had relational comfort with her and success in school. I was headed up.
In my senior year she dumped me for another guy. That began the downward slide. “I wasn’t quite good enough all my childhood and now I wasn’t good enough for Susie.” Drugs and alcohol entered the scene.
The computer industry beckoned. I became very successful quickly. Fell in heat with another woman. Married. Two children were born, which was amazing because she didn’t like sex and it was an infrequent experience. She couldn’t handle my drug and alcohol use so divorced me.
My second wife Gail came into my life via a relationship seminar. I fell in heat again after having been divorced for only a short period of time. I took over the responsibility of her 14-year-old one child. Her other child was financially dependent on me. Our marriage lasted 7 years and ended when I had a nervous breakdown and slipped into my first deep depression. I received my divorce papers in the State Mental Institution in Texas. She took everything I had financially.
Heat enter the scene for the fourth time and my third marriage to Niki lasted two years. I ended up with a nervous breakdown and more mental institutions. She took me for everything she could get. In neither divorce was I able to defend myself because of the depression.
During this time, I put on a mask, a façade to keep people from knowing the real me. In fact, I hid the real me from myself. I believed in God in a general way but had no personal relationship – felt I didn’t need one. I understood God was loving but couldn’t believe God could love me. So I made no attempt to get close to God. In fact, my god was myself. I was completely selfish and self-centered. Everything was about me. How did I appear to others? How did I measure up? Always about the outside, never about what was on the inside. I was boastful and would lie about everything. I was a person who couldn’t be trusted.
Somehow I was drawn to Prestonwood Baptist Church in Plano Texas. I loved music so was awestruck by the 450 voice choir. I joined the group and enjoyed the experience immensely. During this time the Lord drew me to Himself and I began my walk of faith. My spirit was made new, but all the scars and wounds of long years of abuse and self abuse were not faced and I found myself so paralyzed by depression that I holed up in my apartment for a year.
Then an angel visited me. My sister, Carolyn, who lives in Idaho, called me in Texas and said if I could get out of my apartment, get on a plane and fly to Boise, she would take care of me.
For the first time in a year, I shaved, showered and walked five blocks to a barber. The next morning I was on the plane to Boise.
Since, there has been and continues to be nothing short of a miraculous transformation. Broken family relationships are being mended. I have a church family. I’m heavily involved in church, sing in the choir, attend Celebrate Recovery and a men’s Bible study / prayer group. I’m involved in volunteer work in the church and for the Salvation Army. My walk with God has become a partnership. I’m being disclosing and authentic to as many people as possible because I know I am only as sick as my secrets.
I’m ministering to other men who need to experience the healing I’m receiving. God is turning my loss into gain. David Wilson